A Girl's Love Is All I Need, and I Never Get It...

Actually no, I do not drink. I've tasted champagne once or twice. But that's basically it. Unless you want to count beer cheese soup. I'm pretty sure that doesn't qualify as drinking though nor do I ever think you could actually get drunk off of it. It has very little alcohol in it.

Be careful with assumptions

With regards to the drinking thing, answer me this then, do you drink? Im sure I know your answer. The only reason you brought up the verse with regards to drinking was not about judgement, but to justify your own actions. Im not saying that is wrong, but dont point the finger at something else as your reasoning.

This here is unacceptable and ungodly. I am done, please do not direct further conversation toward me. I have offered prayer to God on your behalf. I pray He gives you all the clarity and tools you need for whatever He may ask of you. With that, I have nothing further to say.

I can understand where you're coming from and why you are distressed so. However, sometimes we need to take a look in our own hearts. I think it's great that you haven't made the typical mistakes that a lot of people have made, and that you have had the strength to abstain from the things that posed themselves as spiritually dangerous to you. But coming from someone who has not made all of the best decisions when she should have, and someone who has made her fair share of mistakes and always will, a lot of those missteps were what brought me closer to God in the first place--I knew I wasn't/am not strong enough without Him and could never get by in this life if I didn't have His salvation and forgiveness. Sometimes, those mistakes are the ones that humble you. I'm not saying to go out and make those mistakes--I wish I had half the strength you do--but don't compare what others do to what you do/don't do.
It seems to me as though you may be judgmental towards others (I'm not trying to sound mean; we're all judgmental to some degree) and that you set yourself above others. In some ways, you may have unrealistic expectations. I think you're aiming for a perfection that just isn't there. Everyone has their flaws and you have to be open-minded. When we're so closed-minded and write people off because they fall short of what we want by just a little thing, we miss out on A LOT. Maybe you haven't had a relationship because gals are intimidated by a kind of need for perfection you come across as having. If gals feel as though they can't quite measure up, and if they feel as though they're going to be judged by you all the time, they're not going to want to endure that. It's okay to accept people's faults and it's okay to have an open mind. That isn't settling for less than what you think you deserve and what you think God has planned for you. God doesn't see it as settling when He forgives us of our sins, or loves each one of us despite any wrong paths we may have ventured down.
The way I see it, I try to be as accepting and understanding as possible because God affords me that same courtesy. Without that courtesy, without that unconditional love He has for me, I'd be nothing in this life. What you should remember is that love can come from anywhere. Oftentimes, we have this wild notion of how we think things are going to happen and how they should happen, but they don't always work out that way. Sometimes, God works things in your life in a different way and it's for the best.

Again, I admire your strength and I pray you find the happiness you seek in someone with whom you are compatible. But don't be so quick to judge, don't be so quick to measure yourself against others, and don't be so quick to write people off as unworthy of you. By living close-minded, you will miss out on so much. Life isn't about things making sense and being perfect. You will find your special someone, but I think you have some growing and some living to do first. You're still so young--the clock isn't ticking for you. I have felt a lot of the same ways you have before so I do see where you're coming from. But just remember that, though your friends seem to have it easy, that's not the case. I've been on both sides of the fence and the grass isn't always greener. Everyone has their own struggles and just because they don't abstain from that which you choose to abstain, doesn't mean they sleep easier because of it. You never know if those are the things that haunt them. Enjoy YOUR life. You have a lot to give and you will make someone happy someday.

humblechristian08 said:

And yes maybe I am prideful

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I found your problem.

Sorry to butt into the conversation.

humblechristian08 said:

I said "prideful in ways" are you saying you arent prideful, I like how the majority of everyone is attacking me and trying to persuade me into believing that drinking is right, instead of offering helpful advice or encouragement or respecting my beliefs on drinking, way to not be a good example to the world.

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Maybe we just aren't as good as the Lord made you. You'll have to make allowances.

humblechristian08 said:

I'll be sure to pray for all of you christians that choose to bully instead of encourage. And I hold onto Gods word.



Romans 12:19-20

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

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I would encourage you to do as you just said.

You have nothing but contempt for others who are not as 'good' as you, those 'normal' people that you avoid for the sake of your own holiness.

You trumpet your own 'goodness' while repeating "humble heart, humble heart, humble heart" as though humility were a function of clicking your ruby slippers together.

I, too, was raised with every blessing, and I, too, thought that every blessing was simply what I deserved because I was walking straight.

But then God, in His grace, knocked me the hell off my pedestal.

And at the bottom I was born.

Grace and peace to you, and may the Lord give you whatever you ask.

humblechristian08 said:

I said "prideful in ways" are you saying you arent prideful, I like how the majority of everyone is attacking me and trying to persuade me into believing that drinking is right, instead of offering helpful advice or encouragement or respecting my beliefs on drinking, way to not be a good example to the world.

