Tired of being single. Advice needed

[NW82]

In what way are we tearing anyone down? I only see you being critical and telling everyone else that their way of dealing with the loneliness of being single as "wrong" for some reason. Nobody is pushing any sort of lifestyle, monastic or otherwise. He simply said that this is how he dealt with it and has found happiness/satisfaction in being alone...even after not wanting to be single.

What are we supposed to be saying that you feel is more "Christian"?

I'm going to paraphrase, but you saying "stop whining, shut up and deal with it, and just be alone" doesn't help; essentially that is all that is being said. Not once have I seen a true biblical reference that is used, with quoted scripture, that is applicable. Like I said this has been derailed enough, and I got quoted for someone to ignore previous statements, and jump down my throat. If you want to discuss it we can go to a PM.

 

[blackribbon]

I'm going to paraphrase, but you saying "stop whining, shut up and deal with it, and just be alone" doesn't help; essentially that is all that is being said. Not once have I seen a true biblical reference that is used, with quoted scripture, that is applicable. Like I said this has been derailed enough, and I got quoted for someone to ignore previous statements, and jump down my throat. If you want to discuss it we can go to a PM.

Your paraphrase isn't fair or accurate. No one once said "stop whining" or "shut up and deal with it". We have said that you "let go" and give it to God. There is no Biblical promise that everyone will get married or find the perfect opposite sex person to live your life with. Jesus was single. Paul was single. Lots of people that God used in a significant way were single. To assume they weren't lonely at times is most likely a huge stretch. Most admitted to feeling lonely and alone in this world.

Also, no one said that she shouldn't talk about it. We are all talking about it and you alone are telling us that our feelings are irrelevant because they don't match your definition of "encouraging". Our advice is sound and realistic. Some people might actually find someone. Others of us won't but it is not Biblical to make finding a spouse the center of your activity or thought process. Contrary to your accusation, I did quote the Bible. God never promised anyone happiness in this world. He never promised anyone a spouse. And to assume that another person can bring happiness is not realistic. Joy comes from trusting God...both through the good and bad times.

It is unrealistic, unfair, and unBiblical to tell someone that God has someone for them if they just wait or search or pray harder or whatever. Good advice is to find a way to exist with the loneiness and IF God gives them a significant other, then rejoice. Otherwise, rejoice in what God does provide because it is always greater than what we would get if we had all our wishes given to us.

This is also an appropriate post because it does address the OP's question on how to deal with the loneliness of being alone. It isn't a derail.

 

[NW82]

Your paraphrase isn't fair or accurate. No one once said "stop whining" or "shut up and deal with it". We have said that you "let go" and give it to God. There is no Biblical promise that everyone will get married or find the perfect opposite sex person to live your life with. Jesus was single. Paul was single. Lots of people that God used in a significant way were single. To assume they weren't lonely at times is most likely a huge stretch. Most admitted to feeling lonely and alone in this world.

Also, no one said that she shouldn't talk about it. We are all talking about it and you alone are telling us that our feelings are irrelevant because they don't match your definition of "encouraging". Our advice is sound and realistic. Some people might actually find someone. Others of us won't but it is not Biblical to make finding a spouse the center of your activity or thought process. Contrary to your accusation, I did quote the Bible. God never promised anyone happiness in this world. He never promised anyone a spouse. And to assume that another person can bring happiness is not realistic. Joy comes from trusting God...both through the good and bad times.

It is unrealistic, unfair, and unBiblical to tell someone that God has someone for them if they just wait or search or pray harder or whatever. Good advice is to find a way to exist with the loneiness and IF God gives them a significant other, then rejoice. Otherwise, rejoice in what God does provide because it is always greater than what we would get if we had all our wishes given to us.

This is also an appropriate post because it does address the OP's question on how to deal with the loneliness of being alone. It isn't a derail.

Roger on I'll just shut up an I'd go away as apparently I'm the problem and it's all my fault. Maybe I shouldn't even be alive. Thanks for building up...oh wait.

 

[blackribbon]

Roger on I'll just shut up an I'd go away as apparently I'm the problem and it's all my fault. Maybe I shouldn't even be alive. Thanks for building up...oh wait.

