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Hello,

Created an account here today. Brief background. I was raised in mainline church, was born again and came to an intimate knowledge of Jesus Christ when I was 19. I was “on fire” and walked very close to God for almost a year. As my name implies I backslid around my 20th birthday. Made a decision that went against conscience and fell back into sin. I backslid for years and lost assurance and grieved the Holy Spirit. Last November I was desperate and hopeless and starting going to a biblical church. I confessed my sins and am desperate to have a close walk with God again.

Don’t want to write too much here as the guidelines noted but that’s a little about me.
 

~Anastasia~

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Thanks.

I was actually prompted to join this forum because I viewed threads from years ago (2009-2011) about a backslider who was consumed by doubts and a lack of feeling of assurance. Is there a forum for Christians with OCD?
There is such a forum here - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

You may also find help and encouragement in other forum areas.

Thanks for mentioning the archives. I'm always conscious of the fact that what we say today may be "alive" to someone in 10 or 15 years through the search function. It may always be accessible. So it's can be important to others, even beyond how we treat the ones we talk to today.

God be with you.
 
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Anthony2019

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Hello and welcome to the forums!
Very encouraged to hear that you have found your way back.
What singing and dancing there will be in the heavens as your Father offers you his best robe, ring and sandals, celebrating that you have come home!
 
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Thanks all.

I am no longer a slave to my pet sins (mostly inappropriate content) but I have not recovered the joy of salvation that David speaks of in Psalm 51. The joy of my first love (Rev 2). I am currently reading Grace Abounding by John Bunyan. It is a comfort. Thanks again for kind responses God bless you and yours
 
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Anthony2019

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Thanks all.

I am no longer a slave to my pet sins (mostly inappropriate content) but I have not recovered the joy of salvation that David speaks of in Psalm 51. The joy of my first love (Rev 2). I am currently reading Grace Abounding by John Bunyan. It is a comfort. Thanks again for kind responses God bless you and yours
In time, you will re-experience that joy and much much more. You have returned to the Lord and have asked Him to help you. While you were still far off, He was waiting for you. He will forgive you, abundantly and lavishly.
 
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Thanks brother. There are very difficult times still and I am learning that I must trust on His promises in His word. 1 John 1:9. He will restore the joy of salvation and the full ministry of the Spirit in His time according to his will.
 
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KimmyO

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Welcome to the forum! God always loved you and will always love you! Thank God His love is unconditional. My favorite verse is 1 John 1:9 and also Jeremiah 29:11. We all go thru a time in a desert and rebel, He was right there waiting for you to turn back to Him with arms wide open! Welcome home! <3 Just keep digging in the word and praying and He will enrich your heart and life and use you greatly for His kingdom! God bless! =)
 
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shivascrush

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Hello,

Created an account here today. Brief background. I was raised in mainline church, was born again and came to an intimate knowledge of Jesus Christ when I was 19. I was “on fire” and walked very close to God for almost a year. As my name implies I backslid around my 20th birthday. Made a decision that went against conscience and fell back into sin. I backslid for years and lost assurance and grieved the Holy Spirit. Last November I was desperate and hopeless and starting going to a biblical church. I confessed my sins and am desperate to have a close walk with God again.

Don’t want to write too much here as the guidelines noted but that’s a little about me.
Why didn't you stay out? Not a tough question really.
 
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Welcome to the forum! God always loved you and will always love you! Thank God His love is unconditional. My favorite verse is 1 John 1:9 and also Jeremiah 29:11. We all go thru a time in a desert and rebel, He was right there waiting for you to turn back to Him with arms wide open! Welcome home! <3 Just keep digging in the word and praying and He will enrich your heart and life and use you greatly for His kingdom! God bless! =)

Thank you kimmy. I put a lot of distance between myself and God. I forgot who He was. Must stay in the Word. Thanks
 
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Why didn't you stay out? Not a tough question really.

Do you mean why didn’t I stay in sin and away from the Lord?