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Pride is still pride. And I'm not persuading you to drink. Nobody is. If you don't drink, you don't drink. Nobody really...cares. It doesn't make you better than anybody else. Just like the other things you've listed about yourself. You are no better than anyone else. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but it's a fact of life.

The way you spoke in your original post, you sound arrogant. You sound full of yourself. THAT is off putting. Your choice of words make you sound like you're very prideful about everything. Look, "normal" is a subjective thing. There is no definitive answer. So, even though you think all "normal" Christians are out partying and having sex and whatever else, you're very wrong. Not everybody does that.

You need to work on YOU. Work on your pride. What if you get a girlfriend who drinks (in moderation, it's always key)? It won't destroy your relationship (again, if it's only in moderation and not to get drunk and be wild with it) or kill you. You get angry because people pointed out a comment you made about drinking. Is it only your opinion that matters? Will you dump someone just because they had a few sips of alcohol? My best friend, he doesn't drink, but his girlfriend does. Yeah, it bothers him but he looks past it because he loves her.

Pride isn't wrong, per se, but it can be (Proverbs 8:13). Right now, you're letting it blind you. And that is the reason why you cannot get a girlfriend. You're so caught up in yourself, and all the things "you haven't done wrong" and that "you're athletic, you don't drink you don't smoke, you're still a virgin", as if that makes you better than anyone else. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it only becomes a problem when you look down on someone for it.

Making mistakes is all part of relationships. I'm not saying go have sex and do whatever, don't do that. Just let yourself get into a relationship with some girl, even if you don't think it will work out.

"I just want a girl as good as me"

Elaborate. Otherwise, you sound incredibly prideful.

Also, re-reading your OP, I can see why it never works out. Can you tell me anything about those girls? What are some of their hobbies? What was their eye color? Are they in school? Are they in any sports? What is their favorite movie or genre of music? Tell me anything about them. Their personality.

Did you pay attention to them? Or was it always about yourself and what you wanted? Did the girl drink? Oh no. Was she just not "good enough for you"? See, God has someone planned for you but I don't think he will allow it until you work on your pride.

humblechristian08 said:

I want a girl who is just like me, I want her to be a strong christian, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny.

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humblechristian08 said:

*It wouldn't work if she was just like you.
Your help-meet is someone who would compliment your own
characteristics.
You present as being strong-willed/determined --going by what you
wrote about yourself.
What would it be like to be married to a woman who was also
strong-willed/determined? Even if she was beautiful, smart, funny
and athletic?

The long-lasting marriages I know of are made up of folks who
compliment one another's characteristics / & Their core values are
in agreement also.

Put your focus on God and learn to really trust Him.
Live and enjoy your life in Christ as a single man who
is serving the Lord out of sincere agape. No more comparing
yourself with others, work on appreciating that others have found
a spouse, for this is good. Pray for their marriages to be successful.

You are not alone, the Lord is with you always and you are loved
with an everlasting love.

Good and lasting marriages require: frequent prayer, frequent forgiveness,
an a lot of work and sacrifice.
It's where two sin-positive individuals learn to be in unity...oh my!
It's making the decision each day that you will love and honor your
spouse even when he or she isn't being loving or honoring in return.

Enjoy being unmarried while you can, for I know far too many young
married folks who are not enjoying their marriage responsibilities;
many of them entered into marriage with unrealistic expectations and
some of them married too soon.

A verse for you:
Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

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humblechristian08 said:

I never feel im good enough is the truth. I feel worthless bc Ive never been on a date.

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And now we've come to the heart of the matter, brother. You believe that you have been loved because you are good, and because of this, you cannot understand why you are not being loved by a woman since you are being so good.

But this is the wrong way around. You have been good because you have been loved.

You have said that God may have made you this way for a reason, and you are right. He has been showering you with unearned blessings from the day you were born, and He expects you to do the same for others so that they, too, may have the chance to be good.

Your value is not in what you have never had, nor is it in what you have never done, it is what you have freely received and what you have freely given.

Perhaps your 'receiver' is clogged because your 'giver' is plugged up. Not even God can fill a pot that is already full. But pour out the grace you have been given on the poor slobs around you, and the Lord will surely never let you run dry.

Then when you are tested, as Job was, you will find that your love for the Lord far exceeds any particular blessings that you have been given. Then your joy will be complete.

May the Spirit keep you on the Way, brother.

Reading your responses throughout this thread have given me a little insight into you.

You come across as obscenely prideful, and before you shout that you never said let me remind you that is irrelevant, if that's what you come across to some strangers on the internet then there's a good chance that's how others perceive you. Furthermore how you go through your laundry list of accomplishments to establish your purity, and constantly refer to yourself as humble -forgetting that true humility is perceived by others and not assigned to ourselves- only reinforces this analysis.

