Do women want sex as much as men?

[eatenbylocusts]

Here is one major difference between my dh and me; if we have sex my dh is happy, feels loved and almost all is right with the world. If I am upset, worried, annoyed at him,etc. I probably don't want to have sex and if I do it still doesn't make the world perfect.

 

[renewed21]

Here is one major difference between my dh and me; if we have sex my dh is happy, feels loved and almost all is right with the world. If I am upset, worried, annoyed at him,etc. I probably don't want to have sex and if I do it still doesn't make the world perfect.

That is the truth of the matter. This pretty much sums it up for all the younger people.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

The relationship between the two is that studies can be hugely effected by culture. Back in a time when racism was very commonplace and even accepted scientists had no problem using that bias in their studies. In the same way there are double standards between men and woman in our culture today that can effect studies.

I understand the cultural bias point when it comes to racially biased studies of yesteryear but when it comes to the article's compilation of gender based sex drive studies, considering the so called "sexual awakening" for women was before the article's studies were written in the 60s and 70s, a good argument could be made that the bias is actually in favor of women.

If these studies were compiled and produced in the 1950s I think you would have a valid point. But since these studies were produced and compiled more recently after the sexual revolutions of the 60s and 70s at a time when woman are arguably more free sexually than men, I don't think your plea towards cultural bias against women in this regard is valid.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

In the vast majority of mammal species, the male is the sexual aggressor. Humans are mammals and we are not the exception to that rule. The exceptions to that rule are the golden hamster and the spotted hyena:

Among most mammals the male is the sexual aggressor (exceptions are the golden hamster and spotted hyena). Males will (somewhat indiscriminately) investigate females and initiate physical contact to determine if she will "stand-to-be-mounted" source​

I do not know the exact cause of male sexual aggressiveness in mammals, but I do know it is there. A biologist could probably tell us more specifically why males are the sexual aggressors in mammalian species. Maybe it's the higher levels of testosterone?

 

[GraceDaily]

I understand the cultural bias point when it comes to racially biased studies of yesteryear but when it comes to the article's compilation of gender based sex drive studies, considering the so called "sexual awakening" for women was before the article's studies were written in the 60s and 70s, a good argument could be made that the bias is actually in favor of women.

If these studies were compiled and produced in the 1950s I think you would have a valid point. But since these studies were produced and compiled more recently after the sexual revolutions of the 60s and 70s at a time when woman are arguably more free sexually than men, I don't think your plea towards cultural bias against women in this regard is valid.

I really disagree with this, there are still huge double standards between the sexes today and while women are certainly more free than they used to be we are still a long way from being equal to men.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

I really disagree with this, there are still huge double standards between the sexes today and while women are certainly more free than they used to be we are still a long way from being equal to men.

Then educate me. Show me where the double standards exist and show me how they favor women.

It seems to me that you are ignoring the evidence presented to you in regard to the OP because you cannot come to grips with the conclusion come to from the evidence that men, on average, have a higher sex drive than women, on average.

The biological evidence also comes to the same conclusion.

 

[mkgal1]

In the vast majority of mammal species, the male is the sexual aggressor. Humans are mammals and we are not the exception to that rule. The exceptions to that rule are the golden hamster and the spotted hyena:

Among most mammals the male is the sexual aggressor (exceptions are the golden hamster and spotted hyena). Males will (somewhat indiscriminately) investigate females and initiate physical contact to determine if she will "stand-to-be-mounted" source
​

I do not know the exact cause of male sexual aggressiveness in mammals, but I do know it is there. A biologist could probably tell us more specifically why males are the sexual aggressors in mammalian species. Maybe it's the higher levels of testosterone?

Culturally (and generally speaking)....men are the initiators of the entire relationship. They are (generally) the ones to ask for the first date.....to propose marriage....etc. I don't think that's just culture.....I do think it has to do with how God wired us.

