Dating and Sex

[aiki]

I personally don't think that's how it was meant to be, and I think we unduly suffer because of it. I think the church has abandoned us in this area.

I didn't marry 'til I was 39. Prior to my wife, I had not been in any serious romantic relationship with a woman. I have not kissed any woman (besides my mother and grandmother) other than my wife. So, from the time I was old enough to find sexual relations with a woman very desirable until the time I married, I had no romance at all with any woman. I'm a perfectly healthy male, however, and did not lack for interest in women. I wanted to be married very much. But I couldn't find a woman who really loved the Lord and who I found attractive and vice versa. I began to despair in my mid-thirties of ever being married. The prospect of being a perennial bachelor made me extremely unhappy. In the midst of my unhappiness and frustration, however, God confronted me: How could the God of the universe not be enough for me? If the Creator of Everything could not be enough, how could I expect a mere woman to satisfy me? I had told myself that my happiness hinged on being married, but God showed me that such thinking was exactly what would make me a very poor husband. I was deluding myself in thinking a relationship with another fallen, self-centered human could accomplish for me what a relationship with the perfect omnipotent God could not. My view of God was far too small and my relationship with Him showed it. When I realized these things, I began to invest in my relationship with God as I never had before. Eventually, the time came when I could honestly say that God was truly enough and that if I was to remain a bachelor for the rest of my days, I could be perfectly content to be so. And then, a year later, I was married. I don't think the order of events here was mere coincidence.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

I won't click on the link to 'see' it, so I'll just have to take your word for it.

But seriously, are you wanting to be with a women who just wants to "hang out in life" in a cracker-box apartment for 40 years, or are you wanting a women who sees some potential in you for life, love, marriage, family, and growth with one another through the years? Most women, since they have the potential to carry a child in their womb and know they can become preoccupied with the venture of caring for children, want to know that 'their man' can, and will, provide at least some modicum of support that goes beyond playing a video game ...

You're going to have to give me a hypothetical... If you think I'm one of those gamers that sits around and doesn't do anything, you should see my apartment, it's cleaner than probably most women's. I'm very structured, very clean, and everything has it's proper place.

I would make sure meals were on time, I'd make sure the house was tidy, I would make sure the money was in the account, I'd make sure the child learned what needed to be learned... I'm not relying on her to do anything full time for me at all. I've been independent completely on my own most of my life, I have no need for someone to baby me or "make me sandwiches" I don't even like them anyway.

I'm not even 100% convinced I want children... I adopted a cat to add some chaos to my order, knowing that being responsible for something would give me a small appreciation for what a child could be like. I feed the thing, play with it, it's on a schedule, has all its shots, it's well taken care of, and there are days I want to lock the thing in a closet... I don't obviously, but children to me sound like a LOT of work, basically I'd have to sacrifice my life for theirs, and while that definitely gives one a sense of purpose, it can be soul sucking too.

There are definitely parts of my personality that are still 16... Yeah, I'm not nearly as giving as some people, but the few women I have dated have literally told me they've never been treated better. I absolutely rock when it comes to making sure someone I care about gets what they need, but yes I have some expectations that come with that, and it's something that deeply concerns me with marriage, although I'm trying to have faith through that.

 

[SleepingAtLast]

So, the bible is pretty clear when it comes to pre-marital sex. It's a sin. Why, that can be debated, but that's not something I want to do. I personally don't have an issue with the idea of abstinence until marriage, there's a pretty good amount of non-biblical proof to support it anyway.

My issue is simple... I think the western, modern church, has failed singles.

Paul makes it quite clear that it is better to marry than to burn with desire. However, in that day, a man such as myself, could literally buy a wife. I make very good money.

My issue is, people in general, especially women (it seems to me) want to date for long extended periods of time before they're even willing to consider marriage.

I am 33 years old. I had it rough getting started, let's just say I was sexualized at a very young age without even knowing what it was, and then given unrestricted internet access that you can imagine created problems for me.

I've been a Christian since I was like 5, and I've wrestled with this issue since I was like 16. Not trying to dig up years and years of therapy, but I'm not a typical guy, I have a lot of damage in this area.

Now days if I want to get married, assuming I can even find a woman that wants to date me (you'd be surprised how much of a struggle it is to find one), I am looking at months of "dating" before we are in a "relationship" followed by most likely years, and then finally we get married and I am finally allowed to have sex.

I personally don't think that's how it was meant to be, and I think we unduly suffer because of it. I think the church has abandoned us in this area.

