Need help to forgive an ex girlfriend. long read

Spike_Speigel · Jul 7, 2009

I recently just went through i Bad break up with My ex Girlfriend who just randomly decided that i wasn't good enough or similar enough to her to be in a relationship right now so she needs "time apart"

She keeps telling me she loves me and maybe one day we can get back together but she can't be worried all the time and feel like she has to be the responsible one.

i guess she thinks i'm too forgetful and irresponsible and she worries about that in the future when we get married.

Lord knows try to be responsible and remember things. I've been blessed with a pretty bad memory. but lord know's i try. I'm only 20 years old and i'm still learning this grown man business, but i guess that's not good enough for her. my pride makes me want to quit. i can't bring myself to work hard because i feel i'd be doing it for someone who didn't care enough to have faith in me.

Personally, i think she's crazy, but what ever. she keep talking this crap about how i'm her best friend and she wants to be my best friend, but personally i don't think she deserves my friendship. sometimes i never want to talk to her ever again.

but in the back of my mind i do llove her and want to be there, but i can't let these feelings of hurt go.

it's been about two months since we split. right now i'm fine but i still don't feel like i've forgiven her. i get so angry at her sometimes.

what made matters worse is that we got into a big argument last week and she felt the need to tell me she talks to other guys. that made me so angry that i ignored her calls for three day.

she called and apologized and said she was wrong in the way she treated me and that she hopes i don't hate her and she feels like her "boy friend" hates her guts. she begged me to forgive her and said she hopes we can move past this and get into a "relationship" one day but right now she regrets hurting me so much that she doesn't know what to do.

this has been the hardest thing i've been through. she was my first real girlfriend. i keep telling myself to forgive and be christlike, but i just can't let my anger go. i would like to be friends because i do really love her, but she makes it so hard sometimes to love her. beings friends after a break up sometimes just makes it worse.

how do i forgive her?

wonderwaleye · Jul 7, 2009

Spike_Speigel said:
I recently just went through i Bad break up with My ex Girlfriend who just randomly decided that i wasn't good enough or similar enough to her to be in a relationship right now so she needs "time apart"

She keeps telling me she loves me and maybe one day we can get back together but she can't be worried all the time and feel like she has to be the responsible one.

i guess she thinks i'm too forgetful and irresponsible and she worries about that in the future when we get married.

Lord knows try to be responsible and remember things. I've been blessed with a pretty bad memory. but lord know's i try. I'm only 20 years old and i'm still learning this grown man business, but i guess that's not good enough for her. my pride makes me want to quit. i can't bring myself to work hard because i feel i'd be doing it for someone who didn't care enough to have faith in me.

Personally, i think she's crazy, but what ever. she keep talking this crap about how i'm her best friend and she wants to be my best friend, but personally i don't think she deserves my friendship. sometimes i never want to talk to her ever again.

but in the back of my mind i do llove her and want to be there, but i can't let these feelings of hurt go.

it's been about two months since we split. right now i'm fine but i still don't feel like i've forgiven her. i get so angry at her sometimes.

what made matters worse is that we got into a big argument last week and she felt the need to tell me she talks to other guys. that made me so angry that i ignored her calls for three day.

she called and apologized and said she was wrong in the way she treated me and that she hopes i don't hate her and she feels like her "boy friend" hates her guts. she begged me to forgive her and said she hopes we can move past this and get into a "relationship" one day but right now she regrets hurting me so much that she doesn't know what to do.

this has been the hardest thing i've been through. she was my first real girlfriend. i keep telling myself to forgive and be christlike, but i just can't let my anger go. i would like to be friends because i do really love her, but she makes it so hard sometimes to love her. beings friends after a break up sometimes just makes it worse.

how do i forgive her?

You forgive her the very same way you would want someone to forgive you.

If you are going to be part of the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD you MUST GIVE IT ALL TO GOD.

GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.

Pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.

Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!

