Did a traumatic experience make you unchurched?

[discernomatic]

I was raped by a Christian man, who went to chruch the next day....I became unchurched, hate religion and didn't believe in God for many years...

Later on He saved my life when I was ready to take my own life because of the rapes........it took Him 20 years to heal me, but I am glad I returned to God and I have found a wonderful church that makes me feel safe!

I'm sorry that you had to go through that, the abuse that I experienced was not physical, but hurt too. I also had suicidal thoughts after what happened to me. Physical abuse that is in any way connected to a church or "churchy" people is spiritual abuse too. It can affect one's spiritual life as well, even for many years, as it did for you. Some never recover. I'm glad that you were able to overcome the abuse. Thanks for sharing, belladonic-haze.

 

[discernomatic]

I meant , why the double standard of those that say that people *must* "go to church" and look down on those who don't ( not saying you do this ) and yet allow the groups to not be perfect .

I appologize for suggesting that you would be one of those insisting on people attending meetings . I hear that phrase mostly from those that think differently .

No apology needed. I wasn't mad or anything, should have put an emoticon in.
Do you think that it is a pharisaical attitude that makes people behave that way? I think that even some doctrines, or reactions to certain doctrines can cause this kind of attitude in some congregations. Someone on another forum mentioned the toxic atmosphere in some churches, caused by the pastor badgering deacons and such, favoring, belittling, bootlicking - even though it didn't necessarily come out over the sermons or other more direct way.

 

[New_Wineskin]

No apology needed. I wasn't mad or anything, should have put an emoticon in.
Do you think that it is a pharisaical attitude that makes people behave that way? I think that even some doctrines, or reactions to certain doctrines can cause this kind of attitude in some congregations. Someone on another forum mentioned the toxic atmosphere in some churches, caused by the pastor badgering deacons and such, favoring, belittling, bootlicking - even though it didn't necessarily come out over the sermons or other more direct way.

Yes , indeed . It is definitely an attitude of a pharasee nature . They so want to place everyone under a law that they will ignore that it conflicts with their allowance for something else . They won't even admit the hypocracy . It is very likely that they cannot even see their hypocracy .

 

[Qidron]

The church we were very involved in and the one that had the most impact on us was in the early nineties. It's been so long now that I dont think about it but it still affects my life I know for sure.

.... it was just hard to accept that he was showing us that our brothers and sisters who we had admired, adored, loved and feed with the best we could give, were in fact OUR ENEMIES !!!!!

Like I said...same time frame as our "shaking"....but it doesn't seem so long ago, because so much of what we had known for so long just came to an abrupt end. Recently I noticed the calendar...and yes...it was a long time ago. So many years have passed.

After we left the false group we had been a part of, we had tried to plug into another congregation, but the funny thing was that we...and I do mean many in our family...felt a real coolness developing in the NEW congregation...but since it couldn't be true, we really thought we were being paranoid because of what had just happened....turns out that not only were the pastors from both groups close...the exact same people who had spread vicious lies about us are extremely close to the assistent pastor....and the shunning was not our imagination. We just could not remain in that type setting any longer...so now we just stay home. One of our sons is at IHOP and the people there have been very Christ like...there is hope. Meanwhile...like Discern encourages...we stay in the Word and we pray.

But the enemy thing...I can see both sides. I understand what Discern is saying, but also...these folks CHOSE and executed enemy plans against us and yeah, they were "friends" or so we really thought....so it cut deep. Now I deliberately choose to pray for them....there is no other way.

Blessings...glad to have had this CF opportunity and to know there are others in the same Boat with us...really...it has helped.

 

[sing4777]

My husband and I use to pick up young people and take them to church. You could say that the kids that we brought to church - for some (including the youth ministers)these kids were undesirable. The day that a young boy left church in tears was the day that we had had enough. We tried for a long time to discard false teaching, the religion with no evidence of the Love of Christ (for all men will know you're my disciples by your love for one another) and the political dance that was the norm in church for years - but when we witnessed this young person so broken by those that should have shown him the love of Yeshua, we knew if we couldn't bring hurting kids there then we didn't belong there either . Now we worship and study at home as a family and we have grown closer to Adonai and each other as a result. Organized Churches say, "make us a mega church" - it seems that most (or at least the ones that I have been exposed to) organized churches are out to build their own kingdom - not the Kingdom of God . I could go on forever... Sorry if it's too much.

 

[Qidron]

Sing....and the Lord continues to bring His own out to take us back to square one because He has plans that supercede the mega idea.
Blessings

 

[sing4777]

I do have to say that it has taught us to rely only on YHWH and to allow the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) to lead us into all truth. Pure and undefiled religion is about being an expression of the love of Messiah and keeping yourself unspotted from the world. It has become evident that the organized church has become so blind to the fact that they are becoming more and more like the world - if not more worldly than the world. For so long we felt alone and rejected. But then again, so was Yeshua. He was rejected by the religious leaders for preaching the true Kingdom of YHWH - and after all, a slave isn't greater than his Master.

