- Dec 7, 2020
- 17
- 19
- 39
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Hi. I have been married for 10 years, and have an addiction to the rush feeling you get when you're attracted to someone/vice versa. I've had some emotional affairs. I've also been to recovery groups, and recently have started to reach out to ladies I trust. Last year, my husband and I had joined a small group. There is a married man, that would look at me sometimes with attraction; though for the most part seemed to reel it in. Recently, he was giving into it, and would lust after me. I really tried to pray/rebuke the enemy, and do what I could to not let him know that I was having the same struggle. There was a time recently, where he gave me a ride when I messaged our group asking if someone could help me get a courtesy vehicle while ours was being worked on. I tried to tell him that I felt like God wanted me to mention that it's a sin to lust after someone when you're married/their married. He played it off, like he just happened to see the text for giving me a ride. The last time I had been around him, I'd felt awkward about his lust. But during the ride, I felt comfortable; but too comfortable. I was feeling flirty. I tried to repent. I saw him at church yesterday, and though I had much less constraint on my feelings; he didn't look at me. I felt that he was different, and after fighting tears I started to bawl my eyes out during a lot of the service. I felt such a heartbreak and loss, and embarrassment from it all. Remorse for having it be such an idol above God. Last night the Lord revealed that he used me. He's a womanizer that will flirt with a lady until she flirts back, then he backs off. I've been feeling such heartbreak, and in a fog a bit. Apparently I'd given him too much of my heart. I try to remind myself that this hurts a million times less than if I lost my husband. I did not know this would be so devastating. God wants me to go with my husband to small group on Wednesday (we're changing groups in January anyway). This isn't meant to get sympathy for the pain I feel, but to address it. Please pray for me. Also, does anyone else here have this issue? Thanks.