My dad has problems again

[Lady Bug]

Another reason why my brother should not be POA:

He allegedly found this guy who said he could give my brother $100,000 with our house being collateral and my brother said that the guy said that as long as we alter my dad's will for the house to be collateral then we're all set and my brother said the guy said that the terms would be that my brother and I would be POAs and my brother said that we need to get the financial POA started. I told my brother NO WAY, THAT GUY IS A SLIMEBALL to remotely suggest altering the will so that our house is collateral in the event that we can't pay a debt! My brother is mopey about it now because we can't accept whoever made that offer. Good Lord.

 

[Michie]

Another reason why my brother should not be POA:

He allegedly found this guy who said he could give my brother $100,000 with our house being collateral and my brother said that the guy said that as long as we alter my dad's will for the house to be collateral then we're all set and my brother said the guy said that the terms would be that my brother and I would be POAs and my brother said that we need to get the financial POA started. I told my brother NO WAY, THAT GUY IS A SLIMEBALL to remotely suggest altering the will so that our house is collateral in the event that we can't pay a debt! My brother is mopey about it now because we can't accept whoever made that offer. Good Lord.

That’s terrifying and incredibly asinine. You need to mention that to your attorney. You need to mention all the roadblocks so they better know how to protect you and your dad’s assets.

 

[mourningdove~]

I don't know. In the end it's up to me I guess. I'm having some problems going on in my head that is a combination of practical and maybe self-absorbed and I'm not proud of the latter.

Okay, so it sounds like the option to bring your Dad home is still available.
That tells me that he must be doing better than I thought.

Sometimes it doesn't sound like he's doing good, but to send him home into your care alone ... without suggesting that he also be on hospice care at home ... would seem to indicate that there is still hope for his improvement.

It would be very irresponsible for the hospital to send home a dying patient, into the sole care of his daughter, without also putting him on hospice care at home.

Thanks for explaining.

 

[mourningdove~]

Another reason why my brother should not be POA:

He allegedly found this guy who said he could give my brother $100,000 with our house being collateral and my brother said that the guy said that as long as we alter my dad's will for the house to be collateral then we're all set and my brother said the guy said that the terms would be that my brother and I would be POAs and my brother said that we need to get the financial POA started. I told my brother NO WAY, THAT GUY IS A SLIMEBALL to remotely suggest altering the will so that our house is collateral in the event that we can't pay a debt! My brother is mopey about it now because we can't accept whoever made that offer. Good Lord.

So YOU have Medical Power of Attorney ...
and your brother has POA over your Dad's estate?
(Is that right?)

 

[Lady Bug]

That’s terrifying and incredibly asinine. You need to mention that to your attorney. You need to mention all the roadblocks so they better know how to protect you and your dad’s assets.

Yeah I'm almost done with the forms. I might have to mention "I don't know" in the area that asks me what my dad's life insurance stuff is. I feel kind of embarrassed about doing that, but I just don't know the answer. I called the funeral home to find out the value of his funeral contract but the lady who knows the answer is not there and was supposed to call me back but hasn't yet. I'll try again momentarily.

 

[Michie]

Yeah I'm almost done with the forms. I might have to mention "I don't know" in the area that asks me what my dad's life insurance stuff is. I feel kind of embarrassed about doing that, but I just don't know the answer. I called the funeral home to find out the value of his funeral contract but the lady who knows the answer is not there and was supposed to call me back but hasn't yet. I'll try again momentarily.

I just did mom’s final arrangements last week. I hate doing that stuff but it made her feel better. Don’t worry about having all the answers, the attorney will walk you through it as well as the staff at the funeral home for insurance, etc.

 

[Lady Bug]

Okay, so it sounds like the option to bring your Dad home is still available.
That tells me that he must be doing better than I thought.

Sometimes it doesn't sound like he's doing good, but to send him home into your care alone ... without suggesting that he also be on hospice care at home ... would seem to indicate that there is still hope for his improvement.

