Hopeless spiritual crisis

[Gabriel Anton]

Peace be with you, Galnaros.

There are so many things to do in a day besides being depressed.

People to see.

Places to go.

People to bless.

People to love.

People to talk to.

You have just forgotten about the basics of life, Galnaros.

Lots of things to do in life.

God is about forgiveness and mercy.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Galnaros.

You're only human.

We screw up.

Forgive yourself.

God will always be there for you.

You're a Precious Dear Soul of God, Galnaros.

God bless you, Dear Galnaros.

 

[truefiction1]

Sinan, are you currently working anywhere?

 

[Galnaros]

Sinan, are you currently working anywhere?

I work in a Chinese restaurant as a kitchen assistant. I used to work as a trade manager but I can't pick up that job again because of this whole situation

 

[truefiction1]

I work in a Chinese restaurant as a kitchen assistant. I used to work as a trade manager but I can't pick up that job again because of this whole situation

I think it's good that you're able to work at something, given your condition. I think that after time this could help you begin to feel better. I hope it does.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

@Galnaros,

I think Christians often mistake the *promises* of God for a goal. We think that it will come about because of our worthiness and dedication. Perhaps we should be thinking about it from the standpoint that God is getting us ready for it, not that we are proving ourselves worthy. The promise is meant to sustain us though the process, not become an unattainable standard that we beat ourselves up over for falling short of.

Look at Moses. From a young age, he seemed to recognize that God was going to use him to free his people. He was educated in Pharaoh's court. He probably had access to money, power, and had training in many aspects of governance. He then went out and committed a murder, found that the other Israelites didn't like him, and ended up exiled and herding sheep for the next 40 years. To some extent, Moses perhaps thought that God was going to make him Pharaoh or to lead some sort of rebellion and be the king of the Israelites or something. The Bible doesn't explicitly say what Moses was thinking. I don't think it is a stretch though to assume Moses was thinking along the lines of using his special training and place in Pharaoh's court to lead a military or political uprising or rebellion of some sort.

But, what did God have planned? He wanted a prophet walking in God's power and guidance to shape a people's complete community and life. God didn't plan for Moses to be a king. He planned for him to be a prophet leading a bunch of lost people through the wilderness and teaching them how to live in the new land they were going to. Not too much unlike the sheep Moses tended for 40 years. The Egyptians despised shepherds and herders. I'd guess that Moses probably had some of that bias in him. Perhaps he thought of himself as better than the other Israelites and perhaps as being special because God had put him in a special place. It took God 40 years to turn Moses into an Israelite and not an Egyptian. When God finally appeared to Moses to send him to Egypt, I believe a tired old Moses who had given up on himself and his dreams and God's promise, said, "Send somebody else." Even then, God kept with him and brought him back to Egypt as the prophet He had planned.

You seem to have a sense that God has promised that you'll be a Roman Catholic Pope. Two possibilities cross my mind. The first is that this might mean the normal procedure to become The Pope as everyone understands it. The second is becoming a wise man and teacher that will be looked up to in the same way as people look up to the pope. Perhaps God plans for the first Danish Pope. Perhaps God plans for a wise man that will speak and teach and minister gracious powerful truth and life through God's guidance and power without an official title, but with the spiritual power and authority of a pope.

Another thing. What would make you a better pope? Going to seminary, being a priest, then bishop, etc., and being immersed in the church as a life's work, or living as a common person for many years with the same struggles, suffering, sense of pain and loss, and learning to love, follow, and know God. There are millions of people who struggle with mental and physical illness and trauma. Could this process be how God prepares you to be an effective leader and teacher? God didn't want Moses to be an Egyptian Pharaoh to the people of Israel. He spent 40 years turning him into an Israelite prophet. Perhaps in you, God wants a teacher and leader who has been through many of the very struggles and pains of the people He wants you to be a leader and teacher to.

Hang in there. Learn how to follow God day by day in a way that sustains you and transforms you. The lessons He teaches you over time will transform your life and turn you into the man He intends. Those lessons that you learn as God works in your life will probably be a much stronger foundation for ministry than any classes you take.

I once had opportunity to spend some time with an older man who spent most of his adult life as a missionary in Africa (starting back in the 1930s) and is highly respected in his denomination. He remarked that the harder life is, the more God is preparing for you to be able to do.

