Would you pursue and marry someone with chronic illness?

[Maniel]

You say you've only been dating for 2 months. That is nothing. That's a blink of an eye. Give it time. There's no rush. See how you feel in 6 months, in a year. Much more will be revealed with time and patience and experience.

Taking on a caregiver role in a marriage is NOT to be done lightly. I've been through it. I also watched my mother go through it with my father before he died. Caregiving is a tremendous undertaking that tests even the strongest, most patient, giving, loving, capable people to the limits of what they can handle. Most of us don't think of marriage and picture giving a sponge bath to our spouse because they can't do it themselves. Or cleaning up blood, vomit, dirty clothes, dirty dishes, every single day for years on end. Having to work, clean the house, cook the meals, look after the kids, balance the bank accounts, pay the bills, mow the yard, all with little or no help from our ailing spouse. Most of us picture having a partner alongside us, participating in these life activities WITH us, as equal contributors. Not to mention expectations of physical affection, attention, intimacy, conversation, decision-making. Being ill takes away all of this to some extent, depending on the person's individual condition. You have to be willing to give, and give, and give some more, and then give more, and keep giving when you feel you have nothing left to give, because you're the only person in the relationship who is ABLE to keep giving. "Well, it will be worth it because my spouse..." Nope. Your spouse may have days where they can't give you anything back. Where all they can do is lay in bed and sleep. No conversation, no hugs, no watching TV together, no playing with the kids. Are you able to accept that without feeling resentful and bitter and deprived?

Obviously, it may never become that extreme with this young lady. I pray it doesn't. But if her condition is chronic and long-term, you may have to consider these things. Phrases like "love conquers all" and "all you need is love" sound really nice. But they don't necessarily carry out in practicality. A person has to be equipped - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually - to be a long-term caregiver to their spouse. It's possible, but it sure isn't easy.

Assuming you are young and single and you have the field of potential partners wide-open in front of you. Be sure you don't end up committing yourself to a challenging, difficult life out of loneliness or unwillingness to be single.

If a year goes by, and you find yourself deeply in love with this girl, and she with you, and you've both sat down and talked out the challenges that may await you, and you both feel absolutely sure that you want to take it on together... then God bless you both.

In contrast to my last comment of how I feel, which may or may not be premature, it's hard to distinguish for me, but having spend this day with her I feel more assured than ever, that I want to persue getting to know her, dating, finding out if she wants to even be in a relationship with me. Going towards the path of seeing if we are compatible for marriage. I feel that way with the doubts about her new proclaimed and more certain faith, and her illness just seems of less importance.

I'm not sure if asking her out on mor official dates is too soon, or telling her how I feel, if we should just continue on this lore subtle friendship path doing hikes and swims in the ocean and what not, but what can I say, the attraction is defiantly growing. So I pray for all the wisdom of God I can get.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

It would depend entirely on the nature of the chronic illness and what impact it had on her life.

 

[Plenipotent]

I believe the outcome depends on their actions. Should they consistently display a desire to yield to it, the answer is likely no. Conversely, if they consistently exhibit a determination to overcome that illness, then yes. Submission, in this instance and in my view, suggests a probable future spent looking after an individual uninterested in self-care or self-worth, that will likely bring you down emotionally, physically, and spiritually. On the other hand, if you see them choosing to fight it, I think it implies occasional support that could be fulfilling for you, while also indicating their willingness to battle for their own betterment and consequently, for your mutual benefit.

For instance, imagine she's grappling with heavy fatigue, yet she's already made plans to go on a long walk, either with you or someone else, later in the day. Is she likely to scrap her plans and just sit around at home, or would she proactively search for ways to maintain her plans in some way while accommodating her physical limitations? Does she go, "I know we made plans, but I can't today. I'm so sorry!" or does she go, "Listen, the fatigue is hitting me hard today, I don't think I'll be able to do the hike. But what if we got together and just walked around the neighborhood for a while, would that be alright?"

