30s & Never Dated

[Saucy]

What are the reasons Paul said that it's better to be single? I believe whether it is better to be single or not depends on social circumstance or the social environment a person is living in.

And it is sad and horrible that God allowed Satan and his followers to ruin marriage and the family.

Because marriage was a distraction from the things of God.

 

[timewerx]

What are the reasons Paul said that it's better to be single? I believe whether it is better to be single or not depends on social circumstance or the social environment a person is living in.

And it is sad and horrible that God allowed Satan and his followers to ruin marriage and the family.

Because you can spend more time with spiritual pursuits if you didn't have to appease your spouse's worldly cares.

It was true then and still true today.

I'm not saying it's impossible to find someone with the same spiritual pursuits but the chances are very slim. It's probably not worth the time and effort to try to find that someone with the same spiritual pursuits as yours since that time is better spent on doing what the Lord wants us to do than using that time to find our "soulmate".

Of course, someone whose faith isn't genuine, they do have plenty of chances to find another one who is exactly like them because people who have lukewarm faith are the most numerous people on Earth. They even vastly outnumber Atheists. So chances are, you are most likely to meet someone with lukewarm faith. So they tend to have good chances of getting married if they are at least a bit good looking with decent social skills.

 

[Faithfulandtrue]

I am early 30s & have never dated. I've wanted a girlfriend since middle school. I have been waiting a long time. I get sad & frustrated. It never changes & doesn't seem like it ever will. All I get to do is watch other people get relationships. Even other late-bloomers I know are starting to date now. The only advice people give me is to keep trying & meeting girls, but that gets harder & harder b/c it seems like a lot of girls are in relationships already. Singles seem to be few & far between. How would I even find one that's compatible w/ me & I like her & she likes me? It might as well be impossible.

Church groups have 12-2 guy-girl ratios. There's not any at my work. No friend ever has a single sister/niece/friend/etc. they know. Online dating is completely useless.

I'm completely stuck. I don't really have a question. I just want to vent. My situation never gets better.

I understand your frustration. Thank you for venting honestly it brought me comfort knowing I'm really not alone in feeling this way. I'm so sorry your hurting the same way I am. I prayed for you a few minutes ago. I'm about to be 30 in two months too. I just came home from a baby shower. Even though I know I'm not ready for kids it brought the sting of being the only woman at the table who not only was single but never dated.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

What are the reasons Paul said that it's better to be single?

Yeah, Christians seem to like to hang their hat on this, of course with anything there are pros and cons of things...so it's like saying water is wet.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

people who have lukewarm faith are the most numerous people on Earth. They even vastly outnumber Atheists. So chances are, you are most likely to meet someone with lukewarm faith. So they tend to have good chances of getting married if they are at least a bit good looking with decent social skills.

So, at least they got that going for them.

This makes sense. I knew a devout Catholic that left the church to go to her now husband's church, and marry in his church, simply because she refused to raise her kids Catholic since her husband was not. There's more flexibility.
People have wiggle room when it comes to their faith.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I understand your frustration. Thank you for venting honestly it brought me comfort knowing I'm really not alone in feeling this way. I'm so sorry your hurting the same way I am. I prayed for you a few minutes ago. I'm about to be 30 in two months too. I just came home from a baby shower. Even though I know I'm not ready for kids it brought the sting of being the only woman at the table who not only was single but never dated.

Wow? I simply refuse to attend events where I'm the only one unattached person there, especially if the tradition is involving some couples related stuff.

 

[Marumorose]

I am early 30s & have never dated. I've wanted a girlfriend since middle school. I have been waiting a long time. I get sad & frustrated. It never changes & doesn't seem like it ever will. All I get to do is watch other people get relationships. Even other late-bloomers I know are starting to date now. The only advice people give me is to keep trying & meeting girls, but that gets harder & harder b/c it seems like a lot of girls are in relationships already. Singles seem to be few & far between. How would I even find one that's compatible w/ me & I like her & she likes me? It might as well be impossible.

Church groups have 12-2 guy-girl ratios. There's not any at my work. No friend ever has a single sister/niece/friend/etc. they know. Online dating is completely useless.

I'm completely stuck. I don't really have a question. I just want to vent. My situation never gets better.

