Did a traumatic experience make you unchurched?

[sally.b]

The church we were very involved in and the one that had the most impact on us was in the early nineties. It's been so long now that I dont think about it but it still affects my life I know for sure.
The pastor in the end closed that church with a long drawn out sermon about how it is the mans duty to lead his own family or something along those lines....funny thing was he had never taught anything like that before it was always along the lines of looking to him for spiritual direction.
I totally cracked up in tears when he announced the closure, and will never forget the glint of satisfaction in his eye at the time when he saw my upset....apparently everyone else knew about what was to happen(it was a small church) we were the only ones who were not told before hand.
I could only assume his display of hatred or victory whatever it was, was because we had given up on tithing and being close to them months before and only attended there to pray for the ministry.

God truly blessed us in those last few months though. It was hard being there as He had taken the scales off our eyes(that is exactly how it felt) but as we kept on praying we saw him specifically answer our prayers time and time again each week at the service, it was just hard to accept that he was showing us that our brothers and sisters who we had admired, adored, loved and feed with the best we could give, were in fact OUR ENEMIES !!!!!

 

[lismore]

Yes after 10 years of tithing 10th of our gross, plus giving money and ourselves in other ways and trying to "die to oneself" etc etc.. We gave up with the abuse, neglect, lack of care, unwillingness to be accountable to issues, bombastic behaviour from one pastor to me, mocking behaviour from another and a "never good enough" perfectionist mentality from another.

The bombastic one humiliated me publically and ruined my daughters wedding.
He also took charge of my son and caused him to leave home at 17 which in short has ruined his life and our relationship with him.

Since then 1998 our lives are wrecked and give no glory to God. I still have faith in God and hope one day we will have a direction, but basically i dont trust my own discernment anymore OR my own motives and I feel totally "bled dry"!!.

Hi there

I think the only leader we have is Jesus, if anyone speaks about their authority my advice is to run away!

Inevitably we all run into people who are building the Kingdom of man, not the Kingdom of God. Im sorry you have been so abused by hirelings .

But, In all things God works for the good! A good day is coming for you, dont worry.

 

[HawaiianTropicalDude]

Great posts deserve some recog. ^ Jesus is our only true leader

 

[sally.b]

Dont get me wrong. I'm not crying poor mouth and dont want to wear my heart on my sleave.

At the end of the day I cant winge about others I can only ask God WHY?

I guess I am dissapointed at the lack of fruit in my life and how totally apethetic I have become when I used to be positive and an encourager, now people run from me as Im sooo negative, but to me Im only speaking facts.

 

[discernomatic]

At the end of the day I cant winge about others I can only ask God WHY?

I guess I am dissapointed at the lack of fruit in my life and how totally apethetic I have become when I used to be positive and an encourager, now people run from me as Im sooo negative, but to me Im only speaking facts.

I don't see the one that spiritually abused me as an enemy, rather as someone to be pitied. I admit I am still angry at him sometimes, but I did forgive him. This doesn't mean that I'm judging your behavior in any way. No one can be blamed for how they react to such situations.

At least for me, the situation opened up an opportunity of what it meant to be Christian. I realized that if I had kept going in the same direction - ultra-conservative doctrine - I would have become just as mean and cold as the person that spiritually abused me. He said he was Christian, but was not loving or merciful at all. He wasn't Christlike. I still have a long way to go to be like I want to become, but at least I'm going in the right direction again.
The incident also made me look for solace on the internet - I never knew about Spiritual Abuse before. I have found a way to get help and help others that have been hurt, too. Over forums we encourage each other (and whine too).

As far as fruit, I can't help you there, that is up to you. After spiritual abuse, it is possible to pick up the shards of one's life and get started again. That doesn't mean that you have to go to church again if you can't, just that you pray, read Scripture - I think I mentioned that getting another version than the one you used as you were abused may help, and try to get emotional and spiritual support where you can, another church, real-life friends, internet friends, books, websites. You may not be able to support others for a while, don't feel guilty about needing support, get what you need first. Everyone has a different way of recovering and healing and different levels of success, the main thing is that one tries, just one step at a time.