 

[shakingthedustoffmyfeet]

Yes. Then I was struck with a debilitating neurological disorder. Electrocution-type pains invaded my face. I knew I needed something I was not getting at home. I returned to the church of my grandparents, long deceased. Healing, so thorough and merciful, became a part of my life. It was a process. I thank God for healing me. I still go to church there, and I also go to another church with my husband on Sunday mornings. It was hard for me to learn that God is what worship is about. I meet Him at church, in my home, anywhere I can. He redeemed me and healed me through His son Jesus Christ.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Yes. Then I was struck with a debilitating neurological disorder. Electrocution-type pains invaded my face. I knew I needed something I was not getting at home. I returned to the church of my grandparents, long deceased. Healing, so thorough and merciful, became a part of my life. It was a process. I thank God for healing me. I still go to church there, and I also go to another church with my husband on Sunday mornings. It was hard for me to learn that God is what worship is about. I meet Him at church, in my home, anywhere I can. He redeemed me and healed me through His son Jesus Christ.

It`s hard for people who are ill and can`t go to church, because so many people think that if you don`t go to church your not a Christian. However I found that the time that I was ill and couldn`t attend was the most benificial time I have spent with God. I think God uses that for His benifit, not just illness, but time spent alone with Him.

 

[Machachachi]

I did in fact have a severly traumatic experience of spiritual abuse about when I was 11, but that was not the reason in the end I left the church. Though it was a contribution. I left in the end, because I saw no fruit.

 

[Qidron]

I did in fact have a severly traumatic experience of spiritual abuse about when I was 11, but that was not the reason in the end I left the church. Though it was a contribution. I left in the end, because I saw no fruit.

Machachachi...enjoy the NEW DAY the Lord has brought you to. Blessings.
Qidron

 

[Bobber]

This is from a post I wrote right after this happened. Ever since then, my family has not been able to find a church. We have been away from church for about 3 months or more. We are so tired of the "church search". Anyway, here it is:
-------------------------

WARNING - LONG STORY - BUT WOULD LIKE INPUT

This is something I can't just keep bottled up. I have to share and get some feedback from others. This has never happened to me and I'm very disturbed by it. Let me start from the beginning.

A few months ago, my family moved back to a city we lived in 3 or so years prior. When we lived here before, we were never able to find a church to call home. We decided to visit a church back in Jan after trying two others and we liked this one enough to go again and again. We had a list of churches we wanted to try and we had reviewed websites, emailed the pastors, etc prior to making the list.

Well, we ended up going to this church we visited for about 2 months. I sort of started a dialogue with the pastor via email and began asking doctrinal questions and advice on scriptures and more in depth information about his sermons to grow on and further study.

The church began mentioning membership and we took the form to fill it out. My wife and I started praying about it and discussing our thoughts and feelings with each other. I emailed the pastor and explained we had the form, but I was concerned that we had not attended the church long enough to consider membership. He said, no, don't worry about that, we want you as a member. My wife and I kept coming back to the thought that there was this one church we had always wanted to visit and never did because of going to the other regularly. We decided that in order to be sure this current church was for us, we needed to finish out the list and try the last church we had intended to try anyway. We needed to be sure about the membership. We liked the current church, the people, the pastor, but we take membership very seriously. The church lacked some things we felt would enhance our walk with God, but we were willing to follow God wherever he leads us.

So, out of respect for the pastor and the church that we had grown fond of, I notified the pastor that we wanted to make sure we were making the right decision and that we were going to try this other church before applying for membership at his church. The response was not what we expected. We were told to pick one or the other and stay put.

After we visited the other church, we realy loved it. It had everything the current church had, but also had some of the things that were lacking. We decided we had better not apply for membership and that we needed to begin attending at the new church. I informed the pastor of this, again out of respect to him, not that we were members or needed to explain ourselves to anyone. His response was fine, but stay there.

It kept eating at me, so I finally emailed him and told him I was really bothered by his response and wanted to ensure I had not offended him by not joining his church. I told him the things we loved about his church and the things that his church didn't have that we were looking for. I wanted to make sure I was leading my family where God wanted us to be.

I received the most rude, unchristian response I have ever heard from a pastor. He begins to tell me that I have offended him, that I don't know scripture and that I'm full of myself. How dare I offer any type of criticism or evaluation of his church, I'm not a consulatant and I do not know scripture of their church. He accused me of being a church hopper. He tells me I need a mentor to get in my face and bring me down a notch, I should be listening and not advising anyone and basically that I'm a big piece of dirt that he wishes he had never met me. He said it is people like me that frustrate the leadership of a church after pastoring a person who then leaves their church. Almost as if, you had better attend his church for life if he is going to waste his time with you.

