29 & Never Dated

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Juan777

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Women attend church in greater numbers than men. Especially when they’re younger. Socialization usually happens in classes and small groups. There’s not a lot of opportunity during the service. If they don’t participate in activities for singles (if they’re available) or events for both there’s less options for engagement.

A lot of people go to church and leave afterward or they’re involved in activities and ministries beyond its walls. They may go to a small group elsewhere that suits their needs. Or serve in a capacity that isn’t offered in their church.

For example, the college and twenties group at my former church met in the evening during the week. But the others met on Sunday. Our women’s study met in the morning during the week. There was another on a different day in the evening and one after service. You’ve gotta have the numbers to accommodate the realities of different schedules.

Agreed. It appears that @DragonFox91 has tried this but there are simply more guys in these activities. I'm 46 years old so I'm probably out of range since most singles activities are geared to young adults. I was actually kicked out of one back in 2013 and I was 37 years old at that time.

bella said:
Dating apps and sites didn’t remove anyone from church. They started using them because the pool is larger. You’re no longer limited to the people in your environment. You can meet others in your vicinity or elsewhere willing to move.

Most people in the demographic under discussion are looking online. That’s their primary source for connections. The rest are maybes. There’s no guarantee they’ll meet someone they’re interested in.

If there was no Internet most of you would be married or en route. Because there’s less to choose from. You don’t know what you’re missing and take what’s available. But the net feeds the grass is greener syndrome. There’s always something better and that’s what many are chasing. Their ideal.

Agreed, but I would put a qualification. Most guys are not meeting women online but are getting ignored. If a guy is not married it's because he's not meeting anyone period, not because there is too much choice. I think perhaps that the types of guys that women are meeting online are probably very attractive and are not the types that would want to commit or settle down. This leads to a distortion of reality that leaves most guys, like the OP out, who would like to meet someone and get married. It it was more equitable then there would be more marriages.
 
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Juan777

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From what I see, Christian women practice dating with unbelievers frequently than Christian men. This may produce the effect that while Christian men are looking for single girls/women in churches, those are not available, dating for example their colleagues from work.

Yes, agreed. Why do you think Christian woman do this?
 
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myst33

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Yes, agreed. Why do you think Christian woman do this?
Maybe they are not taught they should date/marry only Christians as much as men are. Or they ignore it.
 
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myst33

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The lack of properly managed Christian dating sites, Christian chats for singles etc. are also the sign of the old-fashioned mentality of today's churches.

They have usually also many more programs for children, mothers or families than for men or for singles. I stopped attending several churches because they acted like clubs for mothers with children.

Currently its quite a problem to find a church that is balanced regarding age, gender and family status.
 
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angelsaroundme

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I wouldn't be surprised if the average Christian man, being more spiritually minded, thinks less about their own appearance which gives an advantage to secular men. It's an unfortunate reality that the modern dating scene is extremely competitive. If one is serious about dating a style/wardrobe makeover could be helpful.
 
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Juan777

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I wouldn't be surprised if the average Christian man, being more spiritually minded, thinks less about their own appearance which gives an advantage to secular men. It's an unfortunate reality that the modern dating scene is extremely competitive. If one is serious about dating a style/wardrobe makeover could be helpful.

Christians should very concerned about their appearance in the sense of looking presentable. After all, you are both an Ambassador for Christ and your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit then you should look decent but modest at the same time. In fact, we should look less worn out or aged-out compared to the world because we are not into anything that would lead to that. There are allot of factors of appearance that are genetics and you can't really change that. This include height, jawline, nose, race, etc....
 
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DragonFox91

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The single men at my church are Well-dressed. Well-groomed. Careers. A couple have “cute” accents (no homo). Good communicators. Good leaders. It’s really a shame. A couple are the cowboy types you see on the Bachelor type shows. The idea that church single men are somehow weaker or less attractive men in some way is not true from my experience. The girls don't know what they're missing out.

The lack of properly managed Christian dating sites, Christian chats for singles etc. are also the sign of the old-fashioned mentality of today's churches.

They have usually also many more programs for children, mothers or families than for men or for singles. I stopped attending several churches because they acted like clubs for mothers with children.

Currently its quite a problem to find a church that is balanced regarding age, gender and family status.
It took me a while to find a church I liked w/ a good singles group. Too bad the guy:girl ratio is like 13-2 on a good day
 
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myst33

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The single men at my church are Well-dressed. Well-groomed. Careers. A couple have “cute” accents (no homo). Good communicators. Good leaders. It’s really a shame. A couple are the cowboy types you see on the Bachelor type shows. The idea that church single men are somehow weaker or less attractive men in some way is not true from my experience. The girls don't know what they're missing out.
Same experience here. Christian men are looking on average much better than secular men (also because they dont drink, do not do parties etc). Also quite successful in their jobs and well educated.

Interestingly, I think they are kind of dating down when I see their women/girlfriends. But this goes probably back to the lack of single Christian women in churches.
 
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bèlla

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but there are simply more guys in these activities.

People aren’t socializing in church like they used to. Life is compartmentalized now. You go to church for spiritual nourishment and socialize elsewhere. With the majority using the Internet there’s no incentive to give someone a chance elsewhere when you can find what you want online or another setting. I believe that’s the problem in the nutshell.

There’s also the issue of teachings on the subject. With most encouraging women to look for pseudo pastors which heightens the unreality of the demographic. Most men aren’t leading bible studies or prayer time at home. Or the other stuff they laud.

Agreed, but I would put a qualification. Most guys are not meeting women online but are getting ignored.

