My dad has problems again

[Lady Bug]

Tell the care team all this info.

I sent a link of what I wrote about it. You don't neceessarily have to respond but I worked my azz off writing it. I have to leave the table again or else I'll be late for everything else.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm curious ... what does your brother do for a living? (Good paying job?)

Anyways ...
What seems obvious to me is that you have the Medical Power of Attorney for your Dad.
You are the one with the authority to make medical decisions for your Dad, and not your brother.

Your brother can express his opinions. but can he make the final decision? I think not.

My concern right now is the Financial POA, not Medical, although the latter kind of concerns me too because if he gets too pushy with the nurses/doctors, he might start asking to be Medical POA too.

 

[Lady Bug]

I hope people don't think that this is a useless bump. Just when I thought I'd get a break, my brother calls me and insinuates that he's suicidal because his investments aren't making any money that can help him pay down his debts. I told him that it would have been better to invest through an adviser instead of undertaking these rogue (?) Investments, but my brother got frustrated by that and said that 90 percent of the world does it the latter way.

 

[Michie]

I hope people don't think that this is a useless bump. Just when I thought I'd get a break, my brother calls me and insinuates that he's suicidal because his investments aren't making any money that can help him pay down his debts. I told him that it would have been better to invest through an adviser instead of undertaking these rogue (?) Investments, but my brother got frustrated by that and said that 90 percent of the world does it the latter way.

Sounds like he’s got a problem. Has he an addiction or involved with scammers?

 

[Lady Bug]

Sounds like he’s got a problem. Has he an addiction or involved with scammers?

I don't know for sure, but from my perspective, it sure looks like he does. Two hours after the phone call, my brother explains how and he and this guy named M are starting up a new company and how they found an investor named S who is going to put $500K into it, because S supposedly liked my brother's and Micah's financial statements' projected numbers (as far as I'm concerned, it wouldn't surprise me if the statements are AI). I asked my brother if this investment was capital or a loan, because in the eyes of the person giving the money, an investment can be a loan, not necessarily "capital" put into the business. My brother is convinced (but didn't know exactly) that this was a capital investment, not a loan, but that if it's a loan, he said "I'll be able to pay it back this time, this situation is different." Merely two hours prior he was about to end it all and told me what phone number to contact to obtain his life insurance that he is leaving for me, because he couldn't pay his debts. I know this topic started about my dad, but this is not entirely unrelated. It just takes a tad more effort to trace this to my dad.

 

[Michie]

I don't know for sure, but from my perspective, it sure looks like he does. Two hours after the phone call, my brother explains how and he and this guy named M are starting up a new company and how they found an investor named S who is going to put $500K into it, because S supposedly liked my brother's and Micah's financial statements' projected numbers (as far as I'm concerned, it wouldn't surprise me if the statements are AI). I asked my brother if this investment was capital or a loan, because in the eyes of the person giving the money, an investment can be a loan, not necessarily "capital" put into the business. My brother is convinced (but didn't know exactly) that this was a capital investment, not a loan, but that if it's a loan, he said "I'll be able to pay it back this time, this situation is different." Merely two hours prior he was about to end it all and told me what phone number to contact to obtain his life insurance that he is leaving for me, because he couldn't pay his debts. I know this topic started about my dad, but this is not entirely unrelated. It just takes a tad more effort to trace this to my dad.

Sounds like he’s living in scammer lala land. People getting involved in those situations have a real knack on losing their grip on reality and common sense. Reminds me of gambling addictions.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm sorry if people can't stand me bumping this thread, but oh well. I am feeling melancholy tonight that my dad may never see his house again. When he's home, I "hate" him and want to die, now I can't cope at all, and I feel guilty for any unkind words I said to him. I know people may say that God is not punishing me, but how do we know he is not? Easier said than done to be kind, though. He was not without unsavory words of his own. However, I don't know how to cope right now. I'm getting crying spells. I wish I could have him at home, in a way, but there is no confidence on my part that he can be home, unless he can walk around and go to the bathroom himself, or get breakfast himself, etc.

 

[Michie]

I'm sorry if people can't stand me bumping this thread, but oh well. I am feeling melancholy tonight that my dad may never see his house again. When he's home, I "hate" him and want to die, now I can't cope at all, and I feel guilty for any unkind words I said to him. I know people may say that God is not punishing me, but how do we know he is not? Easier said than done to be kind, though. He was not without unsavory words of his own. However, I don't know how to cope right now. I'm getting crying spells. I wish I could have him at home, in a way, but there is no confidence on my part that he can be home, unless he can walk around and go to the bathroom himself, or get breakfast himself, etc.

