I seem to remember this topic coming up from time to time, an interesting one to me.
Did you find the Anglo-Catholic parish uninviting?
Until I went to tea under the trees after several visits I had no one speak to me except an occasional hello or smile and a brief greeting from the deacon on the way out. At tea only one person struck up a conversation. I told her I was thinking of being baptized, and she was very gentle in her encouragement in that regard.
I always took this to reflect a more reserved mentality though, not an unfriendly one. I did not feel unwelcome by any means. I would not have joined the other churches here in which people are much too zealous to get members or otherwise make me feel uncomfortable with too much undoubtedly well intentioned friendliness, but this is a matter of my personality. I primarily connected to the priest under which I received private instruction and to this day have had few personal connections in the parish and two of those are the clergy.
We have grown some and have more social outlets under our new priest, a good thing I think, but it is still a reserved group. Some people in the service I primarily attend now did not recognize me, and it was only after several services that anyone asked me about myself once I agreed to have snacks and coffee after the service. Those sorts of activities are where we generally get to know people. It's not something people try to do right before or after the Eucharist. There is a guest book I never see anyone sign.
I can see how persons coming from more extroverted congregations or denominations might find it unfriendly. Briefly under an intern priest a custom was introduced of asking visitors to stand and introduce themselves. The priest looked so uncomfortable, and he was a very friendly man. I thought it very good that practice was quickly dropped after about two services or so. I would hate being put on the spot like that. No one ever did respond to the invitation.
I felt very comfortable attending this parish and being baptized here, but some parish members from different denominational backgrounds and/or Episcopal parishes have thought it was cold or unfriendly. I just never felt that way. It has always seemed overall very warm to me in its own way.
I would say my main issue was their obvious discomfort with kids.
My kids were/are young, & it was our first visit to this church, so they were a bit restless but nothing I couldn't handle in the back pew. If they had started screaming or crying for longer than 30 seconds - 1 minute, I would've removed them until they were calm.
For the most part, we were ignored by parishoners, but a few kept gaulking & were visibly annoyed. The same person must have reminded me there was a nursery available like 3 times. This parish is also probably the most conservative in the diocese.
To me, being welcoming means being able to embrace whoever walks through the church doors, however they might challenge us. The mom with her babies/toddlers/kids doesn't want to be stared at or shushed.
Unfortunately, with the parish I'm attending now, I had a few similar negative experiences with grumpy parishoners. Thankfully, the clergy members & other church members made up the deficit. I'm also probably more persistent or forgiving when trying out a church due to my experiences, but other persons may have just not returned, which is a serious matter. We are slowly starting to work on a few things in my own church.
The main reasons I never visited the Anglo-Catholic parish again are, A) the distance to my house ruled it out as a regular church to attend, B) too conservative, & of course C) my perception of the church not being comfortable with kids. C) could've possibly been overcome with time, maybe even B), but A) would've still been an issue of course.
