- Jan 28, 2019
- 5
- 7
- 24
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
First off I'm unsure where to begin so this is probably going to be some kind of ramble. I've done the worst possible thing ever.. I knowingly backslid into addiction and sin. The worst thing was I was sure God had forgiven me for the last two years where I had committed the same sin. I was finally doing well again in life - I found friends at a new college (post 16 school in the UK), was getting on well with teachers and found a new church full of loving and supportive people. But I threw it all in their faces by starting to isolate myself once I slipped into sin again it warped my vision big time. I dread to think about how I come across now and I have no idea why I still attend that church let alone had the nerve to ask that I can start going to midweek group sessions after months of saying 'I'm too busy' or 'I have too much work.'. I want to die of shame and I have no way of getting back to what I had when I started. And even if I were to go to another church I can't say it wouldn't happen again and that terrifies me. I feel like the biggest screw up in history and there is nothing I can do that would make up for what I've done. Now I'm looking back at it and I'm thinking what on earth are you thinking? I'm sorry for what I've done, yes but what good is that? After all god gave you and forgave you for? Just why? It's haunting me, the grief and the guilt of what I've done but I have no good answer why I did all of this. I fell into temptation again in a moment of weakness and it has ruined my life. Or should I say I have ruined my life as well as bringing my parents grief. Now I have to drop yet another bombshell on my parents and they in absolutely no way deserve this whatsoever. I know what I've done is wrong but that doesn't change things. I've done what I've done.