My dad has problems again

[Lady Bug]

I have a meeting today at 2:15 or so, with "the" surgeon. Two problems:
- my dad is very aware of his hunger and that he's not getting regular food and he is wondering why people aren't giving him food. He claims that the nurses only tell him that he'll get food eventually, but my dad is not buying it. He feels something is up and since my dad was telling me this over the phone and couldn't catch every word I said, I only said certain things like, I think something's up too. I didn't think I could accomplish this over the phone
- the housecleaner strikes again. He visited my dad this morning. My dad gave me a voicemail through his phone, telling me to call him (dad). I eventually did, through the nurse. He wants me to bring him his eyeglasses and cell phone, and although I agree with the glasses, the cell phone I am weary about because there have been many times where he pushes the wrong buttons or doesn't know how to do something on it. He has accidentally put on Mobile Data. Also, I need his phone to get those 6-digit codes sometimes. Back to the housecleaner, he called me literally 12 times (i.e. 12 missed calls) and gave me a text message saying that my dad wants to talk to me. I texted the HC in frustration, "I will call but please allow me to breathe." I called the HC who said that my dad wants to talk to me and I tried to tell the HC that I've been having a series of bad days about this situation but his answer sounded like he was purportedly more concerned about my dad than me, but before I was able to defend myself (what good would that do), he said he was at a meeting and had to go.

 

[Michie]

I have a meeting today at 2:15 or so, with "the" surgeon. Two problems:
- my dad is very aware of his hunger and that he's not getting regular food and he is wondering why people aren't giving him food. He claims that the nurses only tell him that he'll get food eventually, but my dad is not buying it. He feels something is up and since my dad was telling me this over the phone and couldn't catch every word I said, I only said certain things like, I think something's up too. I didn't think I could accomplish this over the phone
- the housecleaner strikes again. He visited my dad this morning. My dad gave me a voicemail through his phone, telling me to call him (dad). I eventually did, through the nurse. He wants me to bring him his eyeglasses and cell phone, and although I agree with the glasses, the cell phone I am weary about because there have been many times where he pushes the wrong buttons or doesn't know how to do something on it. He has accidentally put on Mobile Data. Also, I need his phone to get those 6-digit codes sometimes. Back to the housecleaner, he called me literally 12 times (i.e. 12 missed calls) and gave me a text message saying that my dad wants to talk to me. I texted the HC in frustration, "I will call but please allow me to breathe." I called the HC who said that my dad wants to talk to me and I tried to tell the HC that I've been having a series of bad days about this situation but his answer sounded like he was purportedly more concerned about my dad than me, but before I was able to defend myself (what good would that do), he said he was at a meeting and had to go.

No changes on the swallowing?

 

[Lady Bug]

No changes on the swallowing?

Not that I'm aware of. They say that they're going to try to have him swallow things once the nose tube has to be removed, but see, that's where he would officially begin starving to death.

 

[Michie]

Not that I'm aware of. They say that they're going to try to have him swallow things once the nose tube has to be removed, but see, that's where he would officially begin starving to death.

If they insert another means of feeding he won’t. You need to tell your father that there has been no food or drink by mouth because of the swallowing issues and they will know further what to do after the tubing is removed and his swallowing ability is tested. My next comment being said is totally up to you but I would not be feeding your father’s fear and suspicions by saying things like “something is up”, etc. that does not help him or anyone.

 

[mourningdove~]

My next comment being said is totally up to you but I would not be feeding your father’s fear and suspicions by saying things like “something is up”, etc. that does not help him or anyone.

(For what it is worth ... )

I totally agree with this ^ .

I don't think it's helpful in any way at all right now, to encourage ... or seeming to be encouraging ... fear and suspicion in any patient in this condition about their medical care. To do so could cause alot of problems, and especially when a patient is sometimes having cognitive issues. To become fearful and suspicious could cause a patient to begin behaving in ways that will be detrimental to his care.

Part of being one's medical representative is to sometimes keep unhealthy or upsetting information from them. Especially if the information could result in them having a medical setback, or will cause friction between the patient and the medical staff.

 

[Lady Bug]

It was a pretty bad day today but I don't have the attention span to give more details right now.

It looks like my dad is being put on hospice soon. The doctors/surgeons absolutely refuse to put a PEG tube in him. Two of the doctors seemed to have a degree of compassion, but one of them was colder than ice and I really wonder about her. I shudder to think of any patient in the hands of her. I don't think I'm exaggerating. The eyes were stone cold as she was talking about not doing the tube. They will try to see if he can swallow the most basic soft things but they won't force it. It breaks my heart because he is quite an aware person and has some resilience left in him, but the docs won't let him stay longer on the nose tube because they say if he stays on it too long, it could cause some breakdown of tissue in the face area, but I forgot all the details.

