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I'm a 28 year old celibate virgin who never dated and who turns 29 in a few weeks. Life isn't too bad.
Maybe when I was younger, I desperately wanted a girlfriend. But a few things have lowered my interest in finding a girlfriend or dating.
Society. If you are a man who does "girly" stuff, then women might not like that. Women might also not like young men or poor men. Women might not like unemployed men. Women might not like short men. Women might not like colored men. Heck, some women declare themselves lesbians and don't like any man. Some of these dislikes could be personal, but some societies also promote these dislikes by portraying these types of men in bad ways or through stereotypes. So if you are a poor man, you have to convince a woman to date you, despite a whole society persuading or teaching her to not date you. It'a a lot of effort compared to a rich white man convincing a woman.
Societal expectations. Once you do date or get a girlfriend, you are likely to have to fulfill a certain role or stereotypical role. You may have to defend the girlfriend, but she doesn't necessarily have to defend you. You may have to get a job or a higher paying job, even though she might not. You may have to compliment her body, which is an issue if you don't like lust. You may have to "compete" for her, though she probably won't be competing for you. Whether these expectations are logical or not, they may seem illogical or too much for some men. And they definitely seem sexist. Some societies may promote these expectations for the sake of society rather than for the sake of the individual. For example, a woman should not be employed but rather stay home and care for a child. Of course children are important. But if dating is a method of grooming men into fathers, then some men might not be initially interested in dating.
Transwomen. I feel transgender women have existed for as long as there have been born intersex. If I do decide to date, then it would ultimately be for procreation, but I believe that most transwomen can not produce offspring. Even fertile transwomen may have a biology that can not safely produce offspring. So I don't have much interest in dating transwomen because I don't date for entertainment.
A transwoman may have been easy to identify in the past (with the exception of intersex who are born with both male and female features.) But nowadays with modern surgery technology, a transwoman can look exactly like a ciswoman. One of the few ways of discerning the difference would be impregnation, but I'd only have sex after marriage. I won't risk marrying a transwoman. Other methods of discerning can be talking with the woman's family or reviewing her medical records. These require less effort but still require above-average effort and complicates my dating experience.
There are even some transwomen who aim to "pass" as ciswomen. They will take many measures to make sure that nobody can discern their transgenderism. They may destroy medical records or have private surgeries in foreign lands. They may live far away from family or not talk about family around dates. And her effort to hide her transgenderism might be greater and stronger than a man's effort to uncover it, simply because the concealment might provide more social acceptance and less endangerment.
Prostitutes and criminals. Some women date solely for survival or profit. They get free food. If they aim for sex after the date, then they also get a free place to sleep for a night. Food and shelter have value: just look at the cost of a night at a hotel. There is no way to discern if a woman is a prostitute, especially if she lives in a society that does not punish prostitution. I would not want to have sex until after marriage, but a prostitute might try to convince or persuade me to have sex, simply for free shelter or to increase the chance of another date night.
Another issue is that some prostitutes commit or facilitate crime. They may lure a man into an unsafe area where he gets robbed. Or a prostitute may steal a man's expensive watch. The chance of crime might increase if she convinces the man to consume alcohol. In places where prostitution is illegal, dating can be a tool to disguise prostitution.
B/c it decreases the size of the pool. When I'm swiping on Tinder & it seems more than half have a Trans or Pride flag or something dumb like that, that's a problem. One of the reasons I don't really bother w/ dating sites anymore, TBH.
Well, if you've been very unlucky with women your whole life, your mind is very attuned to the possibility that horrible luck will continue when you think you've met somebody. All three are ways that horrible luck would manifest.Why would a Christian man be worried about lesbians, transwomen, and prostitutes if he’s pursuing Christian women?
Well, if you've been very unlucky with women your whole life, your mind is very attuned to the possibility that horrible luck will continue when you think you've met somebody. All three are ways that horrible luck would manifest.
It doesn't diminish God's parameters, but you never know who's going to be coming to church either. A good church will attract people of all walks. You're likelier to meet people in those three categories in very non-Christian situations, but unfortunately God doesn't promise us protection from people who claim to be good Christian women but really aren't.An omission of luck doesn’t diminish the parameters God set. None of which are echoed in that statement. That’s the result of paranoia.
Do you believe that societal expectations are because of God or because of sin?
That sort of sounds like giving up the search something good just because some bad person corrupted it. Just because Satan ruined what God called good, it is now inherently bad?
Well, the manifestations vary. I'm honestly a lot more concerned about bringing somebody home only to find out she had a fling with one of my unsanctified relatives than any of those three.As a man, you’re unlikely to encounter women—as a norm—who grasp what you’re saying. Most women can’t relate to your previous statement. Nor are they connected with men in the same boat.
For me as a woman, a heterosexual man contemplating those things is odd. Christian or not. It isn’t their forte or on their radar. They don’t worry about being duped.
I talk to a lot of straight men seeking companions. None have ever echoed the same. It never crosses their lips. To be honest it sounds bizarre.
Well, the manifestations vary. I'm honestly a lot more concerned about bringing somebody home only to find out she had a fling with one of my unsanctified relatives than any of those three.
I wish I could say that with conviction, but I can't. These relatives have high body counts, and we did not grow up in major metropolitan areas. It can be a small world around here. Obviously I'm not going to date anyone that they've taken home for Easter, but that still leaves a lot of people.But realistically, the likelihood of doing that is small. Why would you cling to it?
