A Girl's Love Is All I Need, and I Never Get It...

[humblechristian08]

I know I have God's love but I desire a helpmate so badly and it is now all I want in this life.

I solely joined this site to vent and cry out for advice because I can't stand to keep it in.

I am almost 23 years old and I have lived a Christian life so far that I would say few have, I say this with a humble heart.

I have NEVER drank, smoked, cussed, done drugs, and I'm a virgin waiting till I'm married to have sex. I was saved in 1st grade and went to christian schools from 1st-12th grade, raised in a christian family, go to church 3 times a week. I go on missions trips every now and then. I do my best to live my life for Christ and as Col. 3:23 says: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

Now before I get stereotyped as this guy that has no life and sits at home all the time, I am athletic, tall, funny, smart, attractive, mature christian guy, I am friends with everyone and I stand firm and strongly in front of my non christian friends that i wont drink with them or even go to parties, I have made so many sacrifices in my life to be able to say those things. I know it doesn't compare to what Christ gave for me. Again I say this with a humble heart, I just want you to know who I am as a person.

I feel like I would be an amazing bf/husband. I have never had a gf, never kissed a girl, never even been on a single date! I absolutely refuse to date a non-christian or even date a girl who i know that it wouldn't work out with in the long run. I will not settle for less than God has planned for me.

I want a girl who is just like me, I want her to be a strong christian, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny. I feel like I'm not asking for anything that I am not myself, I just want a girl as good as me in every way. I have prayed consistently for my future wife since i was in grade school. I desire and have this longing for a Godly wife that I can give my love to and that can love me back.

I don't know why God made me this way, why I can't settle for less in a girl, but He made me this way for a reason. I just don't know what to do, I'm to the point where I wish sometimes I could just go out to a bar and pick up a girl and feel loved even if for a night, but I know I would never do that, it just breaks my heart and brings me to tears as I type this, that I would even think of doing such a thing.

I have tried everything, online dating, random facebook friends lol, every single time I get it set up that a girl and I should meet for a date, something happens and she just quits texting/talking to me, this has happened recently with around 8 girls, and these were all christian girls.

Why do i have to go through this, everyone else I know my age and younger has made mistakes that I havent made and I would say all have at least been on a date! some are married and most are in relationships, why/what has caused me to have to be alone when it comes to girls, I have leaned on God my whole life, I just dont know what else to do, I basically cry every night as I pray to God asking Him to help me, to give me courage and to guide my life. I just need to know how I can go on and have this mask on, everyone knows me as always laughing and smiling and making jokes, but the loneliness I have consumes me, its a battle just to get out of bed each day knowing I will see people happy in relationships. I know I covet badly happy couples, I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry that was so long, no one will probably even read it all, but maybe someone can tell me what to do...

 

[Ark100]

Maybe its not time yet for you to get married or meet someone.
How good you stay or how moral you are does not determine how fast you will get a girl, but if trusting in God is intact, regardless of when, He will bring you across the right girl in due time.
Don't covet others' relationships. Don't be jealous even when evil or immoral people revel and succeed in their sins or their acts. Just focus on God.
I have a feeling God is teaching you some sorts of lesson in all these.
Crying because you havent met a girl is not the solution to your problem. Look at all the great things God has done for you and in your life, and thank Him
Put your focus back on Him and stop for a while in focusing on getting a gf, just try to forget it and focus on God

 

[Spunkn]

God will allow you to find the right person when the time is right. What if God wants you to fulfill a mission while you are single that you could not do while you were in a relationship? I'm not saying you should giving up trying to find someone, but we definately shouldn't make it the focus of our lives. As I said in another thread, there's a precious balance for single people who want to find someone else but haven't yet.

Focus on God, get involved in things that allow for an opportunity for God to open doors to make a relationship, but it shouldn't be your focus.

Single's groups, Bible study, involved in some way at church, some type of sports activity, even just hanging out with Christian friends.

God has His own reasons for making us wait. We may not ever know those reasons until we get to Heaven. Just remember that His plan is greater than our own.

But it's tough. I'm not going to lie about it. Our culture feeds on "You need to have a girlfriend, you need to sleep with as many people as you can, and if you don't you're a loser". So for someone like you and me who is waiting, every day is a battle.

