Do women want sex as much as men?

[GraceDaily]

My pastor spoke a few weeks back on sex, it is the first time he's delivered a message which I have felt so strongly opposed to! To the point I'm still mad about it now, hence me taking it up here to get some further opinions. I'd like very honest, frank answers so thanks in advance for sharing on an intimate subject. Apologies if any similar threads have been made before.

In a nutshell, he made it sound like men are desperate for sex until the day they die and women could take it or leave it. I am single and a virgin but even I know most women want sex probably just as much as men do! So I'd really like to know from married Christians what your experience/views are on men vs. women in the libido department (I've already done some research into this in the secular world but I suppose waiting until marriage could make a difference to things). Do women want it as much? Ever initiate it? Does libido go up and down over time or based on age?

 

[LuxMundi]

Everyone is different so I wouldn't wish to generalise

 

[sdmsanjose]

Generally speaking I would guess that men would want sex more than women in the senior years. Just a guess.

 

[gabrielle2012]

I won't generalize either, but my libido is quite hearty and at least equal to my husband's. Based on age, some women have an "awakening" or enter their prime in their mid to late 30s. I'm now peri menopausal and in my late 40s and would say still in my prime.

I had some time while I was with my ex that I had no libido at all, but that was a symptom of the unhealthiness of the marriage.

It is true that some women can take it or I leave it. Some have a voracious appetite. But most are somewhere in between, just like men.

 

[GraceDaily]

Everyone is different so I wouldn't wish to generalise

Exactly, this area is way too varied to place such strong gender stereotypes, which is part of why it annoys me. I think it can be dangerous to promote it too, because what if you're one of the people who doesn't fit into that stereotype? Are you weird? Are you wrong? Of course not.

 

[Anessa14]

everyone is different--
BUT as personal experience, the more good sex I am having, the more I want. The less sex, as in celibate periods, the less I cared.
also in my experience, the opposite is true for some men- the less he's getting, the more he wants it, and the more he's getting just makes him happy.
A

 

[gabrielle2012]

everyone is different--
BUT as personal experience, the more good sex I am having, the more I want. The less sex, as in celibate periods, the less I cared.
also in my experience, the opposite is true for some men- the less he's getting, the more he wants it, and the more he's getting just makes him happy.
A

Absolutely... That is true, too.

 

[LinkH]

One answer you may get is it depends on the person. Everyone has a different sex drive. I heard one speaker on the radio say that in 20% of marriages, women want it more than men. Men wanting more sex than women is pretty typical. There is probably some group in the middle with fairly well matched sex drives.

My guess is that there is some truth to the stereotype of men wanting it more than women, but it depends on the individuals involved and the situation. I've also heard of men saying the tables turned as the women got older, with the wife chasing the husband around the bedroom. I haven't experienced that. I'm hoping that kicks in here, soon. My wife is in her 30's now.

 

[WolfGate]

First, if he truly implied men are desperate for sex until the day they die and women could take it or leave it, that is just not true. It's beyond hyperbole even. For most couples, sex is important to both people, though the level of importance does vary. It can vary over time and even switch back and forth as to whole is higher drive. So talking about this is, by definition almost, a generalization.

Still, there are trends and many studies have been done on this subject which do result in statistical conclusions. To say it again though, everyone is different and there are definitely marriages where women have higher drive than men. But these also are generalizations supported by data.

The paper, linked below, evaluated the question in part by looking at results of many other studies and measures. The paper is long, so you can read to your hearts content!

And last thing before the paper, in a specific marriage none of this matters one iota. What matters is the two people working together to find a way to serve each other, to meet eachs others needs in the marriage and to reach the right balance for their particular marriage. Averages and means and standard deviations really don't matter to a couple who are focused on loving each other.

http://carlsonschool.umn.edu/Assets/71520.pdf

One list of studies they researched is excerted below:

Many findings suggest that men want sex more frequently
than women. Ard (1977) reported a survey of
couples who had been married for over 20 years. He
found that “husbands continued to prefer intercourse
more frequently than wives” (p. 274). In fact, wives
consistently reported that they were quite satisfied
with the amount of sex they had in their marriages, but
men on average wished for about a 50% increase. M.
Brown and Auerback (1981) likewise found that a majority
of husbands (60%) but only a minority of wives
(32%) said they would prefer to have sex more often.A
more recent study by Julien, Bouchard, Gagnon, and
Pomerleau (1992) found that husbands and wives
agreed that the men were more sexually active and
frisky. Even more relevant, Julien et al. (1992) found
that men were more likely than women to report having​

less sex in marriage than they wanted.