I have been accused of being negative too, sometimes, especially when I write, I don't take the time for the usual polite banter that many expect, am trying to get to the point. The truth isn't always what people want to hear, I think that some people, including some Christians are a bit dreamy and like to live with illusions. I used to be that way, too. Sometimes you have to work around it when other people are that way, but it gets tiresome.

Go ahead and PM me if you need to.

 

[New_Wineskin]

Dont get me wrong. I'm not crying poor mouth and dont want to wear my heart on my sleave.

At the end of the day I cant winge about others I can only ask God WHY?

I guess I am dissapointed at the lack of fruit in my life and how totally apethetic I have become when I used to be positive and an encourager, now people run from me as Im sooo negative, but to me Im only speaking facts.

This is consistant . They will say to shout the truth . That is , as long as it doesn't rock their own boat . This in itself is the mark of an abuser and an enemy . Instead of listening and attempting to change for the better , they will attempt to stifle the truth and hold their hands over their ears and eyes .

 

[sally.b]

Instead of listening and attempting to change for the better, they will attempt to stifle the truth and hold their hands over their ears and eyes .

Yes I can certainly relate to that!

 

[sally.b]

I don't see the one that spiritually abused me as an enemy, rather as someone to be pitied. .

Someone that spritually abuses you as a person younger in the Lord than they are supposed to be is certainly your enemy.

Anyone that abuses you in anyway and is not accountable for their actions is your enemy.

Satan comes to rob kill steal and destroy,

.... he is our ememy.


Certainly though, an enemy is to be pitied for the folly that they are in..


Allough I havent read through the whole of the posts, thanks for this thread and your good heart Discernomatic

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

first time)

We bought a "fixer upper" because we believe that we heard from God a long time ago to build a dream that we call Hannah's Haven. It will be a home for foster/adoptive children with special needs. Our home has 6 bedrooms and land around it. We are doing most of the work ourselves, money is tight. We were hoping to be licensed by the fall--now with the kitchen; I guess it is in "God's Hands"--what ever that means, I don't know anymore.
...
and I am doubting that I ever heard from God to build Hannah's Haven....seems like a lot of people think that they "hear from God". Maybe we just all need a little prozac.
....

well, I only got this far(first page of thread);
a footnote for caution: the foster/adoptive programs run by the gov. are
just as or more deceitful(as programs, not necessarily individuals)
as the church(es) that are for show and power and money.
you probably have to leave the u.s.a. to find the freedom to actually help
or house or raise orphans (real orphans, not those taken for fiscal
reasons by social workers with the governments blessings- 9 out of 10 by
their own records!!! they have to whitewash it to keep doing it; the gov is
the worlds' worst parent, putting over 60% of 'their kids' on mind altering
drugs that cause a lot of damage and aren't needed)

p.s. no one in life needs prozac, no one.(I worked as phrmst 3 years)

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

..... Gays are people too and need love and fellowship like everyone else, but to be honest I think such behavior cannot be condoned in a church setting without purposefully ignoring parts of Scripture.
...

if someone claims to be a christian, and aborts babies every day, and won't
repent, the scripture says clearly to have nothing to do with him, not even
to greet him nor have a meal with him - or you take part in his sin.

same for liars, thieves, adulterers, covetous, and perverts.

that is simply what Scripture says. G_d the Almighty's Own Word.

'Everyone else' who claims to be a believer has the same requirement, one sin doesn't hold a special place: everyone else, whosoever wants love or fellowship, needs to turn back to G_d and obey Him trustingly to receive G_d's Promise of Life, or else suffer G_d's Promise of punishment.


Pastors are not free of being judged either - Jesus Himself said that
prostitutes and thieves would get to heaven before them, because they
would repent sooner and be forgiven.

