Did a traumatic experience make you unchurched?

[Rick Otto]

Where to begin?
Easy. The begining.
I'm one of those guys who can remember bein' in diapers, not bein' able to walk or talk.
But what I remember of chyrch starts about 3&1/2 yrs old, back in '58.

It was Catholic, but that is incidental to the point. I had begun listening to the sermons and what I remember being profoundly impressed with is that God created everything & that He loved me. That hit me like a ton of truth bricks. It made SO much sense. It explained everything to my great satisfaction. I felt the ring of truth within that information, so naturaly my curiosity began to focus on Him.
One Sunday morning I was so consumed with it, I grabbed my mom's dress & began to tug ferociously during a 'everybody stand' reading of a few verses before the sermon. I said, "Mom! Hey mom! MOM!!"
She looks down annoyed & whispers "What?!"
I says,"Is that God?" pointin' toeard the pulpit.
Before she could answer, I hear somebody behind us whisper loudly,"No, he just likes to think he is!" much snickering & muffled laughter as mom says,"SHHHH!"
I was p.o.'d I didn't get the humor, & the most important question of my life had been ignored & shushed.

A few months later on my 4th birthday, I woke up, dressed myself, made my bed, & headed upstairs wonderin' why I hadn't been roused already. Mom said it was my birthday so I got to sleep late & could have whatever I wanted for breakfast. Naturaly I chose a peanut butter & jelly sandwich w/a glass of milk(tall).
I was feeling very good about myself & my place in the world as I walked out the door to the yard. Flannel shirts & blue jeans were all I ever wanted to wear for the rest of my life.
It was a beautiful spring day, crystal clear blue sky with one huge cumulus cloud sittin' right up close, a little ahead, so that it was easy to lay in the grass & watch the distant air streams shift the "lace" around the main body of cloud. Huge oak trees with crows bigger than our chihuahua decorated our end of a quite, suburban. dead end street. I was agahst at the incredible beauty of creation and excited at my ability to appreciate it, thinking surely it is true God loves me to have given me all this to enjoy.
At that moment, our chihuahua came walking up next to me, casting a proprietary gaze about the yard. I chuckled to myself thinking that as complex & wonderful as this little creature is, I was blessed even further beyond measure with my ability to appreciate not only all of it, but my Creator as well.
As this thought was completing, an audible rush of wind rose up behind me, and every blade of grass seemed to bow in worship, every single blade reflecting a highlight of glorious sunshine that ran from base to tip as they bowed in the wind.
Inside, I was blown over & away by an inrushing sensation of BEing loved, not of myself loving.

I made a connection with God that day that helped me survive all the traumas that awaited me in every institution I've since encountered, chyrch & family foremost.

Not to single them out, but the Catholics taght me fear.
I remember 1st grade catechism, Sister Mary Caniscious (aka "Vicious Canicious") patrolling the aisles with metal edged ruler in hand, looking for slackers to inspire as we answered in unision; "Who made you?" everyone answered,"God made me!"
"WHY?"
"Because He LOVES me!"(please don't hit me, please!)
I'm lookin' at sister Mary & in my minds eye I could clearly see a red armband, white circle, & black twisted cross... I look down at the book & see this long haired dude in robes (no ruler) with kids racing TOWARD Him.
The contrast between that picture & the one I was livin' in was shocking.
Of course, I could only react, & only inwardly at that. I lacked the articulation to express my thoughts & form the pertinent questions. But it didn't take too long...

More later if anybody cares for it.
I hate long posts!

 

[theunraveler]

i converted at 12 years old and deconverted at 18 and now i am 22 yrs old. i left my church due to alot of reasons. i was always a headstrong and rebellious boy i cannot suppress my inner demons, my impatience, anger and hate. it was true that christ did take away some of the pain for awhile and i tried to blend into christianity but it wasnt long b4 the demons of my past started to catch up on me. i started arguing at sunday school and in conference. i did alot of mischievous pranks that really **** off alot of ppl. i argued with elders and used 4 letter words on them.

not to mention my incessant questioning: where did cain's wife came from? wat about evolution? are there ppl on other planets? does it make sense to punish the children for the parents iniquities? wat if jehova isnt wat we think he is?

slowly i left the church and i no longer practice christianity actively nor do i preach. i try to find god in science since i believe that the creator of the universe will leave marks of him/her/it in the fabrics of creation, all it matters is where to look.

