Did a traumatic experience make you unchurched?

[Stefos]

We too thought we had been abused in this''deep meat of the word'' group we were birthed into. (Hadn't we been strenthened ? )
Through leader's methods & personal human problems & the insullar structure of the oversight. ( Are we not still human ? ) (Are the shepherds not responsible for the flock the guard for the owner ?)
A number of us decided that we could no longer continue with the group(Church) We met together for some 18 months in our house. Not knowing that there were other born-again christians so close to us in our location. Sad Eh!
We wondered if we should go to the meeting of another group to hear a well know preacher. The revelation we had was that we should trust the Holy Spirit to reveal truth to us & the He would be with us in any situation.
We were mightily blessed.
The next location or meeting we went to, also gave us more faith & insight to God & His Kingdom. The preacher;again well known, during his talk/preach, led the congregation in meeting with the Holy Spirit & being free in His presence.
But the breaking point in all of our group of 9 + was the knowledge that Jesus had died & shed His blood & life for us.
Up till then we had only known of God & His precepts & oversight of us all; the ''deep meat of the word''. We all cried when we came back together afterwards. We were heart broken to think that we had never been taught the basic truths.
Some of us read two books ''Three Kings'' by Murray & '' But a grain of wheat dies---'' or similar. They helped.
What has the devil accomplished through this? NOTHING, he helped to spread the Church that is God's.
He bought his hand down on it & splat! it spread. & at least 9+ people took the Holy Spirit with them to where ever they went.
Many of us have sat under the ''Word of God ''in many & veried situations. Good & bad as they were, we have been fed; sometimes not even aware of what God is doing in & with us.
All things work together for the good of God's church. He allows us to be strengthend. Aren't we His army.
SO be encouraged when all about you seem black. It ain't. Bless you.

Brother,

Look:

The biblical pattern is the only pattern.

If that isn't followed, How does someone truly justify what they're doing?

And people make $$ off this nonsense.

Can God use anything? Yep! or else he isn't God but Does that make what's going on right in his eyes? Nope!

Consider this.....
Stefos

 

[Jaelyn Liza]

I did have a traumatic experience with church in the past. It was very severe and very painful to me. I truly am sorry if anyone is hurting this way. However, I don't think it kept me from attending churches or anything. I battled a lot of bitterness and pain, but God has truly healed me by showing that the church is NOT a religious organization or a building. The church is a body of believers. You cannot NOT belong to the church, if you are a believer in Christ. As children of God we are all family, regardless of your denomination, church, cell group or even minor beliefs. Any family has misunderstandings and different problems, and so do we. It doesn't make us less of a family though.
Yes I do know there are many issues regarding church leaders, control, manipulation, abuse and financial gain, but I don't want to judge others. I am only accountable for myself. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. (1 Cor. 4:5)

 

[Stefos]

I did have a traumatic experience with church in the past. It was very severe and very painful to me. I truly am sorry if anyone is hurting this way. However, I don't think it kept me from attending churches or anything. I battled a lot of bitterness and pain, but God has truly healed me by showing that the church is NOT a religious organization or a building. The church is a body of believers. You cannot NOT belong to the church, if you are a believer in Christ. As children of God we are all family, regardless of your denomination, church, cell group or even minor beliefs. Any family has misunderstandings and different problems, and so do we. It doesn't make us less of a family though.
Yes I do know there are many issues regarding church leaders, control, manipulation, abuse and financial gain, but I don't want to judge others. I am only accountable for myself. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. (1 Cor. 4:5)

Sorry to hear of your experiences!

I praise God that he showed you what he did.

As I stated earlier in this thread: If what we do is not after the biblical model, then Why do it?

These denominations are not god's ultimate will, they are his permitted will.

In the New Testament, there was only 1 gospel & one faith.
Today it's 5300 denominations that purport to teach "THE" gospel.

That I believe is the bottom line: Denominations must conform to the written word or out with them. Period.

God's people must stand up & rebuke these churches & fellowships for not preaching the gospel but the traditions of man and then wonder why they need X.Y, Z program for the kids, adults, singles, etc.

I don't need any more 1/2 baked gospels & fellowships: 1/2 truth 1/2 man
All set.

Stefos

 

[hopeinGod]

I don't need any more 1/2 baked gospels & fellowships
Stefos

I am amazed to find myself where I am today regarding what I once thought was the way to knowing God -- through not forsaking the warming of a metal folding chair any time the doors were open and by watching from the sidelines how the many cliques operated and governed the less esteemed.