Again, how do you want to be built up? I have asked this multiple times. What is it that you are hoping people will say? And nobody told you to "shut up". Stop being melodramatic and actually participate in the conversation rather that always trashing everyone else for what they are saying.

 

[NW82]

Again, how do you want to be built up? I have asked this multiple times. What is it that you are hoping people will say? And nobody told you to "shut up". Stop being melodramatic and actually participate in the conversation rather that always trashing everyone else for what they are saying.

2 Corinthians 1:3–4
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
You specifically, aren't doing this. That's what I would expect. You saying deal with, which is what you are effectively saying whether you believe it or not, is NOT "so that we may be able to comfort those". Have you considered that verse 3 isn't supernatural, but God using others to accomplish verse 4?

 

[blackribbon]

2 Corinthians 1:3–4
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
You specifically, aren't doing this. That's what I would expect. You saying deal with, which is what you are effectively saying whether you believe it or not, is NOT "so that we may be able to comfort those". Have you considered that verse 3 isn't supernatural, but God using others to accomplish verse 4?

 

[blackribbon]

I am sorry that you feel lonely. It is hard to be alone when you don't want be. Be encouraged because God knows how you are feeling and will provide comfort if you take your pain to Him.

 

[Ygrene Imref]

Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

Remember the STDs that existed 20 years ago, and the new one that exist now - even overcoming the barrier of a condom. Seriously.

I was extremely blessed to know love at a young age (real love,) with the perfect woman for me - except we weren't evenly yoked spiritually. That bothered me for a while, and I actually felt like God slapped me in the face giving me such a perfect woman who differs in the only arena I consider "non-negotiable." But, with some hindsight (and hopefully, wisdom I have gained,) I am glad that I experienced real, true love, and even more happy it didn't go to a place we couldn't return/damaging (marriage with kids, then possible divorce.)

I would say singleness may be a blessing in deep disguise. You are married to Christ, first (as am I.) So, we really should focus on that - in my opinion. Once we are happy single, it will seem like God "dropped" the one in our laps - whether it is a strengthening with Christ, or an actual human help-meet.


(All of the suggestions are easier said than done, I realize.)

 

[Monk Brendan]

Instead of trying to push anyone into a monastic life, which is only really valid to certain sects of Christianity, or assuming things haven't been done, perhaps you should focus on uplifting and encouraging others; this has been may main problem with most replies to begin with. Almost everyone is trying to tear each other down instead of build them up, which is most certainly not biblical. If you intent was to provide the OP with advice, fair enough, but don't quote something I said for it.

Okay, you're a guy, forgive me for that. However, I am NOT trying to recruit others into the monastic life. I am simply trying to give valid advice. If you don't like it, well forgive me for raining on your parade.

 

[Monk Brendan]

Almost everyone is trying to tear each other down instead of build them up, which is most certainly not biblical. If you intent was to provide the OP with advice, fair enough, but don't quote something I said for it.

You have accused me, and yet, you have done the exact same thing to me, tearing me down, instead of building me up.

 

[Monk Brendan]

Not once have I seen a true biblical reference that is used, with quoted scripture, that is applicable.

OK! Here is a bit of the Bible that you may, or may not know (not making any judgments, mind you.) Malachi 2:16 says, “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” ("Putting away" in this context means Divorce--which, of course, God hates.)

And Matt 19:4-6 says, And he answered and said unto them, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Now, do you want me to throw verses such as these in her face? Up to now, I have been gentle with her, trying NOT to tear her down. However, she is divorced, and the letter of the Gospel tells her to give it up. Now, which of God's commands are we supposed to wink at?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I get a kick out of the advice given, really, no offense intended...about going to your friends and family members about being introduced to people that they know that are single.

Let me tell you the problem with that.

1. Most of my friends, esp. married ones, don't know anyone that's single.
2. Chances are these friends probably wouldn't feel comfortable introducing you, depends on your freinds.
3. An example to #2, I had a Christian single friend that suggested that we could get a few single people together to go out and do bowling or whatever. I was looking at some of her friends on her friends list and asked about a couple of them and her response was met with offense. Apparently, she didn't like the idea of checking out her friends list for possible prospects. So..that backfired.

