Don't want to go to church....

[Lightsped]

Well, my friend and I spoke today for 45 mins together on the sofa. I felt like I had some really good content laid out with lots of scriptures to back it up. He listened very well, and looked up all the scriptures and read them out loud. He said he understood the importance of what we discussed.

But for some reason, he still doesn't want to go to church. He says he is comfortable there, but he says he can not focus. He also says he is not ready to give God the love he desires. He says he simply doesn't enjoy it like he used too. I recommended Sunday School and he had no interest there either. He seemed somewhat confused and not able to put a solid reason for his feelings. I asked if he would mind if our youth pastor contacted him and he wasn't interested there either.

I really think the main issue here is that he is so busy with work and school that he is basically getting worn out. After class tonight he brought a pizza over and watched a movie so he isn't mad with me or anything.

But still, I am actually pretty down about this whole thing. I hate for him to generate a habit of not going and I can easily see that happening.....

 

[JaxKH]

Hi Lightsped. I know how it feels as I have a family member currently going through this type of period in life and uses similar justification of being busy.

I've had another family member come out of drought of not going to church regularly (outside funerals, weddings, etc.) after decades but has now made consistent time. The key here is the latter family member had the Christian upbringing through childhood so at least understood principles. When that latter family member experienced overflow of tragic burdens at specific time, it became clear that it is necessary to try be consistent in worshipping and thanking God for what He has done for us. We need to be sure we are not taking the blessings He has given us for granted.

It's good that you care about your friend's spiritual development. Nonetheless, you can't really control your friend's decision whether to go to church. That's a personal issue. You can't let his behavior and decisions overwhelm you. We can only really look after and manage ourselves and any children or sick dependents. Your friend is an able bodied independent adult

It seems major issue is that he's really busy, which may be legit reason, and he feels going to church makes him feel guilty that he can't give as more of his time. I'm guessing here, but your friend probably sees pastors, choir, ushers, speakers talk about their ministry, etc. and he feels he can't give as much time as them so why sit there and feel guilty about it.

You have right position that you don't have to go church to be saved, but that consistent worship in body of church is important to spiritual health, putting life in perspective, receiving blessings, and most importantly pleasing God. Speaking from experience, these issues of not finding time to go church arise because early on we have poor time management and we let secular activities and desires take up large part of our time. Then gradually we feel guilty or inadequate and rationalize not going.

All I can recommend is keep praying for him and keep in touch with him. Keep sending him Scripture and keep reminding him you're a friend in need and that God loves him. Make sure he doesn't forget your love and importantly God's love. As long as he has that foundation of Christ, he should be ok. If you see him making messages on facebook questioning Christian life, you can send him private e-mails. I think that's better than writing public stuff because that just leads to flame debates. Keep inviting him to Christian fellowship events that you also participate him. The important part is keeping in touch. He will continue to know that that there are Christians who take care of him.

Another thing you can do is perhaps help him with time management. You need to tread carefully here and not come across as if you're trying to micromanage him. You can suggest things or means to scale back on secular activities so he can find breathing room to attend worship activities.

There's also possibility maybe this particular church isn't the one for him. You could ask him politely what he does or doesn't like about this church and perhaps recommend he try different one, maybe one more casual. I see we're both Baptist. I live Baptist church, but not everyone does, they tend to be among most conservative. I know some who grew up in a conservative church and now attend a more relaxed one. Just a thought. If you know any activities at other church that may fit his personality, you can invite him to attend. Don't come across as pushy, though.

At the end of day, you can't really force him to go church and I don't think you should worry about it like you're his parent. You don't want to come across like you're nagging him like a grandmother every time you meet because then he may resent hanging out with you or he may think you're judging him too harshly. Just let him know you care about him and that you want what's best for him. Keep in touch. Regardless of where anyone is located, remember two important commandments...to love God with all your heart and love each other as much as God loves us.

God Bless

 

[Inkachu]

Light - in the end, you can't make your friend do or think or feel anything. It's got to happen between him and the Holy Spirit. You've done a great job of showing him that you care, and opening the Scriptures to him. But there does come a point where you just need to back away and pray for him and let God work on His own time.

 

[Goodbook]

Why are you pressuring him to go?
Is your church one of those that REALLY need members or something?

 

[JCFantasy23]

His Facebook post is below:
"havent felt like myself lately, haven't gone to church in 3 weeks and for some reason i dont feel guilty like i normally did, idk if its cus i'm burned out from work or if its cus i just dont feel the need to go anymore but is it wrong if i dont go but still have faith and pray to god when im going through good times and bad? Already talked to my friend bout it but still, i'm not feeling church anymore...."

I believe we should are are meant to God to church, but I do believe God is greater than the black and white outlook. Perhaps at this time he's not feeling guilty because God thinks he needs some time away from the church and inner reflection, more one on one time. There is no telling, it is bigger than us. It may be an issue for your friend, or this may be where God wants him to be right now. I wouldn't jump to assume, that can be dangerous.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I failed to mention that isn't just not going to church..... He also said he hasn't been praying or anything for over three weeks. With this and the lack of fellowship and worship with other Christians I see this as a weak spot in his "armor" that the devil can possibly benefit from. It seems like a very bad habit to get started on.

Ah, well not praying and disconnecting I would be worried about. If he seems to be withdrawing from God totally, that is a concern. Not sure how to advise, though, other than prayer for him.

 

[CryOfALion]

It still sounds like dissolution to me.

I hate to say it, but it may be best for him to leave the church in whatever way he thinks that means, while still maintaining fellowship and friendship with those he is comfortable with. I have been to the point where university + social life + spiritual life + relationships + ... = intense stress to the point where you want nothing to do with anything except what you are comfortable with. And, sometimes church is not that place.

I still think it is important for him to know that, for example, when you and he talk about God that is fellowship, and Christ is there.

 

[Rajah]

It's not wrong to care and to be upset if you can't do much to change things. However, there are some situations in which you just cannot accomplish what you 'd like to. This is probably one. Perhaps in time things will change and he'll give you an opening, but not now.

this sounds like my teen daughter. pm me if you want. I don't want to shift the focus from the OP