Your Most Embarrassing Scientific Error

[loveofourlord]

My favorite of mine was as a kid I told for a while, "When I grow up I want to live on a planet." I was like 6, but at the time, planets were things in outerspace, not where we were.

 

[Chesterton]

Umm ... how old were you?

Oh it was about a month ago. I just didn't want to admit it was only a warm spring day, because I was afraid that would make what I did seem stupid.

 

[Radrook]

I can remember in kindergarten being taught that thunder was caused by the collision of clouds...
And it made sense because thunder isn't a solid boom. and clouds are not a uniform shape.

I learned later that teachers don't know science that well.

I got that beat! I got that beat! At age approx. 4 when I kept asking what the moon was, I was told that it was a piece of paper with a candle behind it. When I asked why airplanes had to go up in order to get to the place they were going I was told that the places they were landing at were in the sky.

How's that for responsibly helping a child understand the universe? To make matters worse it seems that the adult telling me all this drivel actually didn't know the correct answers to the questions.

 

[durangodawood]

Believing dumb things at age 4 or 8 is nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

[Radrook]

Believing dumb things at age 4 or 8 is nothing to be embarrassed about.

True. One should be embarrassed for the adults that foist that drivel on kids instead. That includes the Santa lie which is really embarrassing since I held on to that moronic idea up to approx age 12. How the heck are reindeer overcoming gravity? How is one fat elderly man in all those places at once? How the heck is he producing so many toys and not going out of business by giving them away free? Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space? How come he is never mugged by neighborhood homies in crime infested neighborhoods? How the heck does he get into housing project apartments where there is no Chimney? Of course I'm embarrassed for having been so naïve and being willing to put up with ridicule from other kids who knew the truth at that age.

 

[durangodawood]

True. One should be embarrassed for the adults that foist that drivel on kids instead. That includes the Santa lie which is really embarrassing since I held on to that moronic idea up to approx age 12. How the heck are reindeer overcoming gravity? How is one fat elderly man in all those places at once? How the heck is he producing so many toys and not going out of business by giving them away free? Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space? How come he is never mugged by neighborhood homies in crime infested neighborhoods? How the heck does he get into housing project apartments where there is no Chimney? Of course I'm embarrassed for having been so naïve and being willing to put up with ridicule from other kids who knew the truth at that age.

I'm reporting this cruel post!

 

[JackRT]

True. One should be embarrassed for the adults that foist that drivel on kids instead. That includes the Santa lie which is really embarrassing since I held on to that moronic idea up to approx age 12. How the heck are reindeer overcoming gravity? How is one fat elderly man in all those places at once? How the heck is he producing so many toys and not going out of business by giving them away free? Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space? How come he is never mugged by neighborhood homies in crime infested neighborhoods? How the heck does he get into housing project apartments where there is no Chimney? Of course I'm embarrassed for having been so naïve and being willing to put up with ridicule from other kids who knew the truth at that age.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second at an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, which comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least 1 good child in each. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them, Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles/second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

 

[AV1611VET]

I'm reporting this cruel post!

You'd be surprised how much Santa Claus mimics Jesus Christ.

We call that diabolical mimicry.

Here's one example of many:

Zechariah 2:6 Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the LORD: for I have spread you abroad as the four winds of the heaven, saith the LORD.

Santa Claus (who lives at the North Pole): Ho! Ho! Ho!

 

[Jimmy D]

True. One should be embarrassed for the adults that foist that drivel on kids instead. That includes the Santa lie which is really embarrassing since I held on to that moronic idea up to approx age 12. How the heck are reindeer overcoming gravity? How is one fat elderly man in all those places at once? How the heck is he producing so many toys and not going out of business by giving them away free? Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space? How come he is never mugged by neighborhood homies in crime infested neighborhoods? How the heck does he get into housing project apartments where there is no Chimney? Of course I'm embarrassed for having been so naïve and being willing to put up with ridicule from other kids who knew the truth at that age.

Sorry Rad, that really made me laugh.

 

[JackRT]

Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space?

While over Canada he is escorted by F18s as part of our NATO obligations.

 

[JackRT]

Why isn't he intercepted by F16's or shot down by ICBM's for violating air space?

While over Canada he is escorted by F18s as part of our NATO obligations.

 

[JackRT]

oops --- double post

 

[Radrook]

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second at an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, which comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least 1 good child in each. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them, Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles/second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Thanks for the information. Before there was still a very small doubt. But after reading your post, now I really don't believe in Santa!

 

[Radrook]

While over Canada he is escorted by F18s as part of our NATO obligations.

So he slows down for them just to be polite. A very saintly soul that Ole Saint Nick!

 

[Radrook]

Sorry Rad, that really made me laugh.

When I was told the truth, I almost passed out.
Had to stop walking and hang on to a lamp post.

 

[Strathos]

You'd be surprised how much Santa Claus mimics Jesus Christ.

We call that diabolical mimicry.

Here's one example of many:

Zechariah 2:6 Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, saith the LORD: for I have spread you abroad as the four winds of the heaven, saith the LORD.

Santa Claus (who lives at the North Pole): Ho! Ho! Ho!

Saint Nicholas of Myra was a devout Christian.

 

[AV1611VET]

Santa Claus (who lives at the North Pole)

Saint Nicholas of Myra was a devout Christian.

Myra is a town at the North Pole, is it?

 

[Strathos]

The modern figure of Santa Claus is based on the historical saint.

 

[AV1611VET]

The modern figure of Santa Claus is based on the historical saint.

So? did you think Satan was going to make up his own?

Satan took a Catholic saint and made him into a mockery of Jesus Christ.

It took him a few centuries, but he got the job done.

 

[Chesterton]

So? did you think Satan was going to make up his own?

Satan took a Catholic saint and made him into a mockery of Jesus Christ.

It took him a few centuries, but he got the job done.

Santa=Satan? You're going too far, AV, you're going too far. You need pull it back before you go all Travis Bickle on us.