LOVE

steven

Elijah2 · Jul 7, 2009

Spike_Speigel said:
I recently just went through i Bad break up with My ex Girlfriend who just randomly decided that i wasn't good enough or similar enough to her to be in a relationship right now so she needs "time apart"

She keeps telling me she loves me and maybe one day we can get back together but she can't be worried all the time and feel like she has to be the responsible one.

i guess she thinks i'm too forgetful and irresponsible and she worries about that in the future when we get married.

Lord knows try to be responsible and remember things. I've been blessed with a pretty bad memory. but lord know's i try. I'm only 20 years old and i'm still learning this grown man business, but i guess that's not good enough for her. my pride makes me want to quit. i can't bring myself to work hard because i feel i'd be doing it for someone who didn't care enough to have faith in me.

Personally, i think she's crazy, but what ever. she keep talking this crap about how i'm her best friend and she wants to be my best friend, but personally i don't think she deserves my friendship. sometimes i never want to talk to her ever again.

but in the back of my mind i do llove her and want to be there, but i can't let these feelings of hurt go.

it's been about two months since we split. right now i'm fine but i still don't feel like i've forgiven her. i get so angry at her sometimes.

what made matters worse is that we got into a big argument last week and she felt the need to tell me she talks to other guys. that made me so angry that i ignored her calls for three day.

she called and apologized and said she was wrong in the way she treated me and that she hopes i don't hate her and she feels like her "boy friend" hates her guts. she begged me to forgive her and said she hopes we can move past this and get into a "relationship" one day but right now she regrets hurting me so much that she doesn't know what to do.

this has been the hardest thing i've been through. she was my first real girlfriend. i keep telling myself to forgive and be christlike, but i just can't let my anger go. i would like to be friends because i do really love her, but she makes it so hard sometimes to love her. beings friends after a break up sometimes just makes it worse.

how do i forgive her?

Mate, you forgive by growing up!

If you are angry with her, then you need to deal with your anger, not your girlfriend or friend.

You are the fault, not your friend.

Get help with you anger, bitterness, and resentfulness.

Then you will learn how to forgive and love.

Do you really know the REAL meaning of LOVE?

heron · Jul 8, 2009

I recently just went through i Bad break up with My ex Girlfriend who just randomly decided that i wasn't good enough or similar enough to her to be in a relationship right now so she needs "time apart"
She keeps telling me she loves me and maybe one day we can get back together but she can't be worried all the time and feel like she has to be the responsible one.
i guess she thinks i'm too forgetful and irresponsible and she worries about that in the future when we get married.

Dating is a time for people to observe these things and decide. You know that she likes you. But after getting past the emotional part of a relationship, it is time to make practical decisions.

A partnership takes a lot of our brain time, and our real time. She has decided that, in the long stretch of her entire life, she does not want to take on the particular issues that present themselves. Two people loving each other is not the only thing to consider in a life-long, life-consuming partnership.

This is exactly what dating is for, so it should not upset us when someone decides it's not going to work well for them. Move on.

It seems like there are some high expectations in both sides of these conversations. She confessed that she talks to other guys. I should hope she does. Was she implying that she is exploring breaking up with the newer bf? It almost sounds like the new bf sets some high demands too, that she is not allowed to have friends outside the relationship. Maybe that is why she is telling you.

But it is natural to feel miffed when someone who broke up with you, wants to confide in you over other men. Women tend to do that, and it tends to drive men crazy. Women do it because they trust the ex's judgment, and want to keep them as close friends; but it seems to make men feel used. Why keep men as close friends? Because we grew close to them, and liked who they were in the first place. No reason to let go of a good friend.

I don't see any reason that she should apologize for telling you that she talks to other guys. I don't think it should even make you mad if you were still dating. There must have been more to this argument.

Watch out for relationships that hang on because of demanding personalities... both people feeling unresolved because they haven't yet met the demands of the other, and want to tie up loose ends. Prove that they are worthy of the other.

