It's simple 'economics', of a certain kind: single women (past a certain age) are relatively rare to find compared with single men, hence the few that there are will have more choices in partners than their male counterparts, who are more numerous. You'd have to wait until they're too old to be conventionally attractive anymore for that to start evening out, and by then the women who are single are likely to have plenty of good reason to stay that way, as having ~4+ decades of being played around with by men (and losing out on their prime years for marriage/attracting more quality partners, in the process) who wanted to live the playboy lifestyle is unlikely to make them all that receptive to getting into a long term relationship with one by a certain point in life, and women cope with singleness much better than men usually do. I think this is what leads to the stereotype employed by men that all women who are single past a certain age are bitter and crazy 'cat ladies' or whatever...but anyway, that's how it seems to shake out. We men are largely replaceable in this scheme, but I don't think that's really most women's 'fault' (as I don't know any who don't want to find their Mr. Right or whatever by at least by a certain age -- same as men with regard to the 'right' woman). To hear the women I've known talk about it, it's a rather understandable outgrowth of being the obsessive focus of male attention since the age of 13 or perhaps even earlier...after a few years/decades of that, I have to imagine it becomes second nature (as well as a matter of necessity) to be very, very selective. Realistically, you can't give everyone a chance during those years when it seems like 'everyone' really does include everyone!
Hence men remain single (and tend to grow increasingly bitter ourselves as we age...*cough*), while fewer and fewer available women cross our paths. Not sure what to do about this, really. Even if I could wave some kind of magic wand and transform society into one in which things seem more equitable, it's a bit late for me personally, and at any rate I don't want to have my life revolve around what some woman I don't know would find attractive.
I'm not out here to just attract somebody/anybody because otherwise I'll be alone -- I've been alone, so I know it won't break me, just like how I've been not-alone, so I know it won't complete me. Neither of these states of being scare me (anymore...haha).
I've got a decade on the OP, so maybe this is just the sort of thing that comes with experience, but by this point in my life things generally fall into two categories: (1) things I want to do for my own sake, which may or may not line up with what anyone else cares about or would want some hypothetical partner to do (i.e., learning the specific skills and attitude that I feel I should learn to make myself a better, more well-rounded person according to my own metric, not theirs), or (2) things I should really be doing even if I don't necessarily feel great about them all the time, because I don't want to die in my 40s and/or waste my life (e.g., properly balanced diet and exercise, properly balanced spiritual and ascetical life, etc. These things don't always 'feel good', to be honest, but I know they are good for me in the long run, and I'll only be hurting myself if I neglect them while I'm still here to do something about them). (1) is just a self-centered subset of (2), and I'm hoping that as I age, if the good Lord grants me the time to do so, I'll have more and more things that I would've looked at as category (1) things as a younger man come to be fulfilled as category (2) things, as part of submitting my will to His. (Notice how a woman isn't a necessary part of this unless He decides she is.)
There's a woman I know, age 40-something. Attractive, professional. I met her at a Meetup social event (Ever hear of Meetup?) She's divorced only once. Her desire to have a man in her life since her divorce is zilch.
Anyways, I befriended her, so we had long emails back and forth about her situation. She apparently has to kind of politely fend off single men in these groups because she vows never to be in a relationship again. Doesn't want to date either. And no...no friends with benefits.
She's completely content with spending ample time with her (at the time) teen-aged daughters and trio of gal pals she travels with. Nothing more.
I have found other women of her type, the 40 plus crowd, that have extended famly members that they are content in only spending time with...nieces, nephews, etc. That's the kind of companionship THEY enjoy as a substitute for male companionship. Or time with same sex friends or gay friends.
HOwever, when some of the single women of Meetup hear this from her, they even find it hard to believe, they are like "Come on, you can never say never!" and so on. Of course, the men try to coerce her into reconsidering. lol
If 40+ women are putting themselves out there...they are typically unreasonbly picky from what I gathered. Sometimes I'll see them on dating sites through the years to the point where they've become permanent fixtures on these sites. It's as if no man is good enough...of course, them living in a smaller town doesn't help with their cause. Which leads them to staying single longer, and probably may even revert back to my friends train of thought.
I think this is where 40+ men, MAY wind up going for younger women. Esp. if these men hadn't had kids of their own. Young, fertile, etc. Not too jaded or bitter either. Some may even consider Internatinal dating.
A good friend of mine, in his mid-40s found a traditional woman from overseas. Dated her for a full year before proposing. She's around age 30, quite lovely and when I say traditional, I'm talking that they expect you to ask their parents permission to marry their daughter type of traditional. That's old-school America when we used to do that. So that gives you kind of the idea of old-fashioned type of guy he is and her of course.
Like myself, he's had dating troubles here in America and I'm sure when he reached his 40s, he was running into bitter divorcee's or just bitter women that have an axe to grind against men. So I'm thinking this was the route he figured he had to take if he wanted a positive, unjaded woman.
It would seem a never married man in his 40s, without children, would be at an equal footing or equal life stage with a woman of her age (younger) anyhow.
