How to feel worthy and deserving of love

[TheOliveSeed]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up. It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

 

[bèlla]

You need to heal, relinquish the past, and face the consequences of remaining in that place. You just experienced them.

Yesterday isn’t your future unless you choose to remain stuck. Don’t punish suitors for other people’s mistakes. They didn’t wound you.

We should strive for health as much as we can. As an act of love for ourselves and future companion. The more you clear the deck the greater your breathing room and relationship.

You don’t have the drama and headaches. It’s nice when you don’t have someone stressing you out. You can enjoy one another’s company without upset. That’s priceless.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[Aussie Pete]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up. It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

Find your worth in Christ. Jesus thinks you are worth dying for. The value of anything is determined by what someone will pay for it. God paid for you with the price of His Son. I get a little irritable at the overemphasis on sin by many Christians. God bought you with the precious blood of Christ.

Sin is the symptom of our estrangement from God. When we are reconciled, relationship is restored. God wraps you up in Jesus and you are therefore OK with God. So who cares what anyone else thinks? Especially YOU! You are a new creation in Christ. If you will permit Him and ask Him, God will clean up the mess you imagine (and maybe have in reality) made of your life. Start with that process and keep focused on Jesus. He began your faith, expect Him to perfect it. Tell Him that also. Respectfully of course. It works. I'm living proof of that.

 

[ReesePiece23]

he got annoyed and gave up.

Well, I won't be hiring that lawyer in the future then...

Depending on how close you were, I'd of either been completely transparent about myself, or let him fall by the wayside. You'll find that honesty in most cases will usually be reciprocated. If he were to open up to you about his - I don't know... Fruit gum phobia(?) you'd more than likely open up about some of your issues.

It wouldn't conform to most date coaching 'formulas' but I don't really care.

Honesty - though crippling in theory, is actually freeing in practise. Secrets = stress and stress = anxiety. And I prefer an easy life at my age, so I'm open and honest about pretty much everything all of the time. Not only that, but I say things with confidence and conviction, even IF I'm talking about my issues.

Own your low self esteem and almost sound proud of it. If that makes sense? Covering it up will make it worse.

^ I'd need to have a think about how to approach that myself... But as a man, honesty is the most attractive trait going. The honesty will always shadow the problem itself and make it seem pretty trivial.

 

[tdidymas]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up. It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

A low self-worth becomes a minor issue once you find your satisfaction in Christ and the gospel. Paul wrote "He has made us worthy." If your relationship with God corrects your belief system, the self-worth issue will all but disappear. This is my experience, and it's an identity issue.

 

[Sketcher]

It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

If a guy is interested in you, he already likes what he sees. Don't worry about needing to act differently than you had been when you caught his attention. Instead, accept, receive, and reciprocate.

 

[Agnos]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up.

It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

The foundation of any lasting romantic partnership is a solid friendship. Try focusing on that when you meet someone new. View fresh encounters as potential "friendships" instead of potential "spouses". One step at a time; don't dread yourself over the far away future.

Build trust, get comfortable around them, show the real you, base it on honesty. Learn to be a good friend. Relationships that have the qualities of friendship strongly established will withstand conflict and strife more effectively.

It won't be now, it might not be soon, but one day, one of those friendships will form a special bond where the feelings are mutual.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

If your finances allow, seek professional counseling from someone that's equipped and Spirit-filled to help with your particular circumstances. That, or really go into a season of pressing and resting in the presence of God and let the Counseling work of the Holy Spirit do His job.

 

[ctrudel]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up. It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

Yes this is common. Dating is tough. it's easy to have baggage. Take some time to think through what happened. Journal. think about what you would do different next time and get back out there.

 

[DragonFox91]

Not everyone gets one.

FACT

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I've been single for years and I'm almost giving up ever finding someone. I met a Lawyer recently who took an interest in me but I've ruined my chances, thanks to my low self-worth and esteem. We were still in the communication phase but I was very nonchalant (e.g. never returned his calls) that he got annoyed and gave up. It's possible I'm still single because I'm still very much broken from the negative experiences I've had with men years ago that when love does come my way I would feel unworthy & undeserving of it and wonder what he sees in me that I won't know how to act, or act funny. This is pretty much what happened recently. Any tips so this doesn't happen again?

I can't help. I struggle with this too. All I can do is give you a few

 

[ReesePiece23]

I sound so sanctimonious sometimes, it truly nauseates me.