"I know I have God's love but I desire a helpmate so badly and it is now all I want in this life. I think the bolded part is the problem, and maybe God's just trying to say focus on Him and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

I wouldn't say you're doing anything wrong necessarily, but I would check every now and then where your focus really is. I'm guilty of that as well. We all are.

Anyway, don't give up. When it does come time, it will be the right person, at the right time, because God wants the best for you, not second best.

Continue to be involved in situations where God -could- open a door, but don't make it the focus of your life to find that someone -right now-.

 

[quitespirit]

Why do i have to go through this, everyone else I know my age and younger has made mistakes that I havent made and I would say all have at least been on a date! some are married and most are in relationships, why/what has caused me to have to be alone when it comes to girls

Why are you comparing yourself to others, and measuring up their sin against yours? Are you suggesting that you are more deserving of the thing they have (that you say you are envious of) or that you are better equipped because you made good choices where they have taken wrong turns? I think sometimes when a person hasn't made a lot of mistakes and missteps it can be hard to be humble.

Only God knows your heart, even we can be self-deceived, but I would ask you to prayerfully consider if you struggle with pride, putting more value than God does on your position with God and in relation to others through your righteous living. Do you recognize your weaknesses?

I didn't hear you mention in the body of your list of positive attributes the negatives that come out elsewhere. You want to vent and cry about not getting your way in this area of marriage. You are envious of those who have what you want. These are the things you say yourself, though there could be deeper things there also. It's ok, we are all imperfect, but we entrust ourselves to a perfect God.

I'd prayerfully consider the root of the above feelings. Does the desire to vent and cry come from a complaining or discontent attitude toward God? Do you envy because you feel you don't trust God's will for your life? Or could it be pride trying to tell you that you deserve marriage more than others because you have lived cleaner?

I know how it feels to want to marry. My dreams and hopes of marriage and babies with my BF were severed just this past week. God showed me how I wanted to exert my will over his, how I sinned against him as well. This doesn't make me feel less worthy of companionship or discouraged about sin. It makes me excited that God is alive in my life an working in me. I see myself as the sinner I am and God knocked me down a peg, put me on my face in worship and humbled me. It's been the most powerful experience of my Christian life, and it happened despite and through my sin.

He gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud. When we see that we are sinners we see our need for a savoir. We see our need for grace and can more easily extend it to others, who are also sinners. When we think we have it all together it effects all these things in reverse. Perhaps these more sinful people you are comparing yourself to accept other sinners more readily and show compassion and grace to them, knowing that we all fall short of God's glory.

 

[seeingeyes]

I want a girl who is just like me, I want her to be a strong christian, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny. I feel like I'm not asking for anything that I am not myself, I just want a girl as good as me in every way.

Maybe you have her already. :/

 

[stormdancer0]

She's out there. God will bring her to you.

I want to say that I am amazed with you. Your dedication to God is astounding, and I have never, EVER met anyone your age with your wisdom.

I know it's hard - but the best things in life are always hard. That's what makes it so great when you finally get what you deserve.

just hang on there. There's a pretty, young lady somewhere wondering the same thing, and God will make it happen.

 

[quitespirit]

Btw, the title of this thread is telling of your problem here. "A Girls Love is All I Need"

This is untrue. It sounds like discontentment. God's love is all you need. Trust me, I thought exactly what you said. We need our wholeness to come from God. A mate is a wonderful blessing I would love God to bless every believer with the desire for a mate with. But he is our all sufficiency.

 

[humblechristian08]

Only God knows your heart, even we can be self-deceived, but I would ask you to prayerfully consider if you struggle with pride, putting more value than God does on your position with God and in relation to others through your righteous living. Do you recognize your weaknesses?

I'd prayerfully consider the root of the above feelings. Does the desire to vent and cry come from a complaining or discontent attitude toward God? Do you envy because you feel you don't trust God's will for your life? Or could it be pride trying to tell you that you deserve marriage more than others because you have lived cleaner?

He gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud. When we see that we are sinners we see our need for a savoir. We see our need for grace and can more easily extend it to others, who are also sinners. When we think we have it all together it effects all these things in reverse. Perhaps these more sinful people you are comparing yourself to accept other sinners more readily and show compassion and grace to them, knowing that we all fall short of God's glory.

God gave His son for me, I seriously doubt I am going to put more value on my relationship with Him than God does.