 

[Qidron]

Where to begin?
Easy. The begining.
I'm one of those guys who can remember bein' in diapers, not bein' able to walk or talk.
But what I remember of chyrch starts about 3&1/2 yrs old, back in '58.

It was Catholic, but that is incidental to the point. I had begun listening to the sermons and what I remember being profoundly impressed with is that God created everything & that He loved me. That hit me like a ton of truth bricks. It made SO much sense. It explained everything to my great satisfaction. I felt the ring of truth within that information, so naturaly my curiosity began to focus on Him.
One Sunday morning I was so consumed with it, I grabbed my mom's dress & began to tug ferociously during a 'everybody stand' reading of a few verses before the sermon. I said, "Mom! Hey mom! MOM!!"
She looks down annoyed & whispers "What?!"
I says,"Is that God?" pointin' toeard the pulpit.
Before she could answer, I hear somebody behind us whisper loudly,"No, he just likes to think he is!" much snickering & muffled laughter as mom says,"SHHHH!"
I was p.o.'d I didn't get the humor, & the most important question of my life had been ignored & shushed.

A few months later on my 4th birthday, I woke up, dressed myself, made my bed, & headed upstairs wonderin' why I hadn't been roused already. Mom said it was my birthday so I got to sleep late & could have whatever I wanted for breakfast. Naturaly I chose a peanut butter & jelly sandwich w/a glass of milk(tall).
I was feeling very good about myself & my place in the world as I walked out the door to the yard. Flannel shirts & blue jeans were all I ever wanted to wear for the rest of my life.
It was a beautiful spring day, crystal clear blue sky with one huge cumulus cloud sittin' right up close, a little ahead, so that it was easy to lay in the grass & watch the distant air streams shift the "lace" around the main body of cloud. Huge oak trees with crows bigger than our chihuahua decorated our end of a quite, suburban. dead end street. I was agahst at the incredible beauty of creation and excited at my ability to appreciate it, thinking surely it is true God loves me to have given me all this to enjoy.
At that moment, our chihuahua came walking up next to me, casting a proprietary gaze about the yard. I chuckled to myself thinking that as complex & wonderful as this little creature is, I was blessed even further beyond measure with my ability to appreciate not only all of it, but my Creator as well.
As this thought was completing, an audible rush of wind rose up behind me, and every blade of grass seemed to bow in worship, every single blade reflecting a highlight of glorious sunshine that ran from base to tip as they bowed in the wind.
Inside, I was blown over & away by an inrushing sensation of BEing loved, not of myself loving.

I made a connection with God that day that helped me survive all the traumas that awaited me in every institution I've since encountered, chyrch & family foremost.

Not to single them out, but the Catholics taght me fear.
I remember 1st grade catechism, Sister Mary Caniscious (aka "Vicious Canicious") patrolling the aisles with metal edged ruler in hand, looking for slackers to inspire as we answered in unision; "Who made you?" everyone answered,"God made me!"
"WHY?"
"Because He LOVES me!"(please don't hit me, please!)
I'm lookin' at sister Mary & in my minds eye I could clearly see a red armband, white circle, & black twisted cross... I look down at the book & see this long haired dude in robes (no ruler) with kids racing TOWARD Him.
The contrast between that picture & the one I was livin' in was shocking.
Of course, I could only react, & only inwardly at that. I lacked the articulation to express my thoughts & form the pertinent questions. But it didn't take too long...

More later if anybody cares for it.
I hate long posts!