There is nothing wrong with bumping your thread up. I’m just glad you are venting openly so people can pray for you and discuss the situation with you. I think you should mention this to the appropriate members of the care team. There are support groups that can help you through this grief period and help you find a new normal. What you are feeling is normal. Many have felt the same way. These things are never easy. I just finished my evening prayers and you and your family are always prayed for.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I'm sorry if people can't stand me bumping this thread, but oh well. I am feeling melancholy tonight that my dad may never see his house again. When he's home, I "hate" him and want to die, now I can't cope at all, and I feel guilty for any unkind words I said to him. I know people may say that God is not punishing me, but how do we know he is not? Easier said than done to be kind, though. He was not without unsavory words of his own. However, I don't know how to cope right now. I'm getting crying spells. I wish I could have him at home, in a way, but there is no confidence on my part that he can be home, unless he can walk around and go to the bathroom himself, or get breakfast himself, etc.

We get it, not that we can fix it from here. But we will, of course, pray for you. Do mention to the care team your very legitimate limits. They have to respect that. For the sake of your father they have to be sure you can reasonably be able to care for him. Let them know your real limits. You need time off for example.

 

[Lady Bug]

We get it, not that we can fix it from here. But we will, of course, pray for you. Do mention to the care team your very legitimate limits. They have to respect that. For the sake of your father they have to be sure you can reasonably be able to care for him. Let them know your real limits. You need time off for example.

They actually believe that (at the way things are, at least) me caring for him would be very difficult.

edited to add: I was just starting to think of how exhausting it would be to take care of him and that is making me panic too.

 

[FaithT]

They actually believe that (at the way things are, at least) me caring for him would be very difficult.

They actually believe that (at the way things are, at least) me caring for him would be very difficult.

It’s good to hear they realize that.

 

[Susie~Q]

Your feelings are so normal and legitimate, and also very understandable. You have gone through so much with your dad. He wasn't always the nicest to you either, and even though two wrongs don't make a right, it is difficult to not retaliate. I also think that when a loved one is sick (or dying) we always think of how bad we have been (satan makes sure we have those thoughts) and never the good we have done for them, I have done that numerous times regarding my dear mom and dad, but, I do know that I did help them a lot. I know you wish that he could be home and all could be "normal" but sadly, I think those days are over and it is hard to accept. It would be extremely difficult for you to take care of him, he needs someone to can help lift him should he fall, and just to watch him and do what is needed on a daily basis. it is hard to finally come to that realization and it hurts so damn badly.

In regards to God punishing you, I know exactly how you feel, I often feel like God is punishing me as well for things I have done in the past and it is really upsetting at times. People tell me that He doesn't do that, but as you said, who really knows. I am embarrassed to say that I did not treat my dear mother too well one day and unfortunately, it wasn't too long after that that she died. She just refused to try to do the exercises on the leg that was amputated so she could get have a prosthesis made. I got so angry I yelled at her at said "To Hell With You, To Hell with YOU!!!!" oh my, she was in tears, I thought my dad would kill me, it scared the dog. She called her sister and she tried to calm her down. I was in tears and miserable. I had been working with her so long and trying to get her to do the exercises, I was totally burnt out, but that did not give me a reason to say what I did. I don't think I apologized until a week later when she was in the hospital dying and in a coma, then I kept saying "I am sorry, I am sorry, please forgive me" I am sure she did, but to this day, it haunts me and I remember it. Now, is God punishing me? I don't think so, not now, but, He does allow us to live with the consequences of our sins, and in my sin, it is deep sorrow. So, Shazia, if you have asked the Lord to forgive you, and in your case, gone to confession, I am sure the Lord does forgive and is not punishing you, but, you will have to live with the consequences and that is feeling horrible about it once in a while as satan likes to remind us of our sins. I hate words, they say that don't hurt, well, that is crap, they DO hurt, more than anything and a person can NOT take what they said back. So, I guess the Lord is not punishing us, but He does allow the consequences of our sins to occur, we punish ourselves.

Right now, the only One who can help you is Jesus and the Holy Spirit, keep praying to them, I am praying for you as well.

 

[mourningdove~]

I'm sorry if people can't stand me bumping this thread, but oh well. I am feeling melancholy tonight that my dad may never see his house again. When he's home, I "hate" him and want to die, now I can't cope at all, and I feel guilty for any unkind words I said to him. I know people may say that God is not punishing me, but how do we know he is not? Easier said than done to be kind, though. He was not without unsavory words of his own. However, I don't know how to cope right now. I'm getting crying spells. I wish I could have him at home, in a way, but there is no confidence on my part that he can be home, unless he can walk around and go to the bathroom himself, or get breakfast himself, etc.