 

[Annemoon]

Hi Sinan,

I read the entire thing today and I am sorry to hear about the incredibly hard time you are going through right now.
First of all, I would like to say that in the bible there were many figures that were certain they would go to hell and the entire jewish society was certain with them. They were certain God would look at them with disdain and turn His back on them, because they had insulted everything He is and had given them.

These people were everywhere. They were tax gatherers. They were hookers. They were adulterers. They were all kinds of people the jewish religion would spit upon.

But there was Jesus. He saw them all and loved each and every one of them. He would dine at their houses, He would give sermons, heal them and forgive them.
He was and is incredibly comfortable with people that were nothing like Him, or as He even called them, the 'sick'.

I think you have a wrong image of who God is. He is incredibly compassionate, He is love, in Him is no darkness. One of His characteristics is that He keeps promises.
I do not think He has cast you aside and doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. I do think He is waiting for a reason so important He lets this burden rest upon your shoulders right now, even if it pains Him watching you in this state.

From reading this thread I have a feeling this reason has something to do with your feeling that He has called you to be the pope. I do not know whether or not this calling came from Him. I also don't know if it means what you think it means. (as stated earlier in this thread, God's messages can turn out surprisingly. Maybe He wants you to be the pope, maybe He means for you to be a really wise man of God).
I do think that it is vitally important for you right now to let it go, at least for now.

As I stated earlier, God keeps His promises. If this calling truly came from Him, it will happen. No way around it. As stated in Isaiah, nothing can change God's plan for your life.
And if it's not from Him, it will only distract you from what He DOES have in mind for you.
Because He HAS a plan for you, Sinan.

Furthermore, I think it is important for you to think about why you hold on to this calling.
Is it because you want to serve Him and be a light to this world?
Is it because you want people to see you and love you?
The second motivation would not mean you're a bad person. It would mean you are a human being.
It is so human to want respect and be valued. The only thing is that it is so empty.
Adoration fuels pride, which is the greatest sin of all.
But following Jesus IS fulfilling. He is the truth, the way and the life. He has come to give you live, so you would have it abundantly. His grace is MORE THAN ENOUGH. The bible itself states so. His grace and love is more than you could ever need, you cannot deplete it.

I would pray you would recieve my message well, Sinan, because I really want the best for you, otherwise I wouldn't have written this entire message!
I would like to leave you with one last advice.
Following Jesus is about following Him. This sounds a little obvious, but I think most people don't understand what this actually entails.
Most religions teach: 'change and you can join us'.
Jesus teaches: 'Join me, follow me, and you will change'.
I think it is important for you to focus on Jesus right now, on His kingdom.
Remember what God promises: Seek Him and His righteousness (His, not yours) and everything else will be added unto you. (ADDED, you will not even have to lift a finger or go through trouble to recieve it, He will add it, so you can focus on Him).

So I would like to challenge you. What has helped me overcome some of the hardest battles of my life is to stop focussing on myself. To get my eyes off my bellybutton and on the kingdom of God.
Serving God and praying for others is incredibly healing for your soul.
In the kingdom of God everything is upside down. Somehow you receive by giving.
I think the best thing you could do right now is to focus on serving God. How can you contribute?
It could be really simple! In God's Kingdom the LEAST are the GREATEST. The last are the first. He sees the deeds unseen to others. He takes great pleasure and finds joy in those peacefully and quietly serving Him.
You insist your destination is hell for sure (which I don't believe) and you want to face it like a man.
The most manly thing you could do right now in my eyes is serving God and building His Kingdom.
I think you will be surprised by His grace, His joy and His Love.

One of the greatest gifts of God to us is that of hope, Sinan! And if you make the decision to follow Jesus, to really follow Him, I know you will see that your future is also one filled with hope.

I wish you the strength and the faith to follow up upon this message.
May God's joy fill you as you take up your sword again as the warrior of God that is in you.

 

[Galnaros]

I think it's good that you're able to work at something, given your condition. I think that after time this could help you begin to feel better. I hope it does.

It's really horrendous to be honest. I really struggle to get through a normal day with this broken mind I have, let alone a working day. I can't enjoy anything at all, really nothing. Can't talk with my colleagues and all I do is these silly chores for 5 hours and then I head home Last week my mom burst into tears because of how messed up I am and I couldn't even react to it. It left me plain cold. If any of my family or friends would die, it wouldn't bother me.

I started taking a new medicine called 'Abilify' and it doesn't change anything at all, which frustrates me even more. The funny thing though: I can't even feel all the anger and frustration because I'm so numb.