In my view, the way she manages her illness in your presence and in the company of others can serve as a glimpse into the kind of wife and mother she's likely to become. Should she yield to her physical challenges, allowing them to dominate her life, it's plausible she might adopt a similar approach to marriage and motherhood. While this might not be a universal rule, it's an aspect worth observing closely.

 

[Maniel]

I believe the outcome depends on their actions. Should they consistently display a desire to yield to it, the answer is likely no. Conversely, if they consistently exhibit a determination to overcome that illness, then yes. Submission, in this instance and in my view, suggests a probable future spent looking after an individual uninterested in self-care or self-worth, that will likely bring you down emotionally, physically, and spiritually. On the other hand, if you see them choosing to fight it, I think it implies occasional support that could be fulfilling for you, while also indicating their willingness to battle for their own betterment and consequently, for your mutual benefit.

For instance, imagine she's grappling with heavy fatigue, yet she's already made plans to go on a long walk, either with you or someone else, later in the day. Is she likely to scrap her plans and just sit around at home, or would she proactively search for ways to maintain her plans in some way while accommodating her physical limitations? Does she go, "I know we made plans, but I can't today. I'm so sorry!" or does she go, "Listen, the fatigue is hitting me hard today, I don't think I'll be able to do the hike. But what if we got together and just walked around the neighborhood for a while, would that be alright?"

In my view, the way she manages her illness in your presence and in the company of others can serve as a glimpse into the kind of wife and mother she's likely to become. Should she yield to her physical challenges, allowing them to dominate her life, it's plausible she might adopt a similar approach to marriage and motherhood. While this might not be a universal rule, it's an aspect worth observing closely.

That's sounds very intelligent to me, thank you. That really offers a new perspective for me. She's actually doing every bit she can, to still find time with me and others.
So thank you for making her seem even more wonderful. And I wonder how I could be so blind only a few days ago.
So Thank you all for adding more nuance to my little perspective that seems far wider now. God bless.

 

[Plenipotent]

That's sounds very intelligent to me, thank you. That really offers a new perspective for me. She's actually doing every bit she can, to still find time with me and others.
So thank you for making her seem even more wonderful. And I wonder how I could be so blind only a few days ago.
So Thank you all for adding more nuance to my little perspective that seems far wider now. God bless.

God bless and I wish you two nothing but the best!

 

[Maniel]

God bless and I wish you two nothing but the best!

Thank you very much. I wonder how she will react on my invitation for a real date, thus Sunday where she asked if we should go into town for a musical festival. Either way I'm thankful that such experiences even exist, whether it's a friendship or if it could be something more. I hope the latter very much, but yeah, it's out of my hands so here's to hoping and doing!

 

[Miles]

I would if she otherwise has what I'm looking for in a significant other. One of my friends from college has Chronic Fatigue and it hasn't stopped her from living a full and productive life. As far as conditions go, that one wouldn't phase me. The main thing that matters to me is her relationship potential.

 

[Sketcher]

Hi there,
I've been dating a girl for a couple months that I've admired for many years. She is a kind soul, calm and very sweet. She's also very beautiful.

But as we've been dating and got to know each other, it's become clear that she has chronic fatigue from having covid a few years ago. It has only gotten worse as she got a demanding job after finishing her education as a caretaker for children. And I can't help but be a little worried.

My worries are about what a future together might look like. Would she be too tired for going on trips together? Would she have the energy for raising children?

Consider how she is on a bad day. Now imagine that is going to be most days for the rest of her life. Do you want to put up with that? Do you want to put in 8+ hours of work, plus however many hours of driving your daily commute, to come home to a filthy house, no chores have been done, and you need to make dinner yourself, when she's been there the whole time? Do you want that to be a permanent fixture of your life? Sure, it's one thing if it's a temporary season - i.e. pregnancy-induced lethargy, or maybe she accidentally broke both her arms at the same time - but if it's not ever going to get better, is the rest of what you get worth that price of admission? Would you want to enter into a lifelong commitment with someone where this is going to be her life?