I'm scared, I don't want to see him like this if he deteriorates. I don't know how I could handle this.

After I left the hospital, well, my brother strikes again with a very pushy attitude, telling me to ask dad asap what his life insurance policy name is, before "the tube gets taken out." He is ramping up the pressure on me big time. I already failed in getting POA today because my dad refused to sign it. That means it has to go through the court, and I might not be able to do that in time before he has to go on hospice, which is through Medicaid. He was misunderstanding what the POA was, so the social worker/notary had to give up. Now, he's so provoked by their visit that he can't think straight, and I think he'd be provoked even further if I asked him about the life insurance. My brother wants the name of the life insurance asap so that he can invest it in one of those fantasy investments that he claims will absolutely work this time because it's guaranteed. I don't want to ask my dad about it because my dad may refuse to answer me, because he'll probably say "I'm going to be around for a long time, I'm not going to talk about it."

 

[Lady Bug]

I can't believe what I'm about to say. My brother does lament the fact that my dad may have to go on Medicaid but my brother thinks we'd be better off if my dad passes away first so that we can get life insurance.

My gosh, a few days ago he was crying so much about this, now he's looking at an incentive.

 

[Michie]

Continued prayers Lady Bug. I’m sorry things are such a mess within the family.

 

[chevyontheriver]

It was a pretty bad day today but I don't have the attention span to give more details right now.

It looks like my dad is being put on hospice soon. The doctors/surgeons absolutely refuse to put a PEG tube in him. Two of the doctors seemed to have a degree of compassion, but one of them was colder than ice and I really wonder about her. I shudder to think of any patient in the hands of her. I don't think I'm exaggerating. The eyes were stone cold as she was talking about not doing the tube. They will try to see if he can swallow the most basic soft things but they won't force it. It breaks my heart because he is quite an aware person and has some resilience left in him, but the docs won't let him stay longer on the nose tube because they say if he stays on it too long, it could cause some breakdown of tissue in the face area, but I forgot all the details.

I'm scared, I don't want to see him like this if he deteriorates. I don't know how I could handle this.

After I left the hospital, well, my brother strikes again with a very pushy attitude, telling me to ask dad asap what his life insurance policy name is, before "the tube gets taken out." He is ramping up the pressure on me big time. I already failed in getting POA today because my dad refused to sign it. That means it has to go through the court, and I might not be able to do that in time before he has to go on hospice, which is through Medicaid. He was misunderstanding what the POA was, so the social worker/notary had to give up. Now, he's so provoked by their visit that he can't think straight, and I think he'd be provoked even further if I asked him about the life insurance. My brother wants the name of the life insurance asap so that he can invest it in one of those fantasy investments that he claims will absolutely work this time because it's guaranteed. I don't want to ask my dad about it because my dad may refuse to answer me, because he'll probably say "I'm going to be around for a long time, I'm not going to talk about it."

Your brother sounds like someone who could go in for elder abuse, at least on the financial side. In my mother’s situation we got a guardian appointed to protect her interests from the deceased second husband’s thief of a son. It was a legal mess. I’m praying for you.

 

[Lady Bug]

Your brother sounds like someone who could go in for elder abuse, at least on the financial side. In my mother’s situation we got a guardian appointed to protect her interests from the deceased second husband’s thief of a son. It was a legal mess. I’m praying for you.

By the time I get guardianship, I won't need it. My dad's nose tube was removed tonight and if he is found to no longer be able to eat or drink, I'm cooked

 

[Susie~Q]

