I know this is for abuse survivors so i wasnt sure if i should post in this thread or not but i thought i would try it...my boyfriend that i have been with for almost a year has always been controling but latly hes become abusive...he hits me if i do things he doesnt like, he tells me im fat and ugly and that i shouldnt eat...he calls me names...he tells all his friends that im easy...and now i just found out im 5wks pregnat...he wants me to get rid of the baby...but i dont want to..im not sure what i should do...any advice?
Did the abuse escalate after you gave him the news of your pregnancy?
Do you realize he's now putting not only you but your baby in danger?
I'm a survivor and I can share with you what I learned. Someone that hits you is demonstrating a degree of temper that is as sure as it began, capable of escalating while sending the message; it's their choice whether you live.
The abuse I endured for a time was emotional, mental and psychological. When he verbally assaulted me yet again one day and, being he was a huge bodybuilder and martial artist, came up on me with his mouth tight as if to physically intimidate me into thinking he was going to strike, I left.
I'm not kidding. I stood my ground, stared him straight in the eyes, while my insides felt like jelly worms feeling his rage that was so intense and yet restrained from going so far as to punch me, that I swear for a split second I got this flash of a picture that took his place. It was an inferno with a wrought iron fence around it. I thought I was hallucinating because what I saw when I saw that was a split screen type deal where he was on one side looking real and that was on the other. Like those cartoon bubbles that appear for character's dialog to go into? Feeling his rage combined with that split second picture, was all I needed to get out!
Keyword here. Even when I was in it, though never pregnant. "Girlfriend".
Not wife.
My advice, for your sake and the baby. GET OUT! Leave. ASAP.
And don't tell him. Don't threaten that, because clearly he isn't going to treat you nice in regular situations, so if you threaten him with leaving him alone, because you're not going to keep him company so he can keep you to himself, God knows what he could do.
And finding out hurts! Or even kills you. Possessive guys are dangerous men.
You're a person. Not an object.
You can't think of yourself anymore. You have someone else inside you depending on you to stay healthy, so they can live. If that's your choice of course. I don't know where your head is at during this, with regard to your pregnancy.
However, I can tell you, because again I was there though never at the first punch much less after. I stayed through what I did, because when it was good it was great. And yet, I found I grew to be nervous in fearing I could do something to make it bad and warrant his cutting threatening side.
When you start to forget who you were before you arrived at the state you're in, you've lost the most important intimate relationship you'll ever know in your life. That which you have with your self. You're all you have after all. Without you, what's baby to do? Who are you if you're not yourself first? Being beaten into what an abuser wants to make you into so that he feels empowered, while daring to say; I love you, is suicide.
And sadly enough, when we read of women who's husbands or boyfriends set them on fire, shot them, disappeared them, it can be murder.
I thought he'd change. I thought if only he'd relax and realize he could trust me because I'm a good person, he'd not be so afraid he'd lose what he thought he had to intimidate into staying.
I found that he acted the idiot because he really didn't like himself. It was an esteem issue. And so, he figured if he could make me not like myself and feel less than, he'd feel superior and then have to take care of me, while feeling bolstered in his position.
He was a narcissist. I've heard that most abusive personalities are.
If you know someone you can trust to give you sanctuary, take it.
It's hard to feel alone and cut from what's so familiar, I know. It takes guts to walk away from what's comfortable. However, what takes more guts? Taking the hit and hoping this one doesn't kill you? Or walking toward a change and a future where you find peace? As opposed to that first emotion you have when you see him now is dread, because of how he makes you to feel about who you are?
Which says a lot about who he chooses for himself, doesn't it? When he insults you he's saying that's what he's chosen to share his life with.
That tells you where his own esteem is. Hint; in the garbage. That's not your responsibility. And it's not your fix. He was that person before he ever met you. You did not make him feel how he feels as a person. However, he does make you feel . And when you feel less about yourself, and that's who you for sure will live the rest of your life with, you gotta choose!
DO you want to be what he makes you feel about yourself? Cutting down your sense of self-esteem? Or do you want to be happy?
How about when he moves his hands at all? Is the first thing you feel a flinch, because you're expecting the impact of the a hit like before?
Is that scarier than living from now on without ever feeling that way again? If only you make one scary choice and step forward and away from that forever?
Remember when you were a kid and the band-aid had to come off? Oh, that hurt. Even the ouchless kind tugged enough to be scary. It's fine, just leave it there.
But if you do that things will only get worse. It's inevitable. It has to come off. That boo boo has healed and now it's a matter of letting the air get to it so you can move on. Without the band-aid.
Just a minute of pain and then it's over. And that's nothing compared to the pain when the boo boo first happened.
Be strong. It's healed. Now, you just have to trust that. Take off what's comfortable and stuck there, and move forward. You're not your scars. You're that person who survived them and they are a memory of where you've been and what you've learned for the experience.
Be safe. God protect you and ...can I help you pack?
? Remember Joshua 1:9 and know that the Lord is with you.
ing for you!