Now, if you don't know if this is going to be permanent, you might want to stay until you get more information. I'm just saying this so you can count the cost if it goes less than ideally for you.

 

[TheLastGeek]

In contrast to my last comment of how I feel, which may or may not be premature, it's hard to distinguish for me, but having spend this day with her I feel more assured than ever, that I want to persue getting to know her, dating, finding out if she wants to even be in a relationship with me. Going towards the path of seeing if we are compatible for marriage. I feel that way with the doubts about her new proclaimed and more certain faith, and her illness just seems of less importance.

I'm not sure if asking her out on mor official dates is too soon, or telling her how I feel, if we should just continue on this lore subtle friendship path doing hikes and swims in the ocean and what not, but what can I say, the attraction is defiantly growing. So I pray for all the wisdom of God I can get.

Spending time alone with a guy and doing all these activities is generally seen as dating in the adult world. Unless you two are very young or there's been a conversation that explicitly states you're just friends with zero interest in anything else. Or maybe it's a cultural difference where you live?

 

[Maniel]

Spending time alone with a guy and doing all these activities is generally seen as dating in the adult world. Unless you two are very young or there's been a conversation that explicitly states you're just friends with zero interest in anything else. Or maybe it's a cultural difference where you live?

You're right, I would call it dating, but it's still in the more unspoken parts.
The letter I got from her, her asking to be together even though it was only one hour before I had to go on a travel, and she asked if we should go on a museum this Sunday. And the recent trip to the beach for a swim and cooking dinner. It feels very much like we're dating, but we're both quite introverted so we haven't put much word into what we're doing.
So I wonder, if it's normal to do that? To put into words if she would like to go on a Date? I won't do it, if it would be seen as awkward, then please stop me! But what can I say, my feelings are definitely growing, and I would like to communicate somehow that I really like her, unless it's still to early and I should hold back a little. Dating is an art I absolutely haven't mastered, so all advice is welcome.

Me being Introverted and being quite cautious around people until I really get to know them, is just making me unsure when to do things and understand the 'normal' cues.

Having spend this time together with her and with the help of you guys to nuance the Situation, I really feel like I want to persue her and see where this could go. So I'm preparing the best I can before this Sunday.

Maybe it's best to wait just a little, as this certainty is new from the previous doubts, and just letting it all mature and settle.
But I guess I would like to know, how to take it to the next step, and when. Without jeopardizing it all. And I'm probably over thinking it!

Any life experiences is as I said very welcome

 

[TheLastGeek]

You're right, I would call it dating, but it's still in the more unspoken parts.
The letter I got from her, her asking to be together even though it was only one hour before I had to go on a travel, and she asked if we should go on a museum this Sunday. And the recent trip to the beach for a swim and cooking dinner. It feels very much like we're dating, but we're both quite introverted so we haven't put much word into what we're doing.
So I wonder, if it's normal to do that? To put into words if she would like to go on a Date? I won't do it, if it would be seen as awkward, then please stop me! But what can I say, my feelings are definitely growing, and I would like to communicate somehow that I really like her, unless it's still to early and I should hold back a little. Dating is an art I absolutely haven't mastered, so all advice is welcome.

Me being Introverted and being quite cautious around people until I really get to know them, is just making me unsure when to do things and understand the 'normal' cues.

Having spend this time together with her and with the help of you guys to nuance the Situation, I really feel like I want to persue her and see where this could go. So I'm preparing the best I can before this Sunday.

Maybe it's best to wait just a little, as this certainty is new from the previous doubts, and just letting it all mature and settle.
But I guess I would like to know, how to take it to the next step, and when. Without jeopardizing it all. And I'm probably over thinking it!

