29 & Never Dated

[DragonFox91]

What I'm suggesting is a pit stop to top up the tank, refill the water reservoir and grease the bearings. Because at the moment you sound like a clapped out motor that's about to drive cross country without a full service.

Ever seen an engine overheat? You don't just grind your journey to a halt but you also write the vehicle off about two miles in. A full service NOW prevents that. And the only way you EVER become a loser is by being mule-headed and stubborn.

But what would I know? Nothing apparently.

How? I work all day during the week. I can't just shut everything off. I got vacation days for days that are probably just gonna make it worse. I had a few months long 'break' & it didn't help anything.

Plus every time I try to improve the situation it doesn't help. Every time I meet new people it's just another dead-end. A lot of times I'm the outcast. No girl wants to date the outcast! When I'm not the outcast, it just leads to meeting more single men who are as stuck as I am & as clueless. Or you meet people who think it's easy or just expect it to 'happen when it happens.' No! I'm sick of that answer. Bottom line: it's not happening & absolutely zero progress has been made for 30 years. I need to do something to fix it. The man has to do a lot of the work. Just expecting it to happen is nonsense when you learn how couples meet/met. They were all doing something right. Meanwhile I'm stuck meeting a lot of women in their 50s & up single or still in high school. Single women my age range are nearly impossible to find. Or you meet them & they're single but next time you see them they have a boyfriend! I'm totally clueless how to meet them. Expanding my network just leads to more of the same old, same old. Married women my age, or way too old or way too young.

It's so frustrating b/c I know a lot of single men & they all say the same thing. "She has a boyfriend" etc. Where the heck are all the single girls? A few times it's been suggested on here they don't have to go places b/c essentially a man just falls into their lap but that's nonsense. Are they going for online dating? Do they have more luck there? It's been so useless for me I don't even bother w/ it anymore. It's just too depressing. But meanwhile I hear online dating is where couples meet now. But then why in the world do I have ZERO luck w/ it & why in the world do older generations tell me not to use it?

 

[ReesePiece23]

How? I work all day during the week. I can't just shut everything off. I got vacation days for days that are probably just gonna make it worse. I had a few months long 'break' & it didn't help anything.

Plus every time I try to improve the situation it doesn't help. Every time I meet new people it's just another dead-end. A lot of times I'm the outcast. No girl wants to date the outcast! When I'm not the outcast, it just leads to meeting more single men who are as stuck as I am & as clueless. Or you meet people who think it's easy or just expect it to 'happen when it happens.' No! I'm sick of that answer. Bottom line: it's not happening & absolutely zero progress has been made for 30 years. I need to do something to fix it. The man has to do a lot of the work. Just expecting it to happen is nonsense when you learn how couples meet/met. They were all doing something right. Meanwhile I'm stuck meeting a lot of women in their 50s & up single, you meet a lot of women in high school. Single women my age range are nearly impossible to find. I'm totally clueless how to meet them. Expanding my network just leads to more of the same old, same old. Married women my age, or way too old or way too young.

I actually don't know. I mean, several good people have given you their time for free (28 pages worth) and you just come back and shout at them like they're naughty school children.

You're "sick of these answers" - okay, so I'll do you a favour now and forget about you. I'm not where *I* want to be either, but it's on ME to put that right. That's why you rarely see me ask for advice because it's *my* responsibility to be the person I need to be so that I can go out there and take what I want. And when I DO ask for advice, I never speak to them how you are speaking to me right now.

I've been patient, but I don't want to see your posts anymore. You've completely alienated me.

 

[DragonFox91]

Wow okay. I meant people in relationships I meet in-person, not anyone at all on here. (people in person tend to just laugh it off & absolutely no one is doing that on here. Everyone on here is taking it very seriously) But I did mean 'taking a break' does nothing. I want to solve the problem, not put it off or pretend it's not there.

Plus I've been trying for 25-30 years. I think I might know what doesn't work. I need to know what works.

 

[bèlla]

Outcast: One that is cast out or refused acceptance (as by society): Pariah

 

[DragonFox91]

for example I also know 'be yourself' is the worst kind of advice I see for this kind of thing too. Let's be honest, the way we're born or the way we develop may not always be good or the most attractive to potential partners & that can be changed for the better. That doesn't mean you have to make radical changes, it just means you may have to make small tweaks here & there.

Outcast: One that is cast out or refused acceptance (as by society): Pariah

yes

 

[bèlla]

When you have an ache and don’t know the cause its agony. Once you have a diagnosis you can focus on treating it and getting better.