Their conclusion was:

All the evidence we have reviewed points toward the
conclusion that men desire sex more than women. Although
some of the findings were more methodologically
rigorous than others, the unanimous convergence
across all measures and findings increases confidence.
We did not find a single study, on any of nearly a dozen
different measures, that found women had a stronger
sex drive than men. We think that the combined quantity,
quality, diversity, and convergence of the evidence​

render the conclusion indisputable.

 

[GraceDaily]

How are these studies carried out though, I must wonder? You can measure physical strength differences between men and women, or even how much they eat etc. but how do you measure libido? If it's just down to their word then it's not going to be 100% reliable considering culture is going to come into play. Which I think creates a huge warped affect on people's views on this subject.

 

[LinkH]

How are these studies carried out though, I must wonder? You can measure physical strength differences between men and women, or even how much they eat etc. but how do you measure libido? If it's just down to their word then it's not going to be 100% reliable considering culture is going to come into play. Which I think creates a huge warped affect on people's views on this subject.

Without actually going through all the studies, I'd like to point out that self-reported data can be reasonably accurate enough for this type of research.

Just think about it. You can ask husbands how often they have sex. You can have wives. Then, you can check the answers. Especially if you are dealing with paired subjects-- but even if you are not assuming your sample is large enough and they come from the same population-- you can compare the men's and women's answers and determine whether there is a huge difference reported in how often they say they have sex.

I suppose women could lie and say they were happy about their sex lives when they aren't in some systematic way. Does that make sense to you? Do you think women would be highly more prone to lie about how happy they are with their sex lives? What about men? Do you think they would say they are happy with their sex lives when they aren't? To me, it seems like a fairly reasonable measure. If you thought there was some sort of systematic bias, you could ask whether the spouse was happy or satisfied and compare results. If men lied on surveys saying they weren't satisfied when they really were, it's possible they might tell the truth to their wives. If wives pretended to be satisfied when they weren't men might be able to pick up on the difference.

I think self-reported data is reasonable for ths type of study. What are you going to do, put electrodes in them to measure how satisfied their bodies are with the amount of sex they have? If multiple studies find the same results, that says something. You can always look at the research methods, get a book on research methods, and try to determine if there is some systematic bias that shows up in every single study.

 

[WolfGate]

How are these studies carried out though, I must wonder? You can measure physical strength differences between men and women, or even how much they eat etc. but how do you measure libido? If it's just down to their word then it's not going to be 100% reliable considering culture is going to come into play. Which I think creates a huge warped affect on people's views on this subject.

In addition to what Link said (which is valid), note the span of years, that every researcher was different, and the consistent trend among every survey. All of those would minimize any bias that a specific researcher inadvertently put into their particular survey or any self reporting errors.

 

[LinkH]

Good point, Wolfgate,

Since the culture has changed greatly about the openness with which women talk about sex, and the opinion people have relating to women who enjoy sex, we would expect there to be great differences between these studies if self-reporting bias were a major issue.

Are there studies for non-western nations that show the same thing?

 

[GraceDaily]

People may have become more open over time but there are still huge double standards in our society between men and women. When researching this a while back (as I mentioned in my first post) I came across a study that showed women were much more open in answering questions in a survey when they didn't think anyone would see it compared to when they knew someone was listening.

I'm not talking about bias of the reporter (although that can definitely happen) but the impact our culture has on the way people will answer.

Also something else to mention, when I read up on this before I found a lot of studies came to the conclusion men tend to want sex more, but when looking at forums and discussions from individuals the answers were mostly contrary to these studies. Now I know a lot of the people who will go into these discussions are the ones who have something to say about it (i.e to oppose it) but it is interesting that when talking to individuals rather than a scientific report you get a lot of different answers.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

The studies seem to be conclusive. I'd say it's safe to go with what those studies are telling us.

Many times stereotypes--such as the one your pastor mentioned where men generally have stronger sex drives--are based in reality.