I completely trust God's will for my life, why else would I do my imperfect best to follow His commandments, and you don't know what I have sacrificed in my life to be able to say that I have made good choices that most haven't. I sometimes wish I was like most christians, I see my christian friends sin and sin in the ways of drinking and what not, things that are usual for christians my age to do. I wish that I was like them sometimes, that I was more of a "normal" christian, but then I think that God made me for His plan and His purpose and that I have a reason for being this way and that excites me, so dont act like I go around telling people how much better I am than them, bc I dont and no one is better than anyone, we are all equal, and Romans 3:10 "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:"

 

[Spunkn]

Trust me, you don't want to be normal like "everyone else". You may think everyone else is having the time of their life, drinking, partying, whatever else. But that stuff is only temporary and does NOT bring peace / happiness to your life. It only ends in misery and suffering.

Satan wants you to think that God is "taking away all your fun" but the truth is God's desires for you bring lasting fulfillment, joy, and love. Satan's desires, while they may seem fun for a while, will only bring you to destruction in the end.

 

[humblechristian08]

She's out there. God will bring her to you.

I want to say that I am amazed with you. Your dedication to God is astounding, and I have never, EVER met anyone your age with your wisdom.

I know it's hard - but the best things in life are always hard. That's what makes it so great when you finally get what you deserve.

just hang on there. There's a pretty, young lady somewhere wondering the same thing, and God will make it happen.

Thank you for your encouragement! and reminding me that the amount of effort required to achieve something decides its worth

 

[quitespirit]

You are misquoting me. Let me show you my point:
"Only God knows your heart, even we can be self-deceived, but I would ask you to prayerfully consider if you struggle with pride, putting more value than God does on your position with God and in relation to others through your righteous living. Do you recognize your weaknesses?"

Notice what I emphasizes is "through your righteous living". What I mean by that is that clean living does not make us better than another, because all the righteousness in the world is not enough when the lost of a drop of sin is death. It seems you compare other believes to yourself a lot.

"I sometimes wish I was like most christians, I see my christian friends sin and sin in the ways of drinking and what not, things that are usual for christians my age to do. I wish that I was like them sometimes, that I was more of a "normal" Christian"

One, drinking is not a sin. The bible says drink and do not get drunk. It also says not to judge another mans servant. What is 'or what not'? For you and your conscience a drop of alcohol could be unacceptable, but what God does not forbid is freedom for others.

What is a 'normal' Christian? And what does that make you in relation?

"I think that God made me for His plan and His purpose and that I have a reason for being this way and that excites me"

What way is that is that that God has set you apart from other "normal" Christians?

"so dont act like I go around telling people how much better I am than them, bc I dont and no one is better than anyone, we are all equal"

You may not tell them to their face that you are better than them but you come here and talk about them and compare their blessings to your own, envious that these 'normal' Christians who do things you don't get things that you do not. You tell us how you have done more right than they are. How are you not judging them in your heart?


I'll pray for discernment and clarity on your behalf.

 

[humblechristian08]

One, drinking is not a sin. The bible says drink and do not get drunk. It also says not to judge another mans servant. What is 'or what not'? For you and your conscience a drop of alcohol could be unacceptable, but what God does not forbid is freedom for others.

What is a 'normal' Christian? And what does that make you in relation?

"I think that God made me for His plan and His purpose and that I have a reason for being this way and that excites me"

What way is that is that that God has set you apart from other "normal" Christians?

"so dont act like I go around telling people how much better I am than them, bc I dont and no one is better than anyone, we are all equal"

You may not tell them to their face that you are better than them but you come here and talk about them and compare their blessings to your own, envious that these 'normal' Christians who do things you don't get things that you do not. You tell us how you have done more right than they are. How are you not judging them in your heart?

We can agree to disagree about the drinking is not sin thing all night, it also says in the bible to "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thess 5:22. What is the first thing you think of when you think of drinking alcohol, for me it brings up drunk people at parties or bars, FOR ME that is the appears to be evil, since you yourself say drunkeness is sin. So if you want to justify drinking bc of that, then go ahead, That is between you and God, we all have to answer for our actions in heaven in the end.

Im saying that most christians are "normal" in the sense that they drink and party and hv sex in their hs and college years and later on grow closer to God.

And yes, i feel like I am set apart bc I have been blessed with enough strength from God to resist the "normal" temptations christians fall to.