It would be very irresponsible for the hospital to send home a dying patient, into the sole care of his daughter, without also putting him on hospice care at home.

Thanks for explaining.

Please pardon my irritability right now. Just because he is able to come home DOES NOT MEAN THAT I'm capable of taking care of him! I don't understand why this is not getting through to people!

Hospice is an option, and if not that, then some other form of long-term care (unless he's at home of course). I don't think I'm going the hospice route because in spite of my dad's infirmities, he just doesn't show signs of actually shutting down. He's just frail and should not be alone/independent.

So YOU have Medical Power of Attorney ...
and your brother has POA over your Dad's estate?
(Is that right?)

I have Medical POA and I'm trying to get Financial POA. Neither me/brother have Financial but I'm trying to prevent my brother from getting Financial but I'm so busy with other things and am getting almost finished that I'm worried that I won't be able to get Financial in time. I'm terrified.

 

[mourningdove~]

Please pardon my irritability right now. Just because he is able to come home DOES NOT MEAN THAT I'm capable of taking care of him! I don't understand why this is not getting through to people!

Hospice is an option, and if not that, then some other form of long-term care (unless he's at home of course). I don't think I'm going the hospice route because in spite of my dad's infirmities, he just doesn't show signs of actually shutting down. He's just frail and should not be alone/independent.

I have Medical POA and I'm trying to get Financial POA. Neither me/brother have Financial but I'm trying to prevent my brother from getting Financial but I'm so busy with other things and am getting almost finished that I'm worried that I won't be able to get Financial in time. I'm terrified.

I understand, that you are not able to care for your Dad. I am getting it. I'm just trying to determine how sick is your Dad.

So fortunately, your Dad is not dying.
He is just weak and frail and needs constant monitoring.
Okay I get it.

Well I won't ask anymore questions. Don't want to stress you more.
that things work out the best for you.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm beyond stressed again. I can't get Financial POA yet unless I go through the court, because the medical team has already declared him incompetent. I'm worried that if my brother finds this out, he'll go to the court before I get a chance, but I live considerably closer to the County Courthouse than he does, so maybe I'm at an advantage. The law firm I wanted to ask this is only open Mon-Thur and I think limited hours on Friday (they already closed at 3 pm GOSH DARN IT), so I'm going to be on pins and needles AGAIN. GOOD GRIEF. I can still submit the forms though, don't get me wrong, and after the forms I can get a consultation, but darnit I'm worried that my brother will try some schtick to get the POA before I do. I can only do it through my County though, but even though my brother is farther away from the court than I am, he still seems too close for my comfort. I'm going NUTS. There is still some grace period for my dad because he'll be in the "specialty hospital" for awhile but STILL I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND!

Should the attorney help me petition the court or do I contact the court first? The latter, well, I'll probably never get a human even if my life depended on it.

 

[Lady Bug]

I understand, that you are not able to care for your Dad. I am getting it. I'm just trying to determine how sick is your Dad.

So fortunately, your Dad is not dying.
He is just weak and frail and needs constant monitoring.
Okay I get it.

Well I won't ask anymore questions. Don't want to stress you more.
that things work out the best for you.

I'm sorry for my attitude, I don't think it's you, it's the situation. I don't think he's dying at all (I think his brain is not THAT bad even though they say he's "incompetent"), he's just a frail man who unfortunately cannot swallow regularly. I do not like how the medical staff is slowly and subtly wanting me to choose the "withhold" option, but I'm strong though to refuse it.

 

[Michie]

LB go to the court house and get the needed papers. Your brother should not find out unless someone tells him. If he tries to get POA then you are going to have to contest it and explain why. Just make sure you make this your priority. Call the attorney during the limited hours tomorrow and go to the court house if needed. Let them know what is going on. You are the main caretaker. You live with your father. You are already medical POA so try not to worry. You have the advantage already.

