My questions

[Goodbook]

Yes, one of the gifts we have is self-control. However this self control is not meant to keep married couples from having sex. God created sex to be done within marriage, as wild and crazy as the couple wants. He wants us to have sex. Witholding sex from your spouse should not happen within marriage. This self-control the bible speaks of is to be used when we speak, how we act around others, not to keep us from having sex with our spouse.


You do have to remember to take the pill every day. Some people set reminders, my brother helps his wife remember, I take mine at bedtime every night. We keep track of the amount of condoms we have on hand, making sure to not run out. Not having children is what we want as a couple, so we do what we need to make sure that happens. Children are not bad, but they are not meant for everyone.



Of course your spouse could die before you. I dont want to have children for the purpose of having someone take care of me or be around me...that would be selfish. Also, many children move away from their hometown and will not stay around to take care of parents, some dont even give a crap about their parents. If we chose to have children, it would be because we want to share our love with a child, because we have something to give, not because we want someone to take care of us.

Having a PhD does not keep someone from being a parent. However, if I decide to do that, I will need to have lots of time to spend on research and studies...time I would have to pull from not only my husband but children as well. Not fair to them. After graduation I would be 40...and would need to find a full time job to make all the time, money, and effort worth it. Again, lots of time spent away from my child. With missions, we want to do missions in the more dangerous areas of the country. So bringing a child into that would be dangerous as well. If you have family nearby, who is willing to help with whatever you need, then yes...use that resource. But not everyone does. For example, my parents are 6 hours away. His is 12. His brother is 9 hours away, mine is 7. Family is not close enough to help us. You need to be the one raising your child, not a stranger. You make the decision to bring a child into the world, you should take care of it. If you need help, seek that. But other than a spouse, your new priority is this child.

If you desire children, then you would find or do whatever you need to make it happen. However that is not our desire. Our focus is each other and our careers. If you have health issues, and you want children, then you can find someone to help you out with that. And you are right on the goal of an OB. But again, that is not our goal.



If that is what you wanted. I am already married, and these education goals came after marriage with a very supportive husband. It is very very difficult to be married and in school at the same time. You have to make time for your spouse, and work hard enough to pass your classes. It can easily cause problems in a marriage and I always encourage people, young people, to wait until they are out of college before getting married for that reason.

Ok i just find it interesting thats all, I know one christian couple she did a phd, and she doesnt or cant have children as well. He doesnt have a phd though, plus he already had a daughter from a previous relationship. Does your husband have a phd?

I can understand why a woman would be reticent about having a child and going through childbirth but what about your husband since he doesnt have to physically go through it, does he truly not want to ever have children. Are his career goals the same as yours?

If you DID fall pregant, for example if by some miracle you did despite the pill. Condom etc would you be OK with that????

 

[Goodbook]

What do you mean by wild and crazy.
Is there NO difference to what christians do in the bedroom to non christians. Do the neighbours have to stop you, i mean is it that noisy.

 

[puregrl]

Ok what is better diaphragm and spermicide. Or pills and condoms.

Or can you do diaphragm and condoms and pills and spermacide.

Or you both get fixed.

When used correctly, the pill has about 92% effectiveness. Spermicide has 72% effectiveness, A diaphragm has about 84% effectiveness. A male condom about 85%...these are all when used alone. You can do a combination of things if you want.

I do know that cats are generally happier if they are fixed so dont blame you if you prefer not to have children but instead of pills all the time if you just got fixed it would be a one off.

If God wants you to have a child and you fall pregnant in the middle of your phD are you going to accept it or not? Would it muck up your phd?

Lol...i wouldn't call it getting fixed =)... We have discussed me having surgery. We have not made a decision yet, mostly due to it being surgery and possible complications. But it is very effective!

If God decided that we were to have a child, and it happens during my program, we will of course have it. Abortion is not an option. It would complicate me graduating, and vastly extend the amount of time I spend in school, requiring more time for my husband to spend at home to help out. But we would make it work.

So for your first time did you go to the doctors and get all the equipment ready? Like on your honeymoon did you have to kind of..read the instructions on how to do it or what.

I mean, i dont know if your parents actually teach you stuff like that or is it up to the doctor.

Sooooo....what exactly are you referring to here? Can I ask what age range you are in? I dont think I saw that before. Also are you planning on marriage soon?

I do hear about children saying well I was an accident. Dad forgot his condom. Mum was drunk and forgot her pill. I wasnt meant to be born!

My mum had a casearean and had tubes tied after she had twins.

