Tired of being single. Advice needed

Monk Brendan

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Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

Get used to it! I've been single all my life, and I'm 66!
 
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Bluerose31

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Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?
I am celibate and single because I wanted to be like a nun in this life. One way to help with feeling lonely is to do volunteer work or read/write a story.
 
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Servant68

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If you move to Eastern Washington state, I'll date you. You're a Godly woman, pretty, and over 35. Not many like you out here. Heck, I might even offer a marriage proposal if you're not crazy and like camping and 80's music... :D

But yeah... I understand the frustration. I got married at 24 and spent 20yrs knowing I married someone I didn't love and who didn't love me.

I desperately wanted someone to love and to love me. I didn't have that, so I concentrated on my kids and enjoying the outdoors. I've dated a couple of women the past couple of years and am still looking for someone that I can fall in love with.

But, with my 12hr graveyard shifts and the lack of mature, Christian, and non-crazy women around here, I remain alone but not lonely.

Yes, there are times when my heart aches for companionship and physical intimacy, but, God gives me strength and I trust in His will. I had a brief, very physical, relationship with a woman and I felt even more alone and longing for true intimacy on a spiritual level. Not going there again...

God knows your pain and your loneliness. He loves you and has a plan. Trust in that plan and His love and grace.
 
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quietpraiyze

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Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

I don't know how old you are but I happen to think if you are serious about wanting to be married then you start taking necessary steps. If you're serious then tell your friends and family members that you're ready to be married and you could use their help in finding a mate. Last time I checked most single people actually meet their mates through family and friends. Don't be afraid to say “hi”. There's a woman who wrote a book, I can't remember but I do remember her talking about greeting every guy she came into contact with. If you're doing nothing then it's worth a try. Put your finances in check. Pay outstanding debts. Get out and join some of your community activities. They range from cooking to hiking to movies and everything in between. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE...even if it's just for a warm beverage or dessert. You referenced Boaz but he saw Ruth. Ruth was OUTSIDE. Get yourself out.

Now this is going to sound a little crazy but make sure you haven't left your first love Christ for another or in this case the desire for another. Go back to when you first met the Lord and how exciting that was. How you couldn't wait to spend time with Him and all the little things that were just between you and him. Go back to that and cultivate your relationship with the Lord. In doing so, God can deal with the loneliness. There are many many married women who can tell you that marriage isn't a remedy for loneliness but relationship with the Lord is.

Stay encouraged, keep your priorities straight, and go for it!
 
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Monk Brendan

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Wow. Monk Brendan, sir, how did you move past not finding the woman of your heart? I feel sad for you. I'm sorry.

By serving Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I've done it since I began cooperating with Christ, some 40 years ago. I am now 66. No, it has not been easy. As a matter of fact, it has been very difficult. About 21 years ago I entered a monastery. I pray a lot. I do computer typesetting, and I wash dishes. When I have time, I create beautiful computer art. This has led me into a much closer walk with God than I thought possible.

When I was young, I had no idea what God wanted for my life, and I didn't much care. But finding the "love of my life" was not even in the picture for most of that time. I really had not found anyone that even remotely moved me, except for the actress Jane Seymour, and she was totally unavailable. Besides the fact that I lived in America, and she lived in England, and she never knew I existed. But she was hot.

When I turned 26, I was wooed by Jesus into a full time relationship. I asked God to bring me a mate, and nothing happened, except the monastery. Sometimes, it is just God's will that one is supposed to be single.

The OP is divorced--I don't know why, and I am not about to ask her why. All I know is that it usually is God's plan--note I say usually--when a man and a woman marry, that they remain married the rest of their lives.
 
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Monk Brendan

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Look, there is no way that I am going to sugar coat it. Sometimes God will send you a second husband. But I don't know enough about you and your marriage to even begin to help you, and I'm not a marriage counselor. I can pray that you are able to find God's will for you, and I will, but there is nothing I can say that is going to make you feel better, so learn to love God more--it could be that this is the reason for your divorce.
 
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blackribbon

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Im still praying for my boaz. But life still feels lonely. What does everyone here do when they just get tired of being single?

Hold a private pity party for one for a short period of time ... then get on with my life and focus on learning to be happy living my life alone.
 
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NW82

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Wow not one person offered any real advice to help, well maybe one. As a Christian, I find it hard to believe the cynicism here. I feel the same way the OP does, except I'm looking for Ruth, and simply saying deal with it doesn't seem like an appropriate response.
 
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blackribbon

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Wow not one person offered any real advice to help, well maybe one. As a Christian, I find it hard to believe the cynicism here. I feel the same way the OP does, except I'm looking for Ruth, and simply saying deal with it doesn't seem like an appropriate response.

What do you want? Some magic formula for how not to be lonely or how to find your mate?

Life is real. It isn't always happy. Sometimes advice is common such as learning how to change your focus and learn to accept what good life has given you. God has not promised us a human life of non-stop happiness. He has not promised us a spouse either. Godly advice is always to stop focusing on our own problems but learn to accept what life has given us and lean on God. I think that is the gist of almost all advice given here. To say "you will find that one" may be offering false hope and may be a lie. It may also be the lie that causes someone to believe that God doesn't care for them because that special someone never appears. To promise that God will always be with you when you are feeling lonely is truth and should be considered encouragement.
 
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NW82

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What do you want? Some magic formula for how not to be lonely or how to find your mate?

Life is real. It isn't always happy. Sometimes advice is common such as learning how to change your focus and learn to accept what good life has given you. God has not promised us a human life of non-stop happiness. He has not promised us a spouse either. Godly advice is always to stop focusing on our own problems but learn to accept what life has given us and lean on God. I think that is the gist of almost all advice given here. To say "you will find that one" may be offering false hope and may be a lie. It may also be the lie that causes someone to believe that God doesn't care for them because that special someone never appears. To promise that God will always be with you when you are feeling lonely is truth and should be considered encouragement.
Wow. God doesn't take away the pain of loneliness. So what you are saying is, embrace the suck, because you're alone, deal with it and stop wanting to not be alone. God may always be around, but God didn't help me when I was face down on the ground begging Him to stop the pain. Saying deal with it because you should learn to like being alone, that's not encouragement.
 
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blackribbon

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Wow. God doesn't take away the pain of loneliness. So what you are saying is, embrace the suck, because you're alone, deal with it and stop wanting to not be alone. God may always be around, but God didn't help me when I was face down on the ground begging Him to stop the pain. Saying deal with it because you should learn to like being alone, that's not encouragement.

Are you saying that God always takes away the pain of loneliness? Do you want someone to say "don't worry, it will get better" without really knowing that? I don't get what you want.

God is always with us. Even when we feel sad, lonely, lost, empty, sick... That should be encouragement. I didn't say "embrace the suck" but rather learn to be grateful for what you do have...and don't spend too long focused on your own feelings, good or bad. As Christians, we find our happiness from serving God and we most often do it by serving others. Saying anything else is false and misleading...and a lie.

No, God has not removed the loneliness that has been mine since my precious husband died in my arms. I feel loneliness. I hurt. But I also know that even if my loneliness need isn't met in this world, I am not alone and time in this world is temporary. There is a promise of a time when we will never feel lonely again.

God gave me emotions for a reason but I don't live my life based on them. My life still belongs to Jesus and it doesn't depend on Him removing my loneliness or making my life easy. The Bible has more examples of people who suffered than people who search for personal happiness and received it...but in the end, they always considered a life lived for Christ to be worth it.

James 1: 2-8
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
 
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