I hate long posts too...but you've got me and I want to hear the rest...that is if this is for real. I have never known a child to be quite that alert at such a young age. (but then again, there's my grand daughter who jokes around and she's only 2) I can only remember blurs of my childhood and I think age 5 is the earliest. Anyway...I'm going to check your blog... Do you have a blog?

 

[Qidron]

i converted at 12 years old and deconverted at 18 and now i am 22 yrs old. i left my church due to alot of reasons. i was always a headstrong and rebellious boy i cannot suppress my inner demons, my impatience, anger and hate. it was true that christ did take away some of the pain for awhile and i tried to blend into christianity but it wasnt long b4 the demons of my past started to catch up on me. i started arguing at sunday school and in conference. i did alot of mischievous pranks that really **** off alot of ppl. i argued with elders and used 4 letter words on them.

not to mention my incessant questioning: where did cain's wife came from? wat about evolution? are there ppl on other planets? does it make sense to punish the children for the parents iniquities? wat if jehova isnt wat we think he is?

slowly i left the church and i no longer practice christianity actively nor do i preach. i try to find god in science since i believe that the creator of the universe will leave marks of him/her/it in the fabrics of creation, all it matters is where to look.

Well, I left "church" too and the truth is I really would like to be in a weekly fellowship, but I'm just having a hard time with that for a few reasons...but I have to say that it seems to me that you have a lot going for you and that the Lord will answer all those questions. Continue to seek Him, He WILL be found. When you recognize that He is for you and not against you, remember to trust God and love people...and don't get those two ideas mixed up.

You are precious in His sight.

 

[TheAJKMan]

The earliest memory I have is at about 2yrs of age going exploring in the neighbourhood on my tricycle.

As for not being "in" the church anymore, wasn't so much traumatic as it was just plain old frustrating

TheAJKMan

 

[Qidron]

I see your blessings & raise ya 3 hallelujahs!
Don't read too much into my werdz...
the professing church is pretty much three wheels in the ditch already. I in no WAY meant to frosake assembling.
Yer absitively posolutely right about our collective tendency to make a mess of things, tho.

It is such a confusing word nowadays, because it means so much more & less than the ekklesia, the living stones that He builds it with. I think we need to respect the negative aspect of the term. It has become toxic and should be kept away from children of every age.

Agreed...and "church" is a confusing term any more. I've been calling my visits "going to a gathering" here or there. But I think I like "chyrch" for that other group of whatever they are. Tares? People I had so completely trusted. Well, we live and learn. But I really do want to move on, so Lord, do take me to that cross so we can get on with this.

 

[Qidron]

I left a previous church because of a series of traumatic events in the children's area.

1) We had a Christmas musical that included children. The lead children's music minister started screaming at children. Not "brats who were acting up," but kids who missed their cues or turned the wrong way.

I took her aside and told her, "I understand that you want this to go right, but remember, the purpose of this presentation is to spread the love of Christ, you need to treat these children with love." She responded with, "I don't love the brats!"

2) The church asked people to work the nursery and extended session. We always volunteered, as a family, for extended session. Then the church announced that children of workers were not to help with extended session. We agreed, though it was very traumatic for our children as it now required them to find other ways to pass the two hours (yes, church was only an hour, but parents are very, very slow).

Then they announced that husbands and wives could not serve together. We quit teaching.

3) Our son came home reporting that a child in his Sunday School class was mocked because the child did not know the bible stories that children who have been churched their whole lives know. The teachers did absolutely nothing to stop to mocking, and in the eyes of my son and his friend, seemed to indicate agreement that there was something terribly wrong with the child who didn't know the answer.

4) While planning a church event for young children someone suggested all participants wear matching t-shirts, and that every child be required to purchase one for $10. A woman at the meeting suggested that we provide a scholarship for children who could not afford that, and pointed out that one family in the church had 5 children in the age range of the groups involved. Another woman snapped, "Well, is it our fault that she didn't keep her legs crossed? We shouldn't have to pay for deadbeats."

