I’m trying to do what God wants but this situation is greatly stressing me out. What do I do?

[Joslyn04]

Hello everyone. I am almost 16 years old and I have a friend who is not financially stable. They have been staying with me and my family for over a month now so they and their family can get back on their feet. The thing is, they have a job and makes pretty good money for a teenager. They buy a bunch of things that they don’t really need and it’s almost like a slap in the face because me and my family are letting them stay at our place when they actually do have money. My friend seems to be very irresponsible and they are a really messy person. They have been staying in my room and they always leave a big mess and leftover food in my room. I’ve tried to talk to my friend about it but they don’t listen. They are a very nice and thoughtful person, but they are becoming way too comfortable. I was once in their situation before and me and my family had to stay with someone else, so I know how they feel. They aren’t considerate and are impatient. To be fair, I’m not the most patient either. I’m trying my best to do what Jesus would have done, but I’m really tired of the same old things happening again. My parents are a little stressed too, but I feel more stressed. I just want my space back, but I feel bad for it. What do I do?

 

[Aldebaran]

Hello everyone. I am almost 16 years old and I have a friend who is not financially stable. They have been staying with me and my family for over a month now so they and their family can get back on their feet. The thing is, they have a job and makes pretty good money for a teenager. They buy a bunch of things that they don’t really need and it’s almost like a slap in the face because me and my family are letting them stay at our place when they actually do have money. My friend seems to be very irresponsible and they are a really messy person. They have been staying in my room and they always leave a big mess and leftover food in my room. I’ve tried to talk to my friend about it but they don’t listen. They are a very nice and thoughtful person, but they are becoming way too comfortable. I was once in their situation before and me and my family had to stay with someone else, so I know how they feel. They aren’t considerate and are impatient. To be fair, I’m not the most patient either. I’m trying my best to do what Jesus would have done, but I’m really tired of the same old things happening again. My parents are a little stressed too, but I feel more stressed. I just want my space back, but I feel bad for it. What do I do?

It sounds to me like you're being taken advantage of. Your statement, "They are a very nice and thoughtful person" doesn't seem to match up with how they're treating you after you and your family have showed them such hospitality.

It sounds like it's time to start laying down some ground rules and maybe even an ultimatum.

 

[royal priest]

Sit down with them and set goals they can meet by a certain deadline. Do this with them every month to make sure they are working toward this goal.
Also set expectations that they must meet in order to stay with you. If they are not meeting their monthly expectation, then either tell them to move or reconsider the feasibility of those expectations.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

I would suggest you discuss this with your parents. I hope they are willing to help your friend, but see the importance of your friend preparing to become financially independent and contributing to your household expenses.

I might suggest one way forward would be to have your friend pay some rent, and/or purchase some of the family groceries. If you want to be generous, you can offer that a part of this can be used for a rental deposit for their family later. It is important that cleaning up and doing some household chores also be a consideration for continuing to stay with you.

I believe that if you and your parents can speak with a unified voice, your friend will quickly become more responsible.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the generosity of Joslyn and her family. I ask you to bless them with wisdom. Help them to see how to contribute to the long-term benefit of the friend's family as well as meeting their immediate material needs.

 

[Tolworth John]

I’m really tired of the same old things happening again. My parents are a little stressed too, but I feel more stressed. I just want my space back, but I feel bad for it. What do I do?

As has already been suggested, talk with your parents and get basic grounds rules laid out.
Only eating at the table, taking turns to do housework, payment of rent, etc
I would also suggest getting your church minister involved as a neutral third party to resolve these issues and to help them workout a budget that will enable them to rent there own place.

 

[Sketcher]

I was once in their situation before and me and my family had to stay with someone else, so I know how they feel. They aren’t considerate and are impatient. To be fair, I’m not the most patient either. I’m trying my best to do what Jesus would have done, but I’m really tired of the same old things happening again.

When your family was in that situation, how did it go with your host family? When you left their house, did it happen on good terms? Did your families still get along afterwards?