God loved us first.....right? And we respond to that love....( "We love, as He first loved us..."...."It's your kindness, LORD, that leads us to repentance."). Men and women are the Church....He is the initiator---we are the respondors. I think that's how the relationship between men and women is as well. Men are the set initiators, and as long as what is being initiated is genuine (agape) love---women will respond in a loving way. If the initiation is out of selfishness.....I believe most of us women have that intuition to sense that we are being used--not loved, and will respond in kind. We will (normally, and over time) shut down....back away....lose trust. That cycle doesn't seem to be the same in reverse.

 

[blackribbon]

everyone is different--
BUT as personal experience, the more good sex I am having, the more I want. The less sex, as in celibate periods, the less I cared.
also in my experience, the opposite is true for some men- the less he's getting, the more he wants it, and the more he's getting just makes him happy.
A

This is my experience too.

 

[JaneFW]

My pastor spoke a few weeks back on sex, it is the first time he's delivered a message which I have felt so strongly opposed to! To the point I'm still mad about it now, hence me taking it up here to get some further opinions. I'd like very honest, frank answers so thanks in advance for sharing on an intimate subject. Apologies if any similar threads have been made before.

In a nutshell, he made it sound like men are desperate for sex until the day they die and women could take it or leave it. I am single and a virgin but even I know most women want sex probably just as much as men do! So I'd really like to know from married Christians what your experience/views are on men vs. women in the libido department (I've already done some research into this in the secular world but I suppose waiting until marriage could make a difference to things). Do women want it as much? Ever initiate it? Does libido go up and down over time or based on age?

What?

Maybe that is true of some women - just like some men are also less interested in sex - but I do believe that sexual desire is on a continuum and also that it can change according to life circumstances and to ageing. For instance, as a man or woman gets older, sexual desire can decrease, or there can be less ability for men to maintain an erection.

This woman does want sex, and has initiated it, and could not imagine not ever wanting sex - although I have actually prayed to not want sex, because I am that supposedly "rare" case where my husband does not want it very often, and I do want it often. (It's not that rare, as I have found out.) It's not fun to be the one who wants more than they can have.

Libido definitely changes, like I said. Some of it is biological. Desire can decrease post menopause. I have definitely noticed a change in that direction, and I'm actually glad for it, for the reason previously stated. For men, although the desire may be there, the performance may not fit the desire due to ageing. Hence 'the little blue pill'.

I think that your pastor is talking out of his hat. Just m.o.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I think the idea that women could basically take it or leave it, when it comes to sex is a really hurtful belief. Weomen desire sex, and desire to be desired too, and that doesn't change just because we reach a certain age. That belief causes men who no longer desire their wives to feel better about it, like it doesn't matter much to her anyway, and it's a lie.

 

[Inkachu]

Every person is unique. While the general rule "men want sex more than women" IS true, in my opinion, there are many, many, many exceptions to that rule. Some men don't want sex at all. Some women can't go a day without it. And there are examples that fall everywhere in between.

I think there's also a great misunderstanding about the difference between "sex" and "[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]". When a man wants "sex" he's generally after the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. When a woman wants "sex", it may be for the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], but it's also usually for the intimacy; the touch, the closeness, the warmth, the intensity of "becoming one", the feeling of being desired and wanted. Many women can have sex without having an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and still feel fulfilled and satisfied afterward.

 

[JaneFW]

<raises hand>

I'm one of the women who would like to have the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] along with the other "feelings" please and thank you, and I think it's a fallacy to say that a lot of women would happily do without on a regular basis. What's good for the gander ...

 

[citizenthom]

Men's and women's needs for sex are DIFFERENT, but you can't universally say one desires it more than the other. Men have a physical need for release that women simply do not; women certainly benefit physically and emotionally from [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], but their health is not in jeopardy if they go a long time without it. Women generally have a much deeper emotional reaction to sex: while both genders get a lot out of the closeness and openness of the act, the intimacy and security is generally more important for women than for men.

Bottom line, though, is that both genders need frequent and regular sex to maintain healthy relationships with their spouses; and whether they realize it or not, both spouses suffer when that element is absent.

 

[GraceDaily]

Thanks for all the responses!