5) I have a very shy child. When he was young he was very uncomfortable in new situations. He had always attended church with his best friend. The friend is just a few months older than my child. When a new children's minister took over they changed the "age division" for kids, and this would have split my son and his friend. The department director, and the teachers, suggested to our families that we decide which department to put the boys in and let them stay together. The new children's minister told us that if we didn't comply with the new age division we shouldn't come back. That was the last Sunday my son attended that Sunday school.

6) I walked into the nursery area one Sunday night to see a young black woman being berated by an older white woman who was telling her that if she didn't "get the right kind of diapers" she couldn't come back. (She used cloth diapers because of an allergy her child had.)

I reported all of this to the Senior Pastor, who was new, found out nothing was going to be done, and my children told me that they had come to hate church because it was "mean" now.

We changed churches.

Ya know Texas....it sounds like the tares moved into your congregation and dismissed the wheat. Hope you found a new home...it gets harder every time I try.

 

[Qidron]

Just hada share this..

Pro 16:17 The highway of decent people turns away from evil. Whoever watches his way preserves his own life.

 

[Moriah_Conquering_Wind]

Wow you are all so articulate ... I don't think I could even begin to put into words all the insane things that have been done to me or that I've had to endure in churches -- or even, truth be told, from God's supposed people on forums like these (no offense & hopefully present company will exclude themselves).

I church hop -- makes it easier -- because there simply is no such thing as a "church home" for me. Anywhere. Ever. I've given up on finding it.

 

[heatherer5]

my husband and i met online. to make a long story short, he moved to be near me and we started attending the same church - a church i had been going to for a few years already.

the people there seemed genuine and nice, friendly people - especially the pastor. he loved to joke and have fun.

when my husband started attending the church with me, of course he got some stares and such because of the way he looked. long hair, one earring in his ear (he doesn't wear that anymore). not too many people talked to us, but we did make a few friends.

we started to get along real well with the pastor and his wife, and we would visit them a few times a week just to talk and keep each other company. there were a couple of times when people started spreding rumors about my husband and the pastor put a stop to them immediately.

cutting out a lot of the garbage, my husband and i became enaged to be married. 4 months before our wedding, a young man of the church who was studying under the pastor to become one himself was killed in a car accident. this threw everyone for a loop, and from what my husband and i saw...the pastor kind of lost himself after this.

anyway....so after the funeral, he really began to change. we grew apart from him and his wife...the wedding plans were still going on and we had sent out the invitations...

it was Easter weekend, oddly enough, one month away from our wedding date, when the pastor called us over to his home. to make a long story short, he "fired" my husband from his volunteer position at the church's radio station, he told us he would not marry us because of rumors flying around about my husband. a few people in the church had him built up to be a drunk and drug addict. the pastor never mentioned God in all of it and never prayed for us. he grew distant from God. there were all kinds of other lies and rumors we heard about.

again, cutting out a lot of the garbage, we were terribly hurt, left the church, were forced to cancel our wedding. it was the same weekend that i lost my Bible (never did find it ), my grandmother died and i had to go to her funeral.

hubby and i found a new church to go to temporarily. we asked the pastor to marry us, and we were married in a quickly, thrown-together wedding (not what we planned) 4 months later.

when we moved to a new province, we went to this one church a few times...but we've just stopped going. we have a lot of issues with the way churches are run.

perhaps one day God will lead us to a new church that is right for us. however, because of all that mess at our former church....we have grown a lot in our relationship with the Lord. we are stronger now than ever and a lot wiser.

~ Erika

 

[FellowshipOfTheMystery]

It wasn't trauma, it was disgust.

If I find a good Reformed/Presbyterian Church in my area I'll attend.

 

[Kinikia]

After we left our church of over 7 years, we searched for another church. My husband and I were afraid of being "lone rangers". We were taught that if you weren't "plugged in" to a body (they meant, their church) that it was only a matter of time before you became "shipwrecked"--that is you would be decieved by Satan and walk away from your faith and make a disaster of your "walk". (hmmm, bible tells me that Jesus is the author, begininer and finisher of our faith).

