How to stop desiring finding a partner?

[DanielDior]

Five years ago I made a post about how it was impossible for me to find a suitable partner. After doing therapy for years with a psychologist and working out my problems, still from time to time I feel the desire to find a partner. I "improved" myself with things relating to study and health. My issue for those that don't know, the moment I know a woman isn't virgin I'm not interested in her anymore. Any romantic interest just becomes friendship inmediatly. I've read and read about this matter. I've talked about this with friends, elders and brothers, nobody seems to understand my point of view and I'm already at a point that I feel I just have to accept I'll never find anyone. It isn't retroactive jealousy because I don't feel jealous or angry or anything like. I just lose all attraction. Most of the time I don't have an issue with this for months until I have one day that I feel pretty blue and just cry. Today is one of those days and I'm even more sad that its Christmas. I feel so sad and bitter at this subject.
Do you think there is a way to stop wanting to find a partner?

 

[TPop]

Hello my friend,

You are free to be attracted to whomever you like. You are not forbidden from having these feelings.

However, you may want to consider some questions like:

How is this working out for you?
Is this realistic? Expecting every woman to be a virgin that you want to date.
Why is this so important? What gave you or provided you with the basis for this requirement? Is it something in scripture you perhaps don't fully understand?

We have a best friend who had some unrealistic expectations. She would not go out with anyone she did not know. She went to a coffee shop daily for months. A guy saw her there and after weeks asked her if she wanted to get coffee sometime. Not even out for a date. Just coffee. She was offended because she did not even know this man. We were like, yep, and he is trying to get to know you and you him, through coffee.

To this day she never married. She wanted kids so badly. She is 57 and will likely never be married. Because her expectations were not realistic. In that others could not meet them.

I am confused. You are seeing a psychologist about removing your desire to date? If so, that does not strike me as healthy. Dating and attraction are healthy and human. Its the desire that needs to be modified and become more based in what is possible, likely, and rewarding.

What is the reward for you in only ever finding a Virgin to marry?

I fear that you are looking for perfection. What 'you' see as perfection. Can anyone ever live up to that? People who set the bar so high that others cannot realistically meet that bar very often have perhaps fallen into an unhealthy thought, desire, and belief cycle.

Only marry whom you desire. But the checkboxes may make it untenable. And if you cannot have anything but, then marrying someone who is not a Virgin is not a good idea and something you may be best to avoid for your sake as much as theirs.

Peace and Blessings