I completely agree with you. I think our culture's system of pairing up is far less than ideal and has the potential to be very damaging. Like you said, there was a point in time where marriage happened relatively quickly and commitment to a marriage was much more highly valued. Nowadays, you have to get to a pretty strong level of companionship and a pretty intimate level emotionally just to make it to engagement. If it doesn't work out, you are more or less divorcing at the heart level. That isn't to say that is how the Bible or the legal system defines divorce, but that emotionally the experience is very similar. That does a number on the human heart after awhile.

If I could picture the ideal scenario in today's culture, it would be to develop a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, date for six months, be engaged for six months, and then get married.

There is more I could say about things like American individualism and sexual freedom, but I'll just leave it at that. But yes, the current system definitely puts everyone at a disadvantage.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

I didn't marry 'til I was 39. Prior to my wife, I had not been in any serious romantic relationship with a woman. I have not kissed any woman (besides my mother and grandmother) other than my wife. So, from the time I was old enough to find sexual relations with a woman very desirable until the time I married, I had no romance at all with any woman. I'm a perfectly healthy male, however, and did not lack for interest in women. I wanted to be married very much. But I couldn't find a woman who really loved the Lord and who I found attractive and vice versa. I began to despair in my mid-thirties of ever being married. The prospect of being a perennial bachelor made me extremely unhappy. In the midst of my unhappiness and frustration, however, God confronted me: How could the God of the universe not be enough for me? If the Creator of Everything could not be enough, how could I expect a mere woman to satisfy me? I had told myself that my happiness hinged on being married, but God showed me that such thinking was exactly what would make me a very poor husband. I was deluding myself in thinking a relationship with another fallen, self-centered human could accomplish for me what a relationship with the perfect omnipotent God could not. My view of God was far too small and my relationship with Him showed it. When I realized these things, I began to invest in my relationship with God as I never had before. Eventually, the time came when I could honestly say that God was truly enough and that if I was to remain a bachelor for the rest of my days, I could be perfectly content to be so. And then, a year later, I was married. I don't think the order of events here was mere coincidence.

My desire to be with the Lord is WAY stronger than any female, yes I will definitely say sex is probably my 2nd priority, but I honestly have no tie to this planet, if I could be in heaven by choice I would be there now. The only reason I haven't made that happen is because it would seriously damage my family and I don't want to do that to them, but there's nothing on this planet I value above being with God.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

You're going to have to give me a hypothetical... If you think I'm one of those gamers that sits around and doesn't do anything, you should see my apartment, it's cleaner than probably most women's. I'm very structured, very clean, and everything has it's proper place.

I would make sure meals were on time, I'd make sure the house was tidy, I would make sure the money was in the account, I'd make sure the child learned what needed to be learned... I'm not relying on her to do anything full time for me at all. I've been independent completely on my own most of my life, I have no need for someone to baby me or "make me sandwiches" I don't even like them anyway.

Well, all that is a start, and no, I don't know that you're one of those "gamers."

I'm not even 100% convinced I want children... I adopted a cat to add some chaos to my order, knowing that being responsible for something would give me a small appreciation for what a child could be like. I feed the thing, play with it, it's on a schedule, has all its shots, it's well taken care of, and there are days I want to lock the thing in a closet... I don't obviously, but children to me sound like a LOT of work, basically I'd have to sacrifice my life for theirs, and while that definitely gives one a sense of purpose, it can be soul sucking too.

... well, from a Christian perspective, this is one of the hurdles you're going to have to contend with, especially since the fact remains that so-called 'birth control' isn't always effective. (And abortion isn't a form of 'birth-control,' all of which is a topic I won't get started on here, but speaking "Christianly," I think you know what I mean.) So, if you become a father, you're a father regardless, whether it is soul-sucking or not.

There are definitely parts of my personality that are still 16... Yeah, I'm not nearly as giving as some people, but the few women I have dated have literally told me they've never been treated better. I absolutely rock when it comes to making sure someone I care about gets what they need, but yes I have some expectations that come with that, and it's something that deeply concerns me with marriage, although I'm trying to have faith through that.

Ok. So, some ladies have told you that you 'treat them well' yet they seemingly don't keep things going with you. And what have been their verbalized reason(s) for not continuing with you?

 

[Emosoundlogic]

... well, from a Christian perspective, this is one of the hurdles you're going to have to contend with, especially since the fact remains that so-called 'birth control' isn't always effective. (And abortion isn't a form of 'birth-control,' a topic I won't get started on here, but speaking "Christianly," I think you know what I mean.) So, if you become a father, you're a father regardless, whether it is soul-sucking or not.