Dating sites aren’t ideal for everyone and I don’t recommend them if they incite feelings of unworthiness or vexation. That’s damaging to the psyche.

I think perhaps that the types of guys that women are meeting online are probably very attractive and are not the types that would want to commit or settle down.

It’s a mixed bag. But the ones who garner the most attention are usually attractive, fit, personable and financially comfortable. And there’s a marked bias for taller men in this setting. That wasn’t always the case.
For the most part, dating sites benefit women far more than men.
 
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bèlla

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I wouldn't be surprised if the average Christian man, being more spiritually minded, thinks less about their own appearance which gives an advantage to secular men. It's an unfortunate reality that the modern dating scene is extremely competitive. If one is serious about dating a style/wardrobe makeover could be helpful.

I don’t think its a priority for most. Secular or otherwise. There’s a slim demographic within both groups who are very attentive to their appearance. They’re the ones with the crisp shirts, polished shoes, and well trimmed nails. Many are more exacting about their diet and physical upkeep. They take good care of themselves and it shows. I can tell by their skin.
 
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myst33

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This thread's upsetting me. Times have changed :(
You must change too. Flexibility and ability to accommodate to new situations have always been keys to survival/success.

Of course, the change has to be inside Christian boundaries.
 
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bèlla

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This thread's upsetting me. Times have changed :(

They have. Even if a girl was raised with old-fashioned values there’s still an external impact. We didn’t grow up with the Internet. Our exposure was lessened. But the generations that followed have never known an alternative.

There’s things you didn’t encounter until college or later that are at your fingertips. And if not yours someone you know. I had to flush a lot from my daughter’s head. It’s the nature of the beast. Things rub off.

Some were never taught and the ones who were must be pruned. People are seeing and hearing things far younger now. They know too much.
 
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Juan777

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This thread's upsetting me. Times have changed :(

You know you do have a point there. Realistically it doesn't sound like a nice place to bring kids into the world anyway. Even my mother who was very enthusiastic about me finding someone has grown to just advise me to get ready for the Rapture and get my affairs in order spiritually because the Rapture could be just around the corner. There is still that feeling that we haven't seen the worst of what is coming and all indicators aren't looking good (ie climate events, schools corrupting the minds of young, inflation, etc....).
 
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Juan777

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Dating sites aren’t ideal for everyone and I don’t recommend them if they incite feelings of unworthiness or vexation. That’s damaging to the psyche.

We are in agreement of every point, however, I might want to point out, that if the dating sites do not work and are just damaging to the psyche, and you can't meet women at church/small groups, etc.... then there is no solution really for this thread.

It's basically the Christian black-pill!!!

That's what @DragonFox91 may have meant when he said times have changed.
But he can still pray about it, as is the same with me. There is still nothing impossible with God.
 
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bèlla

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We are in agreement of every point, however, I might want to point out, that if the dating sites do not work and are just damaging to the psyche, and you can't meet women at church/small groups, etc.... then there is no solution really for this thread.

I don’t know many my age or younger who met their spouse at church. When I really think about it the majority connected online, through school or an activity. That’s holds true for the ones penning books on the subject. They usual met at college and attended a Christian one.

I didn’t use a dating site. We met in a setting like this. I think its better because it gives you a chance to see the way they think and the majority don’t censor themselves.

Whereas at church, I couldn’t tell you anyone’s status unless we were personally acquainted. You need a level of familiarity for that conversation. Unless its a group for singles and we didn’t have one. They broke people up by age.

But he can still pray about it, as is the same with me. There is still nothing impossible with God.

We have to pray irrespective of the results. Just because someone comes your way doesn’t mean they’re the right fit or an option at all. You still have to weed. It’s rare the first is a winner.

The qualities you’re looking for play a part. Demand and supply is a factor. There’s not a lot of old fashioned girls in the pool. There’s more people wanting the same than there is availability. On the liberal end its less challenging. They’re evenly matched for the most part.

But if you’re after the biblical wife/submissive wife/traditional wife group you’re in for a wait. She’s scarce and I mentor them. I know the numbers. That’s why some go to other countries to find her. That may be necessary.
 
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DragonFox91

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I feel so terrible. I could never get a girl to like me. Her parents wouldn't approve of me. Her family wouldn't approve of me. Her friends wouldn't approve of me.

I don't believe it will happen for me & that makes me sad. :(
 
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MehGuy

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I feel so terrible. I could never get a girl to like me. Her parents wouldn't approve of me. Her family wouldn't approve of me. Her friends wouldn't approve of me.

I don't believe it will happen for me & that makes me sad. :(

Why do you think this? Why wouldn't they approve of you? How perfect do you think the average joe who has a wife is? Lol. You're putting women/marriage on too high of a pedestal.
 
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Juan777

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I feel so terrible. I could never get a girl to like me. Her parents wouldn't approve of me. Her family wouldn't approve of me. Her friends wouldn't approve of me.

I don't believe it will happen for me & that makes me sad. :(

If it makes you feel any better, did you know that good guys, with excellent jobs, that have everything going for themselves in their life, that you think, for sure they will get a gf, also fail at online dating?

If you look this video here is an example of a guy who has everything going for him, but he still could not meet someone using OLD:

So whether you are great and think you have everything to offer, or you don't, it doesn't matter, OLD doesn't work for most guys! If you are not meeting anyone in the first place then why would you worry about that?

It's like I'm divorced, but being divorced doesn't matter to other women since I don't talk to other women anyway so nobody cares about that. Being invisible has its privileges sometimes. Does that make you feel better? You can't have a double-negative.
 
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