[911 edit] Married men and sex (2)

[JRSut1000]

Haha, HisWife, I was thinking the same thing!! I'm pretty open and readily available to my husabnd, so whenever he wants me he can come get me! Ooo yeah baby!

 

[His Wife]

Is this TMI for the forum? I won't go into detail, but Dallas stated the facts there. I really do think men need to know this (preferably from their own wives or from other men, but what are ya gonna do?).

Made me LOL.

 

[dallasapple]

I can see how someone who had been raped had heard her rapist say that she didn't know she wanted it or needed it or whatever, that this could result in a knee-jerk reaction.

No its not just someone who has 'been " raped..its in general HIGHLY disrespectful ..and it IS in many many cases how a man ends up pushing a woman and she is raped...

Its offensive and disrespecctful..and BAD teaching..YOU and your wife are an exception ..In general women DO KNOW that they DONT want sex whe they say they dont..and the man should back off and believe her period..

Dallas

 

[His Wife]

Haha, HisWife, I was thinking the same thing!! I'm pretty open and readily available to my husabnd, so whenever he wants me he can come get me! Ooo yeah baby!

*High five*

All I will add is, "heck yes!"

 

[JRSut1000]

So it really comes down to the idea of this - does the husbands body truly belong to the wife and the wife's to the husband and are they truly one flesh? The answers to this seem to be based on a continuum some which go very far to one side or the other. Responses are based very much on one's answer to this.

 

[hijklmnop]

I posted a lot of biblical research. I will not repeat it. you can use your search button if you are so inclined. One passage is 1 Thes 4:3-8 look at several versions to get a good feel for it.

I would prefer that you and other posters NOT refer to MY marriage as an "unhealthy" marriage. Frankly, I fear for you doing that since it is a miraculous deliverance by the Holy Spirit which you are misrepresenting when you call my marriage "unhealthy". I don't want to speak for dallas and dreamer, but they have both testified of HEALING in their marriages.

Being in a formerly unhealthy marriage is a gift too. My relationship with God has become much deeper than it would have had my husband been there for me.

I hope I'm not one of the ones being referred to when it was stated that some of us don't even believe in marriage. I have no idea where that idea is coming from, but believe me, I fought hard for my marriage against all odds and wouldn't have done so if I didn't believe in it with my whole heart.

My marriage, also, currently, is awesome. It WAS once in the gutter. The things we have learned through the experience of restoration are things I wouldn't give up for the world. It saddens me when ppl dwell on the negative things of the past and miss the part where and why and how the ashes turned to beauty. Because a lot of that transformation in my marriage had to do with coming to new understandings of certain Scriptural teachings, I am happy and feel compelled to share those insights with others. If someone doesn't want to hear about why I believe differently than them about certain teachings regarding marriage and Christianity (because they don't want to be "warned"), feel free to put my posts on ignore. I mean that in a polite way, btw. So don't feel sorry for me anyone...be happy for me! I am.

And the bolded is totally true for me, too.

 

[Psalm63]

Where did I mention you at all?



And I mean no disrespect to what God has done in your marriage. But it would be nice if the, "Hey, your marriage could go south at any time" attitude was checked. Not saying you specifically have that attitude, just that's it's been the impression I've been getting since the thread split. And it's exhausting. Yeah, my marriage could go south. Who cares? I don't. My marriage is great right now. If I worried about every little thing that could happen, I'd never do anything in life. My beliefs are not dictated by what could happen.

Is there anyone on here who has said they presently have an UNHEALTHY marriage? Perhaps but I'm not seeing many posts of theirs and I can't think who they could be??? so I don't know why "UNHEALTHY" keeps coming up???

I hear dallas and dreamer and I REJOICE for and with them because they have both testified of their experience of HEALING and of mutually respectful and mutually satisfying marriages.

JFTR, I think you've had some good insights and been generally supportive of mutuality. I'm only sorry that you and some others cannot see how some other perspectives do NOT communicate mutuality.