How To Get a Power of Attorney for a Sick Parent

Setting up a Power of Attorney for a parent is not necessarily a complicated process, but when your parent is ill, it can be more challenging.

www.rocketlawyer.com

 

[Lady Bug]

LB go to the court house and get the needed papers. Your brother should not find out unless someone tells him. If he tries to get POA then you are going to have to contest it and explain why. Just make sure you make this your priority. Call the attorney during the limited hours tomorrow and go to the court house if needed. Let them know what is going on. You are the main caretaker. You live with your father. You are already medical POA so try not to worry. You have the advantage already.

How To Get a Power of Attorney for a Sick Parent

Setting up a Power of Attorney for a parent is not necessarily a complicated process, but when your parent is ill, it can be more challenging.

www.rocketlawyer.com

They're closed for the weekend. I can't stand this.

The next-door-neighbor had been trying to work with my brother to get the latter financial POA and have some people come to the house for me and my dad to sign it but no one ever showed up. I'm worried that if the NND finds out that I have to go to the court about this, she'll tell my brother, or the brother finds out first, they'll go together to the county courthouse to get this sorted out and I'll be screwed. The NND is adamant that my brother needs to share POA with me and she's bichy about it if I tell her not to involve my brother in it. I can't take this. I already have a meeting Tuesday with the palliative care team and I can't handle much else until then. Seriously. This makes me sick. I want to call the NND and tell her to please not allow my brother to have POA but she will likely oppose me. Ironically, she's on my side with regard to long-term care but not about POA. I want to tell her so bad not to enable this to happen but there's a chance that she doesn't even know that I'm supposed to go to the court, so maybe I shouldn't tell her.

 

[Michie]

Sounds like there are people involved that should not be. I don’t know what to say. You just need to do what you have to and if he tries to go for POA you are just going to have to contest it and tell them why.

 

[Lady Bug]

Sounds like there are people involved that should not be. I don’t know what to say. You just need to do what you have to and if he tries to go for POA you are just going to have to contest it and tell them why.

I know. I don't think I have the strength or astuteness anymore to be able to convince anyone why he shouldn't be POA. I'm about broken, mentally. I've been doing work on these forms for hours and I'm about to submit them. Not everything is filled but I think enough is filled for them to work on, for now.

 

[Lady Bug]

Ok, this is wishful thinking but does the Elder Law attorney(s) have any role in petitioning the Court for Guardianship?

To add insult to injury I heard this can take weeks or months. I want to die

 

[Lady Bug]

Sorry if I'm seemingly ignoring you all. I'm not. I'm going mental. I found a good sentence off this website:

Navigating the process of obtaining guardianship can be overwhelming. However, you don’t have to do it alone. Consulting an experienced elder law attorney can help you better understand the process, meet your parent’s needs and obtain peace of mind.

 

[Lady Bug]

Oh crap. It didn't say that the Elder Law Atty would actually DO it. Sigh.

 

[RileyG]

May God keep you under his precious care!

 

[Michie]

You can’t tell them about your brother and the shady characters he associates with? The money if he got the will changed? The lack of help with your parents? The house keeper and neighbor should NOT be involved. Why they are is beyond me. As far as guardianship. They expedite that in this type of situation. You already have medical power of attorney, you live in the home and have been the caretaker for both of your parents. Sometimes speaking the truth can be hurtful. You are going to have to speak the truth and set boundaries for those that should not be involved in the family’s affairs. As far as the legalities, it takes leg work and face to face conversations with the professionals. What matters now is getting things set up and established for your dad and his assets as well as your protection. It takes work LB but it will be worth it. If your brother gets angry, so be it. But you need to really stand your ground and try to get out of this constant chaos. If you do not stand up for yourself and your father, nobody else is going to do it. You have to let these things be known to the professionals that can help you. But they can’t help you if you do not stand up for what is the right thing to do in the situation. You can start by setting boundaries and having an honest talk with your brother. If he wants to make things difficult then that when the attorney, palliative care, social workers, and the courts come in.

 

[Michie]

Popping in to assure you of my continued prayers. I hope the day is less stressful than the previous ones.