It would appear if you do not have a Doctorate in Divinity, then you cannot have an opinion about anything with this guy either. The kicker is this, he is buddies with the associate pastor at the church we tried and liked. He is going to share with him some thoughts about me and my family. Basically, warn them about us and that we will go there 2 months and leave, so don't waste their time with us. Which is odd because he knew from the beginning that we were looking/searching for the church God was going to lead us to. We never committed to his church and even if we had, God leads people away from churches and to others everyday. I'm very concerned about this. This is going to give the new church a wrong pre-conceived notion about us.

I'm very confused and hurt by all of this. This was a man that I trusted and looked up to. I feel like he is personally mad at us for not joining his church. I explained the reasons for us not feeling at home there, but all he did was attack me and degrade me and my knowledge of scripture. Now, he is going to share his dislike for me with the new church's leadership. This is going to hinder my family in their walk with God, growing, and all around comfort zone at the new church.

Sorry for the long message, but I had to get this out. It is effecting my whole family. My wife had intended on staying in her Thursday morning ladies bible study at this church since she had been going for 4 weeks, but she feels really uncomfortable at the church now. The pastor's wife is in her group and he is there during the day and she sees him when she is there.
----------------

Well, there it is. We did not end up at the new church either. The leadership there got wind of the story and the rest is history. We've been without church ever since.

God Bless!

I know this post was from along time ago, not sure if the person is even here now but I had to comment on this...unbelievalbe. So what if these dear people were going from church to church not being totally grounded...maybe they needed strenghtened to become that! I think some of these church leaders sadly to say are more interested in building kingdoms unto themselves....the writer of the post stated they had only gone to the church a very short time and church membership was being pushed on them....they replied they had only gone there a very short time and weren't sure they were ready to make that commitment. The

proper response I think should have been, "Ok no problem...the Bible says he that believes shall not make haste....get the absolute feel in your spirit what you feel God wants you to do" Instead of that the person was told, "No come and join the membership now" If one were to be cynical they might rightly wonder if maybe the pastors motives were right to begin with....Many of these church memberships always have statements to the effect that you're expected to bring a tithes off your gross salary into the church...that wouldn't by any chance be the motive for some of these churches having that in there as well? Put words of commitment over a persons life and stated you signed here. No I don't think all churches have wrong motives and Im sure they don't but lets not consider that some of this might

not come into play as well. I guess we can conclude that Jesus is the judge of everymans ministry....if this pastor needs to be reproved or rebuked of the Lord then maybe some day he'll hear some reproofs...[not that he won't maybe make heaven his home but im sure God will correct all of us on things we didn't do correctly] He might even ask us to apologize to some people we had hurt while on the earth. We'll see

 

[discernomatic]

Hi sing and Machachachi,

Sorry I have not been around much lately even though I started this thread. Have been setting up a blog and re-doing my site in xhtml, which ain't easy for non-geeks.

Disillusionment seems to cause many to leave and stay away from churches these days. It is because the Christianity some practice is institutional rather than practical and from the heart. Wherever people are really behaving as Jesus intended us to, there he is. I don't think that any Christian community is perfect, but you notice when people are making an effort to transform their minds - their character and heart - to that of Jesus Christ. That is where I want to be. I hope you find or make such a place, too. We don't "make" it through an institution or organisation, but through our words and actions no matter where we are.

d.

I just read a PDF book about such a theme called "So You Don't Want to Go To Church Anymore", by Wayne Jacobsen. It will be in print soon. You might like it. Here is my review about it which contains a link to the PDF: http://www.jamesfive19.com/Review,_So_You_Don't_Want_to_Go_to_Church_Anymore,_by_Wayne_Jacobsen.html

 

[TheAJKMan]

I can't say that my reason for finally leaving the chruch was traumatic, more just plain simple frustration. I guess you could call me somewhat unconventional, in both manne and thinking. My beef was not so much with the principle of the gathering of the saints, as it was with the saints themselves. I left before I became a bad apple. Long stories there, but before I became a problem, and believe me I was headed in that direction I left. So, for now I spend time on my own and on occasion visit at various churches.

TheAJKMan

 

[Rick Otto]

Thanks for resurrectin' it, AJK!!!
I think I've only read the first 15 pages so far, but it's gettin' late so I need to comment. I'll catch up.
I got stories aplenty, but ain't too big on commiseratin' at this point...
I DO think we need to ditch the term "church" except for negative connotations, tho. "Ekklesia" (called out ones?) doesn't sprain my tongue or short circuit my brain.

I identify churchianity with the Nicolaitanes, who Jesus said He hates. "They" will be quick to tell ya it's about a guy named Nick who had a promiscuous cult goin' on, but a direct translation is more revealing: nico=conqueror+laity=the people.