Imagine sitting your beloved daughters down and telling them this is what marital sex is going to be like for them http://www.christianforums.com/t7605287-22/#post58944084

 

[hijklmnop]

I love it when my husband seduces me. I wish he'd do it more, honestly. So not every woman here believes seduction is wrong. I agree with what you've said.

Seduction/expression of desire=good.
Pressure/manipulation/disrespecting boundaries=bad.

For me, anyways.

 

[dallasapple]

Yeha this whole "your marragie is unhealthy"..NO my marriage has had horrble unhealthy patterns over the years..including this "have sex when he wants" that did a lot of damage..I think someone that has SURVIVED things like that has something to say about HEALTHY..

Im not to be discredited becasue my marraige SURVIVED..and currently?I find things like him reaching out to HOLD my hand in the dark in the middle of that night absolutley touching and unbelievably comforting..We have known each other since we were STILL children ourselves 14 and 16.. we have been through things MOST would have abandoned the marraige over..Its ridiculous to say 'we are talkign about healthy LOVING marriages"..Like Im a defect because I've been through the fire and come out O.K...with maybe some WARNINGS about what NOT to do..take it or leave it..but dont tell me I have no wisdom to share becasue of the dysfunction I have lived through and remained sane in the process..AND married..we didnt get divorced..we are together and committed..

Dallas

 

[Psalm63]

I can see how someone who had been raped had heard her rapist say that she didn't know she wanted it or needed it or whatever, that this could result in a knee-jerk reaction.

But with all the talk around here about the idea hinting that it is selfish to persuade one's spouse to have sex (or 'seduce' one's spouse), it is worth considering that a man might 'seduce' his wife when she might not otherwise care to think about sex because he has her best interest at heart.

No one is talking about forcing others. This is a benefit of having a marriage where you are careful not to throw the word 'no' around and leave the door open to the other partner because you take your responsibility to meet their sexual needs seriously.

I agree with this

My husband has very effective powers of persuasion.

 

[Psalm63]

I hope I'm not one of the ones being referred to when it was stated that some of us don't even believe in marriage. I have no idea where that idea is coming from, but believe me, I fought hard for my marriage against all odds and wouldn't have done so if I didn't believe in it with my whole heart.

My marriage, also, currently, is awesome. It WAS once in the gutter. The things we have learned through the experience of restoration are things I wouldn't give up for the world. It saddens me when ppl dwell on the negative things of the past and miss the part where and why and how the ashes turned to beauty. Because a lot of that transformation in my marriage had to do with coming to new understandings of certain Scriptural teachings, I am happy and feel compelled to share those insights with others. If someone doesn't want to hear about why I believe differently than them about certain teachings regarding marriage and Christianity (because they don't want to be "warned"), feel free to put my posts on ignore. I mean that in a polite way, btw. So don't feel sorry for me anyone...be happy for me! I am.

And the bolded is totally true for me, too.

DITTO! They can feel free to IGNORE me too.

It's my testimony and it's is very VERY GOOD NEWS. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free" Gal 5:1

The things I have shared from the past are where I thought it might foster understanding/compassion toward the many many churched people who are still in captivity...

 

[hijklmnop]

DITTO! They can feel free to IGNORE me too.

It's my testimony and it's is very VERY GOOD NEWS. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free" Gal 5:1

The things I have shared from the past are where I thought it might foster understanding/compassion toward the many many churched people who are still in captivity...

I wish I had been exposed to these kinds of teachings earlier!!! Although I suppose God's timing is perfect so no sense wishing.

 

[hijklmnop]

Yeha this whole "your marragie is unhealthy"..NO my marriage has had horrble unhealthy patterns over the years..including this "have sex when he wants" that did a lot of damage..I think someone that has SURVIVED things like that has something to say about HEALTHY..

