My questions

[Goodbook]

If you have the self control and can say with 100% certainty that having sex on the other days will not get you pregnant, then sure...it would work. However, I am married, and if we want to have sex, we are going to do it. In my opinion, artificial methods are worth it. I think you are not getting prices because there are so many different methods, each with a variety of prices depending on where you go and your insurance. Like I said. I take the pill, it is free with my insurance. I have talked about having an implant, my insurance would pay for that. I have talked about having surgery, my insurance would cover that. There is just too many factors to give a cost. We do pay for condoms and use them regularly as a back up method. Quite effective!

Dont christians have self control as a fruit of the holy spirit though?

 

[Goodbook]

If you have a high sex drive -not so much.

But surely you can wait out of respect for your wife.

 

[Goodbook]

If you have the self control and can say with 100% certainty that having sex on the other days will not get you pregnant, then sure...it would work. However, I am married, and if we want to have sex, we are going to do it. In my opinion, artificial methods are worth it. I think you are not getting prices because there are so many different methods, each with a variety of prices depending on where you go and your insurance. Like I said. I take the pill, it is free with my insurance. I have talked about having an implant, my insurance would pay for that. I have talked about having surgery, my insurance would cover that. There is just too many factors to give a cost. We do pay for condoms and use them regularly as a back up method. Quite effective!

Ok but sounds complicated cos you then have to remember to take a pill everyday, go out buy condoms, get insurance, book surgeries, oy

I mean, having children cant be that bad. Surely.

Children dont stay babies forever..they grow...

 

[Goodbook]

There is a number of reasons my husband and I have chosen to not have children. First, we got married in our late 20's. I had still not finished school. I am not 30, and am just beginning graduate school with the possibility of getting a PhD. So the first reason is that we are very career driven people. Second, I have anxiety, and being around children for an extended period of time increases that anxiety level more than two-fold. I just honestly cannot handle everything children put out. Also, I am not a baby person...never have been. I love kids over the age of 8 or so. I also have health problems that would make getting pregnant very complicated.

As I said before, the purpose of getting married is not to have children. It is to have someone to experience life with, it is about being with someone you love and want to be with for the rest of your life. It is about companionship, intimacy, having someone who is there for you no matter what. If a couple chooses to have children, then they do it out of love...not out of a requirement to have kids.

Having parents who are doctors is difficult. They stay very busy and have a difficult time making commitments due to their schedule. It is a very very stressful job. It could have been a number of factors, other than they did not want her, that played into how they acted.

Yes but your spouse could die before you. They not ALWAYS going to be there.

I dont know about pHD, whether that precludes anyone from being a mother. Whats the phD in, is it theology or something. If you in ministry or missions well yes children being born in a different country could be complicated. But thats just in terms of education and support. When you have a child its not all on you surely your parents would help as well as sisters and brothers to be aunties and uncles. Doesnt it take a village to raise a child?

But i do recall in Gods design that God does want holy children from married couples. Think its in corinthians. If theres health problems, think wouldnt you take it up with the Lord, or the obgyn as you actually said they want you healthy to have a baby, not try and stop you from ever having one.

 

[Goodbook]

I mean could wait till after you completed your phd to marry. I think a christian gentleman would wait.

In theory. I mean there is a reason people dont get married in highschool! Cos they concentrating on their studies you cant just raise a family and study at the same time! That would be silly.

 

[Goodbook]

We used the diaphragm with a spermacide. Medical insurance paid for most of it.

After our 3rd pregnancy, DW was done with all that and wanted a Tubal. That was also covered by insurance. We just had a reasonable co-pay of a hundred $US or so.

Ok what is better diaphragm and spermicide. Or pills and condoms.

Or can you do diaphragm and condoms and pills and spermacide.

Or you both get fixed.

 

[Goodbook]

I do know that cats are generally happier if they are fixed so dont blame you if you prefer not to have children but instead of pills all the time if you just got fixed it would be a one off.

If God wants you to have a child and you fall pregnant in the middle of your phD are you going to accept it or not? Would it muck up your phd?

 

[Goodbook]

So for your first time did you go to the doctors and get all the equipment ready? Like on your honeymoon did you have to kind of..read the instructions on how to do it or what.

I mean, i dont know if your parents actually teach you stuff like that or is it up to the doctor.

 

[Goodbook]

I do hear about children saying well I was an accident. Dad forgot his condom. Mum was drunk and forgot her pill. I wasnt meant to be born!

 

[Goodbook]

My mum had a casearean and had tubes tied after she had twins.

But i do think that people only do that after theyve had children, not before.

I just think there is a risk to taking drugs though, so i would be wary of the pill or spermicide as a method of birth control. You dont know what the side effects of messing with hormones etc is. It could show up years later or even affect children you later bear.

 

[Goodbook]

Synthetic hormones are stopping what God has actually put in your body designed for reproduction.
I mean I dont think God really suggested humans use them just cos they wanted to have sex and not have a child. Just because you married doesnt mean you can behave like pagans and selfishly lust after each other. I would think christian love making is an entirely different thing to just having sex. I mean to put it bluntly screwing isnt honoring your mate married or not.

1 thessalonians 4:1-5

 

[Goodbook]

Another question, sorry but this can be quite personal, were you both virgins when you married?