Ok. So, some ladies have told you that you 'treat them well' yet they seemingly don't keep things going with you. And what have been their verbalized reason(s) for not continuing with you?

The first girl literally said she wished she could find a more attractive guy that treated her as well as I did... I broke up with her that evening.

The second told me she "wasn't feeling herself, and I needed to date other people". I've had several first dates where women just don't answer my text after, and I know pretty clearly they weren't interested.

I've gone about 10 dates in 5 years. 5 of those dates were 1 and done.

Aside from the two above:

I had a girl that I was connecting with decently and then she completely ghosted me, just disappeared, stopped responding.

I had a girl tell me she didn't want a relationship because she wanted to pursue her professional ambitions but she was fine just being friends... I knew that was really just a rejection, because I wasn't trying to discourage her or lock her down and she knew that.

The last one I met at church, she refused to see me more than 2 hours a week, she told me she had only dated one other guy before me when she was younger, she was 35 when I met her I was 31, and she told me she wouldn't even consider marrying someone she hadn't dated for at least a year. I made it two months before I just couldn't take her shutting me out of everything, she was convinced that every guy would be like her dad and leave her, which of course is a self-fulfilling prophecy cause she pushed all the guys away anyway.

That's my entire dating experience, I didn't start trying dating till I was 28, I was obese almost my entire life and women made sure I knew I was disgusting because of it. So, I retreated to video games and became a drunk. Thankfully, the Lord delivered me out of that and set me back on the straight and narrow, but now I'm back in a ditch.

My friends and family all think my biggest issue is #1 I have a high requirement when it comes to physical appearance, she simply has to not be over weight, I know so unrealistic. Considering, I spent most of my life over weight and I am now quite fit, I don't see this as hypocritical.

Aside from that, I've been told I'm emotionally disconnected, as if my emotions are completely shut off, and that I'm extremely logical and data driven. I can be suffocating this way because I'm constantly talking about analytical details and if you don't happen to share that interest, well, it comes off like I'm lecturing.

I've seen 4 therapists, 3 of which told me I was 100% fine and my anxiety / depression was just the result of my childhood and didn't mean I couldn't find a partner.

I've had 1 therapist tell me I have a personality disorder that could limit my ability to connect with a potential partner, and 1 singles director I bared my soul to, tell me I was selfish and self-centered and didn't need to be trying to find a wife... I was pretty hurt by the latter considering I am anything but selfish in relationships, I've been told I'm too giving. But, essentially he told me if I just want a sexual partner that I don't need to get married and I need to practice learning how to care about someone outside of getting anything in return... I think that's absolutely unrealistic, like I said in my previous post.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

It sounds like your personality isn't attractive to women. This can be improved. You can either work on it or keep running into the brick wall known as reality that is screaming at you that what you are doing simply doesn't work.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

TBH... As a woman, I read this and (were I single) I likely would have done a first date, but almost certainly would not have done a second or third. There are so many things that set off my internal warning system, it’s hard to even pick just one.

When you say you go out on those early dates and you lay out what you want, what you will give, and what you want in exchange... Honestly, that’s a dealbreaker for me. Going in to the first date like a job interview is such a turn off and I agree, my first thoughts are “clingy” and “desperate.” And I totally get what the other woman you went on a date with was saying you didn’t make her feel special... When you come into a relationship with “this what you do, this is what I do,” there isn’t really anything special about that. You’ve decided how your married life look, and the first candidate who agrees to your conditions and signing bonus is the lucky lady who will fill the position. Not only are you closed to feedback on what your partner wants their married life to look like, you make it sound like she isn’t even really needed at all. In one post, you basically say as much by saying your self-sufficient and don’t need or want the type of help a partner could offer.

The other dealbreaker is laying out appearance and fitness requirements for your spouse. When I was dating, that was an immediate “this isn’t going to work” discussion. At the time I wasn’t “fat,” or “unfit,” or “unattractive,” but it was still a dealbreaker because it’s conditional love. It’s “I will love you as long as you stay love-able,” and that’s gross. And, to be honest, as a woman, every date you go on you will hear you are beautiful, you are stunning, you are gorgeous... It becomes the compliment that isn’t a compliment, just the easy thing to say that’s nice but requires no real thought to get or give. It’s a throwaway comment. But to hear something like that about maintaining your weight and staying attractive, “you are beautiful” stops being a compliment and starts being a test with a grade. I have yet to find the woman who wants to open her door and life and house and body to a guy who announces his attraction is based on a grade related to attractiveness.