Any life experiences is as I said very welcome

From what you describe, it's clear that she loves spending time with you, and wants more of it. I think a conversation is needed at some point, just to make it clear that you both have the same intentions. The last thing you want is to fall in love with her, only to have her say, "Oh, I thought we were just friends, I don't want anything more than that." I think two months of "hanging out" is plenty of time to simply define what's going on between you. Maybe say something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you, and all the things we've done together. And I want you to know how I feel about you. I would like to consider us as dating. How do you feel about that?"

If she seems hesitant or unsure, then back off and reassure her that you will respect whatever she would like to do. If she's happy and reciprocates your feelings, then congratulations!

 

[Maniel]

From what you describe, it's clear that she loves spending time with you, and wants more of it. I think a conversation is needed at some point, just to make it clear that you both have the same intentions. The last thing you want is to fall in love with her, only to have her say, "Oh, I thought we were just friends, I don't want anything more than that." I think two months of "hanging out" is plenty of time to simply define what's going on between you. Maybe say something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you, and all the things we've done together. And I want you to know how I feel about you. I would like to consider us as dating. How do you feel about that?"

If she seems hesitant or unsure, then back off and reassure her that you will respect whatever she would like to do. If she's happy and reciprocates your feelings, then congratulations!

That's exactly what I was looking for, thank you!

 

[Plenipotent]

You're right, I would call it dating, but it's still in the more unspoken parts.
The letter I got from her, her asking to be together even though it was only one hour before I had to go on a travel, and she asked if we should go on a museum this Sunday. And the recent trip to the beach for a swim and cooking dinner. It feels very much like we're dating, but we're both quite introverted so we haven't put much word into what we're doing.
So I wonder, if it's normal to do that? To put into words if she would like to go on a Date? I won't do it, if it would be seen as awkward, then please stop me! But what can I say, my feelings are definitely growing, and I would like to communicate somehow that I really like her, unless it's still to early and I should hold back a little. Dating is an art I absolutely haven't mastered, so all advice is welcome.

Me being Introverted and being quite cautious around people until I really get to know them, is just making me unsure when to do things and understand the 'normal' cues.

Having spend this time together with her and with the help of you guys to nuance the Situation, I really feel like I want to persue her and see where this could go. So I'm preparing the best I can before this Sunday.

Maybe it's best to wait just a little, as this certainty is new from the previous doubts, and just letting it all mature and settle.
But I guess I would like to know, how to take it to the next step, and when. Without jeopardizing it all. And I'm probably over thinking it!

Any life experiences is as I said very welcome

Alright... *Starts putting on my tough love boots.*

The reality is that it doesn't take two months to figure out the purpose behind spending time together. It likely takes a mere second to recognize a connection, and then perhaps an hour to solidify your intentions. All the added time in-between that is just 'testing the waters'. My assumption, and please correct me if I'm mistaken, is that from the very first moment you two embarked on these little 'dates', you sensed a mutual attraction. At the very least, you understood that there was potential for a romantic partnership with her, and your subsequent actions have been guided by that aspiration.

You're spending time with her because you have a crush on her. It's not just because she's a good person, it's not just because you have any similar interests and hobbies. It's because when you look at her you see opportunity for romance.

Your motives for spending time together can generally be distilled into two categories: either you just simply enjoy each other's company for its own sake, or you are seeking a deeper romantic connection. By this point, I'm confident that you both have a clear understanding of your underlying motivations. However, perhaps because of your shared shyness or a lack of confidence in making your intentions known, you're uncertain if the other person reciprocates your feelings. Consequently, it seems like either one, or both, of you have opted for the, "Ahhh, we're just... Hanging out. Going to the beach, making dinner together... You know..."

No two people of the opposite sex who are single and interested in the opposite sex, to my knowledge, have ever just started spending time together, preforming various activities, away from other people, for their own personal enjoyment and have just been 'hanging out'. Unless they've already established that they're just friends and there's nothing else going on between them. It's very simple. Either you have a crush on her and she doesn't feel the same way, or you both have a crush on each other and no one's saying anything.