I am your sister in Christ, but I don't share your 'punishing' version of God at all. And this isn't the first time you've referred to Him in this way.

Yes, we do suffer consequences for our sins ... and for living in a fallen world ... but God works all things together for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. All things. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Always God is working for our sanctification, in this lifetime here. He continually works to transform us more and more into the image of Christ. And He very often uses the difficult situations in our lives to do His refining. This is an ongoing process, our sanctification. No, it doesn't always feel good to have God work on our hearts, but it is a good work ... the purpose being our sanctification.

Somehow many years ago, I 'got it' that God loved me! Maybe because He has forgiven me of so much. Or maybe because He is so generous towards me when I definitely do not deserve it. Or maybe it's just because the Bible says that God is Love, and I believe it. But my life is good because I know that God loves me. And I know He loves you, too.

As Christians, nowhere are we promised that life on this earth will be easy for us. Nowhere. But Jesus does promise to never leave us or forsake us, as we go thru this often very difficult life. And it is when we walk thru our trials with Him, trusting and keeping faith in Him, that we continue to grow in our understanding of His great love for us. And believing that He loves us, we find peace in the storms of life.

Hang in there. God is not punishing you, but yes ... life is hard. Keep the faith.
God.Loves.You.

 

[Michie]

LB-
Just included you and your family in my morning prayers.

 

[chevyontheriver]

They actually believe that (at the way things are, at least) me caring for him would be very difficult.

That IS true.

edited to add: I was just starting to think of how exhausting it would be to take care of him and that is making me panic too.

It’s too much and you know it and the hospital folks know it. You can do quite a bit but you can’t and shouldn’t be doing it all. Let the hospital staff find assistance for you. And how to pay for it.

 

[Lady Bug]

I cried really bad just awhile ago because some General Surgeon called me and was extremely pushy in insisting that she's not going to do the PEG tube procedure because he's "at the end of his life" and it won't produce a "quality of life." I feel that, even though she did outline the risks of the tube, that she was being unethical in her pushiness as if she was trying to get me to make a decision right then and now, when I was actually supposed to be having a meeting I have every week with two ladies , next week about "making a decision." Granted, the latter two ladies do have a bias but they were/are not even half as pushy as this one and the social worker was very gentle about it being my decision alone, but this darned phone call drove me to tears. She offered to meet with me tomorrow but I regret agreeing to the meeting, because I can't stand the thought of talking to her again.

 

[Anhelyna]

Lady Bug

I may well be 'shot down in flames' for posting on this thread as I am in a different country with different customs etc etc

BUT
I feel you really should not attend any meetings now, at this stage , without having support from someone who knows you really well and who is present during any conversation about your father's treatment.

Please be assured of my prayers for you and your father both now and in the time to come.
Lord have mercy !

 

[Michie]

I cried really bad just awhile ago because some General Surgeon called me and was extremely pushy in insisting that she's not going to do the PEG tube procedure because he's "at the end of his life" and it won't produce a "quality of life." I feel that, even though she did outline the risks of the tube, that she was being unethical in her pushiness as if she was trying to get me to make a decision right then and now, when I was actually supposed to be having a meeting I have every week with two ladies , next week about "making a decision." Granted, the latter two ladies do have a bias but they were/are not even half as pushy as this one and the social worker was very gentle about it being my decision alone, but this darned phone call drove me to tears. She offered to meet with me tomorrow but I regret agreeing to the meeting, because I can't stand the thought of talking to her again.

It’s the doctor’s job to be honest and frank. Has your brother been throwing his weight around? If he has, she may have felt she needed to be frank. I think a meeting will be a good thing in the long run to explain the reality of your dad’s condition and what is realistic and what is not.

 

[FaithT]

It’s the doctor’s job to be honest and frank. Has your brother been throwing his weight around? If he has, she may have felt she needed to be frank. I think a meeting will be a good thing in the long run to explain the reality of your dad’s condition and what is realistic and what is not.

I guess you’re right but I know that I was mad at the “negative nurse” when my mom was sick.

 

[Michie]

I guess you’re right but I know that I was mad at the “negative nurse” when my mom was sick.

Yes…some do not have the best bedside manner. But they have a tough job and are often rushed amongst patients. They often forget that most do not have a medical background which makes it hard for the family to understand why some things cannot be fixed when things are slowing down in the body, etc. it is just very sad any way you look at it.