It was a pretty bad day today but I don't have the attention span to give more details right now.
A Lot has gone on, I would imagine that your brain is almost fried due to all the stress.
It looks like my dad is being put on hospice soon.
I was wondering if that was going to be the case. Maybe he will get better care there, hopefully.
The doctors/surgeons absolutely refuse to put a PEG tube in him. Two of the doctors seemed to have a degree of compassion, but one of them was colder than ice and I really wonder about her.
Hey, if you really want it and think it would help, then DEMAND that it be put in, they are taking advantage of you and not wanting to do their job. That one doctor, as I said, should be reported, she should NOT be a doctor. She is no good to the patients or families.
I shudder to think of any patient in the hands of her. I don't think I'm exaggerating. The eyes were stone cold as she was talking about not doing the tube.
I truly think that this woman is possessed by satan, no decent would look that way, especially if they think a patient may not make it and they certainly wouldn't look at a family member that way. Really, you should report her and have her taken off the case.
They will try to see if he can swallow the most basic soft things but they won't force it. It breaks my heart because he is quite an aware person and has some resilience left in him, but the docs won't let him stay longer on the nose tube because they say if he stays on it too long, it could cause some breakdown of tissue in the face area, but I forgot all the details.
When Steve was on the NG tube, they never told him that there was a time limit, they were going to leave it in as long as he couldn't eat and as long as that stoma was blocked. They are treating your dad almost like he is in coma or a zombie, I do not like how they are acting at all. They all stink!!!!!!
I'm scared, I don't want to see him like this if he deteriorates. I don't know how I could handle this.
I would be scared too, but then, I would get so [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed off, I would demand certain things and if they didn't comply, I would go right to the head of nursing or the hospital.
After I left the hospital, well, my brother strikes again with a very pushy attitude, telling me to ask dad asap what his life insurance policy name is, before "the tube gets taken out." He is ramping up the pressure on me big time.
Oh my gosh, that is awful. His true colors are showing, he only cares about the money and not how your dad is, that is inexcusable.
I already failed in getting POA today because my dad refused to sign it. That means it has to go through the court, and I might not be able to do that in time before he has to go on hospice, which is through Medicaid
Oh my gosh, that is awful, you would think he would want you to have it, it protects him and you, that is not right.
He was misunderstanding what the POA was, so the social worker/notary had to give up. Now, he's so provoked by their visit that he can't think straight, and I think he'd be provoked even further if I asked him about the life insurance.
Oh dear, what a mess, and true, he probably would be more irritated if you asked him. What a mess.
My brother wants the name of the life insurance asap so that he can invest it in one of those fantasy investments that he claims will absolutely work this time because it's guaranteed. I don't want to ask my dad about it because my dad may refuse to answer me, because he'll probably say "I'm going to be around for a long time, I'm not going to talk about it."
Dang!!!! That brother is such a jerk, see, he is only thinking of himself again, how dare he!!!!!!!! True, the mood your dad is in, he probably would say that. Mercy.
Hugs
Susie

 

[Susie~Q]

I can't believe what I'm about to say. My brother does lament the fact that my dad may have to go on Medicaid but my brother thinks we'd be better off if my dad passes away first so that we can get life insurance.

My gosh, a few days ago he was crying so much about this, now he's looking at an incentive.

He is definitely a narcissistic psychopath. He should have no part in all this, it is too serious.

 

[chevyontheriver]

By the time I get guardianship, I won't need it. My dad's nose tube was removed tonight and if he is found to no longer be able to eat or drink, I'm cooked

This isn’t a Catholic hospital, is it?

 

[Lady Bug]

This isn’t a Catholic hospital, is it?

Why do you ask? (It is not by the way)

The hospital did buy out a former Catholic hospital in my town, though.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Why do you ask? (It is not by the way)

The hospital did buy out a former Catholic hospital in my town, though.

A Catholic hospital SHOULD be very firm in not starving or dehydrating patients.

 

[Michie]

 

[Lady Bug]

A Catholic hospital SHOULD be very firm in not starving or dehydrating patients.

We did use to have a Catholic hospital in town as I was growing up. It was deconsecrated when it was bought out by the hospital my dad is in, and is no longer a hospital.

 

[Lady Bug]

A Catholic hospital SHOULD be very firm in not starving or dehydrating patients.

This hospital claims that it doesn't do those things but tries to give the patients some soft foods/drinks, but in hospice situations, they do not force the patient to have them. However, I feel like the end result is the same. It would be unethical to force someone to eat or drink if they don't want to, but my brain doesn't stop asking myself, what if the person wants it and can't express themselves.

Bad news, my dad didn't feel like eating breakfast today. Slightly better news, he was able to take his pills (crushed though, but that's ok) with enough applesauce to cover for those pills, but the nurse said that it doesn't mean he won't silently aspirate. Sigh, OK but I just wanted to feel a speck of relief for five seconds knowing that he could actually swallow that amount, however little it was, without coughing it up. I did give a message to the nurses saying No Breads. Truth be told he had been having trouble eating breads lately and would cough them back up (when at home).

 

[Lady Bug]

I just found out that he ate some fish, some peas, and some mashed potatoes for lunch. Not the whole meal but enough. Drank adequately, allegedly. Bad news is that he was allegedly coughing during eating. However, I found out that he had been taken off blood thinners (that normally prevent stroke) and his acid reflux meds because this is supposedly comfort care. The latter had mitigated the coughing my dad used to have when eating at home, but the nurse said that the coughing could be for other reasons. I don't know. He did cough in front of me when trying to sip water I was concerned about the removal of those medications (I was respectful) and the nurse messaged the palliative care doctor with the request to add baby aspirin and nexxium back. Luckily, the doctor didn't refuse, because she okd it pretty quickly. I'm concerned that he's sleepy right now because he's on a higher dose of pain medication than he probably should be, according to the nurse, but she's trying to see if lowering the dose will cause any problems. I'm still scared, though but I wonder what will happen from here.

 

[RileyG]

Continued prayers