If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. Relationships should not be about acceptability.

JeCrois · Jul 8, 2009

Hi Spike,

You seem to be in a bind but I hope you take into consideration what everyone has posted thus far...it's really good!

I know what it feels like to be scorned by those you thought you could trust. (I just recently just went through an ordeal and I know it's not easy!) I suggest you make some adjustments in your priority....where you devote your efforts. The only one who can give you peace in this situation is God through the Holy Spirit who lives inside of you.

Take notice of His work in your life and what He's accomplished through you and everything that He has seen you through before and you will have every bit of confidence that He can do it again. Devote yourself to proving not to a girl but to the Lord your God that you are faithful and disciplined. When you choose to serve God with all of your heart, soul, and mind your life falls into place an others will take notice.

When you shift your mind to what your greater purpose here is for everything else tends to rest on the backburner so to speak. I know it's not easy to give up feelings that you have etched into yourself for so long and to be honest who wants to do that? But God deserves more priority you know? Your relationship with God will outlast any relationship we create here on earth.

One more note....forgiveness is never for the other person! It is for you! It may seem sometimes like it's doing an injustice to your ex GF by not finding it within yourself to forgive her...but in reality your doing yourself more of the injustice. If Jesus can look in the face of his murderers and forgive and love them then we can certainly accomplish something of a lesser standard.

SilverFire · Jul 8, 2009

You need to heal. If you've loved someone greatly who no longer loves you, you must get away from that person and all the places you've been with them. Go somewhere new and make new memories. In these situations, it's better to forgive at a distance.

Yes, women will keep around guys after trashing their hearts. They'll never understand the cruelty in this, but you don't need to suffer because of her blindness.

Cut off all connections between you two, so that you can heal.

Spike_Speigel · Jul 9, 2009

heron said:
Dating is a time for people to observe these things and decide. You know that she likes you. But after getting past the emotional part of a relationship, it is time to make practical decisions.

A partnership takes a lot of our brain time, and our real time. She has decided that, in the long stretch of her entire life, she does not want to take on the particular issues that present themselves. Two people loving each other is not the only thing to consider in a life-long, life-consuming partnership.

This is exactly what dating is for, so it should not upset us when someone decides it's not going to work well for them. Move on.

It seems like there are some high expectations in both sides of these conversations. She confessed that she talks to other guys. I should hope she does. Was she implying that she is exploring breaking up with the newer bf? It almost sounds like the new bf sets some high demands too, that she is not allowed to have friends outside the relationship. Maybe that is why she is telling you.

But it is natural to feel miffed when someone who broke up with you, wants to confide in you over other men. Women tend to do that, and it tends to drive men crazy. Women do it because they trust the ex's judgment, and want to keep them as close friends; but it seems to make men feel used. Why keep men as close friends? Because we grew close to them, and liked who they were in the first place. No reason to let go of a good friend.

I don't see any reason that she should apologize for telling you that she talks to other guys. I don't think it should even make you mad if you were still dating. There must have been more to this argument.

Watch out for relationships that hang on because of demanding personalities... both people feeling unresolved because they haven't yet met the demands of the other, and want to tie up loose ends. Prove that they are worthy of the other.

If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. Relationships should not be about acceptability.

I See what you are saying lol. and i agree with all of you. just to clearify some things

I only was mad because i felt like she was doing only to get back at me when she said she talks to other guys. we are not together, so there was not reason in my eyes to tell me that. i could be wrong, however

i asked her before to NOT tell me things like that because right now it would hurt too much. maybe a couple of months down the road she can feel free, but right now, so early it just feels like she stomping on my heart.
I don't mind her talking to other guys really. I'd feel better if she came back to me after knowing she wants me than feeling like she has to be with me.

she doesn't have a new boyfriend. she said she doesn't want one right now. but i Just can't get over the feelings of being used and lied too.

