I just spoke with her...Nothing really happened. She responded with the I don't know's. She tried to end it with "You don't listen" and I said more forcefully "I do" and she said, "no" and I said, "goodbye". I'm fed up with this bull crap. You give me no kind of direction and all you do is downplay me the entire time by saying I don't listen? Get outa here.
I'm confused. If someone told me I wasn't listening I normally respond by asking what I'm not hearing. Then I would hush, and allow them to finish completely - no interruptions. At times it takes a while to hear what the person said, because they may go into rehashing things...but eventually they get to the point.
You need to be careful not to be impatient while they are explaining. Nothing shuts down a conversation faster than someone with ants in their pants wanting to correct, comment, etc. It's distracting, and could very well come off as rude and NOT listening.
I mean think about it. If someone feels unheard? Why would you get more than 'I don't know'. I mean it really doesn't matter what they say - they aren't going to be heard anyway. So, why bother?!
I'm not saying you do this, but I remember a person in my life in the past. They would ask something from me, and when I would answer? They went out of their way to correct every single aspect of my speech. Most of it didn't matter, and had nothing to do with the substance of the conversation. For example, if I said - X happened Tuesday late morning, and I ...before I would finish my thought? lol I would be corrected that X actually happened after 12, and so technically it was afternoon. When it happened has nothing to do with the substance, and really wouldn't change if it happened late morning or afternoon...yet they just couldn't stop themselves from constantly correcting. lol if you have someone in a defensive mood? Then a fight would start about whether it was late morning, or afternoon - or about the fact that it really doesn't matter when it happened compared to them feeling it does. You basically get no where fast. They were to busy trying to RIGHT, and making sure the entire conversation was correct compared to listening to the substance. Not only do people lose their train of thought, but its annoying to be constantly interrupted over stuff like that. I would get exhausted just having the conversation with them, and I wouldn't want to continue - lol or have any future conversations with them.
My point is it maybe your style of conversation that makes her feel unheard. The example above is one that I used with a person I knew once upon a time. Decent person overall, but they drove me nuts. Do I think they heard me most of the time? Nope. lol no doubt they would disagree too.
Maybe approach your conversations with a different style. Pay attention to her cues of getting annoyed, and STOP doing whatever it is you are attempting for a moment. Allow the discussion to finish, and when you get the information you need? Then ask if something in your behavior was shutting her down.
I'm old, and I have learned there are different ways to approach people to get what you need from conversations. Some parts are easy, some don't need any thought at all, and others need to me to step back and use patience. lol which isn't always easy!