Interesting. I could try it. My problem w/ dating books is most of them are about when you're actually in a relationship & want to sustain it, & only a chapter or 2 is about finding a date. Plus the books that tend to focus primarily on finding a date are very secular.
No book can tell you how to get a date. Although a lot of them promise to. They reason they can't is simple. The components are developed in childhood in the midst of friends and family.
That's where you learn how to communicate
How your behavior affects others
You discover your personality and likes/dislikes
And you understand how people respond to your appearance
That's all it is. The only difference for believers is God's influence. Faith should impact all four. They can't tell you how to do it because no one has the same mix. The mixture impacts the whole.
As
@Cormack mentioned,
"American style dating requires that people are more socially savvy, more personable and a whole swath of other skills that lots of people simply don’t have."
The majority pursue three qualities above the rest: looks, money, and status. They're the first ones people speak to or click on. Most people work down the list. They choose the long shots first. Bypassing viable candidates who could be good companions.
In your case, I'd work with an image consultant. You need to overcome the outcast and build up your confidence. Working with someone conversant in the things that improve presentation, interaction, and comfort is helpful. They'd show you how to put your best foot forward in personal and professional scenarios.
As for the book, it isn't about dating in the manner you're thinking. He spends a lot of time unpacking the problems that prevent many from finding someone and how we should engage ethically.
What we really sold me on the book was a story he shared about shopping with a friend. He wanted a jacket and the author tagged along. The friend was very explicit. He knew the type, look, and features he was seeking. If a store didn't have it he left and went to another. His summation was brilliant.
Both my friend and I were technically doing the same thing. 'Shopping.' But our experiences could hardly have been any more different. He was on a mission. He had an objective and a purpose. I, on the other hand was just playing around.
I was shopping for fun. It was a form of entertainment for me. I had time to kill. I had endless options in front of me and I thought maybe I could find something that I could use that would bring me joy. And at the end of the day, my friend went home with exactly what he needed. A new rain jacket. And I went home with my 17th pair of sunglasses and a toy helicopter that broke the next morning.
He's expressing the necessity of knowing what you want before you begin. The who and the what. If marriage is the end goal you've satisfied the what. Now you have to tackle the who. He spends a lot of time on it.
Many dating books are written by people who've never faced the challenges singles are experiencing. They went to a Christian college and met their future spouse. That's easy when you're dating in a vacuum. Or they came from a church with a strong young person's ministry. They had a lot of options.
There's a whole heap of problems that have never been tackled from that angle. No one talks about dating with mental health challenges or social anxiety and awkwardness. That changes everything.
We have problem with 'unlovables' in American culture. Everyone is worthy of love. But we don't love everyone. The solution is the thing we withhold. Loving everyone. When you're loving you draw a lot of people to you. Start doing it and your circle will grow.