There is just something off putting when going around asking your friends, "Hey, know anyone that's single?"

Most probably DO know, but will probably white lie and say they don't.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

There's also the issue of the interest being mutual. With me, I've gone through life into my mid-40s with nary a handful of women I dated. I must've had like only 3 or 4 women I dated seriously.

My first dates number in the 2 or 3 a year, so I can understand how a situation like this can be frustrating as compared to someone that has a date per week lined up.

 

[dayhiker]

I usually don't like telling single friends about other singles because I usually don't think they will match. Who wants to hear a friend say why did you hook me up with that creep!
In the past few weeks I've run into a lady .. we both have a lot of chemistry for the other. But her first reaction is that she doesn't want to deal with some parts of my life. I understand that, I told her about them on purpose so she could make an informed decision. So I am thinking of introducing her to my friend Tony as I think they might have a chance.

 

[NurseAbigail]

 

[NurseAbigail]

I feel the same way too, there are days I long for a sweet text message or a call, a hug, a kiss...especially on single awareness day (valentines day)... I always have long conversations with God about it, like "Why do I feel this way? Can you take it away?" It comes and goes, usually the loneliness kicks in after a long hard day at work, in the middle of the night or during events were there's visibly more couples and the singles seemed to have disappeared. I'd usually call another single friend and talk about it, helps sometimes. But there are days that I just lie down and sigh...but really, I think it's a blessing to be single, it might be a calling for some and maybe for some a season...having a partner does not equate happiness. One thing you should never do is get too desperate and be unequally yoked...if you wan't to experience hell go ahead , but yeah loneliness happens...

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I feel the same way too, there are days I long for a sweet text message or a call, a hug, a kiss...especially on single awareness day (valentines day)... I always have long conversations with God about it, like "Why do I feel this way? Can you take it away?" It comes and goes, usually the loneliness kicks in after a long hard day at work, in the middle of the night or during events were there's visibly more couples and the singles seemed to have disappeared. I'd usually call another single friend and talk about it, helps sometimes. But there are days that I just lie down and sigh...but really, I think it's a blessing to be single, it might be a calling for some and maybe for some a season...having a partner does not equate happiness. One thing you should never do is get too desperate and be unequally yoked...if you wan't to experience hell go ahead , but yeah loneliness happens...

Hi Abigail,

I know how you feel. Although I'm a male in my mid-40s, my parents won't be around for much longer. Been single for too long. I'd lucky if I can get a date a couple of times per year. lol. Must be my area...as it's mostly retirees and married people. In the city nearby, the ladies are kind of shallow.

I don't have other family I can spend time with,k I mean I do so biologically, but they are doing their own thing with their own families, so we were never that close.

So my parents are the only family I had...I sometimes dread loneliness after they both go, but I don't want to be in that situation, get too desperate and marry anyone just for the sake of not being alone...then I'd even be in a worse situation.

But seriously, I'm marriage-minded and want someone to grow old with.

Sadly, I've been coming across women that simply don't want to date, have a boyfriend, not even a husband.

People ask me, "Why are you still single?" and I say, "I meet the above" lol

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I usually don't like telling single friends about other singles because I usually don't think they will match. Who wants to hear a friend say why did you hook me up with that creep!
In the past few weeks I've run into a lady .. we both have a lot of chemistry for the other. But her first reaction is that she doesn't want to deal with some parts of my life. I understand that, I told her about them on purpose so she could make an informed decision. So I am thinking of introducing her to my friend Tony as I think they might have a chance.

what specifically are the parts of your life you referring to that she can't deal with?

 

[dayhiker]

Neither she or Tony where that excited about meeting each other. So that never happened. So I'm not much of a matchmaker!

I already have 3 GFs. Since she is pretty jealous about things like that she didn't want to go there.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Neither she or Tony where that excited about meeting each other. So that never happened. So I'm not much of a matchmaker!

I already have 3 GFs. Since she is pretty jealous about things like that she didn't want to go there.

You already have 3 girlfriends? Are you poly-amorous?