But i do think that people only do that after theyve had children, not before.

I just think there is a risk to taking drugs though, so i would be wary of the pill or spermicide as a method of birth control. You dont know what the side effects of messing with hormones etc is. It could show up years later or even affect children you later bear.

Women can have that surgery at any point. With anything, not natural...surgery, drugs, implants...there are risks. The pill does not really effect you in the way you may think. I would encourage you to see a doctor for clarification.

Synthetic hormones are stopping what God has actually put in your body designed for reproduction.
I mean I dont think God really suggested humans use them just cos they wanted to have sex and not have a child. Just because you married doesnt mean you can behave like pagans and selfishly lust after each other. I would think christian love making is an entirely different thing to just having sex. I mean to put it bluntly screwing isnt honoring your mate married or not.

1 thessalonians 4:1-5

Again, the purpose of a marriage is not to have children. Because you are married you can have wild and crazy sex whenever you want. Ever read Song of Solomon? Talk about wild! 1 Thessalonians is talking about outside the marriage bed. If you are married, you had better want your spouse in a sexual way. This type of sex, within marriage, is not just about gratification. It is much much more than that. So yes, in a sense it is different.

Another question, sorry but this can be quite personal, were you both virgins when you married?

If you werent did this cause any problems later on?

I was not, he was. No problems.

 

[Goodbook]

I do find that weird how many couples are so far away from their parents and in laws as if extended family dont matter. Maybe its an american thing the tyranny of distance?

 

[puregrl]

Ok i just find it interesting thats all, I know one christian couple she did a phd, and she doesnt or cant have children as well. He doesnt have a phd though, plus he already had a daughter from a previous relationship. Does your husband have a phd?

I can understand why a woman would be reticent about having a child and going through childbirth but what about your husband since he doesnt have to physically go through it, does he truly not want to ever have children. Are his career goals the same as yours?

If you DID fall pregant, for example if by some miracle you did despite the pill. Condom etc would you be OK with that????

My husband has a masters, it was a terminal degree for his career path. Neither of us want kids. Our reasons have nothing to do with childbirth pains. I have witnessed the miracle of childbirth...it does look painful but temporarily. They seem to forget as soon as the child is born. But we both are ambitious in our careers, and both have similar career goals. This was a mutual decision. We also said that if either one of us wanted a child at any point, we would discuss it. If we both wanted one, regularly, for more than 3 months consecutively than we would discuss it more heavily. This has not happened.

I would initially be upset. It would not be in my plans. But, Gods plans are greater and beyond my understanding. So I would get over myself and we would figure it out.

 

[puregrl]

I do find that weird how many couples are so far away from their parents and in laws as if extended family dont matter. Maybe its an american thing the tyranny of distance?

I am sure it is very different in your country. But we love our family. We talk to them quite often and visit when we can. But the US is a very large country! And there are a multitude of job opportunities across the country. My parents and I live in the same state...but it is a 6 hour difference. We, like many others, move to where the job is. We, like other couples, want to grow as a couple...leave the family and become one. Some people need to move far away from an invading family to do that, some move for opportunities. We move, and will continue to move, to where ever we need to in order to reach our goals. Our families want us to live and flourish as a couple...and so we do. It is just the culture of the US.

 

[Goodbook]

No am not planning a marriage! I am just asking questions for edification. Without knowledge you perish so this is just to be forearmed really.

My situation is so different from everyone elses. My first relationship is with Jesus. Im in my thirties.

But i see a lot of older married couples in church just wondering HOW it all works for them since I never grew up in church, and my parents arent christian. There arent that many young marrieds these days. I was in a group with a few younger marrieds but that group disbanded. I didnt really get to ask them stuff and most were extremely busy with the business of having children or trying to have children. It doesnt occur to many of them to NOT have children.

Although actually one couple have just moved to this country so are just getting established first so I understand why they not having children straight away..but i think in her case she would like to have children and her husband not really. She does work in childcare though.

 

[Goodbook]

I am sure it is very different in your country. But we love our family. We talk to them quite often and visit when we can. But the US is a very large country! And there are a multitude of job opportunities across the country. My parents and I live in the same state...but it is a 6 hour difference. We, like many others, move to where the job is. We, like other couples, want to grow as a couple...leave the family and become one. Some people need to move far away from an invading family to do that, some move for opportunities. We move, and will continue to move, to where ever we need to in order to reach our goals. Our families want us to live and flourish as a couple...and so we do. It is just the culture of the US.

Yea job oppurtunities, well in nz the jobs arent really here lol thats why so many go to australia.