There ought to be, by now, a book written on Christian sociology, just as there are books on political sociology. The contents would have to include how one is to show favor to those "in the know" and those full of themselves, as well as provide a course on how to win friends and influence pastors by financially supporting their way of life.

One travelling "pastor/evangelist/prophet/apostle" type, under whose ministry I once sat in the 70s, has made literally millions of dollars through the preaching of the prosperity nonsense, although he never calls it what it truly is, a lie. For him, it is, by his own confession, the very key to his present wealth, and it can be for anyone who would apply the same principles to their lives, he still maintains.

To one small group in New Hampshire, this man and his wife showed up by invitation from a longtime admirer and former sheep. His small group went out of their way to save and scrimp in order to pay this so-called man of God for traveling to them. It was a lot of money to set aside, I was told, not something they felt should be spent on anything other than God's work. Instead, the man's wife spent every dime of it on an artificial banana plant from a gift store in that town!

And what have other wellknowns done with their ill gotten gain? The Roberts family may still have those gold plated bathroom fixtures Richard's former wife wrote about. (And yet, to this day, the unwary continue to sit under such people. I'm blown away by it).

Personally, I will never recover from the 99.9 percent of church sociology at work I have witnessed, have read about, and experienced. My past thinking would label me backslidden, and I am, but backslidden from a broken belief system that may take centuries to unravel from its web of deceit.
Dave

 

[Stefos]

I am amazed to find myself where I am today regarding what I once thought was the way to knowing God -- through not forsaking the warming of a metal folding chair any time the doors were open and by watching from the sidelines how the many cliques operated and governed the less esteemed.

There ought to be, by now, a book written on Christian sociology, just as there are books on political sociology. The contents would have to include how one is to show favor to those "in the know" and those full of themselves, as well as provide a course on how to win friends and influence pastors by financially supporting their way of life.

One travelling "pastor/evangelist/prophet/apostle" type, under whose ministry I once sat in the 70s, has made literally millions of dollars through the preaching of the prosperity nonsense, although he never calls it what it truly is, a lie. For him, it is, by his own confession, the very key to his present wealth, and it can be for anyone who would apply the same principles to their lives, he still maintains.

To one small group in New Hampshire, this man and his wife showed up by invitation from a longtime admirer and former sheep. His small group went out of their way to save and scrimp in order to pay this so-called man of God for traveling to them. It was a lot of money to set aside, I was told, not something they felt should be spent on anything other than God's work. Instead, the man's wife spent every dime of it on an artificial banana plant from a gift store in that town!

And what have other wellknowns done with their ill gotten gain? The Roberts family may still have those gold plated bathroom fixtures Richard's former wife wrote about. (And yet, to this day, the unwary continue to sit under such people. I'm blown away by it).

Personally, I will never recover from the 99.9 percent of church sociology at work I have witnessed, have read about, and experienced. My past thinking would label me backslidden, and I am, but backslidden from a broken belief system that may take centuries to unravel from its web of deceit.
Dave

I'm sorry to hear about you getting burned.......it does suck.

Well, I live in N.H. and this place is LOADED with home churches of husband & wife who got burned by traditional churches and other house fellowships too.

Not only that but the Northeast is cold in general as well.

I want to leave here but due to financial issues can't...I have to wait on God as I ask him daily to lead me. Hopefully I can leave this place.

The "cherry on top" around here is that so called "christian" women are strange.....It seems as though the hubby is the provider, NOT the Lord.
This is called idolatry right? They will never admit to it but it is.

This entire nonsense stems from the fact that when people first receive the Lord, they are taught wrong and can go years in that nonsense...mostly due to not wanting to question what they've been taught due to fear or ignorance of what the written word ACTUALLY says...Not what "Pastor told me."

Pray for New England brother........I want out of here.

Stefos

 

[hopeinGod]

I have read, Stefos, that NH is about as dead as any state could be in regard to the things of the Lord. Any attempt to bring folks together seldomly succeeds. Truth is, most of the inhabitants really don't want anything to do with Christian living; that is, the living of it daily and meeting routinely with others who believe. It's just not that important enough to them. Whether that would be considered as being cold or lukewarm, I don't know, but it surely puts the state at the low end of choice when it comes to being a home for a believer.