 

[FireDragon76]

Asking the average Christian for advice on relationships and sex is like asking an auto mechanic for instructions on neurosurgery.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

The first girl literally said she wished she could find a more attractive guy that treated her as well as I did... I broke up with her that evening.

The second told me she "wasn't feeling herself, and I needed to date other people". I've had several first dates where women just don't answer my text after, and I know pretty clearly they weren't interested.

I've gone about 10 dates in 5 years. 5 of those dates were 1 and done.

Aside from the two above:

I had a girl that I was connecting with decently and then she completely ghosted me, just disappeared, stopped responding.

I had a girl tell me she didn't want a relationship because she wanted to pursue her professional ambitions but she was fine just being friends... I knew that was really just a rejection, because I wasn't trying to discourage her or lock her down and she knew that.

The last one I met at church, she refused to see me more than 2 hours a week, she told me she had only dated one other guy before me when she was younger, she was 35 when I met her I was 31, and she told me she wouldn't even consider marrying someone she hadn't dated for at least a year. I made it two months before I just couldn't take her shutting me out of everything, she was convinced that every guy would be like her dad and leave her, which of course is a self-fulfilling prophecy cause she pushed all the guys away anyway.

More or less, your set of experiences sound similar to mine, which is one reason I decided to greatly expand my Radius of interest when I was in the 'looking' phase of finding a wife................. (but I have a caveat in my saying this, however: this isn't to also say that going to other countries will solve all of the circumstantial complexities involved in the psycho-social mess that is a part of dating activity.)

That's my entire dating experience, I didn't start trying dating till I was 28, I was obese almost my entire life and women made sure I knew I was disgusting because of it. So, I retreated to video games and became a drunk. Thankfully, the Lord delivered me out of that and set me back on the straight and narrow, but now I'm back in a ditch.

I'm glad to hear that you got some of this under control.

My friends and family all think my biggest issue is #1 I have a high requirement when it comes to physical appearance, she simply has to not be over weight, I know so unrealistic. Considering, I spent most of my life over weight and I am now quite fit, I don't see this as hypocritical.

.......maybe what you may need to consider is that unless you find one of those rare women who just really seems to have it together and, at the same time, is uber-merciful, full of grace, and not overly concerned about your appearance, you're going to run into the SAME social conditioning among women regarding physique and personality that men often have in regard to women. And particularly in this liberalized day and age, people of both sexes live their lives with big-headed 'dreams' of idealism that more often than not won't be something reality will smile upon and just hand over to any one of us with any kind of ease (if ever).

As an example I have a sister-in-law who, up to this present day, sits at home waiting for James Bond/Daddy Warbucks to show up in her life and wisk her away; and anyone who dares to besmirch her 'Nietzschean ideal' which she so hankers for receives an immediate verbal backlash for having dared to criticize it with a dose of reality ...........

Another thing to consider is the extent to which you actually are expecting a woman to have a physical appearance that is no better and no worse than your own at the present moment. Make sure to separate what you've seen in your past from what is 'real' today ...

Aside from that, I've been told I'm emotionally disconnected, as if my emotions are completely shut off, and that I'm extremely logical and data driven. I can be suffocating this way because I'm constantly talking about analytical details and if you don't happen to share that interest, well, it comes off like I'm lecturing.

I'm partially that way myself; it's something some of us guys have to work on.

I've seen 4 therapists, 3 of which told me I was 100% fine and my anxiety / depression was just the result of my childhood and didn't mean I couldn't find a partner.

I've had 1 therapist tell me I have a personality disorder that could limit my ability to connect with a potential partner, and 1 singles director I bared my soul to, tell me I was selfish and self-centered and didn't need to be trying to find a wife... I was pretty hurt by the latter considering I am anything but selfish in relationships, I've been told I'm too giving. But, essentially he told me if I just want a sexual partner that I don't need to get married and I need to practice learning how to care about someone outside of getting anything in return... I think that's absolutely unrealistic, like I said in my previous post.

Did the therapist who diagnosed you as having a P.D. tell you what he/she thought it was specifically? O.C.D? Something other? I ask because you say above that you are 'easy going' in several ways, but then you share that a therapist and a singles director have indicated to you that they don't see this about you.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

TBH... As a woman, I read this and (were I single) I likely would have done a first date, but almost certainly would not have done a second or third. There are so many things that set off my internal warning system, it’s hard to even pick just one.

