BekahK

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First off I'm unsure where to begin so this is probably going to be some kind of ramble. I've done the worst possible thing ever.. I knowingly backslid into addiction and sin. The worst thing was I was sure God had forgiven me for the last two years where I had committed the same sin. I was finally doing well again in life - I found friends at a new college (post 16 school in the UK), was getting on well with teachers and found a new church full of loving and supportive people. But I threw it all in their faces by starting to isolate myself once I slipped into sin again it warped my vision big time. I dread to think about how I come across now and I have no idea why I still attend that church let alone had the nerve to ask that I can start going to midweek group sessions after months of saying 'I'm too busy' or 'I have too much work.'. I want to die of shame and I have no way of getting back to what I had when I started. And even if I were to go to another church I can't say it wouldn't happen again and that terrifies me. I feel like the biggest screw up in history and there is nothing I can do that would make up for what I've done. Now I'm looking back at it and I'm thinking what on earth are you thinking? I'm sorry for what I've done, yes but what good is that? After all god gave you and forgave you for? Just why? It's haunting me, the grief and the guilt of what I've done but I have no good answer why I did all of this. I fell into temptation again in a moment of weakness and it has ruined my life. Or should I say I have ruined my life as well as bringing my parents grief. Now I have to drop yet another bombshell on my parents and they in absolutely no way deserve this whatsoever. I know what I've done is wrong but that doesn't change things. I've done what I've done.
 

Tempura

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Take what you can from your guilt and put it to good use: learning, correction, depending more on God, things like that. The leftover guilt that can't be used for anything good, the kind that just beats you up and leaves you in a ditch, the kind that suggests despair, throw it away - feel it if you must, but you don't have to let it rule over you. It's not an easy thing to understand one's own sin and how deep it goes, and how it's in our nature. Then again, God's grace shines ever brighter, and we learn to be actually thankful for it. I was alcoholic for a long time, and combined with several other sinful things, I've become quite aware of my nature in flesh. And I'm sure I don't understand 100% of it. But I've learned to depend on God, even when I stumble, and I try to treat people with the same grace I've been given, even if just an ounce of it.

You're not anywhere near to a biggest screw-up in history. Not even close. Times like these, we get to own up to what we did, and the truth will set us free in its own time. I hope you'll find Christ-like love in your church, and among your friends and family, meaning they will take you back with open arms. Even if they (and you) might have to face things they don't like. It's alright. Said a prayer for you, God bless you and everyone around you.
 
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Monk Brendan

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First off I'm unsure where to begin so this is probably going to be some kind of ramble. I've done the worst possible thing ever.. I knowingly backslid into addiction and sin. The worst thing was I was sure God had forgiven me for the last two years where I had committed the same sin. I was finally doing well again in life - I found friends at a new college (post 16 school in the UK), was getting on well with teachers and found a new church full of loving and supportive people. But I threw it all in their faces by starting to isolate myself once I slipped into sin again it warped my vision big time. I dread to think about how I come across now and I have no idea why I still attend that church let alone had the nerve to ask that I can start going to midweek group sessions after months of saying 'I'm too busy' or 'I have too much work.'. I want to die of shame and I have no way of getting back to what I had when I started. And even if I were to go to another church I can't say it wouldn't happen again and that terrifies me. I feel like the biggest screw up in history and there is nothing I can do that would make up for what I've done. Now I'm looking back at it and I'm thinking what on earth are you thinking? I'm sorry for what I've done, yes but what good is that? After all god gave you and forgave you for? Just why? It's haunting me, the grief and the guilt of what I've done but I have no good answer why I did all of this. I fell into temptation again in a moment of weakness and it has ruined my life. Or should I say I have ruined my life as well as bringing my parents grief. Now I have to drop yet another bombshell on my parents and they in absolutely no way deserve this whatsoever. I know what I've done is wrong but that doesn't change things. I've done what I've done.

Think about this:

Someone once asked a monk, "What do you do in a onastery all day?" The monk replied, "We fall down, and we get up. We fall down, and we get up. We keep falling down and we keep getting up, and one day we pick ourselves up on the other side of the threshold of Heaven."

Do you have access to a 12 step group that deals with your issues?

YOu're not alone in this struggle.
 
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Dave-W

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BekahK

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Think about this:

Someone once asked a monk, "What do you do in a onastery all day?" The monk replied, "We fall down, and we get up. We fall down, and we get up. We keep falling down and we keep getting up, and one day we pick ourselves up on the other side of the threshold of Heaven."

Do you have access to a 12 step group that deals with your issues?

YOu're not alone in this struggle.

I love that analagy that is really inspiring and it's always very comforting to hear I'm not alone. Thank you! :)
Sorry by 12 step group what do you mean?
 
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JustRachel

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Satan likes to make us think that we are out of the reach of God; that we've committed a sin that can't be forgiven. I have to remind myself of this constantly. Read Ephesians 6:12 and put on the armor of God so that you may stand against him. Prayers for you!
 
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