 

[Stefos]

I have read, Stefos, that NH is about as dead as any state could be in regard to the things of the Lord. Any attempt to bring folks together seldomly succeeds. Truth is, most of the inhabitants really don't want anything to do with Christian living; that is, the living of it daily and meeting routinely with others who believe. It's just not that important enough to them. Whether that would be considered as being cold or lukewarm, I don't know, but it surely puts the state at the low end of choice when it comes to being a home for a believer.

I would say if they were never believes, then they were & are dead.

If they were believers, they are either lukewarm or cold.

Lukewarm = Passionate about God...not emotional

Cold = Unpassionate about God

I believe that says it.
Stefos

Pray for this place brother....It's a taaaaad brutal here.

 

[hopeinGod]

I would say if they were never believes, then they were & are dead.

If they were believers, they are either lukewarm or cold.

Lukewarm = Passionate about God...not emotional

Cold = Unpassionate about God

I believe that says it.
Stefos

Pray for this place brother....It's a taaaaad brutal here.

To the opposite extreme, Stefos, is the South, i.e. Florida and Texas. The latter, as we all know, is saturated with the prosperity gospel, with the people loving to have it so, while Florida, although still swimming in the WOF lake, is beginning to peek at the harsh realities of organizationalism and the one-man show. The needed transformation is very, very slow in coming, as, sadly, those who are the strongest in doctrine are not those who warm the metal folding chairs, but those who have made the pulpit their occupations.

I was saved at time that was perfect for the growth of these pariahs. Throughout their destructiveness, an immeasurable number of friends fled the church, as we've known it, to their own lives. Those lives have taken various forms, from surfing circuits to intense family living.

I now look forward to sharing with someone my retirement years, someone who has worked hard, and for decades, put away, as I have. Traveling to Europe would be a dream come true for me -- not just anywhere, but to those places I learned about as a reader and literature major. Unfortunately, most Christians have been told that the world is far too ugly, ungodly, not worth the bother, that there is nothing to be seen in its art and literature. As a thinker, I'm drawn to the culture of the ages. It's representative of an evolution that surely brings us to where we are today, but not worthy of complete abandonment.

I want to play music on the streets of London, as I've done in the States, or in the pubs of Ireland. But, unfortunately, I'm not the young man I once was. My nearly 62 year old body wants to slowly shut down on me, so if I ever reach for any of those dreams, I'd better get started soon. Sidetracks, in other words, have taken their toll, especially the "Christian" ones.

I'm tired of the endless Christian debates and movements that will never end. It's time, instead, to live. I love to be appreciated for what I can play and perform, and hope soon to escape the confines of a career to do something about it. Clubs, as well as worship leading, I've done for decades. It's time to go another direction.
Dave

 

[Stefos]

To the opposite extreme, Stefos, is the South, i.e. Florida and Texas. The latter, as we all know, is saturated with the prosperity gospel, with the people loving to have it so, while Florida, although still swimming in the WOF lake, is beginning to peek at the harsh realities of organizationalism and the one-man show. The needed transformation is very, very slow in coming, as, sadly, those who are the strongest in doctrine are not those who warm the metal folding chairs, but those who have made the pulpit their occupations.

I was saved at time that was perfect for the growth of these pariahs. Throughout their destructiveness, an immeasurable number of friends fled the church, as we've known it, to their own lives. Those lives have taken various forms, from surfing circuits to intense family living.

I now look forward to sharing with someone my retirement years, someone who has worked hard, and for decades, put away, as I have. Traveling to Europe would be a dream come true for me -- not just anywhere, but to those places I learned about as a reader and literature major. Unfortunately, most Christians have been told that the world is far too ugly, ungodly, not worth the bother, that there is nothing to be seen in its art and literature. As a thinker, I'm drawn to the culture of the ages. It's representative of an evolution that surely brings us to where we are today, but not worthy of complete abandonment.

I want to play music on the streets of London, as I've done in the States, or in the pubs of Ireland. But, unfortunately, I'm not the young man I once was. My nearly 62 year old body wants to slowly shut down on me, so if I ever reach for any of those dreams, I'd better get started soon. Sidetracks, in other words, have taken their toll, especially the "Christian" ones.