When you say you go out on those early dates and you lay out what you want, what you will give, and what you want in exchange... Honestly, that’s a dealbreaker for me. Going in to the first date like a job interview is such a turn off and I agree, my first thoughts are “clingy” and “desperate.” And I totally get what the other woman you went on a date with was saying you didn’t make her feel special... When you come into a relationship with “this what you do, this is what I do,” there isn’t really anything special about that. You’ve decided how your married life look, and the first candidate who agrees to your conditions and signing bonus is the lucky lady who will fill the position. Not only are you closed to feedback on what your partner wants their married life to look like, you make it sound like she isn’t even really needed at all. In one post, you basically say as much by saying your self-sufficient and don’t need or want the type of help a partner could offer.

The other dealbreaker is laying out appearance and fitness requirements for your spouse. When I was dating, that was an immediate “this isn’t going to work” discussion. At the time I wasn’t “fat,” or “unfit,” or “unattractive,” but it was still a dealbreaker because it’s conditional love. It’s “I will love you as long as you stay love-able,” and that’s gross. And, to be honest, as a woman, every date you go on you will hear you are beautiful, you are stunning, you are gorgeous... It becomes the compliment that isn’t a compliment, just the easy thing to say that’s nice but requires no real thought to get or give. It’s a throwaway comment. But to hear something like that about maintaining your weight and staying attractive, “you are beautiful” stops being a compliment and starts being a test with a grade. I have yet to find the woman who wants to open her door and life and house and body to a guy who announces his attraction is based on a grade related to attractiveness.

Okay, to be fair... I think I got a bit misconstrued on that... I don't just come right out with that lol, I did on 1 date and it was BAD, it's not something I'd ever do again actually.

Yes, I've been told I come off as desperate, clingy, un-confident, etc. I'm no stranger to these insults.

Okay, I've already laid this out, every human interaction is conditional. Yes, even children. You may think you are this benevolent all loving person that could never leave your husband, but let me tell you, he starts drinking and partying, gets a drug habit, blows all yalls money, etc etc... Yeah, that love is gonna dry up quick. Your kid becomes a physically abusive nihilist that's always causing drama, yeah, it's going to become a problem.

Yes, I have a physical condition (obviously not while she's pregnant I'm not an idiot), one that I subject myself to, and if that's a dealbreaker, no worries, I'm not for every woman.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

More or less, your set of experiences sound similar to mine, which is one reason I decided to greatly expand my Radius of interest when I was in the 'looking' phase of finding a wife................. (but I have a caveat in my saying this, however: this isn't to also say that going to other countries will solve all of the circumstantial complexities involved in the psycho-social mess that is a part of dating activity.)

I'm glad to hear that you got some of this under control.

.......maybe what you may need to consider is that unless you find one of those rare women who just really seems to have it together and, at the same time, is uber-merciful, full of grace, and not overly concerned about your appearance, you're going to run into the SAME social conditioning among women regarding physique and personality that men often have in regard to women. And particularly in this liberalized day and age, people of both sexes live their lives with big-headed 'dreams' of idealism that more often than not won't be something reality will smile upon and just hand over to any one of us with any kind of ease (if ever).

As an example I have a sister-in-law who, up to this present day, sits at home waiting for James Bond/Daddy Warbucks to show up in her life and wisk her away; and anyone who dares to besmirch her 'Nietzschean ideal' which she so hankers for receives an immediate verbal backlash for having dared to criticize it with a dose of reality ...........

Another thing to consider is the extent to which you actually are expecting a woman to have a physical appearance that is no better and no worse than your own at the present moment. Make sure to separate what you've seen in your past from what is 'real' today ...

I'm partially that way myself; it's something some of us guys have to work on.

Did the therapist who diagnosed you as having a P.D. tell you what he/she thought it was specifically? O.C.D? Something other? I ask because you say above that you are 'easy going' in several ways, but then you share that a therapist and a singles director have indicated to you that they don't see this about you.

Oh, I'm definitely OCD massively, more on the Obsessive side than compulsive, although I have to lock my doors a few times. But, specifically, I'm extremely low in trust, hyper paranoid. I over think everything to the point of paralysis at times. I can be incredibly blunt, but I'm insanely honest. I'd tell a total stranger almost all my darkest secrets, so long as it can't actually hurt me. For example, I don't tell my co-workers a lot of stuff about me, but a select few I've gained enough trust that it would be mutual destruction if they were to act against me.