If you werent did this cause any problems later on?

 

[dayhiker]

I wasn't she was ... no problem.

 

[Sammy-San]

Unfortunatley the curse of the bastard is real. Because parents who unwed and fornicate their sin does actually mark the children. Thats why in the bible to refrain from fornication you marry first.

Its not other people judging its the fact that the children are conceived in sin and lust, not love, and often are unwanted. If one parent is saved the the children can be made clean and holy and ideally both parents should be saved to raise godly children.

jesus loved all children thats why he will adopt those whos parents are unsaved because they have more problems than those from saved parents. When children sense they are unwanted and rejected often they will rebel.

Do you agree with this?

Memo to Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Media -- There Are No Illegitimate Kids, Just Illegitimate Parents

 

[Dave-W]

But surely you can wait out of respect for your wife.

Indeed. But the question is how long do you wait? Days? Weeks? Months? Years?

 

[Dave-W]

Ok what is better diaphragm and spermicide. Or pills and condoms.
Or can you do diaphragm and condoms and pills and spermacide.

Every couple has to prayerfully make that decision for themselves.

 

[puregrl]

Dont christians have self control as a fruit of the holy spirit though?

Yes, one of the gifts we have is self-control. However this self control is not meant to keep married couples from having sex. God created sex to be done within marriage, as wild and crazy as the couple wants. He wants us to have sex. Witholding sex from your spouse should not happen within marriage. This self-control the bible speaks of is to be used when we speak, how we act around others, not to keep us from having sex with our spouse.

Ok but sounds complicated cos you then have to remember to take a pill everyday, go out buy condoms, get insurance, book surgeries, oy

I mean, having children cant be that bad. Surely.

Children dont stay babies forever..they grow...

You do have to remember to take the pill every day. Some people set reminders, my brother helps his wife remember, I take mine at bedtime every night. We keep track of the amount of condoms we have on hand, making sure to not run out. Not having children is what we want as a couple, so we do what we need to make sure that happens. Children are not bad, but they are not meant for everyone.

Yes but your spouse could die before you. They not ALWAYS going to be there.

I dont know about pHD, whether that precludes anyone from being a mother. Whats the phD in, is it theology or something. If you in ministry or missions well yes children being born in a different country could be complicated. But thats just in terms of education and support. When you have a child its not all on you surely your parents would help as well as sisters and brothers to be aunties and uncles. Doesnt it take a village to raise a child?

But i do recall in Gods design that God does want holy children from married couples. Think its in corinthians. If theres health problems, think wouldnt you take it up with the Lord, or the obgyn as you actually said they want you healthy to have a baby, not try and stop you from ever having one.

Of course your spouse could die before you. I dont want to have children for the purpose of having someone take care of me or be around me...that would be selfish. Also, many children move away from their hometown and will not stay around to take care of parents, some dont even give a crap about their parents. If we chose to have children, it would be because we want to share our love with a child, because we have something to give, not because we want someone to take care of us.

Having a PhD does not keep someone from being a parent. However, if I decide to do that, I will need to have lots of time to spend on research and studies...time I would have to pull from not only my husband but children as well. Not fair to them. After graduation I would be 40...and would need to find a full time job to make all the time, money, and effort worth it. Again, lots of time spent away from my child. With missions, we want to do missions in the more dangerous areas of the country. So bringing a child into that would be dangerous as well. If you have family nearby, who is willing to help with whatever you need, then yes...use that resource. But not everyone does. For example, my parents are 6 hours away. His is 12. His brother is 9 hours away, mine is 7. Family is not close enough to help us. You need to be the one raising your child, not a stranger. You make the decision to bring a child into the world, you should take care of it. If you need help, seek that. But other than a spouse, your new priority is this child.

If you desire children, then you would find or do whatever you need to make it happen. However that is not our desire. Our focus is each other and our careers. If you have health issues, and you want children, then you can find someone to help you out with that. And you are right on the goal of an OB. But again, that is not our goal.

I mean could wait till after you completed your phd to marry. I think a christian gentleman would wait.

In theory. I mean there is a reason people dont get married in highschool! Cos they concentrating on their studies you cant just raise a family and study at the same time! That would be silly.

If that is what you wanted. I am already married, and these education goals came after marriage with a very supportive husband. It is very very difficult to be married and in school at the same time. You have to make time for your spouse, and work hard enough to pass your classes. It can easily cause problems in a marriage and I always encourage people, young people, to wait until they are out of college before getting married for that reason.

 

[Goodbook]

Puregirl when did you beocme a christian and what about your husband, were you both virgins when you married? What about you dave.
Just wondering.

Did this affect your marriage.

My parents were selfish, they had me to look after them, its the chinese way. I cant get out of it. Its totally opposite to western thinking where you have children and then tell them to get lost when they turn 18.

 

[Goodbook]

Some people have nannies what do you married couples think about that. I think its an upperclass thing though.

 

[Goodbook]

Every couple has to prayerfully make that decision for themselves.

Why did you make that decsion for yourselves, what did God tell you? For you. I already know this but for you, why did you go that route?

I understand puregirl was already taking the pill. So it wasnt a big deal for her....