Hello friend,
Please be at ease. God is not a God of terror, but peace; and not a God of confusion, but of understanding. The Lord sees your situation, and has compassion on you. If we as human beings can have compassion and understand difficulties people go through, how much more God Himself?
Those who truly blaspheme the Holy Spirit would not care at all about God, they would not have the thoughts you have about doing the right thing, hell or heaven, nor would they go through the anguish of spirit that you are going through. Those who truly blaspheme do not seek God, neither is there repentance on their minds. You are not simply the thoughts that come and go through your head, neither are you some misinformed decision you've made in your past, you know this, and better yet God who is loving and compassionate beyond understanding knows this.
ANY thing that tries to stop you from praying, breaks your courage and gives you hopelessness is from the evil one. This is really important: Any thought, feeling, idea or event that tries to pull you away from God, is not of God.
See, what the Lord wants is a relationship. Redemption and Heaven is not about saying "I belong to this religion" with your mouth, not at all. Your salvation doesn't depend upon "picking the right religion" with your own strength and your own human wisdom. If this was the case then you would be earning your own salvation, and not the mercy of God, given to us by Lord Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. The Lord says:
[Jeremiah 29:11-13]: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
[Matthew 7:7-11]: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
God is not putting pressure upon us saying "you better have picked the right religion", all He wants is our love and our effort of heart towards Him. He wants us to have faith that He is good. He wants us to have faith that He can help us through all the confusion of earth, and that He hears our prayers. He wants us to have faith that He sees the efforts you make and the anguish you go through, and that He is willing to help. He sees the good intentions that you have at the core of your heart. He wants you to trust Him, come boldly before Him and consult everything with Him.
God who is the source of all love, holy wisdom and compassion is not looking down upon you with apathy or anger; but He died for you when you were in your darkest hour. He didn't just say "I love you" but He demonstrated it by becoming a human like us, went through every single trial and temptation that is common to man, was blasphemed, spat upon, beaten with hands, His flesh mangled by sharp scourges, head pierced by thorns, hands and feet pierced by nails, ridiculed and mocked all the way and yet He said to all of them: "Father forgive them, because they know not what they do".
So, God who wishes forgiveness upon the people that did all these things and knows and understands that it's because they don't fully understand what they are doing, do you think He understands your situation as well? Do you think He wants to forgive all of your sins also?
[Romans 5:8]: "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
[Matthew 11:28-30]: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
[Hebrews 4:14-16]: "Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Yes, Jesus is the Truth, the Way, and the Life and there is no other way to the Father except for the Son, Jesus Christ. But then, is salvation a matter of "declaring the right name" or "picking the right religion"? The Lord says:
[Matthew 7:21]: “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.
[John 6:29]: "Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent.”
[Matthew 37-40]: "Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’
On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
There are those who call themselves as Christians and live as enemies of Christ without any desire to repent or grief over their sins. There are those who claim to believe in Jesus yet have no relationship with Him, do not desire to know Him, love their sins more than Him and do not want to change their situation despite the many opportunities pleas God presents.
So knowing God isn't about "head knowledge", not everyone who calls Jesus "Lord, Lord" will enter Heaven. And there are those who do follow His Holy Spirit without knowing Him by name. God gives everybody multiple chances, many opportunities, down to the last hours of their death to make the right decision and hold onto His hand that He is extending.
If we have a little bit of understanding of what justice is, with our limited knowledge, limited sight, fallible nature and small perspective, you better believe God who is infinite and unlimited is more just than us. And not only is He just in judgement, but the Scripture says "His mercy overcomes judgement".
[Matthew 9:11-13]: "And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”
When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.
But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”
[Ezekiel 18:23]: "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?” says the Lord GOD, “and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"
[Ezekiel 18:32]: "For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,” says the Lord GOD. “Therefore turn and live!”
[2 Peter 3:9] "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."
[1 Timothy 2:3-4]: "...For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
[John 10:16]: "And other sheep I have which are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd."
My good man, now that you are after the Truth, you cannot afford to be lax in knowing the Truth. Because if you do not a have a relationship with Him and only know the truth in part, then the devil has many means to trick you into hopelessness, weakness, sinning and all evil. Only if you truly know Jesus and feed your spirit with His Words and His Holy Spirit can you stand against the lies that are coming at you on this earth. Read the New Testament, spend time speaking to the Lord and trust in Him.
We are in a spiritual fight, and our fight is "the good fight of faith", and in this only truth matters. So know the Truth, fight the good fight of faith which means believing and not discarding your faith depending upon situations, bad days, questions and events, but trusting the Lord and bringing all your troubles to Him; finding your consolation and joy from Him who is eternal, rather than seeking it in the darkness of this world which passes away, and passes quickly.
In short, God loves you. Don't get tricked in to staying away from Him. He waits to communicate with you every day, so sit down today and talk to Him, pour out your heart before Him .
[Psalms 62:8]: "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."
[John 8:32]: "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