Men's and women's needs for sex are DIFFERENT, but you can't universally say one desires it more than the other. Men have a physical need for release that women simply do not; women certainly benefit physically and emotionally from [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], but their health is not in jeopardy if they go a long time without it. Women generally have a much deeper emotional reaction to sex: while both genders get a lot out of the closeness and openness of the act, the intimacy and security is generally more important for women than for men.

Bottom line, though, is that both genders need frequent and regular sex to maintain healthy relationships with their spouses; and whether they realize it or not, both spouses suffer when that element is absent.

I agree that men and women may differ in their desires but I think you're wrong on the emboldened part. As a single woman I certainly feel a need for physical release! Women will also feel hugely frustrated if they come close to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] but don't get there.

This lends credence to something else I've always expected: Women have a different definition for sex. I see on the internet where women say they want sex every week or even more often and have always been skeptical that they wanted it that much. I postulated that they aren't really talking about sex--they are more often talking about cuddling, kissing, the intimacy and the ego boost they get from being wanted. THAT's what they want--not really sex.

When women say they like sex, I also suspect they have a different definition for "like" than men.

When men say they like sex, they mean they like it as much as they like breathing. They'd like to do it pretty much all the time.

When women say they like sex, they like it like they like going to the movies. They could go a few times a year and be satisfied.

Wow. I think your views are incredibly warped. Women don't just want a cuddle, they want a penis inside them. Sorry to be blunt, but there it is. If a cuddle is all we want then we could go to our mothers and be fully satisfied.

Wait, this is a real thing? About men needing to have sex for the sake of their health? I always thought this was just something that university boys made up in order to get laid... :o I'm not being sarcastic; I'm genuinely confused. I laughed in a lot of boys' faces when they told me we should sleep together for the sake of their health; I'll feel kind of bad if they were actually telling the truth, lol!



I don't think this is entirely true. Women know what sex is! When I want a kiss and a cuddle from my husband I ask for or initiate a kiss and a cuddle; when I want sex I ask for or initiate sex. I don't think many women don a lacy nightie just to indicate to their husbands that they want a hug - most husbands AND WIVES know what it means when the sexy lingerie (or "that look", or "so, are you really tired...?", or whatever device the couple uses to indicate that they're in the mood) comes out Also, I don't know many happily married women who could have sex a few times a year and be satisfied, though I guess they might exist somewhere.

A different take on the whole scenario - could it be a generational thing? Maybe in previous generations (is the pastor in question significantly older than you, GraceDaily?) a woman's sex drive was something of a myth, and it's only relatively recently that it's become accepted or acceptable for a woman to want or enjoy sex.

He's in his 30s so no, not that much older

How would Cosmo magazine still be in business if they didn't care. Judging from the stuff on the cover, those kind of magazines often have articles on the topic. I doubt a lot of men buy those magazines.

Exactly, More magazine? That's sex from cover to cover. Non-Christians I know and have known don't seem to have the same tunneled views on this subject as the Christians do, that might just be my experience though.

 

[GraceDaily]

This is very, very true.

Everybody needs release. Otherwise why would God make both men and woman with the ability to have an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]? It's not just pleasure - it makes a difference.

Exactly, and in addition to that, the only purpose the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] has in the female body is sexual pleasure. God gave us them for a reason!

 

[JaneFW]

Exactly, and in addition to that, the only purpose the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] has in the female body is sexual pleasure. God gave us them for a reason!

To give men something to hunt for?

 

[GraceDaily]

Haha

 

[GraceDaily]

Oh that was a good choice of smiley.

 

[mkgal1]

But.....have you not noticed the double-standard in our culture related to the genders? Boys in high school (and on up) give high fives to each other related to their conquests.....girls (the other part of the same equation)....are called names.

What we hear, can only be based on the degree of sincerity that people want to disclose (and even to the degree of being sincere with themselves).

 

[Johnnz]

In Song of Songs it's the woman who speaks most and seems to be the initiator of much of the sex.

John
NZ