What an exciting bunch of people y'all are.
I'm SO glad to be here now (apologies to Baba ram Das).

Vait heah, Awl be bock.

 

[lismore]

I DO think we need to ditch the term "church" except for negative connotations, tho. "Ekklesia" (called out ones?) doesn't sprain my tongue or short circuit my brain.

I identify churchianity with the Nicolaitanes, who Jesus said He hates.

Thats a true point . Jesus says he hates that system of church where people are separated into a clergy and a laity.

We are all one body. We all have gifts and talents to use and share. Everyone is valuable and is a treasure. Jesus is the only head of the church.

pastors are like the good samaritan, the same as us but who have a specific gifting to help the wounded. They are not Kings over us. Yeshua is the King. there can be only one King in the Kingdom of the King.

We are all in perfect unity together as members of one body under the head. Its only the home church that makes sense with the bible.

 

[TheAJKMan]

Thanks for resurrectin' it, AJK!!!

Only a pleasure Rick, I'm fairly new here, so I'm just jumping in feet first.

I DO think we need to ditch the term "church"

I have some reservations with that one, I think wee need to ditch the attitudes and associations that go with that word. We need to change the way that we think about it and also how the church thinks about it.

What an exciting bunch of people y'all are.
I'm SO glad to be here now (apologies to Baba ram Das).

Well, thank you kindly, though I don't know if you'll still find me so exciting a few weeks down the liine from now ;P *ng*

Vait heah, Awl be bock.

Yeah right, dream on buddy, I'm tired and it is sandman time for this sleepy puppy ;P

Love and peace to all.
TheAJKMan

 

[Qidron]

I don't think it will do much good to ditch the term "church"...we can't ditch assembling together because we NEED to and changing the termanology won't solve the problem. Give us a few years and we'll mess up any new lingo we adopt.

But the fact is that the Lord really is calling his kids out of what we thought was the right way to go and to move forward. He is waking us up to a deeper understanding of His plan.

We've been ship wrecked and little bits and pieces of what that plan is are surfacing. Grab onto whatever floats and praise God for it. He is enthroned upon our praises...He WILL build his church.

I am very slow to change or understand what is going on, but I trust Him to take us there.

Blessings

 

[TexasSky]

I left a previous church because of a series of traumatic events in the children's area.

1) We had a Christmas musical that included children. The lead children's music minister started screaming at children. Not "brats who were acting up," but kids who missed their cues or turned the wrong way.

I took her aside and told her, "I understand that you want this to go right, but remember, the purpose of this presentation is to spread the love of Christ, you need to treat these children with love." She responded with, "I don't love the brats!"

2) The church asked people to work the nursery and extended session. We always volunteered, as a family, for extended session. Then the church announced that children of workers were not to help with extended session. We agreed, though it was very traumatic for our children as it now required them to find other ways to pass the two hours (yes, church was only an hour, but parents are very, very slow).

Then they announced that husbands and wives could not serve together. We quit teaching.

3) Our son came home reporting that a child in his Sunday School class was mocked because the child did not know the bible stories that children who have been churched their whole lives know. The teachers did absolutely nothing to stop to mocking, and in the eyes of my son and his friend, seemed to indicate agreement that there was something terribly wrong with the child who didn't know the answer.

4) While planning a church event for young children someone suggested all participants wear matching t-shirts, and that every child be required to purchase one for $10. A woman at the meeting suggested that we provide a scholarship for children who could not afford that, and pointed out that one family in the church had 5 children in the age range of the groups involved. Another woman snapped, "Well, is it our fault that she didn't keep her legs crossed? We shouldn't have to pay for deadbeats."

5) I have a very shy child. When he was young he was very uncomfortable in new situations. He had always attended church with his best friend. The friend is just a few months older than my child. When a new children's minister took over they changed the "age division" for kids, and this would have split my son and his friend. The department director, and the teachers, suggested to our families that we decide which department to put the boys in and let them stay together. The new children's minister told us that if we didn't comply with the new age division we shouldn't come back. That was the last Sunday my son attended that Sunday school.

6) I walked into the nursery area one Sunday night to see a young black woman being berated by an older white woman who was telling her that if she didn't "get the right kind of diapers" she couldn't come back. (She used cloth diapers because of an allergy her child had.)

I reported all of this to the Senior Pastor, who was new, found out nothing was going to be done, and my children told me that they had come to hate church because it was "mean" now.

We changed churches.

 

[Rick Otto]

I see your blessings & raise ya 3 hallelujahs!
Don't read too much into my werdz...
the professing church is pretty much three wheels in the ditch already. I in no WAY meant to frosake assembling.
Yer absitively posolutely right about our collective tendency to make a mess of things, tho.

It is such a confusing word nowadays, because it means so much more & less than the ekklesia, the living stones that He builds it with. I think we need to respect the negative aspect of the term. It has become toxic and should be kept away from children of every age.