I agree completely with Ephraim. The devil is going to do everything he can (including using fear tactics) to keep you from your destiny in Christ. Your on your way back to power and that's the last thing he wants.
I've been down that road before, I was raised in a southern baptist church, got saved at an early age and then fell away for a decade. It's been almost two years since he called me back and I've had to face lots of fear since then. The good news is your in the best of care. You may not see it, but right now, God is gently nudging you, one step at a time. That's His voice you hear, that "obsession" you speak of is the reigniting of a mighty flame.
I've realized that a lot of my fears are unjustified. They're cunning little things panted in my mind to paralyze me from doing anything. When I think about it, it's really kinda silly. Have you mentioned anything to your husband? Has he mentioned anything to you? For all you know he could be having the same "obessions" and afraid to tell you. The devil could be trying to paralyze you both. Regardless, of your husand or anyone else, you have to do what you feel called to do. It's time to take up your cross again and fulfill the plans God has for you. God's got your back, and if He is for you, then who can be against you? What do you really have to be afraid of? Who in Heaven or Hell or even on this Earth can stand up to God? No can oppose God. The Almighty Creator of the Universe is standing beside you as we speak. He's brought you this far, He's not to going to give up on you.
Are you still reading the bible? There is a war going on within you and around you for your very soul and you need to be properly equpped (remember the Armor of God?).
Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Here are some verses that you will help you stay strong as you go through this:
Deuteronomy 1:21
Behold, the Lord thy God hath set the land before thee: go up [and] possess [it], as the Lord God of thy fathers hath said unto thee; fear not, neither be discouraged.
Deuteronomy 31:6-8
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." 7 Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, "Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the LORD swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. 8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Job 5:17-27
Behold, happy [is] the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty: For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole. He shall deliver thee in six troubles: yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee. In famine he shall redeem thee from death: and in war from the power of the sword. Thou shalt be hid from the scourge of the tongue: neither shalt thou be afraid of destruction when it cometh. At destruction and famine thou shalt laugh: neither shalt thou be afraid of the beasts of the earth. For thou shalt be in league with the stones of the field: and the beasts of the field shall be at peace with thee. And thou shalt know that thy tabernacle [shall be] in peace; and thou shalt visit thy habitation, and shalt not sin. Thou shalt know also that thy seed [shall be] great, and thine offspring as the grass of the earth. Thou shalt come to [thy] grave in a full age, like as a shock of corn cometh in in his season. Lo this, we have searched it, so it [is]; hear it, and know thou [it] for thy good.
Psalms 27:1-6
*[A Psalm] of David.* The Lord [is] my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord [is] the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, [even] mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this [will] I [be] confident. One [thing] have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.
Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
Isaiah 41:9-13
9 I took you from the ends of the earth,
from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, 'You are my servant';
I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
11 "All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.
13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Romans 8:14-19
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with [him], that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time [are] not worthy [to be compared] with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Isaiah 26:3
3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Psalm 43:5
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Romans 12:12
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
1 Peter 1:13
13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
Isaiah 43:2
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
And finally one of my favorites:
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He has a plan for you, a very very good plan, the best plan. Stay strong my friend and be encouraged, you can do this
I'll keep you in my prayers
Let me know how things go
I am glad you have such a desire to see you and your family saved. I recommend reading the bible and spending time with God first yourself. You can't control others, but you can control your own actions. I would urge you to let God transform you on the inside first, and be loving servant to your family as much as you can, God can help if we persevere and ask Him for strength.