Im not to be discredited becasue my marraige SURVIVED..and currently?I find things like him reaching out to HOLD my hand in the dark in the middle of that night absolutley touching and unbelievably comforting..We have known each other since we were STILL children ourselves 14 and 16.. we have been through things MOST would have abandoned the marraige over..Its ridiculous to say 'we are talkign about healthy LOVING marriages"..Like Im a defect because I've been through the fire and come out O.K...with maybe some WARNINGS about what NOT to do..take it or leave it..but dont tell me I have no wisdom to share becasue of the dysfunction I have lived through and remained sane in the process..AND married..we didnt get divorced..we are together and committed..

Dallas

Refined by fire....it's a beautiful thing. Not what most of us would pick going into marriage, but on the other side...? A blessing.

 

[dallasapple]

Refined by fire....it's a beautiful thing. Not what most of us would pick going into marriage, but on the other side...? A blessing.

Right I would say I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy..at the same time..who knows had we not been through that to get to where we are?We coudl have nit picked each other to death or divorced over "boredom" or who knows..I dont know..I have to beleive its sweeter now for us because of all the bitterness..then again ..best case seneiro is to have it this way from the sart..

You know I look at some that divorce around this time(its one of the peak times at aroudn 20) and we are actually more committed than ever..LOL!And the ones that are divorcing until I got wise..I thought DANG..they must have REALLY been going through wild tumulturous HELL..then you come to find out ..they "barely had an argument"..and they had "regular sex"...just "grew apart"..So who knows..Maybe its our PASSION!

Dallas

 

[mkgal1]

And I mean no disrespect to what God has done in your marriage. But it would be nice if the, "Hey, your marriage could go south at any time" attitude was checked. Not saying you specifically have that attitude, just that's it's been the impression I've been getting since the thread split. And it's exhausting. Yeah, my marriage could go south. Who cares? I don't. My marriage is great right now. If I worried about every little thing that could happen, I'd never do anything in life. My beliefs are not dictated by what could happen.

I think what's trying to be conveyed is not "worry" or "fear", but maybe--as Dreamer described it earlier--where the road leads when "walking" with a certain belief. It may NOT mean that one will EVER get to the end of that road, or even half-way down, but that there ARE other roads to choose from----roads that have nothing but good.

Marriages don't just "go south".....nothing (as far as I believe) just crumbles in a day. There has to be attitudes and thoughts behind destruction. We have to know how to recognize/discern between what is good and what is desctructive. I sincerely wished I had heard earlier about how to distinguish between the two, but maybe I wouldn't have understood it then. One thing I do know.....God gives us the truth when we truly seek it. He is faithful in His promises.

 

[hijklmnop]

I think what's trying to be conveyed is not "worry" or "fear", but maybe--as Dreamer described it earlier--where the road leads when "walking" with a certain belief. It may NOT mean that one will EVER get to the end of that road, or even half-way down, but that there ARE other roads to choose from----roads that have nothing but good.

Marriages don't just "go south".....nothing (as far as I believe) just crumbles in a day. There has to be attitudes and thoughts behind destruction. We have to know how to recognize/discern between what is good and what is desctructive. I sincerely wished I had heard earlier about how to distinguish between the two, but maybe I wouldn't have understood it then. One thing I do know.....God gives us the truth when we truly seek it. He is faithful in His promises.

Well put!

 

[mkgal1]

Right I would say I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy..at the same time..who knows had we not been through that to get to where we are?We coudl have nit picked each other to death or divorced over "boredom" or who knows..I dont know..I have to beleive its sweeter now for us because of all the bitterness..then again ..best case sceneiro is to have it this way from the start..

You know I look at some that divorce around this time(its one of the peak times at aroudn 20) and we are actually more committed than ever..LOL!And the ones that are divorcing until I got wise..I thought DANG..they must have REALLY been going through wild tumulturous HELL..then you come to find out ..they "barely had an argument"..and they had "regular sex"...just "grew apart"..So who knows..Maybe its our PASSION!