So we visited another church. It was more insane. To make a long story short, the Pastor was "told by God" to return home to California. (we live in Connecticut) He put out an "ad" for other pastors in training for this denomination. Another couple from the south answered this ad. The current pastor announced to the church (while introducing them for the first time) that they were going to return to California after they sold their house. They announced that this new couple was sent to us by God to now take this church.

After only a few months, maybe 3; the new pastor and his wife went behind the current pastors' back to their old leadership--long story short--they manipulated the current pastor out of his position. So we are in this church, maybe for only a month and watch the current pastor tell his congregation that he was asked to step down by leadership of the denomination. The church is in tears, splits in front of our very eyes. Most go with the old pastor--2 or 3 families go with the new. (one family actually attended bible studies with both churches).

The old pastor is now "told by God" that he is not to go to California. That in fact God told him to do all of this to "expose the new pastor and his wife" for their evil intent to fleece God's people.

However, the denomination kept the new pastor and his wife having apparently been trying to "oust" this old pastor for a while.

The new pastor and his wife were extremely sexist and racist. They did not take the time to get to know people from around this area. They built a new group of people up and have been leading this church since September of this year.

A couple that we know who stayed with him just told me this week that last Sunday, the new pastor and his wife have been "told by God" to go to Washinton State. They are closing down the church.

So basically this new pastor and his wife were called by God to come to our state to split a church body???? and then leave a group of people without a "home"???

the old pastor is calling all those people to come join his church, now not affiliated with any denomination.

AND OH YEAH, we went with the old pastor. He lost his job in November. We were told that he was a cabinet maker. We hired him to do our kitchen. He gave us an estimate, was going to be done before christmas, we bought the supplies and paid him most of his money. He has left the job undone, refuses to return our calls and we are stuck. With out money to hire someone else and with cabinets all open, counter half in stalled.....


TRAUMATIC? This was after we left our abusive church.

We bought a "fixer upper" because we believe that we heard from God a long time ago to build a dream that we call Hannah's Haven. It will be a home for foster/adoptive children with special needs. Our home has 6 bedrooms and land around it. We are doing most of the work ourselves, money is tight. We were hoping to be licensed by the fall--now with the kitchen; I guess it is in "God's Hands"--what ever that means, I don't know anymore.

I am tired of people doing things that are dysfunctional, hurtful, spiteful all in His name. I am becoming to believe that this very thing; this division amonst His people and claiming "He said" is the very abomination at the alter that is spoke of....


and I am doubting that I ever heard from God to build Hannah's Haven....seems like a lot of people think that they "hear from God". Maybe we just all need a little prozac.

This is the fruit in my life of this experience that happened after we left the spiritually abusive church.

Love,

Jane

I have always been faithful in church since I was saved, so when I left the Chicago area to be with my sick brother in the south A good church was at the top of my list of things to do. I found a good church, that is untill my pastor of 5 years died and the members replaced him with a pastor that was just to proud and thought nothing about talking down to really good people. I left after he, from the pulpit bragged about all his last church provided for him and how he broke the law by signing a paper to get his catallac windows tinted darker than they shoud lawfully be. I was gone about 3 months and the news broke that a decon had found porn on his computer, He was sending porn emails to another pastor. I knew then why God had spoke to my heart to leave the church. I have visited many churches since and have come to one conclusion today churches are far from what God desires them to be. I have church at home, He has never failed to meet me here. May God Bless
everyone, Please remember "He will never leave not forsake you" He has proven that to me.

In Christ
Kinikia

 

[TheAJKMan]

and I am doubting that I ever heard from God to build Hannah's Haven....seems like a lot of people think that they "hear from God". Maybe we just all need a little prozac.

Hisrosebud Doubting is not a bad thing so long as it drives you to your knees before an Almighty GOd who will not only hear your prayers, but answer them. Speak to him and be neither scared, nor shy in asking Him if Hannahs Haven is of HIm or not.