I'm tired of the endless Christian debates and movements that will never end. It's time, instead, to live. I love to be appreciated for what I can play and perform, and hope soon to escape the confines of a career to do something about it. Clubs, as well as worship leading, I've done for decades. It's time to go another direction.
Dave

Dave...My family is not from this country man.
I'm a first generation American.
How do you think I feel?

I finished my BS degree in Bus. Admin in 2006 and the economy does the nosedive 2009! I'm 42 now and see the intense streamlining & compacting of the workforce that it's not funny.....Do more for less pay.

Furthermore, I'm a disabled vet who's got spine issues stemming from military service.

I'm convinced that ALL of us need to be judged by the Lord so that a sifting will happen between his sheep and the goats......I mean that.
America NEEDS are God shaking insofar as the Church is concerned.
So much carnality and greed, Church & world.

I hope and WILL actually pray that the Lord give you wisdom on what to do next.
That's what's needed.

Apparently, SELF reliance is the God of America....
"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps....."
"You gotta make it happen"
[Insert self reliance slogan here]

Believers are so deluded into buying into the "I did it my way" creed that they forgot to say "If the LORD wills it, we will go to such & such a city and do such & such a thing" .......Epistle of James

God bless your honesty...Hopefully believers will read this and God will use it to change their perspective.

Stefos

 

[Messy]

I recently had a traumatic experience that kept me out of a church when I thought I finally had "come home" after many years of being away from them. Have you had one?

Yes, I was married to a pastor and so I had to leave, which was traumatic, the way it went. Now I thought God wanted me to go there again after 3/4 years, I felt at home, friends with my ex and his new wife, great services, a house church in the house of his sister. We would go evangelize on the streets and pray for souls. His sister and someone else did a lot of effort in court to take the kids away from me, but I forgave them and it was all fine. Then I had some problems and I only could have the kids with him or an other adult in my house for 2 months, after the service he had to talk with someone, so the kids and I had to stay in the house of his sister with that other woman, who's an elder and they constantly were saying what I did wrong with the kids, we were just playing upstairs, no problem and I thought they also were changed, but it turned out they still thought I was nuts and they were saying go see a psychiater and take drugs, I said no God healed me and delivered me from that. That was the last time I went there. My ex prayed for me for deliverance and then told the kids cops I reacted so strange in church, sometimes I go to a conference or the church of my mother, but that's it. I saw them on the birthday of my son, they are well meaning and were friendly, but I just can't go there again.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm sorry to hear that you were treated that way, messy.

 

[Stefos]

Yes, I was married to a pastor and so I had to leave, which was traumatic, the way it went. Now I thought God wanted me to go there again after 3/4 years, I felt at home, friends with my ex and his new wife, great services, a house church in the house of his sister. We would go evangelize on the streets and pray for souls. His sister and someone else did a lot of effort in court to take the kids away from me, but I forgave them and it was all fine. Then I had some problems and I only could have the kids with him or an other adult in my house for 2 months, after the service he had to talk with someone, so the kids and I had to stay in the house of his sister with that other woman, who's an elder and they constantly were saying what I did wrong with the kids, we were just playing upstairs, no problem and I thought they also were changed, but it turned out they still thought I was nuts and they were saying go see a psychiater and take drugs, I said no God healed me and delivered me from that. That was the last time I went there. My ex prayed for me for deliverance and then told the kids cops I reacted so strange in church, sometimes I go to a conference or the church of my mother, but that's it. I saw them on the birthday of my son, they are well meaning and were friendly, but I just can't go there again.

Hi Miss,

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I've learned that there are 3 sides to every story in a marriage:
The Man's, The Woman's and then the Lord's side...........
Think about this.

Not every person who says they are a "believer" or "Christian" really is..right?

Also, You don't know what is hidden in this persons heart really.

Finally, if the man was sexually unfaithful to you, It is grounds for divorce and Jesus said this also, but divorce was never God's perfect way.
Reconciliation is.

My 2 cents,
Stefos

 

[ByTheSpirit]

In one church I attended and was even associate pastor at, I confessed to the Senior Pastor I no longer accepted the pretrib rapture doctrine and he told me I was under God's curse. Then berated me about how immature my wife and I were because we expressed concern when our daughter was injured in the church nursery.

Then another church I attended, senior members would literally raise their noses away from me and my family in local shopping centers. When I would go to church there every comment I made had sort of a gathering that would quickly counteract my words with the churchs rendition of the truth as they saw it...