Repentance is always a requirement, without which there is no forgiveness.
There are no exceptions found anywhere in Scripture, not even one.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Q:

Do you not miss the "traditional" Fellowship, Music Worship and Teaching Discussions?

seems like, not only in rc, but all other denoms,
"the traditions of man have thrown out the Word of G+D" ...
in any church, any denom, if you stand up and tell the truth, they ask or
demand that you leave. they have already rejected the chief cornerstone. Yhwh's Word says it is so, it is not a matter of
opinion or of any human's observations. Like Apostle Paul wrote, "It doesn't
matter what you or I say or think, but what Adonai thinks that is important".

 

[Johnnz]

I have found the fellowship we have as a small group meetinga nd eating together over 2-3 hours far more meaningful that what I had experienced before.

We worship, and touch God.

Our times together are deeply interactive - no lack of discussion.

John
NZ

 

[discernomatic]

Repentance is always a requirement, without which there is no forgiveness.
There are no exceptions found anywhere in Scripture, not even one.

True, but as I said before, I have gays in the family. I would not accept them in my church, but I cannot reject them entirely.

Jesus helped the woman that was about to be stoned (John 8). He did not condone her actions, but did not accept them either. He did tell her to stop sinning. "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

This passage and other similar ones do soften the blow. God will decide whether people are saved from their sins or not at the end, we don't have that authority, even Paul was afraid to judge himself.

A little over a year ago I may have written what you have, but something happened to me. I was rejected by a church for no good reason. I am not gay, living out of wedlock, or in some other obviously sinful situation. I am married to an unbeliever, but so are a lot of other Christians. I was accused of pride - that was a false judgement by those that use Scripture as an excuse for being judgmental and a reason not to show someone love, mercy and fellowship. I am a free thinker, but that does not imply pride. Pride isn't a reason to keep someone out of church either, even if that had been the case, though it may be a reason to keep someone from becoming pastor.

Jesus was not unloving, harsh or unmerciful. He wasn't the sugary sweet person that some try to make him out to be, but always showed proper judgment and had love and mercy on those that he could. He hated falseness, and therefore did criticize the Pharisees with good reason, but did have mercy on sinners, and did eat with them even before they repented.

I think that Paul was zealous to protect those that he saw as under his care, and therefore said such statements as "do not even eat with them." He was afraid that his charges would start sinning again if they hung out with sinners. In some ways I think he was right, but everyone must judge for himself how much danger he is in. For example, I can eat with gays, and associate with them, as I am in no danger of becoming gay. Someone who has stopped such behavior might want to avoid gays, he might be in danger of taking up the old habits if he hangs out with such people.

Just hope that someone doesn't think that you are on the "wrong" side of the line some day whether justified or unjustified. Being rejected - as Jesus Christ was - is no basket of roses. The rejected should be comforted and I can do that because I am one of them. No one knows about rejection better than Jesus. Taking up the cross is taking up the rejection that Jesus experienced. Being thus doubly rejected - rejected even by some that call themselves Christians - I have sympathy with others in like situations, what happened to me was a learning experience. I am not too proud to eat with sinners as I am one of them. Sure, I stay away from situations that would cause me to sin and pray, "and forgive me my sins as I forgive those who sin against me and do not lead me into temptation, but deliver me from evil."

If I had not become more sympathetic and loving toward others - still have a long way to go in that too - then the spiritual abuse that happened to me would have been for nothing.

 

[JamieGraham]

When I was 10 yeasr old I became unchurched. My mom asdked me why I refused to go. It was because there were children of poor families that were scoffed at becuase they did not have the best of clothing. At age 10 i found it to be disgusting.
In addition - at age 15 I had friends that would be sinful during the week to turn and say they would go to confession and be forgiven on Sunday - just to start all over again - with the sins for the week to come.

More recently when my brother was killed - at the funeral the priest was very off colored in the service. I will not say exactly what he did as the list was so long. However - it was NOT of the 'cloth' to say the least. It was a reminder to me that we are all human - no matter the title - we should not take our selves or postions of "godly" influence lightly. We need to be responsible, kind, empathetic, merciful, non-judgemental and loving or our brothers.


