29 & Never Dated

[bèlla]

Non Pursuit...

You want to be someone who is pursuing Christ with your whole life. And then you're trying to find someone else pursuing Christ at the same pace. Going the same direction you are at the same speed. And if you're fully yielded to Christ and they're fully yielded to Christ, you don't have to pursue each other. You pursue God together side by side as one.

Imagine life as if you're running a race. You're chasing after Jesus, you're serving in your church, going on mission trips, sitting in bible studies, hanging out with a solid group of friends who are also running after Jesus. As you look to your right or left there's always someone running alongside you. They're doing the same things you are to chase after Jesus.

Find someone running in the same direction you are at the same speed. And ask them if they'd like to run this race with you.

 

[bèlla]

I want a single woman, most probably Christian, but who is also physically arm-candy. Those odds are very slim, which is why I said before that it's sometimes a crappy deal. One has to compromise and can't have it all. Some need to compromise more than others.

You want a virginal Christian trophy?

 

[pc_76]

You want a virginal Christian trophy?

She doesn't strictly need to be a virgin but I will prefer if I can get that.

 

[bèlla]

She doesn't strictly need to be a virgin but I will prefer if I can get that.

Your comments are very odd for a trophy hunter. I’m not referencing men who want an attractive woman in that statement. I’m speaking of the ones who can get her.

They don’t typically spazz out about virginity or sound despondent. They’re aware they’ve received attention all their lives. Well before adulthood. Everyone notices them.
And everyone wants them.

Men like that are usually very confident. You need it to deal with the competition. They don’t have difficulty finding a partner. They’re equally appealing to the opposite sex. Neither struggle in that department.

Something doesn’t add up. You don’t sound like them. I know the type intimately. They’re not afraid of being alone or missing out. They always get the girl.

 

[Cormack]

She doesn't strictly need to be a virgin but I will prefer if I can get that.

Do you feel the qualities that are commonly associated with virginal men are attractive to women in the same way that the qualities commonly associated with virginal women are attractive to men?

 

[trophy33]

If I never had a man express interest in me I’d have some questions and concerns. It’s one thing to experience that during your teens. But when you enter adulthood things change. Never being noticed or hearing a declaration of attraction would be demoralizing. I’d think something’s wrong with me.

Thats why there is almost no woman without some online profile. Most women need a constant attention and validation, even when they are not seriously thinking about dating.

And because its an exhausting activity for one man, they are frequently in a need of many online fans.

An average looking girl can get thousands of likes and messages on dating sites or instagram a week. That gives her a false feeling she is special and deserves some top 10% man.

Those top 10% men have so many girls to choose from that they do not have any need to marry or settle down, so they change girls in a fast rate just to have fun.

Those girls then complain "all men are the same, just playing games and wanting a bedroom fun". While normal men are invisible to them.

This is, in summary, todays dating market. 90% of women chasing 10% of men and most men giving likes to any average woman in age group 18-30 in a hope that at least one will finally respond.

 

[bèlla]

Thats why there is almost no woman without some online profile. Most women need a constant attention and validation, even when they are not seriously thinking about dating.

I think you misunderstood my statement.

I was putting myself in his shoes and viewing the dilemma from that position. When I did I saw his plight. I wasn’t talking about the Internet. I’m referencing non acknowledgment in the flesh.

 

[bèlla]

Thats why there is almost no woman without some online profile. Most women need a constant attention and validation, even when they are not seriously thinking about dating.

I’ve never used a dating app or joined a site. It didn’t appeal to me. I encountered men in other venues. We had profiles in two places and the volume bothered me. It was overwhelming and I replied to all of them as a courtesy.

I don’t enjoy conversing with multiple men. I’m genuinely monogamous and prefer to focus on one person alone. When I encounter someone promising I stop talking. I don’t juggle prospects.

I want to be desirable to the one I love. Not a throng of men. That turns me off. They’re wasting their time looking at me and depriving themselves of a fulfilling bond. Why would I enjoy that?

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve seen the same and know the type you’re referencing on both sides. If people would stop trying to level up and use one another as ego boosters we’d have less problems.

 

[bèlla]

Godly women don’t want to be sex symbols. They aren’t courting attention from a crowd of men. If you’re meeting people who act that way they have their mind on flesh. Not on God.