Dallas

One thing about having a contrast is.....even the most mundane things are appreciated. Going to the grocery store becomes an enjoyable experience that takes on a lot of meaning, because in the back of our minds, there can be a memory of a time when doing even the simplest things could break out into the worst day ever.

I wonder about those divorces you're talking about.....I hear about that all the time.....I even have a good friend that has been divorced from his wife for 20 years and he describes her as his "best friend". They were completely in agreement in raising their children, he is included in all their holiday celebrations, and he speaks very highly of her---she even asked him to speak at her and her husband's vow renewal last year. I have never asked him about the divorce, but it does make me wonder.....how does that happen?

 

[dallasapple]

I think what's trying to be conveyed is not "worry" or "fear", but maybe--as Dreamer described it earlier--where the road leads when "walking" with a certain belief. It may NOT mean that one will EVER get to the end of that road, or even half-way down, but that there ARE other roads to choose from----roads that have nothing but good.

Marriages don't just "go south".....nothing (as far as I believe) just crumbles in a day. There has to be attitudes and thoughts behind destruction. We have to know how to recognize/discern between what is good and what is desctructive. I sincerely wished I had heard earlier about how to distinguish between the two, but maybe I wouldn't have understood it then. One thing I do know.....God gives us the truth when we truly seek it. He is faithful in His promises.

 

[GloryBe!]

Marriages don't just "go south".....nothing (as far as I believe) just crumbles in a day. There has to be attitudes and thoughts behind destruction. We have to know how to recognize/discern between what is good and what is desctructive. I sincerely wished I had heard earlier about how to distinguish between the two, but maybe I wouldn't have understood it then. One thing I do know.....God gives us the truth when we truly seek it. He is faithful in His promises.

I agree with this. It starts with the little tiny things. It can be a combo of irritations that the other spouse is unaware of that the offended spouse just starts letting it build and build. Then, those negative unresolved irritations become an excuse for acting out or any line of "escape " for the offended one to pursue. It can start with simple rebellion and grow into some sinister thing that one can convince one's self that it is a NEED.
It really isn't some random happening.... There is always a reason, even if it's a really bad one.

Glory be!

 

[His Wife]

I think what's trying to be conveyed is not "worry" or "fear", but maybe--as Dreamer described it earlier--where the road leads when "walking" with a certain belief. It may NOT mean that one will EVER get to the end of that road, or even half-way down, but that there ARE other roads to choose from----roads that have nothing but good.

So just because one person's situation(or even a few people's situations) turned out badly, the beliefs are blamed instead of the people? That makes no sense to me. Yeah, there are cases when the beliefs themselves are dangerous, but this one isn't one of those. As chaz said earlier, a gun doesn't commit murder, the person holding the gun commits murder. The belief that spouses should sacrifice for each other is not a dangerous belief, and from what you've said here, you make it sound as though the beliefs others and myself hold will produce some terrible doom that is inevitable. That even if we never see that doom, it's there at the end of the road anyway. I mean, really? I couldn't disagree more. And, frankly, I find this incredibly offensive.

Marriages don't just "go south".....nothing (as far as I believe) just crumbles in a day. There has to be attitudes and thoughts behind destruction. We have to know how to recognize/discern between what is good and what is desctructive. I sincerely wished I had heard earlier about how to distinguish between the two, but maybe I wouldn't have understood it then. One thing I do know.....God gives us the truth when we truly seek it. He is faithful in His promises.

I agree with this half of your post, but the first is just...yeah, I don't agree with it at all and I think it's wrong to imply that someone's belief is dangerous just because you may disagree with it. I can see how an individual could use this belief in dangerous ways, but that can be said of any belief. Even our belief in Christ has been used as a excuse to slaughter thousands, but that doesn't mean the belief itself was wrong or dangerous, just that the people acting on it were misguided. It's vital to understand the difference.