I have church at home, He has never failed to meet me here.

Kinikia Never forget that the scriptures do say that where 2 or more are gathered that He is there. So, don't forsake altogether the gathering of the saints, even if it isn't in the formal sense

Love and peace to all
TheAJKMan

 

[Qidron]

I just got together with my sons this afternoon. I posted what we learned in another thread, but it's good for Home Churched too...because that's what it is.

Today's Caution


I have a today word to share. It is a word that pertains to my family, but it also pertains to what is going on in the world, and what is coming soon.

Today the Lord prompted me to take my sons aside and caution them about their choice of friends. I used to give my children opportunity to be in the Lord's presence regularly, but we haven't done that in quite a while, and the Lord said...PULL THEM TOGETHER. So I did.

I grabbed my One Year Bible and three other Bibles just so the boys could read for themselves, then I had them get into the car and we went to the park. I had not read the text before hand, so I didn't know what was there. I wasn't sure where to stop in the park, but we all agreed on the waterfall area...we used to go to often.

While there the section of the Word said EXACTLY what the Lord had been cautioning me about...how because the new generation didn't know Him, and didn't remember His marvelous deeds, they became friends with pagans around them and began to worship their false gods. Well this angered God tremendously....why? Because they broke off from LIFE when they broke away from God.

AS the boys were reading, I looked up at the waterfall. It was crashing down and it was so beautiful. I love waterfalls. But then my eyes were drawn to the smooth, mirrorlike water just before the fall. If you had been riding on this river for a long time, by the time you started to approach the fall, if you couldn't see it coming, you would assume that the REST of the journey was going to be just as still, gentle, smooth and almost boring as it had been from the onset. But the truth is that the waterfall is just a moment away. A SUDDENLY is about to take place.

Like the commercial says "Life comes at you fast."

Be prepared, be filled with Him, He is the fountain of Life within welling up to bless those around us. OR He is the crashing waterfall that you were not expecting.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Damn pagans,always stepping on the trees i'm trying to bless with mead.,

 

[alienDNA]

Unchurched, I assume, means not going to church but Believing in God with all of your heart? I do not go to church. What is Home Churched? I would like to know. There are MANY reasons why I do not Attend church.

 

[New_Wineskin]

Unchurched, I assume, means not going to church but Believing in God with all of your heart? I do not go to church. What is Home Churched? I would like to know. There are MANY reasons why I do not Attend church.

http://www.jimlilly.com/theproject

I am with you .

I only wanted to say that you don't need a reason . One only *needs* a reason to not do something if that something is a requirement . "attending" or "going to" church is not a requirement . You do not need a reason for not doing so .

 

[Catechumen]

Exactly! The burden of proof is on those who feel that church attendance is necessary.

 

[Qidron]

We stopped going to our "church" about 6 years ago. We were labled troublemakers...whatever...and then we started worshipping at another fellowship. That was good for a few years but we never fit...and we left.

I'm wondering about the scripture that warns us not to forsake the gathering together of believers. I know that we receive from one another right here at home, but we don't have anyone else to worship with. And it is far too easy to simply slide away from worship or study and sharing with one another when it's just our family. One of our sons leads worship at an IHOP but worship rarely takes place here. And frankly no one wants to GO to church anymore...I mean like we do, but we don't. I don't even understand this. But I know that I need more than just us. My ear is open for His direction. My husband doesn't seem interested. I'm just about to go to a Sunday service again by myself. I wouldn't have a problem with it. I've already been through just about every negative thing that could happen, so like what've I got to lose except pride and I don't need that anyway. I don't know...maybe I will, maybe not.

 

[alienDNA]

I am with you .

I only wanted to say that you don't need a reason . One only *needs* a reason to not do something if that something is a requirement . "attending" or "going to" church is not a requirement . You do not need a reason for not doing so .

I understand completely! You are so right. People needs reasons for EVERYTHING!