A crush doesn't mean you're head over heels in love. It's just a fun way to say 'romantically interested'.

The key to resolving this is open communication. You have to ask. Stop wasting time, and go have a conversation with her. If this was me, this would be a conversation I would be having after date #2. "Hey, we've gone out twice are you feeling what I'm feeling, or am I reading this wrong?" I'm a whole different kind of honest and not-shy though, so I don't expect the majority of other people to be willing to start that conversation after a second date, but you have to have it at some point, preferably before your emotions start beating the crap out of you.

Right now, you're investing considerable time and emotional energy in this woman because you hold romantic feelings for her. If she does not share the same sentiment, eventually, you will redirect that time and energy elsewhere. If you talk to her about it and she claims to be uncertain about her feelings, consider it a partial truth. I promise you, she is aware of her emotions. She might struggle to articulate them, or she may be apprehensive about the future and hesitant to reveal her true sentiments. If you're content with this situation, then so be it, let it go on, continue to test the waters. Perhaps she genuinely requires more time to figure out if she wants to move forward. Do not pressure her into providing answers exclusively for your benefit. That will push her away. Understand that she may not be ready and may never be ready. Waiting for the perfect moment is a futile endeavor. There is no flawless sequence of events, no unmistakable green lights urging you to proceed. The solution lies in open dialogue. Determine where both of you stand.

My advice is simple: Take action. Have the conversation as soon as you can. Stop dilly-dallying. Just do it.

 

[Maniel]

Alright... *Starts putting on my tough love boots.*

The reality is that it doesn't take two months to figure out the purpose behind spending time together. It likely takes a mere second to recognize a connection, and then perhaps an hour to solidify your intentions. All the added time in-between that is just 'testing the waters'. My assumption, and please correct me if I'm mistaken, is that from the very first moment you two embarked on these little 'dates', you sensed a mutual attraction. At the very least, you understood that there was potential for a romantic partnership with her, and your subsequent actions have been guided by that aspiration.

You're spending time with her because you have a crush on her. It's not just because she's a good person, it's not just because you have any similar interests and hobbies. It's because when you look at her you see opportunity for romance.

Your motives for spending time together can generally be distilled into two categories: either you just simply enjoy each other's company for its own sake, or you are seeking a deeper romantic connection. By this point, I'm confident that you both have a clear understanding of your underlying motivations. However, perhaps because of your shared shyness or a lack of confidence in making your intentions known, you're uncertain if the other person reciprocates your feelings. Consequently, it seems like either one, or both, of you have opted for the, "Ahhh, we're just... Hanging out. Going to the beach, making dinner together... You know..."

No two people of the opposite sex who are single and interested in the opposite sex, to my knowledge, have ever just started spending time together, preforming various activities, away from other people, for their own personal enjoyment and have just been 'hanging out'. Unless they've already established that they're just friends and there's nothing else going on between them. It's very simple. Either you have a crush on her and she doesn't feel the same way, or you both have a crush on each other and no one's saying anything.

A crush doesn't mean you're head over heels in love. It's just a fun way to say 'romantically interested'.

The key to resolving this is open communication. You have to ask. Stop wasting time, and go have a conversation with her. If this was me, this would be a conversation I would be having after date #2. "Hey, we've gone out twice are you feeling what I'm feeling, or am I reading this wrong?" I'm a whole different kind of honest and not-shy though, so I don't expect the majority of other people to be willing to start that conversation after a second date, but you have to have it at some point, preferably before your emotions start beating the crap out of you.