May God Bless You. My brother understand that dating is a sin. You cannot ask God to give you a girlfriend. God can only give you a wife. The fact that you never dated means God wants you to live a righteous life. The same thing happened to me. I never dated because God did not want me to date. No matter how much i liked the guy, there was that voice inside me that advised me not to date! Pray to God to send you the right wife to you

 

[ThisIsMe123]

My brother understand that dating is a sin.

Um, okay now I'm confused. Do you not date in order to find a wife? Kind of common sense there.

You can't just jump from A to C without going through B first.

I currently know 2 devout Christians that have dated for a few months now. So....not sure where you're getting this from.

 

[bèlla]

Um, okay now I'm confused. Do you not date in order to find a wife? Kind of common sense there.

She’s probably addressing courtship and its markedly different from dating. A connection is established which allows the pair to build an acquaintance platonically. During the course of their interactions if the bond is mutually appealing they may elect to pursue a courtship that enables them to gauge their suitability for marriage.

Unlike dating, courtships have a definitive goal and agreed upon restrictions and timeframes. You won’t spend years in a relationship that fizzles. The restraints are devised to minimize injury and physicality is significantly lessened.

Courtship isn’t a mean time or right now connection. You’re looking for longevity as is the other.

~bella

 

[Juan777]

Um, okay now I'm confused. Do you not date in order to find a wife? Kind of common sense there.

You can't just jump from A to C without going through B first.

I currently know 2 devout Christians that have dated for a few months now. So....not sure where you're getting this from.

Dating has a bad rap in Western society because it implies that you are having pre-maritial sex, and if you are not, then you are petting, making out, kissing, and seeing that secular society has devolved into hook-up culture where people are meeting and having sex on the first date, it may artifically lower the goal-posts as far as Christian dating standards are concerned.

However, having been married for two months and divorced, and having no-fault divorce in society has made marriage meaningless unless both parties are deeply committed to the Lord and to each other. I probably would have ended up with my ex-wife for a longer time, as an ex-gf, which could have spanned years rather than a matter of months (ie we might even still have been together today), if we never got married in the first place. Getting married ended up with her completely removed from my life faster than anything else would do.

 

[bèlla]

Dating isn’t wholly about sex from the Christian perspective. The issue is intimacy and the necessity of guarding your heart while relating. People spend years in someone’s company and never marry. To pretend there’s no emotional fallout from their togetherness is dishonest.

There’s always a price when you open yourself to someone and you don’t need to have sex to do it. Dating doesn’t require you to marry the one you’re with. You’re in a relationship but where is it heading?

It doesn’t take years to figure out if you want to spend your life with someone. Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you’re marriage minded. Many want to do it ‘down the road’ and if you’re not careful you’ll get tied up with them and find yourself starting over later on. And you can’t get that time back.

There needs to be parameters in place where you see where you stand at the six and 12 month mark. And if marriage isn’t on the table walk away and wish each other well. Don’t spend your life in dead end relationships. Many do and regret it afterwards.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I am such a failure w/ girls. I am a loser with them. It is too hard for me. I'll never be able to date. I'm so tired of meeting one & then finding out she has a boyfriend or is married. It never changes. I can't see myself ever getting a girl interested in me. Plus Christian girls are a needle in a haystack so how do I find one that's even compatible w/ me? It's impossible. Other guys like me who were late bloomers are getting or have girlfriends & I get nothing.

 

[Kwilson]

I am single because the Lord wants me to be. Why? I don't know...But I know He is working on me, preparing me for my future. I just try to stay on the straight and narrow and see what happens next. I too go to a local singles group. Nothing has come of it yet. But I just have faith in the Lord, just like any other issue in life.

 

[Juan777]

I am such a failure w/ girls. I am a loser with them. It is too hard for me. I'll never be able to date. I'm so tired of meeting one & then finding out she has a boyfriend or is married. It never changes. I can't see myself ever getting a girl interested in me. Plus Christian girls are a needle in a haystack so how do I find one that's even compatible w/ me? It's impossible. Other guys like me who were late bloomers are getting or have girlfriends & I get nothing.