 

[Hahner Reid]

Hi, I'm new here, but thought I would reply if that is okay.

I didn't read the whole thread, only the OP and the first few replies.

We have been in the evangelical church our whole lives.

We left our church home and ministry of many years last October. We are still healing from the trauma. I don't know if I'll ever see modern, organized church as a good thing again.

We found a new church at the beginning of this year, and are regular attenders. This is per my husbands request. Neither of us really want to be there, but feel it's the right thing to do since at this point, we don't have any other real answers.

Anyway, the situation that we left was one of horrid spiritual abuse and plain old sin. I can elaborate if it would be helpful.

We are really trusting YHWH for healing.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for sharing your story Nahner ... its rather amazing now a community that is suppose to be about love can hurt so many people.

 

[ByTheSpirit]

I think very small 'organized' congregations can be okay. I mean to be honest some house gatherings can be just as destructive, although with the smaller numbers you have a better chance at experiencing the 'family' function of the church. Being a body of connected believers. Not a soup of x's and o's that meet for loud music and motivational speaking. That's little more than a rock concert...

 

[cherokeehippie]

Hi, I haven't read the whole thread being it's real long but I've been unchurched for some time now. I went thru spiritual abuse back in 1997...that's ancient history now, but just recently I started going to a certain church here in Evansville..I'm new to Evansville..and was excited going to a new church..and befriended the pastor and his wife on Facebook. I met and got talk to his wife briefly in person and told her my salvation story and about how I been to Israel 4 times..but it was really troubling to me how she reacted..in a sort of mocking attitude. I felt weird vibes as if she wasn't real.. Then one day out of the blue I got a Facebook message from the pastor..a dinner invitation. He wanted to talk about Israel with me..since I been there and he was going there soon. At first we had a hard time finding the right day because he wanted my daughter to come too and she works at Hardee's and it was hard knowing what day in the week she was going to be off..then we found a perfect time and settled on that. Well, the next thing I knew, he messaged me that day saying they had to cancel our dinner because of a previous commitment. I was so bummed. We set it for another day...a few weeks later. I told another member on Facebook that I was invited to the pastor and wife's for dinner and she got jealous. She then told me that only a select few from the church ever go to their house..and said i must be something was 'special' to be invited over for dinner. Well the next morning I woke up and found a message from the pastors wife. They had to cancel plans again! I was so bummed! Actually, to be honest, I was disturbed! Very disturbed that they would do this to me. Then I wondered if they had explored my Facebook page and likes...And saw that I study 'conspiracy' and aware of the illuminati and NWO, etc..And if this was a scheme to try to drive me away from the fellowship there...actually, the church is not a regular church but a prayer center too and they have constant worship and intercession thru the week..I went to the prayer for Israel session last week and for the first time I met the pastor face to face..immediately he asked about our cats..and from the way he talked to me..knew about me and Debbie..I didn't recognized him at first because he had more of a beard..and wondered how he knew about us .but then I realized who he was and when I did, before I could ask him about that dinner they invited us too, he then said "got to go!" And walked out the door, having to go to an appointment. So apparently he had been following my Facebook page closely. It makes me wonder!

 

[hopeinGod]

I can't insist strongly enough that we, as the body of Christ, resist, completely resist, the organizational one man shows that are the way of the church world today. Not a bit of it is of God and we have allowed ourselves to be drawn into it. It's time we rise up against the format and the idea that ministry is an occupation. It never was set up to be so by the Lord Himself. Come out from among them and be ye separate we are told in Scripture. Don't return. Don't give another dime to a single one of them, and don't, by any means, support the church as it is today, as the one man show of today is completely unScriptural.

 

[gerbilwoman]

Yes, very traumatic experience. I was so shaken up even the thought religion was too much for a while, just getting back into it. May try a new church and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out I will get more into home church. Would be good for me to meet people at a new church, but not sure how I will feel going.

 

[Johnnz]

For those who have left church following some really bad experiences there are sites and books around that can be helpful, either by offering supportive stories resources and encouragement, or with fresh thoughts about church and what we have been told to believe. They can be very helpful with helping you see you are not alone. Many are leaving churches for reasons other than abuse, and such people are also rethinking a lot of past teaching while still holding on with Jesus.

Being alone with one's pain is a very stressful, unsatisfying, sometimes confusing time.

John
NZ