- Nov 25, 2018
- 153
- 129
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Episcopalian
- Marital Status
- Single
Hi everyone,
So I recently spent some time in Seattle with extended family. I got to hear all about my perfect cousins and all the progress they're making in college. One is going to be an engineer, the other a nurse.
I am a GED holder and I washed out of high school and college. I am very bright and do very well in my courses, but throughout my life I have struggled with severe mental health and addiction issues. I spent age 16-18 institutionalized and have been to psychiatric facilities and rehabs more times than I can count since. I have difficulty staying motivated, organized, and focused in school. That in combination with bipolar and alcohol/cocaine led to wrecked transcripts and suspended financial aid. My cousins, on the other hand, are neurotypical and highly functional.
About 10 months ago, something "clicked." I put together the strongest recovery I have experienced since my symptoms first appeared at age 14. I take very good care of myself, manage my symptoms, and stay off the alcohol and cocaine. I've had 2 slips in the last 10 months. I am on track now, am highly motivated, and I'm doing great. Drinking/using twice in a 10 month period is a record for me. I accepted Christ into my life, abandoned atheism, and haven't been this happy since childhood. My struggles have led to a tremendous sense of empathy and compassion. In the last 10 months I have gotten off disability and achieved financial independence doing a job I absolutely LOVE. I work in the mental health field as part of a treatment team assisting others with similar issues. I am VERY good at it and highly passionate. I have a strong sense of community and really feel like I'm giving back. My pastor told me I was showing the face of Jesus in doing what I'm doing. I'm currently working toward my peer support certification.
But I still think I don't "measure up." My family are all highly functional, high achievers, upper-middle class professionals. Engineers, lawyers, upper management. I make 13.50 an hour, and will make 16-18 once I have my peer support cert. I don't own a home, and have to live with roommates. Part of me wants to finish my accounting degree (my past major) and work as a CPA, so I can have that prestigious title, big house, and high income like the rest of my family. So I can "measure up." I enjoy accounting and I'm good at it, but the passion isn't there the way it is with what I'm doing now.
I think the solution here is to not compare myself to neurotypical people who haven't been through 1/100th of what I've been through, and don't struggle with the things I struggle with. That and recognizing the great things I've accomplished already. I don't know, I could use some support. What do you think?
So I recently spent some time in Seattle with extended family. I got to hear all about my perfect cousins and all the progress they're making in college. One is going to be an engineer, the other a nurse.
I am a GED holder and I washed out of high school and college. I am very bright and do very well in my courses, but throughout my life I have struggled with severe mental health and addiction issues. I spent age 16-18 institutionalized and have been to psychiatric facilities and rehabs more times than I can count since. I have difficulty staying motivated, organized, and focused in school. That in combination with bipolar and alcohol/cocaine led to wrecked transcripts and suspended financial aid. My cousins, on the other hand, are neurotypical and highly functional.
About 10 months ago, something "clicked." I put together the strongest recovery I have experienced since my symptoms first appeared at age 14. I take very good care of myself, manage my symptoms, and stay off the alcohol and cocaine. I've had 2 slips in the last 10 months. I am on track now, am highly motivated, and I'm doing great. Drinking/using twice in a 10 month period is a record for me. I accepted Christ into my life, abandoned atheism, and haven't been this happy since childhood. My struggles have led to a tremendous sense of empathy and compassion. In the last 10 months I have gotten off disability and achieved financial independence doing a job I absolutely LOVE. I work in the mental health field as part of a treatment team assisting others with similar issues. I am VERY good at it and highly passionate. I have a strong sense of community and really feel like I'm giving back. My pastor told me I was showing the face of Jesus in doing what I'm doing. I'm currently working toward my peer support certification.
But I still think I don't "measure up." My family are all highly functional, high achievers, upper-middle class professionals. Engineers, lawyers, upper management. I make 13.50 an hour, and will make 16-18 once I have my peer support cert. I don't own a home, and have to live with roommates. Part of me wants to finish my accounting degree (my past major) and work as a CPA, so I can have that prestigious title, big house, and high income like the rest of my family. So I can "measure up." I enjoy accounting and I'm good at it, but the passion isn't there the way it is with what I'm doing now.
I think the solution here is to not compare myself to neurotypical people who haven't been through 1/100th of what I've been through, and don't struggle with the things I struggle with. That and recognizing the great things I've accomplished already. I don't know, I could use some support. What do you think?