And yes maybe I am prideful in ways and maybe I do look out at christians and wonder how I can be at the maturity im at and them not be there, and us both be the same age. But I dont mean for it to sound like I want them to suffer or for me to receive some extra reward for my actions. I just want some guidance in how to overcome these feelings. I treat everyone equal in person, maybe in my heart I judge sometimes. But that is between me and God and I know its wrong, but it only hurts me since they dont know about it.

 

[quitespirit]

I would suggest praying and asking God to bring you the clarity you seek in these feelings you are struggling with. I would ask him to soften your heart in any way needed to hear what he wants to speak to you. I would ask Him to make guidance clear to you.

I would suggest after doing that to come back and read the things you have read and even more so the things you have written here yourself.

I don't think, even if I gave you sound biblical quotes to speak to the things you are saying, that you are truly open to receiving it if it isn't want you want to hear. I don't think you are persuadable. I think you need to deal with God. I pray you humbly go to Him and ask for his grace with your struggle.

 

[COG2013]

I know I have God's love but I desire a helpmate so badly and it is now all I want in this life.

I solely joined this site to vent and cry out for advice because I can't stand to keep it in.

I am almost 23 years old and I have lived a Christian life so far that I would say few have, I say this with a humble heart.

I have NEVER drank, smoked, cussed, done drugs, and I'm a virgin waiting till I'm married to have sex. I was saved in 1st grade and went to christian schools from 1st-12th grade, raised in a christian family, go to church 3 times a week. I go on missions trips every now and then. I do my best to live my life for Christ and as Col. 3:23 says: "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"

Now before I get stereotyped as this guy that has no life and sits at home all the time, I am athletic, tall, funny, smart, attractive, mature christian guy, I am friends with everyone and I stand firm and strongly in front of my non christian friends that i wont drink with them or even go to parties, I have made so many sacrifices in my life to be able to say those things. I know it doesn't compare to what Christ gave for me. Again I say this with a humble heart, I just want you to know who I am as a person.

I feel like I would be an amazing bf/husband. I have never had a gf, never kissed a girl, never even been on a single date! I absolutely refuse to date a non-christian or even date a girl who i know that it wouldn't work out with in the long run. I will not settle for less than God has planned for me.

I want a girl who is just like me, I want her to be a strong christian, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny. I feel like I'm not asking for anything that I am not myself, I just want a girl as good as me in every way. I have prayed consistently for my future wife since i was in grade school. I desire and have this longing for a Godly wife that I can give my love to and that can love me back.

I don't know why God made me this way, why I can't settle for less in a girl, but He made me this way for a reason. I just don't know what to do, I'm to the point where I wish sometimes I could just go out to a bar and pick up a girl and feel loved even if for a night, but I know I would never do that, it just breaks my heart and brings me to tears as I type this, that I would even think of doing such a thing.

I have tried everything, online dating, random facebook friends lol, every single time I get it set up that a girl and I should meet for a date, something happens and she just quits texting/talking to me, this has happened recently with around 8 girls, and these were all christian girls.

Why do i have to go through this, everyone else I know my age and younger has made mistakes that I havent made and I would say all have at least been on a date! some are married and most are in relationships, why/what has caused me to have to be alone when it comes to girls, I have leaned on God my whole life, I just dont know what else to do, I basically cry every night as I pray to God asking Him to help me, to give me courage and to guide my life. I just need to know how I can go on and have this mask on, everyone knows me as always laughing and smiling and making jokes, but the loneliness I have consumes me, its a battle just to get out of bed each day knowing I will see people happy in relationships. I know I covet badly happy couples, I just don't know what to do.

I'm sorry that was so long, no one will probably even read it all, but maybe someone can tell me what to do...

This is your problem, this attitude, right here: " I will not settle for less than God has planned for me." - -

In the first place, you have no idea as to who God has planned for you, YET, you are trying to hold Him to your standards, what you want, instead of allowing him to place the person he has in mind, in your life. TRUST HIM COMPLETELY to come up with a marriage "Made in Heaven".

 

[humblechristian08]

I would suggest praying and asking God to bring you the clarity you seek in these feelings you are struggling with. I would ask him to soften your heart in any way needed to hear what he wants to speak to you. I would ask Him to make guidance clear to you.

I would suggest after doing that to come back and read the things you have read and even more so the things you have written here yourself.

