I don't even know why I am posting this. Just more ventation I guess. Life is so much easier once my thoughts are down on something. Right now there are two things kind of stressing me out. One more than the other. The one that is really bugging me right now is adjusting my feelings for my friend. Is it even possible to tell one's heart no? I had to stop listening to some of my brother's songs on the MP3 because it reminded me of the very feelings I am trying to push out of my mind. This is proving to be rather difficult, and it doesn't help with me breaking that stupid promise all the time! Note to self: Do not ask for more than a day or two worth of space.
The other thing is the thought that I may never be able to have kids. I am doing okay with it, but it has been my lifelong dream to be a mother. Now with this cyst, that may be extremely difficult. I am supposed to go in for more tests in a couple of weeks to see what it is exactly (either PCOS or a "functional" cyst, although why they call it functional I have no idea). If it is PCOS, well, I have to depend on God for the same reasons as my aversion to birth control- if He wants me to get pregnant, I will and nothing is going to stop that. The doctor wanted to put me on BC, but my mom said absolutely not because 1. I'm not having sex and 2. my grandma had serious migraines from it. And I have some of the same migraine stuff she has. So woopie. I really really want to have kids, even though the whole "making babies" process scares me to death. I know I can always adopt (I do want to) and love those ones as much as if they were my own, but to never feel a baby moving inside of me would be just a big loss to me.
The cyst hasn't bugged me much today. It seems like just when I think it is gone, it pops up again and says "Hello. Did you miss me?" Just like last night. I stood up from a chair and suddenly doubled over because of the sharp pain. And I just want to scream when it starts acting up. Ladies, do you have any natural remedies for that? LOL... my friend's sister didn't realize where the cyst was and said I should slam a book down on it. I was like, NO WAY!!!!!! That would not work, only hurt like the dickens!!!
I should go take a shower and try to get my chem cheat-sheet done. My teacher is so cool... he lets us cram a semester's notes on a half sheet of paper to use on the final!!! And since I missed so much class a couple weeks ago, that is a blessing.
Have a nice night everyone. And please pray for me. On both topics.
The other thing is the thought that I may never be able to have kids. I am doing okay with it, but it has been my lifelong dream to be a mother. Now with this cyst, that may be extremely difficult. I am supposed to go in for more tests in a couple of weeks to see what it is exactly (either PCOS or a "functional" cyst, although why they call it functional I have no idea). If it is PCOS, well, I have to depend on God for the same reasons as my aversion to birth control- if He wants me to get pregnant, I will and nothing is going to stop that. The doctor wanted to put me on BC, but my mom said absolutely not because 1. I'm not having sex and 2. my grandma had serious migraines from it. And I have some of the same migraine stuff she has. So woopie. I really really want to have kids, even though the whole "making babies" process scares me to death. I know I can always adopt (I do want to) and love those ones as much as if they were my own, but to never feel a baby moving inside of me would be just a big loss to me.
The cyst hasn't bugged me much today. It seems like just when I think it is gone, it pops up again and says "Hello. Did you miss me?" Just like last night. I stood up from a chair and suddenly doubled over because of the sharp pain. And I just want to scream when it starts acting up. Ladies, do you have any natural remedies for that? LOL... my friend's sister didn't realize where the cyst was and said I should slam a book down on it. I was like, NO WAY!!!!!! That would not work, only hurt like the dickens!!!
I should go take a shower and try to get my chem cheat-sheet done. My teacher is so cool... he lets us cram a semester's notes on a half sheet of paper to use on the final!!! And since I missed so much class a couple weeks ago, that is a blessing.
Have a nice night everyone. And please pray for me. On both topics.