 

[GraceDaily]

Studies also used to tell us white people are smarter than black people.

 

[peckaboo]

Semi-blind post - I haven't actually looked through the particular studies you're discussing here.

Studies can be based in reality but still not be an accurate reflection of it. And they're often relative, also. Take ethnic stereoypes, such as "British people like football (soccer)". Sure, that's based in the reality that football is given high importance when it comes to things like TV scheduling, and probably more people here would consider themselves football fans than, say, in America. But it's certainly not true in every case - lots of British people aren't interested in it at all. That's an inane example, but it illustrates the point. Stereotypes and generalisations are only useful as long as they're taken with a pinch of salt. (And aren't outright untrue like the one Grace mentioned.)

From talking to my married female friends I'd say that a fair few of them want sex more often than their husbands! But that can be related to things other than a person's sex drive, too. You might have a naturally high sex drive but are currently depressed, or stressed out at work, or not sleeping well and are too tired. Then I suppose your spouse might be up for it more often tan you are but that wouldn't be an accurate reflection of your relative sex drives.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Studies also used to tell us white people are smarter than black people.

Ok. I'm not sure how racially biased studies performed years ago have anything to do with the sex drive studies compiled and analyzed in the article linked earlier in this thread. The connection between the two makes no logical sense.

If you want to just throw out all statistical data when you don't agree with the findings then you are entirely free to do so. However, that action will make you look foolish.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Studies can be based in reality but still not be an accurate reflection of it. And they're often relative, also. Take ethnic stereoypes, such as "British people like football (soccer)". Sure, that's based in the reality that football is given high importance when it comes to things like TV scheduling, and probably more people here would consider themselves football fans than, say, in America. But it's certainly not true in every case - lots of British people aren't interested in it at all. That's an inane example, but it illustrates the point. Stereotypes and generalisations are only useful as long as they're taken with a pinch of salt. (And aren't outright untrue like the one Grace mentioned.)

And the article posted earlier downright say this. I'm not sure what the problem is.

A study takes the AVERAGE across a given population. It OBVIOUSLY doesn't apply to every single individual across the board because it is an AVERAGE. Just because a study finds that men ON AVERAGE have a higher sex drive than women ON AVERAGE, it doesn't mean that a randomly selected woman has a lower sex drive than a randomly selected man.

I don't understand why people are offended by statistical findings made across an entire population. Don't worry, you are a special snowflake and will continue to be one even if the study finds that the members of your particular population ON AVERAGE are different than you.

We are each special little snowflakes and are all different, but we can still find general patterns and statistical findings by studying certain topics across an entire population.

 

[GraceDaily]

Semi-blind post - I haven't actually looked through the particular studies you're discussing here.

Studies can be based in reality but still not be an accurate reflection of it. And they're often relative, also. Take ethnic stereoypes, such as "British people like football (soccer)". Sure, that's based in the reality that football is given high importance when it comes to things like TV scheduling, and probably more people here would consider themselves football fans than, say, in America. But it's certainly not true in every case - lots of British people aren't interested in it at all. That's an inane example, but it illustrates the point. Stereotypes and generalisations are only useful as long as they're taken with a pinch of salt. (And aren't outright untrue like the one Grace mentioned.)

From talking to my married female friends I'd say that a fair few of them want sex more often than their husbands! But that can be related to things other than a person's sex drive, too. You might have a naturally high sex drive but are currently depressed, or stressed out at work, or not sleeping well and are too tired. Then I suppose your spouse might be up for it more often tan you are but that wouldn't be an accurate reflection of your relative sex drives.

Yes, I suppose that is my point in all this, it's a generalisation. And whole studies may show an average, it's annoying when people take it as fact. Thanks for your post.

Ok. I'm not sure how racially biased studies performed years ago have anything to do with the sex drive studies compiled and analyzed in the article linked earlier in this thread. The connection between the two makes no logical sense.

If you want to just throw out all statistical data when you don't agree with the findings then you are entirely free to do so. However, that action will make you look foolish.

The relationship between the two is that studies can be hugely effected by culture. Back in a time when racism was very commonplace and even accepted scientists had no problem using that bias in their studies. In the same way there are double standards between men and woman in our culture today that can effect studies.