You are sounding like a feminist attacking yourself like that. That's what feminists think about people like us. You just have to see other threads to read that hate. You are echoing it and applying it to yourself. However, just because other people don't like us does not mean you have to internalize this and voice it. I hope mods delete or ban people from posting hateful things on here that inspire these types of posts and negative reflections on the most vulnerable people here.

All I can say is be careful what post you are reading and what voices you are listening to. God doesn't say you are a loser and his opinion counts more than what people say.

 

[Juan777]

I am single because the Lord wants me to be. Why? I don't know...But I know He is working on me, preparing me for my future. I just try to stay on the straight and narrow and see what happens next. I too go to a local singles group. Nothing has come of it yet. But I just have faith in the Lord, just like any other issue in life.

I think the devil wants me to stay single and not talk to any women at all. This is because I saw an exorcism with Bob Larson of an Indian guy. Look at this video as to why I came to this conclusion:

Here (from the point of the clip I started), the demon is saying that he has been messing with his female friendships.

This means the devil wants to sabatoge friendships with the opposite sex. He does not wants us talking, relating, or being friends with the opposite sex. You saw it from this video that this "incel" looking Indian guy had a demon in him activily sabotaging his chances of getting a girlfriend.

We like to blame or say it's what the Lord wants and forget we are in a spiritual war and God's will is not fulfilled or active in allot of cases because the enemy keeps thwarting God's ideal plan for our lives.

 

[VCR-2000]

Because you can spend more time with spiritual pursuits if you didn't have to appease your spouse's worldly cares.

It was true then and still true today.

I'm not saying it's impossible to find someone with the same spiritual pursuits but the chances are very slim. It's probably not worth the time and effort to try to find that someone with the same spiritual pursuits as yours since that time is better spent on doing what the Lord wants us to do than using that time to find our "soulmate".

Of course, someone whose faith isn't genuine, they do have plenty of chances to find another one who is exactly like them because people who have lukewarm faith are the most numerous people on Earth. They even vastly outnumber Atheists. So chances are, you are most likely to meet someone with lukewarm faith. So they tend to have good chances of getting married if they are at least a bit good looking with decent social skills.

I just can't see myself wanting to fully engage in a purely spiritual pursuit if it doesn't involve a physical domain too (like entertainment or sports). It's like when people are in school they are just listening to lectures and asking questions instead of doing active engagement and learning.

 

[VCR-2000]

You are sounding like a feminist attacking yourself like that. That's what feminists think about people like us. You just have to see other threads to read that hate. You are echoing it and applying it to yourself. However, just because other people don't like us does not mean you have to internalize this and voice it. I hope mods delete or ban people from posting hateful things on here that inspire these types of posts and negative reflections on the most vulnerable people here.

All I can say is be careful what post you are reading and what voices you are listening to. God doesn't say you are a loser and his opinion counts more than what people say.

Feminists and women who are influenced by them, on their part, they do things like put in their dating bios "not interested in anyone below 5'10" or have a impossible laundry list of standards and not necessarily preferences, and they benefit from having double standards when they claim the men created double standards. Includes modern Christian women too at some degree, even the devout ones.

 

[LoveDivine]

I am such a failure w/ girls. I am a loser with them. It is too hard for me. I'll never be able to date. I'm so tired of meeting one & then finding out she has a boyfriend or is married. It never changes. I can't see myself ever getting a girl interested in me. Plus Christian girls are a needle in a haystack so how do I find one that's even compatible w/ me? It's impossible. Other guys like me who were late bloomers are getting or have girlfriends & I get nothing.

I know it is discouraging. At least you are putting yourself out there and trying to meet someone. Just remember, you just need to meet one nice person who is a good match for you. You don't need to hit it off with lots of women to get married. It may not have happened yet, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. I know it's tough to see everyone around you getting married or starting relationships ( I have been through that), but don't let that leave you hopeless. Everyone is different and experiences things at different stages or times in life. You might end up getting married a little later in life (or later than your friends), but that is okay.

 

[mojoboy31]

You might end up getting married a little later in life (or later than your friends), but that is okay.

That is indeed, okay. In fact, that's better than being married to the wrong person, or being in a relationship with the wrong person. There's worse things than being single.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Includes modern Christian women too at some degree, even the devout ones.

Right, as soon as they step out of church, they typically take on secular standards when they are dating IE the long laundry list/double standards