I had a crush on a toxic man. I finally walked away. We have been best friends for 7 years, and we started liking each other in 2017. He never wanted to settle with me and always said that he was too messed up in the head (which is correct. Not to be cruel, but he's very unhealthy emotionally). He also doesn't want a relationship with anyone at all. I guess I get frustrated because if we like each other, why not get together? Why not make this thing work? But, I'm too burnt out liking a man who will never date again.
I walked away back in January and haven't looked back. I sometimes still think of him, but I just don't want to wait around any more and I deserve to have someone who wants to be with me.
So, no crush.
When I read the first part, I was going to say be careful. Especially if they're otherwise attractive yet unavailable, but it sounds like you've already figured that out.
I find that I can't stand toxic people in my life. At least not for long, and I've learned to reflexively shut them out. If I need to work with one, I'll deal with them to the extent that we get the job done, but that's definitely not what I want in a romantic partner. At least while alone I get to have a semblance of integrity, my problems are my own, and I can hold onto the hope of meeting somebody nice. Somebody who is fun to be with, and isn't going to pull me in the wrong direction. Frankly, this is a good place to be. Even if what I'm looking for turns out to be unrealistic, and others don't always understand, the peace of mind is worth its weight in gold.
Which isn't to say that I don't sometimes have crushes on women whose problems would be too much for me. When I do, I find myself making excuses for them in my head, but somewhere in the back of my mind I know better. Maybe it's because of the good relationships that I've seen, or maybe it's God granting me wisdom beyond my own experience. There are times when I look at relationship problems and think "There but for the grace of God go I". Nobody is perfect, and toxicity may be relative to a degree, but some behavior patterns are healthier and some matches do work better than others.
Mutual attraction is key, but so is avoiding problems that are recognizable early on. No relationship will be entirely smooth sailing, but why kick ourselves later for problems that we recognized at the beginning if we don't have to? Often, a crush is just an idealized version of someone in a fictional narrative of our own creation, rather than who they truly are. There are other people out there. Good people and good matches. Or at least as good as us flawed humans can be. Thankfully, new crushes can replace old ones over time.
... Why couldn't you tell me all this time before that I had somehow caught your heart like this? I never held the faintest idea that a knight could be your type. Don't you know I would have been eager to reciprocate for a lass like yourself?
