Am I wasting my time seeking God? I am a nonpracticing homosexual. I believe in scripture that calls sin by what it is. I hate my sin. I struggle with lust, but I do not act on my lusts. Pastor Steven Anderson does not believe gays can be saved. This is sad. But I will continue pray for his mercy. But I wonder if I am wasting my time.
"pastor" Anderson assumes powers which is not given to Pastors in the Bible: to condemn people to hell. For that, he will have to answer to God.
The argument of the world is - you are born this way, and therefore it must be ok to live it out. Ofcause that argument run into trouble once you consider pedophilia - also an exclusive and involuntary sexual preference, but most people prefer not to think that far. Whether you are born "this way" or not is really not relevant, because in Psalm 51 we see *everyone* is "born this way". "This way", ofcause, referring to sin. Sin is not just the evil things we do, it is also our desire to do evil, which is woven into our very nature from before we are born (Ephesians 2:1-3)
Believe it or not, but you are actually in a very good spiritual space right now. To be a Christian does not mean that you are freed from all sinful desires. Rather, it means that you love God enough to hate those desires. (Romans 7) Being a Christian is not easy - it is constant warfare with the evil that lives inside you. This is why God has given us the armor of Ephesians 6. Yes, we are called to spiritual war - many people forget that. A true Christian would not only hate his homosexuality and fight his desires, he would be willing to continue the fight if it takes him the rest of his life to do so. Somewhere, people have this idea that if you pray and fight long enough, the desires will just magically go away. Nowhere did God promise us that, instead, he tasked us to strive against it and persevere. Some people fight, and then after a few years, they give up, take off the armor, and surrender to evil. Imagine doing that while being at war - because this is war.
Ofcause, the world would find this offensive, but the fact that you willingly do battle against the very sin which the world want you to accept, is proof that the Holy Spirit is working in your heart.
In fact, in some respects, you are actually better off than nominal Christians. Jesus said: "He for whom much is forgiven, shows much love, and he for whom little is forgiven, shows little love". How does this work? When you look at yourself, your desires, your constant failure to resist lustful fantacies, what do you feel? Disgust, right? Instinctively, you want to run away from God, because you are painfully aware of how grave your sins are and how unworthy you are in His sight. But then the Gospel: Jesus Christ payed for you. He did not just died for some abstract concept of sin for an abstract group of people. He had you *personally* in mind as he was hanging there on the cross, you and all your sins which he was busy paying for one by one, because he knows you and loves you *personally*. (Romans 5:6-8) Imagine how great God's love is for you, that he would be willing to do that for you, despite your disgusting sins? (1 John 4:10) The more you become aware of how despicable your sins are in the sight of God, the greater the wonder and the gratitude that He would actually be willing to pay the ultimate price in full to save you personally anyway. Your salvation is not a matter of your efforts, it is *all* Gods work! So, when you realise how enormous God's love was for you that he'd die for you despite your sins, how do you respond? You want to show gratitude.
So now, your fight against your homosexual desires is no longer a hopeless attempt to try and make yourself acceptable before God - for God has already redeemed you. Now you fight your sins out of gratitude for what God has done for you. Read Pauls epistles, you'll see good works is *always* the result of salvation, not the other way around. And now, even if you have to fight it for the rest of your life, you'll happily do so, because it is such a small token of your appreciation for the enormous thing God has done for you. It does not matter if you fall sometimes, because your salvation does not depend on it. Instead, as soon as you fall, you will repent and confess it to God immediately, and he will give you the strength and desire to stand up and continue the good fight. Desiring to continue the fight is a gift from God and it is your proof that God has adopted you as his child. Hence the prayer "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil". Because you are so keenly aware of your own unworthiness before God, because you consciously struggle with your sin on a daily basis, you would even be a better Christian than most heterosexuals.
Like I said - from what you described, I can only conclude that - provided that you persevere in this fight no matter how long it takes - you don't need to be concerned over whether you're saved, you ARE saved. The fact that you love Jesus and hate your sin, is precisely the mark of a true Christian.
"If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." 1 John 1:8-10. This is not a singular event John is talking about. It is a lifestyle.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
I hope this will comfort you so you do not become hopeless in your fight.