Godly women are looking for godly men who bear His likeness. Not the Internet hottie.

 

[Sketcher]

Godly women don’t want to be sex symbols. They aren’t courting attention from a crowd of men. If you’re meeting people who act that way they have their mind on flesh. Not on God.

Godly women are looking for godly men who bear His likeness. Not the Internet hottie.

What people think of today when asked to describe a "godly woman" is a woman who at very least has good character and traditional Christian values. These women are not given the spotlight in the present culture, and such women in their mid-twenties seem rare. However, men that want to settle down will want most or all of what a traditional Christian woman is supposed to bring to the table, therefore she will have many options if she is also visually attractive - not even a knockout, just attractive. Therefore, she will choose what she thinks is the best option. Which doesn't really bode well for the other guys who are interested in her, there's an imbalance. Guys who have problems like I and the OP have expressed simply will not be at the top of her list, and there simply aren't workable guides to the level of transformation necessary that are put out by good people (PUA claims to do that, but none of that is by good people with Christian relationship goals in mind, and much of that is centered on non-transferable skills anyway - those it doesn't turn into immoral players, it turns into creeps, but either way, they spent their money on the product).

 

[bèlla]

Which doesn't really bode well for the other guys who are interested in her, there's an imbalance. Guys who have problems like I and the OP have expressed simply will not be at the top of her list

What about the women possessing those attributes who aren't attractive? Who's dating them?

and there simply aren't workable guides to the level of transformation necessary that are put out by good people (PUA claims to do that, but none of that is by good people with Christian relationship goals in mind, and much of that is centered on non-transferable skills anyway - those it doesn't turn into immoral players, it turns into creeps, but either way, they spent their money on the product).

None of it is good. I've read it or know people who adopted 'dating philosophies' I find repugnant. We need to get beyond superficialities. The pool is small.

 

[Sketcher]

What about the women possessing those attributes who aren't attractive? Who's dating them?

• Guys who are attracted to them (hence they're attractive to somebody).
• Guys who aren't attracted but are pressured into it. They could be "moralized" into it, they could be gay, or they could be "hogging" (which apparently was a thing among worldly guys older than me - Christian guys don't take part).

None of it is good. I've read it or know people who adopted 'dating philosophies' I find repugnant.

I don't blame you. When they advertise "get laid or meet the love of your life" they really just mean get laid as fast as possible, that's their emphasis. Which degrades the guy's character and value - he'll have trained himself to be a "hit it and quit it" guy, which not only degrades his own value as a long term partner to women, but it also trains him to look for the easy women who aren't wife material. If he doesn't have the social chops to make that happen, the end result is a creep instead. Any guy who is tempted by the advertising needs to consider this, and ask himself, "Do I want to be just like the guy putting out this material?" If the answer is no, don't waste your time and money.

We need to get beyond superficialities. The pool is small.

Ah, the inherent contradiction when it comes to dating.

 

[bèlla]

• Guys who are attracted to them (hence they're attractive to somebody).
• Guys who aren't attracted but are pressured into it. They could be "moralized" into it, they could be gay, or they could be "hogging" (which apparently was a thing among worldly guys older than me - Christian guys don't take part).

We're naturally attracted to certain qualities. But that isn't the final answer. We can become attracted to other things as well. I have a type and its evident in my dating history. But I can be attracted to a man outside that pool if he has other qualities I like. As we engage he becomes more attractive.

Maybe they aren't your type physically at present. But that can change.

Any guy who is tempted by the advertising needs to consider this, and ask himself, "Do I want to be just like the guy putting out this material?" If the answer is no, don't waste your time and money.

I avoid men who embrace PUA, Red Pill, MGTOW, and male supremacy. They can't love me like Christ with that in their head. The philosophies advocate behaviors that oppose the Lord. That isn't a foundation I want to build on. There must be mutual regard.

Ah, the inherent contradiction when it comes to dating.

It doesn't have to be. But you have to admit you're afraid to color outside the lines.

 

[Yeshua John 3:16]

To Myst33 #606

Beautifully written. All in all, if you have a mediocre or ugly appearance, you have a very little chance of being in a relationship with a woman these days. Hypergamy in one word.

 

[Yeshua John 3:16]

I am 29 & never dated. I have always wanted GF but fail every time. Does anyone have any advice or can offer insight? It hurts. Today I feel like crying.