Problem: Outcast
Cause: Socially unacceptable challenges and behaviors
Remedy: Fix what you can; accept what you can’t
Reward: Confidence and peace of mind

 

[DragonFox91]

Today ended up being okay. My friend was a good distraction / mask.
Hopefully last afternoon/this morning was just a bad day.

When you have an ache and don’t know the cause its agony. Once you have a diagnosis you can focus on treating it and getting better.

Problem: Outcast
Cause: Socially unacceptable challenges and behaviors
Remedy: Fix what you can; accept what you can’t
Reward: Confidence and peace of mind

I'm a Beta. There's not really a fix for that.

 

[bèlla]

I'm a Beta. There's not really a fix for that.

Beta?

 

[DragonFox91]

Yesterday I was fine. Today I feel awful again. I hate this so much.

Beta?

Basically means I don't have it.

 

[ozso]

I used to be bothered by not having a girlfriend. Especially in my 30s. But I finally stopped caring somewhere along the way. Now I'll probably end up in a relationship since I no longer want one.

 

[DragonFox91]

I used to be bothered by not having a girlfriend. Especially in my 30s. But I finally stopped caring somewhere along the way. Now I'll probably end up in a relationship since I no longer want one.

That seems like giving up

 

[bèlla]

Yesterday I was fine. Today I feel awful again. I hate this so much.

Basically means I don't have it.

This doesn’t add up. You say you’re an outcast and beta. Your expectations for partnership are fairly high in light of those statements. You feel you should be meeting prospects.

But a repellant doesn’t draw things to itself. It pushes them away and keeps them at bay. Your statements are contradictory. Either you don’t agree with the rejection or there’s something else afoot.

 

[ozso]

That seems like giving up

More like adapted. But that's me. I've always been a loner. I think in my case I was more bothered by the fact that it seemed everyone had someone except me, rather than me feeling all that lonely.

 

[DragonFox91]

This doesn’t add up. You say you’re an outcast and beta. Your expectations for partnership are fairly high in light of those statements. You feel you should be meeting prospects.

But a repellant doesn’t draw things to itself. It pushes them away and keeps them at bay. Your statements are contradictory. Either you don’t agree with the rejection or there’s something else afoot.

It depends on the group. At work, w/ neighbors, generally w/ older crowds, w/ friends, I'm not. These groups are surprised. At church, I am. Growing up, I was.

More like adapted. But that's me. I've always been a loner. I think in my case I was more bothered by the fact that it seemed everyone had someone except me, rather than me feeling all that lonely.

The past few months I thought I was 'growing out of it.' Apparently not.

 

[bèlla]

It depends on the group. At work, w/ neighbors, generally w/ older crowds, w/ friends, I'm not. These groups are surprised. At church, I am. Growing up, I was.

The past few months I thought I was 'growing out of it.' Apparently not.

By your peers at church or the opposite sex?

If you struggled to make connections growing up it would have an impact. That’s when you work out the quirks. It affects your confidence. Some part of you expects the same.

Look at things logically and pinpoint the behaviors people find problematic or place you at a disadvantage. And tailor your expectations to your circumstances.

That doesn’t mean giving up. But you have to be realistic. Stop focusing on others. Their results are immaterial if they aren’t wrestling with the same.

 

[DragonFox91]

By your peers at church or the opposite sex?

both

Some part of you expects the same.

yes. definitely

 

[deanerenata32]

Please don't feel bad. I am almost 34 years old and I have never dated before either but I don't feel bad about that. I just figure that if GOD wants me to have a life partner then He would give me one.

Why are you basing your self-worth upon dating? Please be proud of who you are, who GOD made you to be. Only you can be you. Your uniqueness is worth celebrating.

 

[DragonFox91]

Please don't feel bad. I am almost 34 years old and I have never dated before either but I don't feel bad about that. I just figure that if GOD wants me to have a life partner then He would give me one.

Why are you basing your self-worth upon dating? Please be proud of who you are, who GOD made you to be. Only you can be you. Your uniqueness is worth celebrating.

Well, it is something I want. It is a goal/dream I have. I feel like I make little-to-no progress & it just feels depressing. I will be sad if God doesn't want me to have a life partner. I am scared he doesn't.

 

[DragonFox91]

Some of the problem w/ the church group is it's a college-aged group. In addition to some of the group still having high school level maturity, I just feel beyond that life stage. Unfortunately in other groups I'd be w/ all couples & be behind, so in this group I stay.

 

[DragonFox91]

What on earth am I going to do when I'm 50 & nothing's changed????