 

[Goodbook]

My husband has a masters, it was a terminal degree for his career path. Neither of us want kids. Our reasons have nothing to do with childbirth pains. I have witnessed the miracle of childbirth...it does look painful but temporarily. They seem to forget as soon as the child is born. But we both are ambitious in our careers, and both have similar career goals. This was a mutual decision. We also said that if either one of us wanted a child at any point, we would discuss it. If we both wanted one, regularly, for more than 3 months consecutively than we would discuss it more heavily. This has not happened.

I would initially be upset. It would not be in my plans. But, Gods plans are greater and beyond my understanding. So I would get over myself and we would figure it out.

Oh thats ok just wondering, what your phds are in. I know its ALOT of study and a huge comittment.

I was just thinking of the highschool friend with the parents who were both doctors (physicians) they had three children, but I knew the daughter as my friend was kinda messed up becuase of how career focussed they were. But she was very bright like they were, super intelligent. She had a two brothers and was the only girl...and the youngest she said was 'an accident' he came ten years after she was born, she ended up being the one who most looked after him instead of her mother. But they werent christians.

 

[puregrl]

Yea job oppurtunities, well in nz the jobs arent really here lol thats why so many go to australia.

Which would be a distance from that family support..

Oh thats ok just wondering, what your phds are in. I know its ALOT of study and a huge comittment.

I was just thinking of the highschool friend with the parents who were both doctors (physicians) they had three children, but I knew the daughter as my friend was kinda messed up becuase of how career focussed they were.

My husband works in hospital admin, I am working on my degree in therapy. I know that doctors are career focused. It is a very stressful and time consuming job. Many couples, with one or both being a doctor or in med school, have issues and some dont make it.

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm well I dont think the song of solomon was that wild..i think its more tender and loving, personally.


When you say wild I dont have a very good picture in my head lol. Although they do love each other outside in nature so To speak. But they are kind of discreet about it.

Its not like in the movies Or tv i think. Where they go at it like dogs.

 

[Goodbook]

My brother is a doctor..he has zero time for relationship and if he married it would have to be..to another doctor or someone who didnt mind moving around every year. Or if he did settle down someone who doesnt mind that his patients and the hospital roster comes first.

 

[puregrl]

Hmm well I dont think the song of solomon was that wild..i think its more tender and loving, personally.


When you say wild I dont have a very good picture in my head lol. Although they do love each other outside in nature so To speak. But they are kind of discreet about it.

Its not like in the movies Or tv i think. Where they go at it like dogs.

You should do a study on it. It is quite erotic at points.

 

[Dave-W]

Why did you make that decsion for yourselves, what did God tell you? For you. I already know this but for you, why did you go that route?

We prayed. We talked with our doctor and our congregational leaders. Diaphragm seemed to be the best option, so we prayed and asked for additional guidance and we were both impressed during prayer that it was an acceptable option.

 

[Dave-W]

You should do a study on it. It is quite erotic at points.

Yeah - it would make most pastors blush a hundred shades of red if they said what it ACTUALLY meant in a sexual sense.

Seduction
Very erotic depictions of body parts
Female arousal at various non-sexual situations
Oral sex
Manual sex
Masturbation
Pain from unreleased sexual tension

 

[puregrl]

Yeah - it would make most pastors blush a hundred shades of red if they said what it ACTUALLY meant in a sexual sense.

Seduction
Very erotic depictions of body parts
Female arousal at various non-sexual situations
Oral sex
Manual sex
Masturbation
Pain from unreleased sexual tension

Yep! Which is probably why most dont cover it

 

[Dave-W]

Yep! Which is probably why most dont cover it

LOL!!!

Chickens!!

ETA: Can you imagine a male pastor trying to explain "Bether?" lol!!!

 

[puregrl]

LOL!!!

Chickens!!

haha! That would fill up the seats!

 

[Dave-W]

haha! That would fill up the seats!

Indeed. Are you aware of "bether?" SoS 2.17

NASB Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee away, Turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle Or a young stag on the mountains of Bether.

ESV Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

NIRV Until the day begins and the shadows fade away, turn to me, my love. Be like an antelope or like a young deer on the rocky hills.

 

[puregrl]

Indeed. Are you aware of "bether?" SoS 2.17

NASB Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee away, Turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle Or a young stag on the mountains of Bether.

ESV Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.

NIRV Until the day begins and the shadows fade away, turn to me, my love. Be like an antelope or like a young deer on the rocky hills.

No, I have not done this study in a few years.