My mother was a 10 to 12 beers a night alcoholic for as long as I can remember. She quit drinking the last 2 to 3 weeks of her life and died of lung cancer at 57 years old.
My brother is a pedophile. I was sexually abused between 4 and 10 years old. There are at least 6 other victims (including my two other sisters) of his that I'm aware of. He hasn't stopped. Never came to the attention of the police and he's a fireman in city fire district. If I were a "gamblin' (wo)man" I'd take it to Vagas right now that he's sexually abused his daughters.
I'd contacted an investigator at one point over photos dad found in his bedroom of some of my brother's other victims. (We didn't recognize any of these girls.) The cop said that based on the information I had, the age of the photos, the statute of limitation had run out and unless a current victim comes forward; the police can't do anything.
I'm also a war veteran. I scraped dead Iraqis out of tank treads after Desert Storm. I was exposed to chemical and biological weapons. We knew that even though the DOD official position was that there was no chemical or biological weapons used in Desert Storm. We had gager counters and chemical weapons detection kits and we knew the stuff we were cleaning was "hot". (I worked mostly with civilian contractors. My command sent me because everyone else was getting sick.) I got chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, vertigo, migraines and PTSD from being in the military.
I found out after I got out of the military (how I got out of the military is another story) that the chemical and biological weapons Iraq had; most of them, they got from the US. (Think Iran Iraq war - 1980-1987. Invasion of Kuwait = summer of 1990.)
Speaking of "red pilling"? Do you think I believe for a minute that airplanes brought down the world trade center? Do you think I believe that was organized by a guy with kidney failure sitting in a cave on a lap top in a country that doesn't have .... F-in electricity?
In winter of 1997, when I received a letter from the DOD telling me to be ready to be recalled because of Desert Fox; the nightmares started. After about 4 of going down hill psychologically; I ended up inpatient psych ward for a month, and then a month after discharge, went into a day treatment program for 3 months.
I did manage to go back to work when my employer disability ran out. Eventually I got well enough to go back full time.
I got married in 1999. Our son was born in January 2002. Within 8 months, we knew he was developmentally disabled. He was diagnosed with epilepsy at 3 years old. We still don't know what exactly he's got. He's going for genetic testing now. What ever it is; it appears to be a form of epilepsy the medical community is not familiar with.
Desert Storm = the gift that keeps giving!
We've been in the hospital and the ER so many times now that I've lost count. He has calcium deposits in his brain, difficulty with balance and walking, memory problems and "autism". He won't get a high school diploma, can't hold down a job in the conventional work force. He'll never drive a car, never be able to live independently.
In 2010 we were in a catastrophic car accident that left me permanently mobility impaired. I walk with crutches and I have a wheelchair. I lost an eye in that accident and had a traumatic brain injury.
Husband had two affairs during this time. (He was injured too. So was our son. The kid had a head injury in the car accident also.) We got home from a month of being in the hospital and husband told me he didn't love me any more and eventually threw me and his disabled son out of the apartment. We left about a year after the accident.
We lived separately for 6 years although not even legally separated; where all he did was take me to court and complain about the kid having an xBox and being afraid to get in the car with him. (He was the one driving during the accident.) The judge asked if the kid was in counseling? I said yes. (He still is.) But dad would never show up to the appointments. Never paid a dime of child support; had a very strained relationship with the kid; but all of that was somehow my fault?
Husband filed for divorce in February of 2017 so he could marry girlfriend #2. She broke up with him on March 5th and he committed suicide that night. Cops came to my door Sunday afternoon; said they'd found his body. His employer called the police after he didn't show up for work two shifts in a row; which was unusual because he always went to work.
So
DON'T whine to me about people suffering on this planet!
Where was God in all of this?
He gave me a dad that did everything he could to try and protect his daughters. We were "notable" enough to stay on the radar of CPS. (This was the 1970's).
He kept me from getting killed in the war!
He also protected me from having to kill anyone else!
He kept me from jumping off the bridge! He gave me doctors and nurses that could help me get better. I still have PTSD. Life is managed; it isn't cured!
God allowed me to be born in a nation that gave my son SSI, Medicaid, early intervention and special education services. My kid can talk today because he had some speech pathologists who knew what they were doing! He's had some phenomenal school teachers. One nightmare aide and a whole lot of in between. He's had some outstanding doctors and some horrendous doctors.
God gave us a family court judge that listened to my son.
God gave me doctors during the accident that could help me get better! I'm alive today because God gave us the technology to invent Mercy Flight and civilian hospitals have benefited greatly because of medical techniques learned on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm here today because by God's providence I lived close enough to a level 4 trauma center that I didn't die before they got me to the hospital. I was so "out of it" from drugs and the head injury that I was sure Jesus was walking around the hospital. The ICU called a chaplain.
God gave us Habitat for Humanity. Which built me and my son a house!
God moved the Veteran's Administration to (after 25 years) service connect me for injuries inquired as a result of Desert Storm. I'm 100% service connected at this point.
By His providence; we were born in a nation that has Social Security. My son collects on his father's social security number, now that his father is deceased.
By God's providence. My husband's divorce paperwork never made it to the judge before his death certificate made it to the county clerks office. So; myself and his son, got his estate. His greedy (6 figure income) brother and the girlfriend didn't.
God has preserved my life; restored my sanity and has given me the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You want to know where God is?
THAT'S WHERE HE IS!
Do I believe my brother will end up under God's wrath? Probably; seeing how hit doesn't look like God has any intention to save him!
Is my mother in hell? Probably; seeing how there was no evidence that God ever saved her.
Is my dad in hell? I don't know? I will leave to God's providence what He did in dad's heart the night he died. I was not there when he died.
Is my husband in hell? Probably; seeing how there is no evidence God ever saved him either.
My son is a believer; he demonstrated that faith in God is real to him when he went to the ER at 14 years old because it looked like he was having a stroke. He has a cluster of malformed blood vessels in his brain. The incident that night was diagnosed as a "complex migraine". It was either that or a seizure. The malformation in his brain had not ruptured.
He has faced subsequent trips to the ER with the comfort that if he dies; the next "person" he will see is Jesus. He has a calmness about himself and his mortality that I certainly didn't have about my mortality at his age.
Welcome Home! My Mini AutoBiography Chapter 1: Experience Strength & Hope, a bible fanfic | FanFiction