Good question, the answer is likely similar to why my first college mentor's wife walked out on him. She hasn't said anything about being gay herself, but she outright rebelled against the faith she had converted to. I don't see why he wouldn't have been plugged into God at the time he married her, I was at that wedding. He was a campus ministry leader, who went on to become a pastor. Yet, with all the deep knowledge of what was in her heart and all the foreknowledge God had, and all the means he had at his disposal to warn my mentor that marrying her would be a bad idea, I have no reason to believe that he did it. Similarly, a friend of mine much more recently had gone through a divorce after a few short years of enduring abuse by his wife, he still has physical ailments stemming from that abuse. When it had gotten to the point that I could no longer help them to fix things, I asked him if there was anything in hindsight he should have picked up on before they married. No, she just flipped a switch. And they'd gone through pre-marital counseling by a pastor. Why didn't God, with all the deep knowledge he has of what was in her heart and all his foreknowledge, and the means at his disposal to warn my friend before they got married, warn him?If you’re plugged in with God how do you end up with someone in the closet? When men approach me He starts talking. He’s warned me about deception, wrong motives, hidden feelings, and shadow things I couldn’t see. I’m not alone in that.
My issue is that the level of discernment necessary to weed these people out is rare. If most people's discernment is say, at a 5, and the level of deception is at an 8, how can I fault them for that. I would also say that infatuation at the beginning stages of a relationship knocks that discernment down further.Which suggests bigger problems. Unlike you, I don’t render them poor souls. I believe in owning my mistakes. If I made a poor decision so be it. Blaming the other person doesn’t excuse me from an absence of discernment.
If there were clear reports that these men were sinning or at least not living up to the wisdom of Proverbs in all three stories, I could fully agree, but I don't see that evidence, aside from the man whose third marriage was to the transsexual. He should have stayed single after the first one didn't work out. Besides that, the articles don't tell us where Biblically, these guys messed up. In the case of the doctor and the secret escort, I would say that following God with physical boundaries risks leaving you more open to that kind of cheating. Kiss her on the cheek after the date, go home, and she's free to turn those tricks. This isn't to say that we shouldn't follow God here, but rather bad things can happen to good people who do things right.You shouldn’t assume they’re more capable. Many are driven by emotions and dysfunction in matters of the heart. They’re desperate for companionship. When that’s in the drivers seat a crash is likely.
It isn’t about protecting yourself but the necessity of being balanced and sober-minded. A lot of relational mistakes could be prevented if frenzy wasn’t the catalyst. The bible doesn’t call them poor souls. They’re deemed unwise and foolish.
I won't disagree with that generally, but when the mistakes that these guys made in determining whether or not to date and marry these people are not apparent (again, this is least so in the case of the man with the transsexual), how can really take ownership of that in a social way? When the mistakes are clear, you can take ownership and make a plan of defense. When they're not, you can't really do that unless you're going to claim the mistake is trusting people. You can take ownership of that and choose to not trust anyone, but that's not a social way to do it. That's how people end up like me so far.Ownership is a hallmark of maturity.
You might have good gaydar. Not everyone does.There’s no need to fixate on a minority population with limited representation in Christian circles. I’ve never needed to worry about gay or bisexual men. Neither appeal.
But we still need to be aware. The male character in Proverbs 7:6-27 didn't have fear either, but look where that got him.He hasn’t given us a spirit if fear. That’s all this is.
The pool is even smaller when you consider that many if not most Christian women are not married-minded anymore, they are having fun and having sex with a boyfriend or two while more of us guys are missing out on it totally.
Good question, the answer is likely similar to why my first college mentor's wife walked out on him.
My issue is that the level of discernment necessary to weed these people out is rare. If most people's discernment is say, at a 5, and the level of deception is at an 8, how can I fault them for that. I would also say that infatuation at the beginning stages of a relationship knocks that discernment down further.
Paragraph 1: agree x1000The pool is even smaller when you consider that many if not most Christian women are not married-minded anymore, they are having fun and having sex with a boyfriend or two while more of us guys are missing out on it totally.
That's why if I do meet somebody, I would rather have sex sooner than waiting all the way to a hypothetical marriage, do you really blame anyone for that? God has allowed Satan and his army to screw the social dynamic to the point where it is the best deal I can receive at this point, and this current dynamic and state of society is the result of that. If God wants to regulate the biological heterosexual desire in a way that he still expects us of this in light of a turn of the circumstances in an upside-down of society, frankly that is dictator-esque and he created us with something that we can't fulfill.
And the other twist is when it is all over, when you die and go to Heaven, there will be no more sex, relationships and women anymore, and every thought about it would be gone. Sounds like a ghostly existence or being taken to another planet and being lobotomized.
No car there today. She must work from the office some days, work from home the other days like a lot of people. Very frustrating. Apparently asking to say 'hi' to a girl is too much to ask for.......No thoughts on this from anyone? Unfortunately I didn't see her at all today (), tho her car was there. Very frustrating.
Most people chose not to return to office. I wonder why she chose not to....
B/c I'm not even meeting singles so at least it's someone to try talking to.Why are you frustrated when you know nothing about her? You don’t even know if she’s a believer. You heard she was single and works in your office. That’s not a lot to go on.
You’re doing the same thing you did with the girl at church. Getting upset because you didn’t see her. Relax. Everything isn’t do or die.
What's nowhere? A friendship would be huge. (Most recent real female friendship w/ a woman my age was long-distance & ended a couple years ago. Even that helped a lot)You’ll calm down if you’re interacting even if goes nowhere?
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