I don't think, even if I gave you sound biblical quotes to speak to the things you are saying, that you are truly open to receiving it if it isn't want you want to hear. I don't think you are persuadable. I think you need to deal with God. I pray you humbly go to Him and ask for his grace with your struggle.

Like I said, I have prayed for my future wife's life for the last 10 yrs, I pray daily about all the things you told me to pray about, I came here to hear others opinions and advice and encouragement, do you really think I would go to others with my problems before I went to God? and your goal shouldnt be to 'Persuade' me into anything. It should be to give your opinion for my situation and to offer helpful advice.

 

[Spunkn]

1 Timothy 5:23

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.

Drinking is not a sin by itself. Is it always wise to drink? No. Is it always a sin? No.

 

[seeingeyes]

And yes maybe I am prideful in ways and maybe I do look out at christians and wonder how I can be at the maturity im at and them not be there, and us both be the same age. But I dont mean for it to sound like I want them to suffer or for me to receive some extra reward for my actions. I just want some guidance in how to overcome these feelings. I treat everyone equal in person, maybe in my heart I judge sometimes. But that is between me and God and I know its wrong, but it only hurts me since they dont know about it.

Maybe God will send you a wife like Hosea's.

 

[humblechristian08]

1 Timothy 5:23

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.

Drinking is not a sin by itself. Is it always wise to drink? No. Is it always a sin? No.

I dont see how this is turning into having anything to do with whether drinking is right or wrong, but in the verse you quotted yourself it says for your "stomach and frequent illness" and also back in ancient times the water was often unhealthy to drink due to pollutants, thus wine and the way it was made was the only thing to drink. And again like I mentioned before, "Abstain from all appearance of evil." 1 Thess 5:22.


And these verses specifically talk about not being conformed to this world but to be pleasing to God. Im pretty sure last time I checked that drinking is basically a typical worldly thing and I dont see christians drinking as the perfect will of God. But its everyones choice how you live your life, its between you and God whether you drink or not.

Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:1-2).

 

[quitespirit]

Like I said, I have prayed for my future wife's life for the last 10 yrs, I pray daily about all the things you told me to pray about, I came here to hear others opinions and advice and encouragement, do you really think I would go to others with my problems before I went to God? and your goal shouldnt be to 'Persuade' me into anything. It should be to give your opinion for my situation and to offer helpful advice.

My helpful advice wasn't to ask God about your future wife. My advice is to seek God about the things that came out of your OP just today (not to mention the follow up posts): envy, the need to vent and cry about this issue that concerns you. You say you may judge others but only in your heart so no one but you gets hurt.

I didn't say I need to persuade you, again you are twisting my words. I said that I do not find you persuadable, meaning that I don't see you being open to having someone change your perspective. I see what appear to be biblical flaws in your retorts but either you don't see them, don't want to hear it, or I am just wrong. I share a verse to speak to your judgment against those who drink and you declare we shall have to just disagree, then suggest my view of this verse is my justifying something sinful. The verse about appearances of evil you said yourself "TO YOU" means drinking is not ok because it makes you think of bars and such. You cannot judge others based on how God convicts you through a verse that is not about the topic of drinking. TO YOU it was best to apply the appearances of evil to alcohol. You judge another servant when you condemn others for something God himself doesn't.

I believe you need persuasion, just as we all do, but from God. I would also ask God to give you an accurate self assessment. After reading all you've said I'm gonna call a spade a spade, and you yourself have admitted you may have some pride in you after all. I think you may be dealing with a bigger pride issue than you have been able to see yet hunblechristian08. It's between you and GOD to determine if this is accurate. Frankly, I don't need to know what you think about it. That's between you and God. You wanted advice? There it is.

If this is accurate, it's not the end of the world. If this is accurate? It's a new beginning and something to rejoice in because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. I've been experiencing that grace myself lately and it's a comfort and joy.

Whatever the root of your distress is when God shows it to you, you can be free to caste it aside and walk in victory. I hope you find the answers you need!

 

[Spunkn]

All I'm saying is that drinking is not evil by itself. Should you, as a Christian, abstain from the appearance of evil and not go to bars to drink? I would argue yes.

Is it okay to drink (not to get drunk) in your own home? I would say yes.

I didn't mean to derail your thread or anything, I just wanted to address that one little thing since it seemed to me, maybe I'm wrong, that you thought any form of drinking was a sin.

Anyway, that was all.