Right now, you're investing considerable time and emotional energy in this woman because you hold romantic feelings for her. If she does not share the same sentiment, eventually, you will redirect that time and energy elsewhere. If you talk to her about it and she claims to be uncertain about her feelings, consider it a partial truth. I promise you, she is aware of her emotions. She might struggle to articulate them, or she may be apprehensive about the future and hesitant to reveal her true sentiments. If you're content with this situation, then so be it, let it go on, continue to test the waters. Perhaps she genuinely requires more time to figure out if she wants to move forward. Do not pressure her into providing answers exclusively for your benefit. That will push her away. Understand that she may not be ready and may never be ready. Waiting for the perfect moment is a futile endeavor. There is no flawless sequence of events, no unmistakable green lights urging you to proceed. The solution lies in open dialogue. Determine where both of you stand.

My advice is simple: Take action. Have the conversation as soon as you can. Stop dilly-dallying. Just do it.

I'm glad you took on your tough love boots, this is exactly what I needed to hear. It's great encouragement, so thank you so much. I will do it!

 

[MehGuy]

Yeah, given the right circumstances. For men.. I do know there is a masculine energy to wanting to care for a woman.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Hi there,
I've been dating a girl for a couple months that I've admired for many years. She is a kind soul, calm and very sweet. She's also very beautiful.

But as we've been dating and got to know each other, it's become clear that she has chronic fatigue from having covid a few years ago. It has only gotten worse as she got a demanding job after finishing her education as a caretaker for children. And I can't help but be a little worried.

My hope is that God will calm me, shows me a way, us a way perhaps, that her illness doesn't matter in the bigger picture. That he will answer me in some way.
I try to be honest and remember that I have my own short comings as well, and who knows what either of us could catch from life in the short or long run, cancer or something else.

My worries are about what a future together might look like. Would she be too tired for going on trips together? Would she have the energy for raising children?

Though, having children is not an absolute must for me. And my own introversion personality demands rest on my part as well. Perhaps I'm worrying about matters that could be solved, and maybe her illness of the fatigue she got isn't permanent after she gets some time off and rest. A doctor appointment has allowed 2 weeks off with an evaluation afterwards on her well being. Our Country's welfare system could give her paid months off for recovery if needed be.

She's also worried herself herself on her future, where she might fit in the future. I hope to talk comfort into her, especially with the hopes and reassurances that comes from God. But while on this earth, I wonder what might be the best for the two of us. If I can get past the doubts and fully commit into believing and imagining a future together.
After being with her, I think about her with a smile. But after a day or two, the doubts creeps in with the thoughts of that illness and what that might mean to us having a future together.

Would you consider dating someone with chronic illness? Why or why not? If you can talk sense into my situation I would be very grateful.
Thank you, and God bless

Sincerely
Mathias

I'm late on this and you've already gotten so awesome advice and insight! However I always like throwing my 10 cents in whenever I can.
As someone who has a physical disability AND chronic illness, I can safely say that as long as you're always patient with her and don't mind every once in awhile there being a cancelled trip or date or whatever, everything should be fine. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. While some days are super hard to get up and get around, most of my days are fine. Every once in awhile you need that off day to just do nothing but over all it wouldn't take me away from being active. I would LOVE to travel more/be more active but not having anyone to do it with or encourage me is what stops me most of the time. So I feel like if you encourage her to do things with you but be understand if she just physically can't sometimes, that's all she'll need. <3 Take every day one day at a time. Don't get so focused on the future.

 

[Maniel]

I'm late on this and you've already gotten so awesome advice and insight! However I always like throwing my 10 cents in whenever I can.
As someone who has a physical disability AND chronic illness, I can safely say that as long as you're always patient with her and don't mind every once in awhile there being a cancelled trip or date or whatever, everything should be fine. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. While some days are super hard to get up and get around, most of my days are fine. Every once in awhile you need that off day to just do nothing but over all it wouldn't take me away from being active. I would LOVE to travel more/be more active but not having anyone to do it with or encourage me is what stops me most of the time. So I feel like if you encourage her to do things with you but be understand if she just physically can't sometimes, that's all she'll need. <3 Take every day one day at a time. Don't get so focused on the future.

Thank you for this, it's very helpful to get some information from someone with personal experiences. I actually see it as an non issue at the movement, as I see past that and just see a wonderful woman who is doing her best.

