- Oct 31, 2008
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Last week I had written out a long post 3-4 times but deleted it, saying I was feeling angry and frustrated with my stepson because I basically felt like he was being lazy and not committing to the job hunt like I expected of him. I think I felt unjustified to feel angry because I know the job market's tough in my town, but he recently go hired at a McDonald's and at least for now is working full time while he trains. Still, it really irked me that if he wasn't at work he'd be sleeping in the middle of the day or playing video games at 3 in the morning.
I don't know if you guys remember the backstory here but in 2023 my step son decided not to move to CA with us and he stayed behind in NY and lived with his grandparents. He got into drugs including pot and psychedelics like mushrooms and possibly LSD. Then at the end of May this year he announced to his mom he was going to move down to TX and live with his dad (something he's never done before, his dad is the definition of deadbeat and has never taken the kids for more than 1-2 nights). My step son's stay in TX lasted about 10 days and culminated in a drug fueled mental breakdown that landed him in the hospital. After he got discharged we had him come to us in CA and he's been living with us ever since in our overcrowded 3bd house with his twin sister, us, and our two baby boys (2.5y and 8m).
Fast-forward to yesterday and I get a call from my wife wanting to explain some things that I was apparently in the dark about. The first being that a few days ago she caught my step son smoking pot in the garage. He didn't seem to care, and clearly thinks it's morally acceptable even as someone who supposedly had a bit of a Catholic awakening in recent months. She made him throw the pot away, which she's only assuming he did cause she didn't witness him doing it, and he very casually said he's smoked once before since he moved in with us.
Not only are we not okay with pot use, regardless of it's legality, but we have two kids under three now and we don't want them within a mile of any kind of drug use.
I told my wife we need to take away his access to his bank account and his iPhone cause obviously those two things are what's allowing him to order weed. She texted me a couple hours later and said she talked to him and he understood. She did those two things, plus imposed a 10pm curfew where he can't even go out in the garage to workout.
The problem is, he's a very manipulative person and he especially knows how to control my wife. He does it indirectly with his own emotions, she's very tied into him because she's always felt guilty that his dad was such a loser and never man enough to be a father. So my step son uses that against her and therefore doesn't seem to care about what she says, especially when it comes to discipline, because he knows when he has her by the scruff of her neck. For the record, he's a 20 year old man now and he's living with us rent-free. I've tried to broach the subject of charging rent but that's anathema to my wife, apparently kids in Hispanic culture can live with their parents for free as long as they want.
I think my wife is finally in a place where she's not afraid to boot him out though, because now she has to protect our little ones and she's finally starting to see that my step son isn't a baby like them.
I told her I think we need to impose a three strikes rule, and consider that he now has two already (his admitting he smoked here once before is retroactively strike one), this latest offense is strike two, and strike three is he gets booted from the house. I know my wife feels upset, frustrated, betrayed, manipulated and fed up. She's finally seeing that most of what he says is just platitudes and placating words but that he doesn't really believe anything he says.
What would you do in this situation?
I don't know if you guys remember the backstory here but in 2023 my step son decided not to move to CA with us and he stayed behind in NY and lived with his grandparents. He got into drugs including pot and psychedelics like mushrooms and possibly LSD. Then at the end of May this year he announced to his mom he was going to move down to TX and live with his dad (something he's never done before, his dad is the definition of deadbeat and has never taken the kids for more than 1-2 nights). My step son's stay in TX lasted about 10 days and culminated in a drug fueled mental breakdown that landed him in the hospital. After he got discharged we had him come to us in CA and he's been living with us ever since in our overcrowded 3bd house with his twin sister, us, and our two baby boys (2.5y and 8m).
Fast-forward to yesterday and I get a call from my wife wanting to explain some things that I was apparently in the dark about. The first being that a few days ago she caught my step son smoking pot in the garage. He didn't seem to care, and clearly thinks it's morally acceptable even as someone who supposedly had a bit of a Catholic awakening in recent months. She made him throw the pot away, which she's only assuming he did cause she didn't witness him doing it, and he very casually said he's smoked once before since he moved in with us.
Not only are we not okay with pot use, regardless of it's legality, but we have two kids under three now and we don't want them within a mile of any kind of drug use.
I told my wife we need to take away his access to his bank account and his iPhone cause obviously those two things are what's allowing him to order weed. She texted me a couple hours later and said she talked to him and he understood. She did those two things, plus imposed a 10pm curfew where he can't even go out in the garage to workout.
The problem is, he's a very manipulative person and he especially knows how to control my wife. He does it indirectly with his own emotions, she's very tied into him because she's always felt guilty that his dad was such a loser and never man enough to be a father. So my step son uses that against her and therefore doesn't seem to care about what she says, especially when it comes to discipline, because he knows when he has her by the scruff of her neck. For the record, he's a 20 year old man now and he's living with us rent-free. I've tried to broach the subject of charging rent but that's anathema to my wife, apparently kids in Hispanic culture can live with their parents for free as long as they want.
I think my wife is finally in a place where she's not afraid to boot him out though, because now she has to protect our little ones and she's finally starting to see that my step son isn't a baby like them.
I told her I think we need to impose a three strikes rule, and consider that he now has two already (his admitting he smoked here once before is retroactively strike one), this latest offense is strike two, and strike three is he gets booted from the house. I know my wife feels upset, frustrated, betrayed, manipulated and fed up. She's finally seeing that most of what he says is just platitudes and placating words but that he doesn't really believe anything he says.
What would you do in this situation?