It’s the Holy Spirit even if I don’t realize right now. I was in a forum for Christians with anxiety and backsliders and one quote said there are times it seems you are foresaken and can’t take it anymore and want to forget the whole thing but there is just something that makes you keep turning to God and that’s the Holy spirit.

Happened the other night I laid it all out in front of my family told them I was born again but quenched the Holy Spirit and sinned willfully and that now I was completely miserable and feared hell. I felt so alone and flresaken. I went home and told God I was at the end I couldn’t take it anymore please just something to show me you’re not done with me. A few seconds later my phone buzzed my mom sent me an article about those who fear they’ve committed the unpardonable sin. I actually had already read it months ago but it was still a kind of answer to my prayer I believe
 
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PoppyB

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Hello,

Created an account here today. Brief background. I was raised in mainline church, was born again and came to an intimate knowledge of Jesus Christ when I was 19. I was “on fire” and walked very close to God for almost a year. As my name implies I backslid around my 20th birthday. Made a decision that went against conscience and fell back into sin. I backslid for years and lost assurance and grieved the Holy Spirit. Last November I was desperate and hopeless and starting going to a biblical church. I confessed my sins and am desperate to have a close walk with God again.

Don’t want to write too much here as the guidelines noted but that’s a little about me.
Welcome. And I hope the 'fire' will reignite.
 
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~Anastasia~

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God is never finished with us - He never turns His back on us. The Prodigal Son is a story told for our encouragement.

The son was brazen enough to ask for his father's estate before he was even dead. The father gave it. The son left, abandoning his father, and went and wasted his father's whole inheritance on sinful living. He fell so low he would have been happy to step up to pig slop for food. He finally saw his error and went home to ask only to be received as a slave. His father was still watching, hoping for his return, and RAN to him (a very undignified thing for a man to do in a culture where appearances mattered a very great deal) and immediately received him back as a son with full privileges (the robe and ring) and celebrated his return.

That's how God responds to us. No matter how low we fall, He's watching and waiting for any indication of our willingness to return to Him, and meets us on the way. He is willing to fully restore us and forgive everything.

Don't rely on whether you "feel" it. That can be psychological, or deception, or any number of things interfering. And God sometimes gives those sweet times of communion, but sometimes He doesn't. Everything He does is for our growth, whether it is trials and testing, or comfort. So don't get caught up in expectations of what you think the situation is based on what you're feeling. We walk by faith, remember. If we know Who God is and we trust that He is truthful with us, we know He will receive and forgive us when we repent and return. Sometimes there is chastisement, or whatever. So don't worry about what you feel. Trust God.
 
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PoppyB

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Thank you poppyB please pray for me that God would soften my heart and the Holy Spirit would open my eyes to Christ again
I think your eyes have already been opened to Jesus again. You fell but now you are back up. When I don't feel clean I imagine myself under a massive waterfall which is the Fountain of Life and ask him to wash me. Keep Jesus at the centre of your life and don't beat yourself up about your past. Don't try too hard but learn to rest in Him and abide in the Vine. He will do the work in you, you just need to be surrendered for him to do it.
 
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shivascrush

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Do you mean why didn’t I stay in sin and away from the Lord?

It’s the Holy Spirit even if I don’t realize right now. I was in a forum for Christians with anxiety and backsliders and one quote said there are times it seems you are foresaken and can’t take it anymore and want to forget the whole thing but there is just something that makes you keep turning to God and that’s the Holy spirit.

Happened the other night I laid it all out in front of my family told them I was born again but quenched the Holy Spirit and sinned willfully and that now I was completely miserable and feared hell. I felt so alone and flresaken. I went home and told God I was at the end I couldn’t take it anymore please just something to show me you’re not done with me. A few seconds later my phone buzzed my mom sent me an article about those who fear they’ve committed the unpardonable sin. I actually had already read it months ago but it was still a kind of answer to my prayer I believe
If Jesus can only absolve the sins you commit, then you will certainly die a sinner.
 
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