Solomons Porch
Solomon's Porch
- Jan 8, 2017
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I understand what you are doing and I hope this causes her to re-think her options.
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I have thought that, yes. I think she does dabble in thinking like that, but then what alternative is there really? Either I act more independent and she's attracted or I act more independent and she feels more justification to leave. It's in God's hands really. I've been lifting us in prayer and serving my wife this entire time. Only God can circumcise her heart, and I'm praying for just that.
I understand what you are doing and I hope this causes her to re-think her options.
****THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY, I am not a professional****
After following your posts for a while....it kind of seems like you are trying to abide by her wishes to not talk about the issues, but they need to be talked about. Keeping on and not addressing the underling issues will not solve them, and will only make your time spent wondering in limbo longer. This is really something that needs to be discussed with a Christian Marriage and Family Counselor. Living with her while she is in love with another man? Letting her lead you on and not resolve or even discuss the issue is incredibly wrong and selfish of her. Biblically you are in the right - she cheated emotionally (at least), you may have acted poorly before, but if 8 months of acting like a different person are not enough to get her to at least talk to you about where you are, and where you are headed and for her to start putting an effort into the marriage then when will it change?
I hope you only said what was in quotes and not those last three sentences. I feel for you bro., but you have to make sure she sees Messiah in you at all times.I just spoke with her...Nothing really happened. She responded with the I don't know's. She tried to end it with "You don't listen" and I said more forcefully "I do" and she said, "no" and I said, "goodbye". I'm fed up with this bull crap. You give me no kind of direction and all you do is downplay me the entire time by saying I don't listen? Get outa here.
Do you think maybe shes getting negative feedback from friends or family? Because I get shes being cold, but something else has to be feeding this. I see you live in the Bronx. I don't live there so forgive my naiveness, but are people a bit more.... negative in the Bronx? I had some family that lived there and one time I visited everyone around the area seemed to be not very happy. Again apologies if I am wrong since I don't really know the area (outside of culture stuff).
I hope you only said what was in quotes and not those last three sentences. I feel for you bro., but you have to make sure she sees Messiah in you at all times.
I lost my wife to another man and her behavior was similar to your wife's behavior. I didn't know there was another man in the picture, but you do. I could be wrong, but if I were you, I would get that out in the open before she gets too involved with him. You don't have to tell her you read her diary, but you can say that you "feel like she doesn't want to be close to you and that you are concerned you are drifting apart. Tell me the truth, is there another man in your life?" I really don't know your full situation, but had I known my wife was interested in someone else, I would have gotten that out in the open asap rather than allow her more time to develop her relationship with him and commit adultery. Does your wife have any concern/love at all for the Almighty and keeping His commandments by not committing adultery? If she denies there is another man, then ask her to write down the things that you are "not listening" to her about so you can pray about them. Then discuss them with her point by point without getting angry or impatient. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then write down your reply in the form of a love letter, not in the form of a harsh email.
I'm no psychologist, and am probably the wrong person to give you counsel since my marriage failed, but think/pray about my suggestions and do what the Spirit leads you to.
Yes that's a real photo of us.Is that a real photo of you and your wife?
I hope you only said what was in quotes and not those last three sentences. I feel for you bro., but you have to make sure she sees Messiah in you at all times.
I lost my wife to another man and her behavior was similar to your wife's behavior. I didn't know there was another man in the picture, but you do. I could be wrong, but if I were you, I would get that out in the open before she gets too involved with him. You don't have to tell her you read her diary, but you can say that you "feel like she doesn't want to be close to you and that you are concerned you are drifting apart. Tell me the truth, is there another man in your life?" I really don't know your full situation, but had I known my wife was interested in someone else, I would have gotten that out in the open asap rather than allow her more time to develop her relationship with him and commit adultery. Does your wife have any concern/love at all for the Almighty and keeping His commandments by not committing adultery? If she denies there is another man, then ask her to write down the things that you are "not listening" to her about so you can pray about them. Then discuss them with her point by point without getting angry or impatient. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then write down your reply in the form of a love letter, not in the form of a harsh email.
I'm no psychologist, and am probably the wrong person to give you counsel since my marriage failed, but think/pray about my suggestions and do what the Spirit leads you to.
You mentioned she is having trouble trusting you. Were you unfaithful? If so, I missed that part.
For what it's worth, the strategy you outlined way back at the start of this thread surprised me. But then I began to see some logic in it. At least I could somewhat sympathize. Somewhat.No I didn't say those last three lines. That was in my head. I confronted her on the other man back in November 2016. She wasn't going to tell me until she was "ready" but I found out beforehand. Idk what's going to happen anymore. She knows how I feel about her but idk whether she's willing to open her heart to is again. Only God knows.
For what it's worth, the strategy you outlined way back at the start of this thread surprised me. But then I began to see some logic in it. At least I could somewhat sympathize. Somewhat.
However, time does not appear to be on your side now, so going ahead with what you've decided to do looks like an approach that will not bring the matter to a head...and that's most likely what you have to do. The manner or technique you use for that, including counselling, may or may not work, but I doubt very much that the detached, self-assured approach will work on her and cause her to decide, on her own, that she ought to see you in a new light.
Honestly, I believe she wants me to be the one who walks away. That would be easiest for he, and she'd feel justified. If that is how she thinks, that's not why I'm sticking it out. I truly want to save our marriage. At the same time, she just hasn't made a decision, and I don't want to be the one who makes it for her, because that would mean that I'd have to end it.
Right now, I feel that she's stopped fighting when the fighting matters the most, because know I've been made completely aware of what's been going on, and that would be an opportune time for us both to work it out.