My challenges now is moving forward in the dating proces itself.

I do wonder where we are at. She has revealed that she has never done much to any dating at all. And is a bit uncertain of the dating process itself, so she needs more time she says to process everything, more than I'm used to.
Maybe her fatigue also plays in. As well her her introversion.

So I could really use some insight from you guys again!

I totally misinterpret her message of her texting me that she felt she missed me, and that our day was special to her. Because I like her, I totally took that as a sign that I could go on and tell her how I feel.
So I tried to tell her my journey of thinking about her as very special the first time I saw her, and the times we had eye contact, which led me unto contacting her in the end. It felt awkward as I did, so it wasn't the right call to share, but I kept going as I had started.
So wanted to tell me, that she hadn't got the same feelings like I did, and she didn't want to put false expectations on me, that she needs time to process etc. Which I can only respect.

I just wonder where we're at, I feel confused as what to do. I can't compare to most of my previous dates, as that was from a younger age not grounded in God.

Most recently, around 4 years ago I had my first date with a Christian woman, and we were together for 2 years. She texted me, was quite interested from the very beginning and we had our first kiss in under 3 months. A kiss is probably no good indication, but I do wonder if we're dragging along and her not being interested deep down.

Or could it sometimes take many months before the security for more intimacy is there? I hope, as I will be patient. I'm just very confused about the mixed signs, my own emotions and where to go now. I've decided to almost give up, just surrender it to God, meet her next week as we have made a date, and just have no expectations. That feels freeing, but I also feel my attraction towards her dwindle somehow, and I wonder if our windows is closing, or if time might make new opportunities. But I can also kind of understand where she's coming from, it's such a huge choice, and she wants to be sure. I'm not as mature for my own age as I could be with so much to learn, so I understand her need to make sure. While I need to keep working on myself.

Do you guys have any experiences like this you can share?

 

[LadyOfMystery]

I realize I'll be replying out of order to your post but this particular thing jumps out to me first so I'd like to address it before I forget:
You've said you have decided to just surrender it to God, meet her next wee as you guys have set up a date and just have expectations.
That's your advice. Take it. lol Give it to God and leave all the consequences to Him.

It sounds like she likes you like a friend and probably enjoys hanging out but it sounds like you like a lot more than just friends. Which is awesome, but it sounds like you guys are wanting two different things. If the next date goes well, and you do enjoy her company and she seems to enjoy yours, just let it be. Let it happen. Don't bog it down with what you want the future to hold. See if she makes the next move to set a date. If you find that it's you only wanting to make the dates, my advice is to let her go because she doesn't seem to want to date.

 

[Lost Witness]

I'd like to think I'd marry someone regardless of what was wrong with them

 

[ReesePiece23]

she needs time to process etc.

So, your next move is...

Nothing.

Do... Nothing.

I wish I had commented sooner, because it sounded to me as if you were doing everything right, up to the point when you "pursued her" - i.e. applied undue pressure.

It never works. It almost always ends with the man being on the receiving end of "the talk".

She probably enjoyed "testing the waters" - each date for her was like reading another chapter. And the more spontaneity, fun loving progression and good vibes you threw in there, the more she wanted to follow. Nothing needed to be defined, I mean, why? You already had her out on dates, so she did in fact, give you all the information you needed.

When you pursue her, spill your guts and confess your feelings, or ask "what are we?" - You're basically giving away the ending of the story after only the third or fourth chapter. So what reason does she have to follow along now? The plot is a damp squib, and now she's stuck with someone who "wants something serious". Which is even harder to handle when you're chronically fatigued and not feeling great.

That said, I don't think you've lost her - she clearly likes you. Just back right off for the next month and let her come to you. Don't reach out to her if she hasn't messaged you first. You need to remove this sense of pressure before edging closer. She needs to know that you CAN in fact, offer her this space.

She said it herself, after all.