Every day I wish I would just drop down and die, from get up to bedtime. There is really nothing positive I can say or think of because my mind doesn't know positive or negative anymore.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

Peace be with you, Galnaros.

God Loves you.

If you can manage it, go to the Prayer Wall and ask for some prayers, Galnaros.

Prayer Wall

God bless you, Galnaros.

 

[shortygreyhere]

Galnaros, I would like to help you, and I really think with God's help I can, because I lived through major mental fragmentation similar to what you described (for lack of a better word) and God cured me of it. But, it is probably going to make you really mad, and you probably are not going to like a lot of what I have to say, and it is not going to be easy, and you are going to need to take a really hard look at EVERYTHING you believe.

I think you need a snap of truth that you are really going to resist, from everything I have read in the thread.

Do you want the help? And are you really going to sincerely give it a try?

 

[Galnaros]

Galnaros, I would like to help you, and I really think with God's help I can, because I lived through major mental fragmentation similar to what you described (for lack of a better word) and God cured me of it. But, it is probably going to make you really mad, and you probably are not going to like a lot of what I have to say, and it is not going to be easy, and you are going to need to take a really hard look at EVERYTHING you believe.

I think you need a snap of truth that you are really going to resist, from everything I have read in the thread.

Do you want the help? And are you really going to sincerely give it a try?

Thanks for your reply, shortygreyhere.

It's good to hear that you have overcome a similar problem.
I am ready for the help and will do anything you tell me.

Sinan

 

[shortygreyhere]

Thanks for your reply, shortygreyhere.

It's good to hear that you have overcome a similar problem.
I am ready for the help and will do anything you tell me.

Sinan

Hi Sinan,

I don't want you to do "anything" I tell you, but please give it a chance.

I have a lot of things going on today that will keep my from replying later today. Regardless of whatever conversations we have going forward, I want to convince you that suicide is in no way any kind of an out.

Here is the first potential challenge to your belief system. Suicide is not any kind of a good option. It is highly probable that if you die, you will go to hell. I don't believe that is a risk anyone should take. The bible does not teach purgatory (please see this article: What does the Bible say about Purgatory? and recall that Jesus said to the thief on the cross, who was not baptized, "today you will be with me in paradise." And we know that Jesus is not a liar).

If you were to go to hell, here are some things you could expect:

Knowing that your family and friends do not know you are in hell, wishing you could warn them, but being unable to

Existing without the breath of life from God which gives life to all living things for all eternity

No presence of God for all eternity

No love for all eternity

No hope for all eternity

Being in isolation without any human contact for all eternity

Being eaten by worms for all eternity because you will exist forever being eaten

Being burned in a lake of fire for all eternity because you will exist forever being burned

Being tormented by demons for all eternity

Being in total darkness for all eternity; see what total darkness does to humans on Earth: Isolation in the Dark Drives Humans to Brink of Insanity, Studies Find (these people could sleep, but no one is going to be sleeping in hell)

No rest or sleep for all eternity

Unbearable thirst that will never be quenched, not even with a drop of water, for all eternity

When people are in God's presence, they report love and light, those who have been in the presence of evil, often report a sense of darkness, dread, and fear. You would live in darkness, dread, and fear of unimaginable intensity for all eternity.

I believe this list to be scriptural, although I have not provided the references. You can look up bible verses about hell on the internet for biblical texts.

 

[tryintogrow]

I have also seen multiple examples of this situation. Sinan, you are not the only person this has happened to. I personally spent 20 years in a state of emotional atrophy. I've seen similar stories over time with other people. You can be delivered.

I think I can guess what shorty is going to tell you. It will sting, it will bruise, it will not be what your flesh wants to hear. But only the truth will set you free. If you're actually serious and ready for change, Jesus can deliver you.

There is nothing -- nothing -- stronger than the cross. To believe your mistakes are so bad that God cannot/will not take you back is to believe that humans are capable of doing things beyond the power of the cross. ALL power in heaven and Earth is given unto Him. Not all power "except" for 20 year olds who trade their potential for sex. All power is His. There is nothing a human can do that is stronger than the cross.

Of course you can't feel God's comfort. Your emotional sensors are turned off. That's like cutting off the electricity to your house and then demanding that God make your light bulb work. Emotional atrophy is real, but you must be delivered from it.