I'm almost purely contractual with people. You provide X, I provide Y, and so long as you hold up your end of the bargain you can 100% count that I will hold up my end. If you stop, then I stop, and yeah it's pretty much over. The thing that worries me most about marriage is being in a situation where my wife refuses to hold her end of the bargain up, and I am forced into a worse scenario than I already am, simply because she changed her mind.

I asked the therapist if she thought I was sociopathic, she said no, I definitely feel deep empathy for people, but I am extremely low in politeness and contractual in nature. Relationships are a business to me more or less.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Okay, to be fair... I think I got a bit misconstrued on that... I don't just come right out with that lol, I did on 1 date and it was BAD, it's not something I'd ever do again actually.

Yes, I've been told I come off as desperate, clingy, un-confident, etc. I'm no stranger to these insults.

Then I’d maybe try to adjust accordingly...

Okay, I've already laid this out, every human interaction is conditional. Yes, even children. You may think you are this benevolent all loving person that could never leave your husband, but let me tell you, he starts drinking and partying, gets a drug habit, blows all yalls money, etc etc... Yeah, that love is gonna dry up quick. Your kid becomes a physically abusive nihilist that's always causing drama, yeah, it's going to become a problem.

I don’t think I’m a benevolent person who could never leave my husband... I get a lot of grief for saying just the opposite, actually. If he were an an abusive, drug addicted criminal, yeah, I would leave him. My safety would be at stake. My family’s safety would be at stake.

That said, the love wouldn’t be gone. I would still love him and I’d be devastated.

However, that is a very different thing than one’s physical appearance and fitness level.

Yes, I have a physical condition (obviously not while she's pregnant I'm not an idiot), one that I subject myself to, and if that's a dealbreaker, no worries, I'm not for every woman.

But my point is that if one has a condition that is a dealbreaker that rules out a majority of women, the issue likely isn’t the church failing you or women being this or that way, it’s you. That comment about waiving the condition whole she’s pregnant... Yeah, I’m not seeing where you are really at a place for a relationship right now.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Relationships are a business to me more or less.

This is your problem.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

many people start gaining weight after age 30 so the wt requirement does limit potential partners
my brother met his bride in his 30's, both overweight (both Christians but saw past the physical)
same values, both very intelligent

Oh my brother is 420 #'s and his wife is over 300. Both gamers, both have the same kind of flaws and others, both have similar beliefs etc... They're happy, although I have my reservations that I think are going to spring up in the next 10 years. My brother's a leach, and his wife's not going to tolerate that, so I can easily see them getting divorced, or my brother may finally man up, only time will tell.

Yes, 60% of female millennials, women age 25-39 are obese according to BMI. That means less than half of the population is already off the table, that's not even counting over weight, that's just obese... You take into consideration that I refuse to date a woman that is liberal or a feminist, and you can toss another 30% at least out the window. Then you get down to maybe 15-20% of the female population in my area. Throw on top of that Christian, and yeah..... We're down to like 10% maybe.

That being said... I can't leave my apartment for a single day without seeing like 20 women I'd happily date from a purely physical perspective. I seem to be completely uninterested in faces, for some reason beauty to me is in the size of your waist lol, I don't care if she's got jacked teeth or a crooked face, weird hair, none of that. Although, I do massively prefer smaller chests, I am not a fan of big ones, but that seems to kind of go hand in hand most of the time.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

This is your problem.

Bingo.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

Then I’d maybe try to adjust accordingly...



I don’t think I’m a benevolent person who could never leave my husband... I get a lot of grief for saying just the opposite, actually. If he were an an abusive, drug addicted criminal, yeah, I would leave him. My safety would be at stake. My family’s safety would be at stake.

That said, the love wouldn’t be gone. I would still love him and I’d be devastated.

However, that is a very different thing than one’s physical appearance and fitness level.



But my point is that if one has a condition that is a dealbreaker that rules out a majority of women, the issue likely isn’t the church failing you or women being this or that way, it’s you. That comment about waiving the condition whole she’s pregnant... Yeah, I’m not seeing where you are really at a place for a relationship right now.

Well, if you're over weight, my safety is at risk. My families safety is at risk. You are an example to my children and an influence on me... So, I could make the same argument. I never said I'd stop caring about her...

You and I would definitely not be a good match for sure.

 

[Emosoundlogic]

This is your problem.

Okay, then it's a problem the rest of the world shares... I'm just honest about it. You have conditions, just like everyone else. You're a liar if you say you don't.

 

[mama2one]

delete as getting off topic