Thank you for allowing me to share.

 

[New_Wineskin]

When I was 10 yeasr old I became unchurched. My mom asdked me why I refused to go. It was because there were children of poor families that were scoffed at becuase they did not have the best of clothing. At age 10 i found it to be disgusting.
In addition - at age 15 I had friends that would be sinful during the week to turn and say they would go to confession and be forgiven on Sunday - just to start all over again - with the sins for the week to come.

More recently when my brother was killed - at the funeral the priest was very off colored in the service. I will not say exactly what he did as the list was so long. However - it was NOT of the 'cloth' to say the least. It was a reminder to me that we are all human - no matter the title - we should not take our selves or postions of "godly" influence lightly. We need to be responsible, kind, empathetic, merciful, non-judgemental and loving or our brothers.


Thank you for allowing me to share.

I noticed similar things with that group and came to similar conclusions though it took me to 16 or 17 years of age for it to click .

 

[discernomatic]

When I was 10 yeasr old I became unchurched....poor families that were scoffed at becuase they did not have the best of clothing....at age 15 I had friends that would be sinful during the week to turn and say they would go to confession and be forgiven on Sunday - just to start all over again....

No church is perfect, but I understand you, those that go there should at least be trying to behave like Christians. More tolerance, and complete abolition of prejudices would be a good start. That so many treat church like a sort of club seems like a waste to me. They have completely missed the point.

Sorry about your brother, Jamie.

 

[New_Wineskin]

By looking at the Church as a set of groups , *that* is looking at their group as a club .

Does anyone find it odd that , when a believer doesn't do a few things just right , they are harassed . Yet , when it comes to a group , people say , "No church is perfect" ? Why the double standard ? I know why . I was wondering if someone else would come out and say it .

 

[discernomatic]

By looking at the Church as a set of groups , *that* is looking at their group as a club .

Does anyone find it odd that , when a believer doesn't do a few things just right , they are harassed . Yet , when it comes to a group , people say , "No church is perfect" ? Why the double standard ? I know why . I was wondering if someone else would come out and say it .

I said "no church is perfect" because a church congregation can only be as loving as the members in it, and no one has reached perfection while on this earth. I have not found one single church body where I liked all of the doctrine and all of the people either. Some compromises may be doable, some may not. I have never been conscious of harassing anyone in a church setting, on the contrary, I was one of the harassed. Something like that softens you up if you can learn from it, turning around and doing it to someone else would make the situation useless.

Those that have the double standard think that they are better or more righteous than the others, like the Pharisees in Jesus' day did. They forgot that they are sinners too as long as they are alive, even though chosen and saved. Who knows, some churchgoers may not be saved at all, and are therefore impatient, mean and unloving no matter how much money they donate or how many church functions they attend and how proper they are, but God is the one that will decide what happens to them.

 

[belladonic-haze]

I recently had a traumatic experience that kept me out of a church when I thought I finally had "come home" after many years of being away from them. Have you had one? If it is not fit to print here because of the restrictions you may send it to me via my website. Just click on my profile and then the site link. I will definitely handle it discreetly. If you want it posted on my site anonymously, I will consider posting it. I have some links to organizations that help in such matters but am looking for more. If you can help me in that way (you will be helping others as well), please send me a mail.

I was raped by a Christian man, who went to chruch the next day....I became unchurched, hate religion and didn't believe in God for many years...

Later on He saved my life when I was ready to take my own life because of the rapes........it took Him 20 years to heal me, but I am glad I returned to God and I have found a wonderful church that makes me feel safe!

 

[New_Wineskin]

I said "no church is perfect" because a church congregation can only be as loving as the members in it, and no one has reached perfection while on this earth.

I meant , why the double standard of those that say that people *must* "go to church" and look down on those who don't ( not saying you do this ) and yet allow the groups to not be perfect .

I appologize for suggesting that you would be one of those insisting on people attending meetings . I hear that phrase mostly from those that think differently .