And trust me, if you ever did actually become the pope or any sort of successful minister, you'd be called upon to minister to millions of people who are really messed up. You'd be fighting battles just as hard if not harder than this to contend for other people. Our enemy is a roaring lion seeking people to devour. He doesn't play child's games.

So if you want to be free, get thee to a private place, eat a good lunch, grit your teeth, and accept what shorty is about to tell you. Even if it hurts, even if it offends you or sounds stupid to your mind, decide to accept what shorty is telling you in faith. The word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword dividing joint and marrow. It will surgically remove dead tissue. Make up your mind to let that dead tissue go.

Shorty, the stage is yours.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

Peace be with you Galnaros.

Here's a testimony you just have to read Galnaros.

Please do read it, Galnaros.

Here's a Testimony from Username: JCchangedmylife:

I am not Pentecostal/Assemblies of God I wasn't saved by a denomination
I'm just a christian.
not here for a debate/disagreement
Just want to share what God has done for me.

How God Changed my Life!


How God, (Jesus Christ) Changed My Life

My name is Roy Cork,
I was raised a raciest, addicted to beer, whiskey, Crank, and any other drug I could get my hands on. My whole life I just wanted to die.

In 1972, I was in a car wreck at the age of seven; since then I've been in pain every waking moment of my life . I started taking drugs to try and get rid of the pain it didn't work.

I'm not making excuses, I did drugs because I wanted to.

In 1993, I had been living with my girlfriend for seven years. I was strung-out on drugs partying with a friend. I thought I was going to die at least four times that day. I was hoping I would die to escape the fear and pain but I didn't! It was the worst day of my life but I found out two things that day:

#1 I was alive for a reason
#2 I couldn't live this way anymore but I couldn't stop. I was broken and I needed help. I was ready to try anything; I couldn't take it anymore. But no one could help me.

I knew my little sister went to church; so I asked her if I should go to church, maybe that could change my life I thought? She called an evangelist from her church to come talk to me. He asked if I wanted to accept Jesus Christ? "But they're all hypocrites" I said. " We all fall short of the glory of God" he said. Every excuse and argument I had. He gave me scripture for every one!

Everything he quoted touched my heart. I said "That is the answer! What have I got to lose???" I Repented and asked Jesus Christ into my heart June 26 1993@12:35 PM (baptized July 4th 1993) I didn't know what to expect. I had done many horrible things in my life but God forgave me anyway!!!

the Evangelist prayed I would receive a double portion of the holy spirit,

The next morning I woke up filled with the Holy Spirit of God. For the first time in my life I felt so much love and joy but I knew I didn't deserve it! All the hate and anger was gone I have never been so "high" in my life. I met God himself that day! I felt like everyone had cancer and I found the cure I had to tell every one!

I told my girlfriend I loved her but I couldn't sleep with her any longer unless we got married. I also told her that I had no desire to drink or do drugs anymore. She said "you couldn't have changed like this overnight you're faking it!" I said "you're right, I couldn't but God changed me!!" I know I deserve hell more then anybody I know but God forgave me and saved me!

My friends, your never to evil or to far gone for God to forgive you and change your life forever. I know, Praise God !!

God bless you, Galnaros.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

 

[Gabriel Anton]

#21 - Bookmark.

 

[Gabriel Anton]

#41 - Bookmark.

 

[Galnaros]

I think you should write a book about your experience. It should be shared with lots of persons your age who are experiencing similar problems. Get started right away. Your OP is an excellent summary. You can fill it in from there.

I am afraid I don't remember a lot of my 'englightened' phase. I remember being filled with a lot of ideas about our existence and about our goal as humanity, but I can't recall those things anymore. I also remember that everything that happened around me made sense somehow. Music from radio's, events happening around me, and my new way of thinking were basically guiding me through life. I remember ordering clothes from an online shop and the box that was delivered with it had a text written on it "You're the complete package". With my altered consciousness I immediately knew this was also a divine message, the most important one actually. I felt so happy when I found out I was the complete package and I was determined to go for a Theology major and become a Catholic priest. I guess I'll have to wait for another spiritual experience, because I think it's the only way I can regain a sound mind and live a 'normal' life again. I guess I would have lived a beautiful life if I somehow held on to this new reality :/

 

[Gabriel Anton]

#45- Bookmark.

 

[food4thought]

Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up.
(Hosea 6:1)

 

[Gabriel Anton]

#48 - Bookmark.