I understand where you're coming from though; you feel cheated somehow. You've spent you're who life playing by the rules yet it's not gotten you the results you desire, it's a common frustration that many people go through. Your main problem though is that your standards are far to high, you forget that there must be a degree of compromise and acceptance when it comes to people. Without that then I'm afraid you're not going to get very far with anyone, no matter how many drinks or drugs you turn down.

Also before you refute every single one of my points with cherry-picked bible quotes in order to pardon your behavior and paint me as the evil villain of corruption in your head, allow me to give you a little piece of advice to remember when you're laying in bed at night languishing in despair of not procuring your pure virgin wife.

You can either have excuses or you can have results. Pick one.

I could talk at length, and maybe I will, but first I want to know, OP, what do you stand for? What is your purpose on earth? What unique talents and gifts do you bring to the body of Christ?

You were not put here expressly for the purpose of marrying a woman.

Your 23 and haven't married? That is indeed terrible! Only 65 years left to do so!!

Seriously though most people think they need to be married by 18. I know its how I thought. I am 31 currently and getting married in a month. If anything its probably good someone doesn't come into our lives to marry until at last 25. Anytime before that can be dangerous since we don't truly know what we want in life.

I didn't have my first date really until I was 27. Due to many reasons like being shy, disabled...etc Looking back I am glad GOd had me wait. It was worth it since I still needed to mature as a christian (even though at the time I though I knew everything).

What are you going to do with your time on this earth? How will you "earn a living," as they say?

I know you have more talents than just your super awesome boyfriend powers.

humblechristian08 said:

I know I have God's love but I desire a helpmate so badly and it is now all I want in this life.

I solely joined this site to vent and cry out for advice because I can't stand to keep it in.

I am almost 23 years old and I have lived a Christian life so far that I would say few have, I say this with a humble heart.

I have NEVER drank, smoked, cussed, done drugs, and I'm a virgin waiting till I'm married to have sex. I was saved in 1st grade and went to christian schools from 1st-12th grade, raised in a christian family, go to church 3 times a week. I go on missions trips every now and then. I do my best to live my life for Christ and as Col. 3:23 says: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

Now before I get stereotyped as this guy that has no life and sits at home all the time, I am athletic, tall, funny, smart, attractive, mature christian guy, I am friends with everyone and I stand firm and strongly in front of my non christian friends that i wont drink with them or even go to parties, I have made so many sacrifices in my life to be able to say those things. I know it doesn't compare to what Christ gave for me. Again I say this with a humble heart, I just want you to know who I am as a person.

I feel like I would be an amazing bf/husband. I have never had a gf, never kissed a girl, never even been on a single date! I absolutely refuse to date a non-christian or even date a girl who i know that it wouldn't work out with in the long run. I will not settle for less than God has planned for me.

I want a girl who is just like me, I want her to be a strong christian, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny. I feel like I'm not asking for anything that I am not myself, I just want a girl as good as me in every way. I have prayed consistently for my future wife since i was in grade school. I desire and have this longing for a Godly wife that I can give my love to and that can love me back.

I don't know why God made me this way, why I can't settle for less in a girl, but He made me this way for a reason. I just don't know what to do, I'm to the point where I wish sometimes I could just go out to a bar and pick up a girl and feel loved even if for a night, but I know I would never do that, it just breaks my heart and brings me to tears as I type this, that I would even think of doing such a thing.

I have tried everything, online dating, random facebook friends lol, every single time I get it set up that a girl and I should meet for a date, something happens and she just quits texting/talking to me, this has happened recently with around 8 girls, and these were all christian girls.

Why do i have to go through this, everyone else I know my age and younger has made mistakes that I havent made and I would say all have at least been on a date! some are married and most are in relationships, why/what has caused me to have to be alone when it comes to girls, I have leaned on God my whole life, I just dont know what else to do, I basically cry every night as I pray to God asking Him to help me, to give me courage and to guide my life. I just need to know how I can go on and have this mask on, everyone knows me as always laughing and smiling and making jokes, but the loneliness I have consumes me, its a battle just to get out of bed each day knowing I will see people happy in relationships. I know I covet badly happy couples, I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry that was so long, no one will probably even read it all, but maybe someone can tell me what to do...

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I truly sense desperation when i read this OP . 23 years old doesnt mean youre getting close to being elderly ! In fact, its very wise to wait on marriage till youre at least 30 . Lastly, if you are going to be desperate to get married, you will most likely hurry and end up with a poor marriage Partner in the end,so, completely turn it over to God and be happy with when he deems your fit for the very very difficult life of marriage thats filled with extreme challenges and many agonizing times ahead...even for above average marriages. Read books on how to think objectively when choosing a marriage mate and dont follow Hollywoods ideology.