I get the feeling that SHE doesn't even know what she wants. yesterday she told that she wished we lived together (We are long distance) and told me about some dream where we were married and she was pregnant with my baby. she says all this junk and then doesn't want to be in a relationship right now? it's confusing. She says she feels like she's hurting me and she's sorry because she knows i love her.

i just stopped concerning myself with it. i don't really listen to anything she says anymore. it all sounds like BS when it's not backed up by actions

JeCrois · Jul 9, 2009

Girls just don't realize the power they have over our hearts sometimes!! (Shhhhh....don't tell them that though!!

)

You are right. She seems confused, but dishing her some reassurances of your feelings for her will not help her through her confusion. She sees the hold or influence she has on your feelings and probably due to some recent insecurities (having broken up with you) she is feeding on that to find a stregth that isn't there.

The best thing to do IMO is what you've said you are already doing and that is stop concerning yourself with it! Don't worry about it because it will only lead to more hurt at the rate its going on both yours and her part.

BreadAlone · Jul 9, 2009

If you still are having trouble, might I suggest spending ample time in daily prayer on the subject? God already has the situation worked out for your good,. but it is helpful for you to pray about it.

Arch Emerging · Jul 9, 2009

Spike_Speigel said:
I recently just went through i Bad break up with My ex Girlfriend who just randomly decided that i wasn't good enough or similar enough to her to be in a relationship right now so she needs "time apart"

She keeps telling me she loves me and maybe one day we can get back together but she can't be worried all the time and feel like she has to be the responsible one.

i guess she thinks i'm too forgetful and irresponsible and she worries about that in the future when we get married.

Lord knows try to be responsible and remember things. I've been blessed with a pretty bad memory. but lord know's i try. I'm only 20 years old and i'm still learning this grown man business, but i guess that's not good enough for her. my pride makes me want to quit. i can't bring myself to work hard because i feel i'd be doing it for someone who didn't care enough to have faith in me.

Personally, i think she's crazy, but what ever. she keep talking this crap about how i'm her best friend and she wants to be my best friend, but personally i don't think she deserves my friendship. sometimes i never want to talk to her ever again.

but in the back of my mind i do llove her and want to be there, but i can't let these feelings of hurt go.

it's been about two months since we split. right now i'm fine but i still don't feel like i've forgiven her. i get so angry at her sometimes.

what made matters worse is that we got into a big argument last week and she felt the need to tell me she talks to other guys. that made me so angry that i ignored her calls for three day.

she called and apologized and said she was wrong in the way she treated me and that she hopes i don't hate her and she feels like her "boy friend" hates her guts. she begged me to forgive her and said she hopes we can move past this and get into a "relationship" one day but right now she regrets hurting me so much that she doesn't know what to do.

this has been the hardest thing i've been through. she was my first real girlfriend. i keep telling myself to forgive and be christlike, but i just can't let my anger go. i would like to be friends because i do really love her, but she makes it so hard sometimes to love her. beings friends after a break up sometimes just makes it worse.

how do i forgive her?

I have recently discovered that it is possible to forgive someone and yet still be angry

we can't control the emotions we feel but we can control how we respond to them, its not always easy though

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Need help to forgive an ex girlfriend. long read

Spike_Speigel

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wonderwaleye

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Elijah2

No weapons formed against me will prosper.

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heron

Legend

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JeCrois

Je Crois (zshuh kwah) = 'I believe'

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SilverFire

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Spike_Speigel

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JeCrois

Je Crois (zshuh kwah) = 'I believe'

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BreadAlone

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Arch Emerging

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Need help to forgive an ex girlfriend. *long read*

Newbie

Well-Known Member

No weapons formed against me will prosper.

Legend

Je Crois (zshuh kwah) = 'I believe'

Newbie

Newbie

Je Crois (zshuh kwah) = 'I believe'

Hylian Knight

Active Member

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Need help to forgive an ex girlfriend. long read