- Mar 23, 2004
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Nonsensical, surreal, silly?
That thread is all of those things.
"Geez" snarled Tobit. "These humans would believe anything! And have they got any idea what it's like being a guardian angel? Not on your Nelly! They wouldn't have a clue!".
Mrs. Tobit, equally angelic but sexless, smiled sweetly. She'd heard it all before. She put the spud peeler on the side of the sink, twitched her nose and vaporised the peelings. No rubbish in heaven, and "We're bitter about litter" stickers were all over the boundary where heaven met the nether regions. Didn't want any of their filth on the gold pavements did they?
She turned to her husband, yet unmarried as per Regulation Matthew 22:30, both resident in one of the mansions, no point in bedrooms with doors as they both just walked through the walls, and slept standing up.
"What's the problem dear?" She wiped her hands on the apron, then realised she'd grabbed one end of Tobit's wings, wilted as they were after a long hard day in the human suburbs. But true male as he was (well, sort of), he didn't even notice.
Tobit's shoulders sagged. He dragged his wings off his back, slung them into the front loader, and poured in a full bottle of bleach. The Celestial Cops were tough on uniforms - angels on duty were expected to be whiter than white. You never knew when you might have to throw a party for some wretched prodigal son, who'd just turned up looking and smelling like a cod that's been left in the sun for a week.
He grunted. "You know how these humans live on a planet, which turns on it's axis, and goes around the sun?"
She nodded. "What had gotten into the old boy, ten thousand years and not a day younger?"
"And you know how the sun goes around the Milky Way, and the Milky Way goes around the universe?"
She smiled sweetly. This was going to take some time.
"And the whole thing spins on it's axis?"
"Well, yes, of course I do. I do guard duty too you know".
"Which means that this clown I'm supposed to be looking after moves at two million kilometres an hour!"
"So? They all do!"
"Well, this dark planet did a near fly by today and made the earth move just that much faster, like a sling shot!"
"And?"
"The Celestial Cops were waiting 25 parsecs west of the Southern Cross, not a sign of them, until I saw the blue lights flashing, and the next I know I got booked for speeding!"
Or maybe we are all in a cocoon waiting to emerge as - ??I dreamt I was a butterfly blissfully fluttering in the air. However, upon awakening I do not know if I was dreaming that I was a butterfly or am I now a butterfly dreaming that I am a human.