Thx

I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship with a girl too, and you know what's the reason? My appearance. women today want handsome, rich, tall, even if they are ugly or average themselves, that says a lot about modern women. I have no chance of a relationship because women are princesses who need the best men, and I am a trash in society. This world has fallen a lot, the corruption is huge, I really want to see it when God's wrath is poured out on this hideous world. Be strong in Jesus, Brother, and give up women if you're not super handsome and rich.

 

[Sketcher]

We're naturally attracted to certain qualities. But that isn't the final answer. We can become attracted to other things as well. I have a type and its evident in my dating history. But I can be attracted to a man outside that pool if he has other qualities I like. As we engage he becomes more attractive.

Maybe they aren't your type physically at present. But that can change.

So . . . still attractive, to at least somebody.

Different guys like different things.

I also know what it is to be attracted to women outside "my type". That was included when I said not knockouts, just attractive.

I avoid men who embrace PUA, Red Pill, MGTOW, and male supremacy. They can't love me like Christ with that in their head. The philosophies advocate behaviors that oppose the Lord. That isn't a foundation I want to build on. There must be mutual regard.

It's kind of like feminism, TBH. There's a lot of variance to it. There's not one Red Piller that I would want to emulate in character, personally. Some are much worse than others. But every extreme reaction will bait people with down-to-earth truths that jive with lived experience. If they're all saying the same thing about the dating market, there's probably something to it. Same with the likelihood of divorce, they look at studies for both. Men who choose to ignore these points do so at their peril, but the right reaction isn't to "hit it and quit it" or to live with hate in your heart, or to say that when men cheat it's not cheating.

It doesn't have to be. But you have to admit you're afraid to color outside the lines.

Not sure what you mean by that, but if it has to do with dating women I don't find attractive, I was actually pressured into that once, and that will never happen again. I had to apologise to her for the way I treated her. (I was "morally" pressured into the situation, for those keeping track.)

 

[trophy33]

I’ve never used a dating app or joined a site. It didn’t appeal to me. I encountered men in other venues. We had profiles in two places and the volume bothered me. It was overwhelming and I replied to all of them as a courtesy.

I don’t enjoy conversing with multiple men. I’m genuinely monogamous and prefer to focus on one person alone. When I encounter someone promising I stop talking. I don’t juggle prospects.

I want to be desirable to the one I love. Not a throng of men. That turns me off. They’re wasting their time looking at me and depriving themselves of a fulfilling bond. Why would I enjoy that?

I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve seen the same and know the type you’re referencing on both sides. If people would stop trying to level up and use one another as ego boosters we’d have less problems.

I was not talking just about dating sites, but also about FB, instagram and all possible online profiles.

But its great you are different, there are few such women. I was talking more about the average, majority behavior. Not specifically about you.

 

[trophy33]

To Myst33 #606

Beautifully written. All in all, if you have a mediocre or ugly appearance, you have a very little chance of being in a relationship with a woman these days. Hypergamy in one word.

I think I look fine and I have possibilities, but I gave up dating just because its such a mess today. And todays girls are not attractive anymore, either in their behavior or past or shape. They are entitled, lack any useful skills for marriage, are psychologically damaged from previous relationships...
And the marriage/divorce laws? 100% against men.

When I stopped dating, I got so less stress, so much more peace, much simpler life, much more money, I am healthier, I look better etc.

I really do not know what is so great in being in a relationship, anymore. And I can imagine that in the USA the situation is probably even worse than in my country, regarding dating.

 

[bèlla]

I was not talking just about dating sites, but also about FB, instagram and all possible online profiles.

But its great you are different, there are few such women. I was talking more about the average, majority behavior. Not specifically about you.

I knew you weren't referring to me personally.

I use social media in my work but not privately. Most of my time is spent in a scheduler. All my connections are business related. I don't have family or friends on my accounts. My feed is very controlled. But given my niche I see a lot. IG is a trip.

 

[trophy33]

I knew you weren't referring to me personally.

I use social media in my work but not privately. Most of my time is spent in a scheduler. All my connections are business related. I don't have family or friends on my accounts. My feed is very controlled. But given my niche I see a lot. IG is a trip.

Thats great. Sadly, there are not many women like you. So, statistically, most of us will meet the worse ones, only.