Confession compulsion or necessary in this case?

[EtainSkirata]

** Just as a warning, I mention inappropriate content (the p word) in this post. **

For about a year now I've been holding on to a couple "secrets" that I know I would need to tell my boyfriend should we start to think about getting married. We've been together a year and even though he's not yet sure about marriage I decided to finally tell him: they are my struggles with same sex attraction and with masturbation.

He wasn't overly concerned--he wanted to make it clear that he doesn't condone these things but since I know it's sin and am turning away then he's not as concerned (I was a crying mess but he was emotionally fairly unaffected).

Anyway. The topic of looking at inappropriate content (the p word) came up, because he initially thought that i looked at it (and still, before i clarified, it didn't seem like he was super concerned because of my knowing it's sin). But I told him I hadn't gone to an actual site like that in years.

However, i have more recently been to websites (ie shopping website for adult things) and articles that have inappropriate pictures on them, but at the time of explaining things to him I was thinking that that wasn't worth mentioning. But even now I'm remembering websites that had p-word drawings that should have been censored (articles with pictures, and I'd forgotten about these when I talked to him).

And there was one article I was looking at (that I should not have been) that had a photo that should have been censored. I looked at it for a few seconds and then scrolled past. I think when I was explaining things to my boyfriend that I remembered this and it was a little blip in my memory as I was talking... or i lied to him about it and it was so easy I forgot about it until later that evening.

All that to say, there's pieces that are coming back to me and pieces that I didn't think were worth mentioning but now I'm not sure. I didn't sleep well last night because of this and I'm not sure if I need to sit down and hash this out again or just leave it.

 

[SavedByGrace3]

It is getting more and more difficult to view TV, movies, magazines, and internet content without seeing this "inappropriate content." We have cut off some online content because they hit you with it constantly unawares. Suddenly "bang" it is there. We wanted to watch what looked like an exciting and decent series, but 10 minutes into it, there it was. Makes my stomach hurt to think about it.
There are a couple verses.

1 John 1:9 KJV
9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The strength on this verse is that it is based on HIS faithfulness, not ours. He is going to faithful and just to not only forgive our sins, but cleanse us from all unrighteousness. There things in my 69 years of life I wish I had never seen. I wish they would just go away. I pray this verse believing these things would be cleaned from my heart and mind. I believe He is and has done it. Those wicked images do not have a hold on me as they once did.

As to future temptations which aplenty in this information age, I look to 1 Corinthians 10:13

1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV
13. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

As with the previous verse, I am counting on HIS faithfulness. He is faithful to provide an escape to the temptation. So I say, just look for the escape! He is faithful and IS providing a way of escape. It is there!
May the Lord Bless you with the knowledge of His will.

 

[EtainSkirata]

What I meant was, I didn't stumble upon these sites. I knew that they had content that, while not strictly the p word, was still inappropriate, and I visited them occasionally with the same intent as one who would go to a p word site.

I was rehashing our conversation again tonight, making sure I had told the truth. When we were talking about masturbation, he said he thought I meant I go to the p word sites. I said I hadn't been to an actual p word site in a long time. And he said "so it's just your thoughts" and I said yes.

That was a lie, because of my occasionally going to the other sites. I'm trying to replay my thoughts at the time to see if I thought that was a lie at the time or what. But I guess the fact of the matter is, I kept a detail from him that I think I should have shared.

And, of course, this comes to me after 10pm, and we have an agreement not to bring up difficult stuff after 9pm.

 

[angelsaroundme]

I think one of the best things for OCD is to watch videos about other people's OCD journey, read their stories, etc. It's often easier to understand OCD when it's not your own life you use to examine it. People are frequently too close to their own experiences to see them without emotion overwhelming objectivity.

A common suggestion for handling someone with OCD is to not reassure them. For instance, if an OCD person asks you "Did I do something bad? I did this thing and want to know if it was wrong." The problem with reassuring them, which they desperately want, is it continues the cycle. They'll feel good for a short while but then they'll go right back to worrying about if they are good. The only way for them to get better is to not feed the obsession in any way, to ignore and starve it.

It's also useful to think of why most people aren't OCD. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. If someone around them describes a violent incident it's not unnatural to picture it. But an OCD individual may think, "Does that mean I'm a monster because I imagined it?" This is how someone with OCD gets stuck, how an obsession can develop. So to get unstuck, you do the opposite. You let intrusive thoughts go by without paying them attention, without giving them meaning. You act like someone without OCD would do and eventually you'll have less and less OCD.